Chapter Nineteen
Hermione had gone home to her family to spend Christmas, leaving Harry and Snape alone. It had been rather fun and exciting for Harry, because Snape would grab him and kiss him at the oddest times. The look on Snape's face was absolutely priceless when Harry came upon him and snogged the man senseless.
Yes, it had been a good couple of days. But now with the time of the bonding drawing closer, both of them were on edge and a bit short-tempered. At the moment, they were fighting over presents, and whether or not Harry was allowed to give Snape any.
"I can bloody well give you something if I want to!" Harry shouted.
"There is nothing I need! Save your money and your time!" Snape shouted back.
"You're getting me stuff," Harry pointed out for the fifth time.
Snape laughed. "That has nothing to do with it!"
"It has everything to do with it, you great bat!" Harry yelled. "You know what, Snape? As your King, I order you to drop this subject because my will is my own and I will give you presents!"
"That is the single, most ludicrous statement I have heard you utter to date."
Harry stared for a long moment before breaking into a broad grin and laughing. "Was kind of stupid-sounding, wasn't it?"
"Do what you want, Potter, you always do," Snape said, but there was no malice behind the words.
"Severus?" Harry asked, finding how odd it was that using his name was no longer strange. "Are you as nervous about tomorrow as I am?" He was fully expecting Snape to laugh at him.
"Yes, a bit," Snape admitted.
"I don't know what's supposed to happen."
Snape looked at the floor for a minute, then back up at Harry. "There is a bonding ritual before anything else. We will recite words, building upon the vow that is already in place. Once that is done, the sexual component must be fulfilled. Once that is done, the ritual is complete."
"I know what's going to be done, but what's going to happen...to us?" Harry looked over at Snape with scared eyes. "That's the part that's worrying me. When you first mentioned fidelity all I wanted to know was how the bond knew? What does this do to us?"
"There will a kind of mental bond that will exist too. What I mean by that is, we would have access to each other's minds. We would need no words to speak should we choose not to. I think we can both agree that we don't want the other wandering through our thoughts and memories?" Snape said tightly.
"No," Harry agreed.
"From what I understand, it will take a few days to learn to shut the other out when needed, otherwise it will get rather loud inside our heads," Snape said tiredly.
"So for the first few days we'll hear...every passing thought?"
"And feeling."
Harry felt faint. "Oh."
"It will get better with time and a little practice, and I promise not to go invading your mind or your emotions. But for a time, I won't have a choice; they'll thrust upon me, just as mine will be thrust upon you."
"That's...uh..." Harry stammered.
"Quite," Snape agreed. "I'd offer to give you a potion that would let you sleep, at least until I got control of mine, but I don't know how that would affect things."
"I'd rather not chance it." It took Harry a few seconds to realize he was trembling.
Snape stood and dropped to his knees before Harry, taking his hands in his own. "I'm sorry you have to do this. You shouldn't have to."
"But what about you then?"
"I had my chance to live my life as my own, and instead I tied it to two masters. Now I will tie it to you, but I find that in this case, I don't mind at all," he answered softly.
Harry stretched out a hand and lightly threaded it through Snape's hair. "You don't?"
"Not if it means having you with me for the rest of my life. With that, I will be content," he said, leaning forward and kissing Harry on the tip of his nose.
"You're going all soppy on me," Harry teased.
"Don't get used to it, brat," Snape said, smirking as he got to his feet.
"I'll try to keep that in mind."
"Lets go and decorate your blasted tree then, and maybe you'll stop nagging me about it at every opportunity," Snape said, walking towards the library.
"We should have done so two days ago."
"I had assumed you and Granger would do it, I didn't think you were waiting for me," Snape said, scowling.
"It's our tree," Harry said as if that explained everything.
"Which I now understand, so let's decorate the thing and be done with our tree," Snape said, a small smirk taking the sting out of the words.
"Without magic?"
"What?" Snape asked. "No magic? Why not?"
Harry bit his lip. "Never mind."
"Come on, Harry, spit it out. Does this have something to do with your Muggle upbringing?"
Harry's eyes sought out in Snape's in shock. "How'd you...?"
"It was a reasonable guess. So I take it we'll be doing this the Muggle way?" Snape asked.
"Not if you don't want to," Harry said.
"If this is our first Christmas, with our first tree, then I suggest we do it our way," Snape said.
"Which is?"
"We'll decorate it the Muggle may, then add fairy lights the Wizard way," he said smugly.
"Soppy," Harry said again with a smile.
"If you keep insulting me, you may find yourself present-less come morning," Snape warned.
"And then I'll read your mind tomorrow night, find them and open them anyway."
"Cheeky," Snape said, slapping Harry's arse. "Go and get your things for the tree, we don't have all day you know."
"No, but we do have all night!" Harry quipped with a sunny smile, before darting into the library.
Snape snorted and followed after him, amused despite himself. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd decorated a Christmas tree. He still had no real desire to do so, but Harry was so excited about the prospect, he wouldn't tell him no. Tomorrow was going to be stressful enough.
Harry knew why he was awake as he lay in his bed that night. Moonlight shone through the open curtains bathing the wood floor in pale light. Harry tossed, trying to get himself to settle down beneath the covers. The light was reassuring, and he didn't have it in him to climb off the bed and block it out.
Snape hadn't told him when they'd perform the ritual, but he bet the man just wanted to get it out of the way. His stomach clenched in unhappiness, and he groaned, burying his nose into his pillow. Harry heard a door opening and wondered if Snape was having trouble sleeping as well. He threw off the covers and dashed to the door, the cold stone floor turning his feet to ice. He opened his door and peeked outside. Snape was walking down the hallway, away from his own bedroom. Harry slipped out of his room and closed the door behind him with a squeak. The candles were flickering to life as they realized both occupants of the house were up and about, and it startled Harry for a second.
Harry quietly padded along behind Snape, curious about where he was going. He didn't want to bother him, so he tried to be quiet, hoping Snape wouldn't even know he was there. He reached the top of the stairs at the same time as Snape reached the bottom.
"I'll be in the kitchen if you decide to stop skulking about," Snape called, not even turning around.
Harry didn't even flush. He hurried down the steps, not bothering to try to mask his footsteps any longer. "How'd you know I was there?"
"I heard your door open and the occasional shuffling behind me," Snape answered, waiting for Harry to catch up. "Why aren't you asleep?"
"Why aren't you?" Harry countered.
"I was just going to make some tea and go back to bed. Would you like a cup?" Snape asked, ignoring Harry's question altogether.
"Yeah, sure."
They continued to the kitchen in comfortable silence and Harry sat at the table while Snape brewed the tea. Harry watched the methodical way Snape went about it, almost as though he were brewing a potion and not a simple pot of tea.
"I'm scared," Harry said into the silent room.
Snape stilled at the words, then poured them both tea. He set the cup in front of Harry and leaned against the edge of the table. "Would you like something to help you sleep?"
"Will it help make things easier tomorrow?"
"Only that you won't be exhausted when trying to cope with it all," Snape answered, sipping his tea. "If you'd like, you can sleep with me tonight, unless that would make things more difficult."
"I feel so stupid," Harry muttered, clutching his tea cup. "This isn't dangerous, or life threatening...is it?"
"No, but your life will be changing, and that can be distressing," Snape admitted.
"Yeah, but so is yours and you're looking as calm as ever."
Snape snorted. "I was a spy, Potter. It's habitual for me to mask my true emotions. If I were completely calm, I would be in bed sleeping soundly."
"It'd make me feel better if you showed them," Harry mumbled. With a shaky sigh, he brought the cup to his lips and took a small sip.
Snape sighed. "As I said, it's a habit and it is one I'll attempt to break, at least in your presence."
Snape stared into his tea for nearly a minute before speaking again. "I'm concerned for you, being tied to a man like me for the rest of your life. You deserve someone far more innocent and less jaded. That being said, there is a part of me that rejoices in the fact that you will be tied to me, that you cannot cast me aside, even if you want to. I revel in the fact that you will share my bed, that I will be the one to show you the pleasures to be found there. I have no intention of invading your thoughts when we are bonded, but I look forward to knowing how you're feeling at any given time. To knowing when you're hurt, so I can fix it. Yes, Harry, I am nervous, but in my case, the benefits greatly outweigh the costs," he finished softly.
Harry bit his lip. His mind not processing half of what Snape had said, but he got the gist of it and now he was at a loss for what to say. He had wanted honesty and he'd been given it. But he had no clue how to deal with it. He took another, deeper gulp of his tepid tea and averted his eyes.
"I'm going to bed," Snape said tiredly, realizing he'd said too much. "You're welcome to join me. Otherwise, I'll see you in the morning." He set his cup in the sink and left the kitchen.
Harry nodded distractedly. Green eyes followed Snape's silent retreat from the room. Harry rested his forehead against the heel of his palm and exhaled. Snape surely couldn't have meant all those things he'd just said! But he knew that even the thought of dismissing it as false was stupid. Snape had never spoken of himself before, ever. Harry knew one thing for certain though; he wasn't going to be seeing his own bed that night.
Snape went to his room and slid under the covers of his bed, casting a warming charm to dispel the icy chill. He stared into the darkness, wishing he'd waited until after the ritual before opening his mouth. It surprised him when the door opened quietly a while later. He watched as Harry stood in the opening, hesitating for a moment, before moving across the floor quickly and slipping beneath the covers.
"Your feet are blocks of ice," Snape said by way of greeting. He slid his hand under the covers until he found Harry's and rested his own on top of it.
Harry grumbled incoherently into the pillow, and glared out of the one eye still visible.
Snape rolled onto his side and pulled Harry to him. "Brat."
"'Night."
"Goodnight, Harry."
The next morning Harry woke up to find the bed already empty, and that didn't surprise him one bit.
He got out of bed, used the toilet, brushed his teeth and splashed some water on his face. Peering into the mirror, he wrote his hair off as hopeless and made his way downstairs. The sounds from the library caught Harry's attention and he veered off in that direction instead of towards the kitchen. He found Snape, sitting by the tree and swatting irritably at a glowing fairy who kept circling his head. "Get back in that tree or I'm going to pluck off your bloody wings and use them in a potion!" he snarled just as Harry entered the room.
Harry leaned against the doorframe and shook his head. "What are you doing?"
Snape swatted at the fairy and glowered at Harry. "I was attempting to make the room festive before you woke up, but I am being hindered at every turn."
Harry laughed. "By a fairy?"
Snape glared at him. "Do you want your presents or not?"
"Depends on what I'm getting," Harry answered, moving to sit by the base of the tree.
"There are things here from Granger, various Weasleys, Hagrid, and other adoring fans of the King."
Harry picked up a bit of the artificial snow at the base of the tree and chucked it at Snape's head.
Snape ducked and pointed at a fairy. "You! Go and bother the boy for awhile!"
Laughing, Harry watched as the fairy made a series of rude gestures before flitting off out of the library. "Are they supposed to be that argumentative?"
"I don't know, I've never met one that wasn't, but then again, my personality doesn't lend itself to good relations with chipper fairies."
"I wouldn't say that." Harry lay down on the floor and stared up through the tree, blinking when he heard faint strains of singing.
"At least they're doing something I asked of them," Snape muttered, still scowling at the tree.
Harry tipped his head to the side, giving him the unfortunate view of Snape's knees. "You asked them to? Why?"
"Because you should enjoy at least some part of this day," Snape answered. "It's Christmas after all."
"You really are going soppy on me," Harry teased, fingering a bit of the tinsel falling off the tree. "But thank you."
Snape cleared his throat. "There's tea and scones if you're hungry."
Harry hummed in acknowledgment as he listened to the fairies sing in a tongue he didn't understand.