A/N: So here's the segundo chapter. (That's my Spanish for the day.) We finally get to see why it's rated M because Kimblee's a friggen nut bag! That's not considered a spoiler, is it? Anyways, the song I picked is Everything's Just Wonderful by Lily Allen because I think it captures the mood you'll be in when reading: these is the craziest thing I've ever read, but what can I do! Which is about what all of the characters are thinking right now too. Anyways, enjoy! Please rate. Oh, and I don't own Full Metal Alchemist, you know, that legal stuff.

"Do you think, everything, everyone, is going mental / It seems to me that it's spiraling outta control and it's inevitable / Now don't you think / This time is yours, this time is mine / It's temperamental / It seems to me, we're on all fours / Crawling on our knees / Someone help us please

Hospital in Munich (Other side of the Gate)

Alphonse stared in awe at what appeared to be the emotional rock that was Riza Hawkeye. It was a little disturbing to see someone as strong willed as her lying motionless on a hospital bed. If Roy saw her like this, he'd probably give her the yelling of her life. It was a known fact that Roy's soldiers were the best of the best, and Riza was the best out of that bunch.

Edward stood next to him examining the transmutation circle that had been etched into her chest. "I've never seen a circle like this. If only I could still use alchemy, maybe then I could test it out," Edward said while tracing the curves of the pattern with his index finger. "Who would do this? Who else knows about alchemy?"

Alphonse shook his head, "Maybe she did it herself."

A man in a white lab coat entered the room with Nurse Dodd trailing behind him. "Hello, brothers Elric, I'm Doctor Kaspar Dodd, I believe you've already met my daughter, Leni, and of course this is the girl of the hour, Ms. Jane Doe."

Alphonse looked closely at the jagged blonde locks of hair that fell carelessly across the pillow, in contrast to Riza who kept her hair pinned back tightly. Her skin was pale from all the sleep, while Riza was full of color and life. Yet, somehow, Alphonse knew that this was Riza's counterpart on this side of the gate. "If it's not too much trouble, Doctor Dodd, can we please call her Riza?" Alphonse asked. He didn't like the lieutenant who had saved him and his brother countless times being reduced to a nameless patient.

"Riza? What for? Do you know this woman?" Nurse Dodd questioned with her sort of blank thoughtless stare.

"Well, um…on the other side of the…" Edward put his hand over his younger brother's mouth before he could finish that sentence.

Edward smiled nervously and tried to fake a reason, "Well, you see, scientists call all scientific mysteries, such as this patient, Riza because of the scientist Phillip Riza…enhell…stein…yes! Scientist Phillip Rizaenhellstein who discovered the first…um…volcano rock, and had no clue what to call it at first, so he, very scientifically, named it Riza. It's all very…scientific."

Leni turned to her father and whispered in his ear during Edwards very scientific speech, "Scientists are very eccentric." Her father nodded in agreement.

"However!" Edward shouted to take him away from his rambling, "I was wondering if we can take this woman back with us for further inspection. You see this pattern…is…well…"

"Very scientific?" Leni asked.

"Very scientific," Edward said instantly.

Doctor Dodd ran his hand through his thick blonde hair. From the expression on his face, it was obvious to anyone that he had a hard decision on his hands. It was true that there wasn't anything else he could do to save this woman; however, sending her off with two young loony scientists to be a guinea pig didn't seem any smarter. "Well, boys, I suppose it would be fine, on one condition. My daughter has to go with you. Think of her as your new…lab assistant. She'll be able to help set up…Riza on life support."

"One moment please," Edward said with a smile as he pulled his little brother to a corner for some collaboration. "I dunno about this, Al. She's kind of…well…spaced out. But we would need her to keep track of all the medical stuff, like watching Riza's vitals."

Alphonse nodded, "Do what you think is right, brother."

While the two boys put their heads together, the Dodd family also had a short meeting. Leni's eyes widened at the thought of going home with those two. A wave of consciousness seemed to pass over Leni's face. All of the sudden it was as if she was…intelligent. Her father placed a hand on her shoulder, "It's obvious that the boys' alchemy doesn't work on this side of the gate. It was a nice idea, bringing them here, but the only way we're going to be able to access that circle is by giving them some time to figure it out. Julia wasn't lying when she said that circle can open back up the gate."

Leni rolled her eyes at the thought of the half alive Julia who had come stumbling into the ward, dragging Riza behind her. The blood dripping from Riza's lacerations staining the floor as Julia tried desperately to explain how that circle was the key to opening some sort of gate to another world. "What did she call it again?" Leni inquired.

"Cerebral exchange."

Oh Jesus Christ almighty / Do I feel alright/ No not slightly / I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it / It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage / Well it's very funny cause I got your fucking money / And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit / Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble / I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles

The Sugiyama Estate
Shall tapped on Bella's door lightly. If his sister was sleeping the last thing he wanted was to wake her up. She was scary enough when she didn't get enough sleep. "Speak," commanded Bella Sugiyama from behind her door.

Shall could barely contain his excitement. Bella had been somewhat of a success, but the specimen that had been sacrificed to bring her back failed to have enough input to put her all together. Kimblee was their real first test subject for cerebral exchange. However, his sacrificial specimen didn't last long. She disappeared through the gate. Julia Kimblee was the reason the Sugiyamas were trying to open the gate again. If she was alive on the other side, they had to keep her quiet. But now they had another test subject. "Come quick, sister, the servants have just brought the body in."

"Give me a moment, brother. I am not decent."

"Alright, I'll meet you in the lab," Shall said before heading back down the stairs. He had seen the body the moment Kimblee and the servants brought him in. He was a sturdy man. The glasses would be a stretch. Reanimating Kimblee was difficult enough. They brought him back to life, but his alchemic powers didn't come back with him. Bella said it had something to do with his copy on the other side of the gate. If the Maes Hughes on the other side of the gate didn't wear glasses, who knew what would happen. Shall was a little scared that this Hughes might go blind.

Shall met Kimblee in the lab. He was scrubbing his hands off harshly with bleach. Apparently the thought of carting around a dead body didn't sit well with him. "He was heavier than I thought he would be, the bastard. Where's your sister? I want to get this over with." Kimblee turned off the water and looked over his shoulder at Hughes. Hughes had gained the reputation of the teddy bear at Central, but everybody knew he acted that way because his job had been so depressing. Kimblee wondered for a moment about the other Hughes, then he began to wonder about the other Kimblee. Was he sadistic? Was he a mastermind? Did he have this Kimblee's sly good looks? Kimblee looked at himself in the mirror above the sink. He took great pride in his looks, and for a once dead guy, he wasn't doing so bad. Sure he felt a little bit weakened knowing he couldn't blow up any idiot who came his way with his alchemy, but he could still snatch up any girl he wanted with his charm and looks. In another life maybe him and Roy could have been friends, seeing as how they shared tactics. But at the same time, Roy wasn't nihilistic enough for Kimblee. While gazing at his complexion, Kimblee caught a glimpse of Hughes' body in the mirror. Before Kimblee knew it he was vomiting up what appeared to be everything he had eaten for the last two weeks. It was just another example of how when he was brought back to life, something had changed in him. He was a strong believer in the fact that all lives were expendable, even his, and that death was beautiful, and yet here he was puking at the site of a dead man.

Bella entered the room wearing a black silk robe over her nightgown along with some black lingerie heels. She always went over the top with her wardrobe, even her nighttime clothes. Her face lit up as soon as she saw Hughes' corpse. Seeing how happy death made Bella sent Kimblee on the verge of regurgitation again. "He's beautiful. He's perfect. How long before we have a specimen to use for the exchange?" Her onyx eyes took in every part of Maes and her skeleton-like fingers traced the bones in face. Creepy, thought Kimblee.

"Well, Kimblee says he knows a perfect specimen, and I hope he can get both the specimen and the set-up girl in soon," Shall said while nudging Kimblee. The operation was a little behind schedule, but Kimblee was sure he could handle the business of getting both Riza and Winry to the estate soon. Winry was an impatient woman who lost her two best friends and would do anything to get them back, and Riza was sexually deprived and missed her friend Hughes so much she would gladly sacrifice herself for him. Kimblee would have to play with the cards he was dealt, which turned out to be a royal flush.

Oh yes, I'm fine / Everything's just wonderful / I'm having the time of my life

Central Headquarters

During his lunch break, Mustang took the time to check up on a few things to ease his mind. He went down into the Criminal Investigation wing of headquarters and down into the room where they kept the evidence and criminals' personal belongings that were confiscated during raids. Roy checked over his shoulder twice before locking the door behind him. Sure he was Fuhrer, but snooping around headquarters was still looked upon badly. And if Zolf J. Kimblee really was part of some conspiracy, he definitely didn't want to look like he was part of it.

The first box he passed was Archer's. Just seeing the name Frank Archer filled Roy with a mix of anger and sadness. He couldn't have been more pissed for the permanent wound Archer had given him, but Roy didn't need to see Archer's name to be reminded of his missing eye. However, the automail eye that Winry had finally supplied him with proved to be an excellent replacement. The sadness came from remembering how Riza had saved him that day. If Riza hadn't showed up that night at the Bradley Residence, Roy would be minus more than just his eye. But that was what her job was. She had been hired to protect him, and she did that very well. Now he was alone. His life sat vulnerable in his own hands.

Roy had to shake himself out of his reminiscing before he got too depressed. He passed by dozens of other boxes full of files and personal belongings such as knives, guns, bombs, and clothing. Some of the cases Mustang remembered from his earlier days. Some of them had been Ishablan terrorists, well, people that had been tried for being terrorists. Looking back, Mustang wasn't sure who exactly the terrorists were. He had done his share of killing in Ishbal, and yet there was no file down there marked Roy Mustang.

Finally Mustang came across Kimblee's box. There were a few of the usual things such as his case record, his uniform, things from his house that could have been used as evidence, but Mustang was surprised to find what appeared to be a diary or maybe a sketchbook. Inside were drawings of men who had been dismembered. Alongside the gruesome sketches were notes. Roger Willim. Male. Standard size. Furniture vendor. Eats alone every night at Café Golden. Walks home alone every night. Walks down South Street to his one room house on Second Street. The color of the ink changed toward the bottom of the page. Died silently. The bomb in his chest exploded sooner than I thought it would. Maybe too much blood had been transmuted during. I didn't get the result I had been hoping for. Heart had exploded along with lungs. It didn't take Roy too long to figure out that the picture was what Kimblee had been hoping for, the first notes were his research on his mark, and the last notes were the outcome. In the picture, the dismembered man's heart laid hanging by an artery from his open chest. Sick bastard, Roy thought. The only reason Roy kept looking was out of curiosity. He wondered if anyone he knew was in Kimblee's little black book of murders.

After a while he came to what appeared to be a chapter built solely of Ishbalans he'd killed. Ishbalan #87. The drawing was a large man dark hair along the side and lighter hair on top. Roy recognized him as the infamous Scar. The sketch showed Scar missing his entire right arm with a transmutation circle etched into his face. Roy knew that the circles were the exact same ones tattooed on Kimblee's hands, the circles that made him able to turn people into walking bombs just by clapping his hands. #87's brother and my military comrades got in the way. I succeeded in destroying the Ishbalan's arm, but the scar didn't turn out quite as I had planned. All I could manage was a large X.

Then Roy came across military officers. Some he knew, others he had never heard of, but all were shown brutally disfigured or murdered. Most of the women were drawn naked and dismembered. The notes proved that Kimblee wasn't only a deranged murderer but a rapist as well. Roy was about to burn the book with a snap of his fingers until he came across a very familiar face…his own. Colonel Roy Mustang. Raging alcoholic. Flame alchemist. Dorm number 76. Cocky. Arrogant. Self-loathing while being completely narcissistic. Possible love entanglement with fellow comrade, Riza Hawkeye. Was it that obvious, Roy thought. The picture showed him dying in what Kimblee thought would be most appropriate, being burned alive. Roy could feel his stomach acid rise. His gloved hand let the book slip from his fingers as he turned his head away for a quick gag. When he turned back, he noticed another familiar face. Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Trusted bodyguard for Colonel Roy Mustang. Reclusive. Great figure. Lonely. Roy couldn't even bear to look at what Kimblee had drawn. Mustang snapped his fingers and the book went up in flames. He sat watching it burn, hoping it could also burn the disgusting drawings that had been burned into his memories.

Roy knew he wouldn't be content until Riza was back where he could make sure she was safe. The thought of her even being on the same planet as Zolf Kimblee made him want to burn down every place that Kimblee had ever set foot on.

Don't you want something else / Something new, than what we've got here / And don't you feel it's all the same / Some sick game and it's not insincere / I wish I could change the ways of the world / Make it a nice place / Until that day, I guess we stay / Doing what we do / Screwing who we screw

The Rockbell Home

Winry had finally come home late that night. She was carrying a large stack of papers in one hand, and she softly shut the door behind her with the other hand. However, Black Hayate was a dog, which meant his hearing was incredibly sensitive. He began barking to alert Riza that someone had entered the house. Riza shot up from bed and rushed to the top of the stairs. Her military instincts kicked in without her even knowing. She stood looking across her 45mm at Winry who stood in the doorway stunned. After assessing the situation, she lowered her pistol and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "Sorry, Riza," Winry shouted up the stairs. It had been a week since Riza had moved in, and she was still bolting out of bed with her gun if Black Hayate so much as blinked irregularly.

"Where were you? It's 3:30!" Riza walked down the stairs to meet Winry.

"I was with Zolf…um, Mr. Kimblee. We went to this place across the bay called the Sugiyama Estate. It's so huge, you wouldn't believe it!" Winry looked behind her and then opened the door and said in a loud whisper, "Are you coming in?"

Riza turned on a lamp so Winry could see the angry look that Riza was sporting. "Winry, it's the middle of the night. Please tell me you didn't bring a guest. I know that theoretically I too am a guest, so I shouldn't be telling you how to live, but this is ludicrous."

"Don't worry, I just brought over Mr. Kimblee for more research." Riza quickly considered her choice in sleepwear. Her pink boxer shorts and black tank top were fine when it was just her and another girl, but Kimblee was obviously a playboy, the type of playboy who knew exactly what to do with a girl like Riza Hawkeye. That type of girl being the type who was sexually deprived, lonely, and all together desperate underneath all that hard exterior, a hard exterior that Kimblee had fantasized about both times he was alive.

"Well, then, I'm going back to bed. Please try to be quiet." Riza quickly went back to her room before Kimblee entered with some more papers.

Winry led Kimblee to her office where they sat down their papers, and she immediately began their conversation where they had left off in the car, "So you're saying that Bella and Shall discovered that only one person can exist at one time on either side of the gate?"

Kimblee nodded, "Exactly. This means if I were to head over to the other side right now, either my counterpart or I would have to die. Now, here's the peculiar part, if someone from this side goes to the other and dies, that person disappears off the face of this world. Somehow the balance sort of…happens. Any medical records, birth records, photographs, or legal documents on this person just disappear. And, the memory of this person in the head of any other person, just dissipates."

Winry shook her head. Ed had come and gone through that gate. She still had photos of him lining her walls. "That's impossible. Al just went through the gate with his brother. I still remember him."

"And there's a simple explanation for that. This means the other Al died. This makes it so your Al can pass through the gate as free as bird with no repercussions. Now you may be thinking, how does Miss Bella know all this. She too can pass through the gate freely and has seen these memory swipes happen many a time to many a people." Kimblee had answered her question before she could answer, it was a little eerie. However, he did forget to mention the small fact that she was very dead. He also didn't mention how his mother had also been swiped from this world. He knew nothing about her, but according to Bella, Julia Kimblee had existed. "I'll be back in a moment, where is your bathroom?"

Winry was still in awe of all the information she had just taken in. In a sort of mechanic approach, she told Kimblee, "Up the stairs on your left."

The truth was Kimblee couldn't care less about the whereabouts of the bathroom, for as soon as he hit the top of the stairs he went right toward Riza's room. He stood outside the doorway and listened for a moment. The dog had been sitting downstairs with Winry, so he didn't need to worry about it barking again. He could hear her soft and steady breathing, telling him that she was deep asleep. Kimblee crept quietly into her dark room. Even though the room was shadowy and dim, he could barely make out the form of Riza Hawkeye as she slept soundly beneath her blue comforter. She seemed to be having a strange dream. He could scarcely make out the words she was telling her room.

"I've given it a week, Maes, what more…"

Why can't I sleep at night / Don't say it's gonna be alright / I wanna be able to eat spaghetti bolognaise / And not feel bad about it for days and days and days / In the magazines they talk about weight loss / If I buy those jeans I can look like Kate Moss / Oh no it's not the life I chose / But I guess that's the way that things go

Riza's Dream World

"…do you want from me? I just can't go back. Not now. You've seen how crazy Winry's got with this gate business. Somebody's gotta watch out for her." Riza stood pleading with Hughes in the same dream world that she had been in many a night.

"I guess I'm just beating a dead horse then, aren't I?" Hughes asked. Suddenly, there was a change in the feel of the atmosphere. Hughes' face had grown dark, his shadow stretched longer. Riza slinked closer to him. Usually a glow radiated from Hughes that seemed to make Riza warmer, but this time, his gloomy façade sent a shiver running down her back. Hughes placed an arm on both of her shoulders, leaned his face in toward her ear, and in a deep voice that was definitely not his own, he whispered, "I remember you quite well, Riza Hawkeye. Tell me, do you still chase after that dimwitted Mustang with those same big puppy dog eyes, hoping he'll turn around and take you into his arms? Do you still hope that one day he'll plant kisses all over you and tell you how much he appreciates you?" Riza stood there as if a spell had been cast over her. "I used to watch you. I thought about how good your body would look sprawled naked across my bed. Then I used to image how much better it would look with a thin red line of blood from my knife, carving you from your beautiful neck all the way down to the place that has been neglected for so long. Tell me, Riza, did he ever once tell you how stunning you are? Did he ever tell…"

Oh yes, I'm fine / Everything's just wonderful / I'm having the time of my life

Riza's Bedroom

"…you how great you'd look if you just stepped out of that blue uniform?" Kimblee's speech burned holes in Riza's ear, but she was trapped in her dream. She knew it wasn't Hughes, but she couldn't wake herself to see who was really saying such terrible things. "I would tell you if you'd just let me. Tell me what you want, Riza. I could pretend, if you'd like. You could scream my name, or call me Colonel Roy Mustang if it would help. I could give you everything, Riza, and all you'd have to do is submit to my will. Tell me, Riza, how badly do you want to see Hughes again? I could give you back Hughes, Riza. And all you'd have to do is give yourself over to me. The worst that could happen is that you'd like it. Three days, Riza, I'll give you three days."

Oh Jesus Christ almighty / Do I feel alright? No not slightly / I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it / It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage / Well it's very funny cause I got your fucking money / And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit / Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble / I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

The Elric's Home

Leni had helped set Riza up in the spare bedroom with Edward and Alphonse. Now Ed sat in the room alone with Riza's sleeping body. He sat down with a sketch pad and began copying the pattern. Some of the symbols he recognized. He knew it had something to do with the brain, but he couldn't figure out which part of the brain. After a while of staring at the circle, he realized what he was staring at. The transmutation circle stretched the width of her chest and dipped down halfway to her navel. He knew that there were slight differences in appearance when it came to people on either side of the gate, but somehow he knew that the fierce half naked body that lay before him couldn't be too far off from the real Riza Hawkeye. A part of him wanted to touch her to see if she was even real. He had dreamt once or twice of touching Riza Hawkeye, but they were just dreams brought on by who knows what. He could tell she was lonely and that she sometimes got bored with the neglect she received from Mustang. It was almost like a celebrity fantasy, being with Riza Hawkeye. Maybe in this new world he could have a chance. Still, she was a bit older than Ed, almost like an older sister's hot friend.

Edward finally stood up and did the gentleman thing. He closed the top of her hospital gown and sat back down with his studies.

Downstairs Al sat with Leni, trying his hardest to explain to her the complexities of alchemy. He figured that if she was going to be in on this investigation, she should at least know why it's so important to them. "So it's kinda of like magic, right!?" Leni asked in her high squeaky tone.

"Not really. There's a delicate balance to the whole thing. You see, there's this law called equivalent exchange."

Leni sat quietly while he explained things to her that she had already learned from her father that fateful day that Julia Kimblee came to the hospital. She came in rambling about some alchemists using that circle to bring her son back to life, but she was also rambling about how she never had a son and didn't understand what was going on. The police investigated the knife wound on Riza. They said Julia did it to her. But Julia said she was trying to get home. She said that the first time she saw that circle she ended up here, in her same body but not really, like there were two Julia's in one body. She kept screaming about cerebral exchange. She took out her knife to demonstrate something, but as soon as that knife was pulled out, the police that had come running in after her, took out their guns, and shot Julia down. Leni remembered speaking to the cop, a Mr. Maes Hughes.

Leni told Al all about that day, trying to maintain her brainless blonde image. Then, she asked her burning question, "What is the gate she spoke of?"

"It's how I came here. My brother and I spent a long time destroying it on this side."

Leni frowned, "You mean it's gone? There's no way to go back?"

Al nodded, "Frankly, I don't believe there's any way to get here. Both sides have to be open. Julia must have just been delusional."

Oh well I guess it's just the way that things go / I suppose that's the way the cookie crumbles / Oh well I guess it's just the way that things go / I suppose that's the way the cookie crumbles."

--Lily Allen

So yeah, you should review it. And I know what you're thinking, does knife crazy weird split personality run in the Kimblee family or what! Well, just keep reading, you'll get it, I promise!!!