A/N: For the record loves, this is one of my all time new favorite songs EVER! LISTEN TO IT! Okay, I'm done. This is that chapter I warned you about. It's the same chapter just from Roy's perspective. It's a lot shorter, but read it anyway if you'd like. By the way, I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or this song by Hollywood Undead that you should listen which is called My Black Dahlia.
"I loved you / You made me / Hate me / You gave me / Hate / See / It saved me and these tears are deadly / You feel that/ I rip back / Every time you tried to steal that / You feel bad/ You feel sad/ I'm sorry / Hell no / Fuck that!
I wanted to look at her so badly and tell her with my eyes that I would save her, but my head…I just couldn't lift it.
Do you think I'm a coward, Riza? It wouldn't be the first time I've wondered if you thought that. How many times after Ishbal did you find me in my room trying my hardest to pull that trigger? Why you stopped me, I'll never know.
Did you love me? If you did, why didn't you tell me? I know that if you did you would have told me, that's the kind of woman you are. You always tell me what you're thinking. That's one of the reasons I wanted you working under me. You'd always tell me when I was fucking things up.
And now you just sit there silent! What's that tell me! That tells me I'm doing nothing wrong, that this is what you want. Can you see the anger in my eyes, Riza? It's because you're not saying anything! It's telling me this is what you want, but I just can't believe you.
I know you think that I want to see Hughes again, and I do, but not at this price. I would never sacrifice you to someone like Kimblee…or anyone for that matter. Don't you believe that? Did I ever give you reason to think this was okay?
His hands are touching you in places that I had always dreamed of touching you. His mouth is following close behind. And you still sit there saying nothing!
And now he tells me that you've loved me for so long, and yet you said nothing. Are the only things you can tell me are my wrongs? Would you tell me your feelings? Is that why you're not talking? My eyes can only say so much.
I want to cry. I see you crying. But as the man in the situation I can't. You don't know how much it hurts me to see you like this, exposed and quiet. Every time I see you you're angry at me and reserved. You must think I'm crazy to love someone who only sends me orders and her anger, but God if I don't find that anger the most beautiful thing about you. I don't know your reason for hanging around, but I'd like to think it's because you care. Like a mother, you only yell at me to get it through to me that you're worried about me.
But what hurts most is that I couldn't hear how much you truly loved me from you. That's all I've ever really wanted. I could be Fuhrer, I could be a colonel, I could be a hobo on the streets of Lior, so long as I knew you loved me and I heard it from your lips, that was enough.
But it's too late now.
It was my heart / It was my life / It was my start / It was your knife / This strife it dies / This life and these lies / And these lungs have sung this song for too long / And it's true I hurt too / Remember I loved you!
As I caught eyes with Kimblee, I could tell he thought he won. He violated the one thing that I saw as untouchable and glorified, leaving a greasy smear across her porcelain record. I wanted to kill him so badly. It pained me to know how easy it was to kill Kimblee, and yet have it so out of reach.
As he ripped the tape off of my mouth I knew no amount of my words could get across to him the deep seeded loathing I felt in my heart for him. But I tried anyway.
"Kimblee, you sick bastard, if it's the last thing I do, I will fucking destroy you," I screamed.
At least announcing to the room how I felt about him took some of the tension off my shoulders. There was something about the way a man said fuck that just slightly eased some of the anger in his heart. It was just a word that dripped with resentment, which was about where I was at the moment.
But before I could say anything else, I was taken to the theater by yet another man I would have loved to kick the crap out of. The guy was tall and skinny. It would be so easy to kill this douche bag. I wouldn't even need to use alchemy, I could just toss him over my knee and snap him in half.
I quickly learned his identity, Shall Sugiyama. I would never forget his name. He made his way to my hit list just be existing on the wrong team at this point in time. Wrong move, scrawny.
I've lost it all / Fell today / It's all the same / I'm sorry / I'm sorry no / And I've been abused / I feel so used / Because of you / I'm sorry / I'm sorry no
Shall proved to be just as arrogant as Kimblee. He didn't seem to understand that with every word he used to try and scare me, I was just adding reasons I had to destroy him when I got out of his clutches.
"You know Kimblee's going to kill your little friend," Shall whispered in my ear, but I was sure Havoc could hear him. I could see the concern grow on Havoc's face.
But I had just the thing to reassure him, "That's funny you should say that because I was just thinking about how I'm going to kill Kimblee. Then I'm going to kill you. Then I'm going to kill your sister. Then, if there's time left, I will kill everyone who helped you set this little operation up."
Shall laughed a little at the thought. "Please, Fuhrer Mustang, once my sister activates the transmutation circle, Riza Hawkeye will be killed. We gave Kimblee strict orders to do so."
It was Havoc's turn to laugh, "I guess it's lucky for Hawkeye that Kimblee isn't exactly the model soldier."
"How's that?" Shall asked while forcing Havoc and I into our seats in the east balcony. I had a perfect view of the Sugiyama's little freak show. I wanted nothing more than to toast all the guards, run down to the stage, grab Hawkeye, and get the hell out of that place. Unfortunately, I was bound by friendship to stay there. If I moved, they'd kill Havoc, and I couldn't live with that death on my conscience too. He had been like a brother to me. And I knew he was thinking the same thing.
"Don't you know anything? He's the Crimson Alchemist, and a renegade alchemist at that," Havoc answered. "How long until he turns on you and unleashes his specialty on both you and your sister?"
Shall shuddered a little even though Havoc was using his normal nonchalant voice, "Specialty?"
I pretended to laugh even though the thought of Kimblee's specific form of alchemy made me want to vomit, "Yeah, he turns people into human bombs."
I wish I could have quit you / I wish I never missed you / And told you that I loved you every time I fucked you / The future that we both drew / And all the shit we've been through / Obsessed with the thought of you / The pain just grew and grew
From my seat at the balcony, I watched them bring in my best friend…my comrade…my brother…Maes Hughes. I remember helping carry the casket. And now I felt like my attempt to give him his rest was in vein. Again I was overcome with the need to vomit. The thought of someone who probably never knew how amazing and loyal a friend Hughes was carrying his body was revolting.
The only thing that kept me from surprising Havoc's lap with everything I ate that morning was the beauty that sat at Hughes' side. It did seem like an inopportune time for musing over sweet memories, but seeing Hawkeye in that ball gown in that soft light, I couldn't help but remember the last time I saw her like that.
How could you do this to me/ Look at what I made for you / It never was enough / The world is what I gave to you / I used to be love struck / Now I'm just fucked up / Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of our cuts!
My palms were sweating profusely. Having an overly extravagant dinner with your teacher was one thing. Having an overly extravagant dinner with your secret lover who was the granddaughter of that teacher was another thing. And, of course, having an overly extravagant dinner with both your teacher and your secret lover who was the granddaughter of that teacher was an extremely different thing. The tuxedo that I had been forced to wear felt like a straight jacket. The collar itched, was too tight, and was too high. And whoever invented the bowtie needed to be strung up by his groin area with a one. But, it was my last night before going off to the academy for training and my teacher had invited me to dinner with his family. I wasn't worried about winning over General Grumman, my instructor. He already loved me and I was his protégé. However, his son, Riza's father, hated me so much that every time I saw him my voice went up three registers and the only words I could muster saying were, "Hi, sir," "No, sir," and, "Shutting up, sir." The fact that he had caught me wooing his number one girl didn't help either. Since then he has referred to me as the following: The Playboy Alchemist, The Grab-Hands Alchemist, and Get The Hell Out of My House. The last one is usually followed by him throwing something expensive and fragile at me, which I receive the bill for in the mail shortly after. But usually, he just called me a girl's name.
I sat down at the long oak table next to General Grumman, just to be safe. In front of me were three different types of plates, two different types of bowels, and about ten different types of silverware. Luckily, there was only one type of napkin, and I knew where that went. As soon as I was seated, Mr. Hawkeye greeted me with his usual disdain, "Well, it's good to see you again, The Don Juan Alchemist."
I smiled stiffly and replied, "That's a new one, sir." The comment got a laugh out of Grumman, an eye roll out of Riza, and a sneer out of her father. "Thank you for welcoming me into your lovely home, sir. I appreciate this."
The servers brought out our first meal. It looked like someone added parsley bits and barley to chicken broth. If this is what rich people ate, I'd be a hobo any day. Mr. Hawkeye took a whiff of the soup and looked at the server, "This smells excellent, Franzio, compliments to the chef." Then he turned his gaze to me. I recognized that look, absolute hatred. "Now, Joy, what time will you be leaving for the academy tomorrow?"
Oh look, I thought, he's calling me a girl's name, how original. "Quite early, sir. Around three in the morning."
Riza swallowed a spoonful of soup. God, she even looked beautiful when she ate. The way her luscious lips wrapped around the cool metal of the utensil sent shivers down my spine, the good kind of shivers. Once she swallowed, she patted her mouth dry with her napkin and laid it back softly on her lap. "Daddy, why doesn't Joy…I mean Roy just stay the night here. That way he doesn't have to get up so early to catch a train."
Grumman patted me on the shoulder. The man was old, but he still packed a punch. It felt like he was trying to dislocate my shoulder. "That's a spot on idea, Elizabeth, and that way I can tell him more stories about the academy. First day hazings, I can still feel the wedgies." (A/N: Let's face it, this can't be so darn serious!)
Nobody said a word. We all just waited for Mr. Hawkeye's response. Dinner had been served. Dessert had been devoured. And we were all still waiting in silence.
Finally, after what seemed like decades, Mr. Hawkeye got up from the table. Instinctively, everyone else at the table, besides Grumman, got up as well. "Roy," he began. He said my name! Ugh, but the way he said it! He sounded like a pirate who was going down with his sinking ship and cursing the man who sunk it in the first place. "You may sleep in the guest wing." As he passed me by on his way out of the dining room, he whispered in my ear, "I swear to God, Roy, if I ever catch you near my daughter again, I'll kill you. The only reason I celebrate your acceptance to the academy is because with you gone the chances of Elizabeth getting pregnant with you devil seed are at zero, which is the way it should be."
It was going to be the last time I ever saw that asshole's smug face. It was my time to make him aware of my feelings for him. "Sir, with all due respect, your daughter is old enough to choose for herself. And by the way, we made out on your bed once." Mr. Hawkeye stormed off angrily. It felt good knowing that I had the last word, but I knew that last comment just put me on his hit list as enemy number one. So what, I knew I was never going to see him again. But a part of me also knew that I was never going to see Riza again. I went from being at an all time high to an all time low.
Once her father was out of the room, Riza and I bowed to her grandfather, and she led me outside toward the guest wing. "What did he say to you, Joy?" she asked with a laugh.
Her hand felt warm in mine. I finally knew what it felt like to be a key, with the right lock, everything just fit perfectly. "You know, that's the closest he's ever been to my real name?" I looked up at the night sky. With every star I saw, it made the chances of me looking up at night sky while I was at the academy and being under one of our stars even greater. But there was one that stood out. There were two that seemed apart from all the other stars. In the back of my adolescent mind I saw it as Riza and I, and the other stars being her psychotic father and everyone else who told me that a no good state alchemist hopeful had no place courting an heiress like Elizabeth Hawkeye. I was so childish back then. If I had only known that I would grow up to be the apple of every girl's eye, I probably wouldn't have wasted time on a girl like Hawkeye.
What am I thinking, of course I would have!
"Well, your father told me he'd kill me. So, the usual." Riza giggled. She had such an innocent and beautiful giggle. It was musical, and to think that one of my offhand sarcastic remarks had caused it made the doves of my heart sore throughout my body. God, she turned me into such a pansy. But all that giggle ever made me want to do was be as offhand and sarcastic as I could possibly be to make sure I could hear that giggle every second of everyday. Maybe that's part of the reason I turned out the way I did. "Your father hates me, you know that, right?"
Hawkeye pulled me to her by my bowtie that I had untied the second I made it out of eyeshot of Mr. Hawkeye. God bless bowties! She placed a light kiss on my lips, but it quickly intensified and soon my tongue knew what it felt like to be a spoonful of soup. Yup, I was a pansy, and somehow I knew no girl would ever make me feel like that again. And it was true, sure girls filled the voids during the lonely nights that filled my life, but no girl ever made my hands feel like keys, my tongue feel like a soup spoon, and the doves in my heart fly free. A part of me was glad I'd never have those sorts of tingles and jingles again, but I couldn't help but miss her warmth.
"Roy," she said while keeping her lips to mine. It made all the words she said that much more valuable to me. "If my father liked you, I wouldn't." She planted another quick kiss on my cheek and gave me what I saw as the invitation of a lifetime, "Come to my balcony tonight." As an eighteen year old boy who was going off to a strictly male populated academy for the next few years, I couldn't help but imagine what the night had in store for me.
I've lost it all / Fell today / It's all the same / I'm sorry / I'm sorry no / And I've been abused / I feel so used / Because of you / I'm sorry / I'm sorry no
And now I sat with my dilemma, was seeing Hughes again really worth losing those memories?
But then I caught myself thinking of memories I wish she'd forget, knowing I broke her heart more than once, she deserved to forget me. She deserved a fresh start. She deserved a new life, one Roy Mustang free. One where she didn't remember a dark haired man who chose random one night stands over true love.
Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest / And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound / Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest / And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down."
--Hollywood Undead
Okay, so there was a good dose of comedy in here, but I figured after so many chapters of Kimblee's A1 creepiness, we need some cheerup, even if it ended on a sad note. Keep reading! I promise it'll only keep getting better. I love all those who love me! Please review!