A/N: Thank you, all of you, for the reviews… it means a LOT, especially on this story which is so hard and angsty. Yeah, I own nothing.

Garcia walked in a fog.

There was no color in the world, and no joy.

She went to work, performed as expected, and went home.

If asked, she would respond that she was fine, smile softly, and walk away. It was only after she left that you'd realize the smile never met her eyes, or that her clothing was notably monochromatic.

At home, she had placed all of his pictures face down. All but one. The lone survivor mocked her from the top of her dresser. It was a picture of the two of them, taken a couple of years ago-they were looking at each other with wistful expressions. That picture alone gave her hope.

She often forgot to eat; when she came home, she had no energy but to change her clothes and crawl into bed. Her pillow was stiffened by the tears she cried every night, and the weariness showed on her face.

She had given up tracing her cycle for Dr. Mead. She felt, now, that she didn't deserve a baby; if she couldn't see the love standing in front of her, begging for her, how could she ever raise a child to love and be loved?

After the tragedy of that Friday night, Derek had called Hotch to request some personal time.

"Everything ok?" Hotch had seen the silence between Derek and their technical analyst and had a theory that there was no emergency in Chicago.

"Well, I wouldn't be going if everything was ok, would I?" Derek snapped.

"Excuse me?" Hotch was shocked by the hostility in the younger man's voice. "Look, I can see right through you. Get your head clear, and fix this. We can't be down two team members."

"Yeah."

Hours later, Derek was falling into his mother's arms, crying brokenheartedly.

"Derek, baby boy, what is it? Has something happened? Tell me so we can fix it." Fran led Derek to the couch and sat next to him, holding his hand as he struggled to regain his control. "Ma… I hurt Penelope. I broke her heart and I never even got a chance to love her. I don't know how I'm going to make this right." He poured out the whole story, not sparing any fault of his own. By the end of his sad tale, Fran was wiping tears from her eyes as well as his.

"Oh baby, we can fix this. We can. No one gets so angry without love behind it. She is angry at herself for not seeing how much you meant with those words. She was already heartsick with longing, and I'll bet, when things are on the mend, she'll tell you that she has really been longing for your baby just as much as you have. You need to tell her, over and over, until she believes you, and forgives you." She ran a hand over her son's head. "It will hurt more before it's better. It will be hard, and you will get angry again, and you will find yourself humbled like never before." She smiled to see the hope and determination kindle in his eyes.

"Baby, is she worth all this pain?" She knew his answer already, but he needed to say it.

"Yeah, Ma, she's worth it… she's the only one who ever would be."

"That's what I thought. Now, go to bed, and we'll work out how to fix this so I can get those grandbabies!"

Smiling, Derek obeyed and went up to bed. For the first time in several days, he slept peacefully through the night.

Wednesday night, after settling Henry and Will went up to bed, JJ grabbed her cell phone and stepped out onto the back patio. She waited impatiently for an answer, and once she heard the masculine "Morgan", launched into her diatribe.

"Morgan what the hell did you do to her? She's a shell. She wore black today- like she was in mourning. I don't know what the hell you think you are doing, but you had better fix it-"

Derek sighed. "JJ, I know. I know! I'm with my mom… we're gonna figure out how to fix this…I just don't know how! I ache for her, JJ… I need her. I know I hurt her… I had had a lot to drink, you know… and she just burst in on me…"

"Derek, look, you need to call her, try something. She told me what happened, though it sounds like I got the much condensed, covering your ass version. She also said you haven't spoken with her since then. That's what's killing her more than anything. She needs you, you know. Call her. Or, at least send her an email, a letter, something. But really? You should call her."

He smiled. "Ok, I'll call her. You think she's still up?"

"Given that she hasn't really slept since you guys had your fight, yeah, I think she'll be up."

"Crap. Ok, thanks JJ."

She laughed. "You can thank me by making me godmother to your babies. Now, call your woman and mend your bridges!"

Derek pressed the end button and looked at the phone. Gathering what courage he could muster, he entered the speed dial and anxiously awaited an answer. After several rings, it went to voicemail. Undaunted, he dialed again. On the third time, she finally picked up.

She sat in the middle of her bed, staring at the picture of her and Derek across from her, holding fiercely to the tie-dyed stuffed rabbit he had won for her at a local carnival. She ignored the phone ringing next to her. She knew who it was, Derek had his own ring. Finally, she gave up and answered.

"What do you want, Morgan."

He winced, her voice was cold; she almost never called him Morgan. His heart clenched.

"I needed to hear your voice, sweetheart-"

"Are you thick? You don't get to call me that anymore."

He groaned. "Yes, hardhead, I do. I get to because I love you. Baby, I'm sorry. It doesn't fix anything, but…" He paused, hearing her soft sniffles on the other end of the phone. "I never should have yelled at you. I screwed up way before this though, didn't I?"

"You just gave up, Derek… what was I supposed to think? You tell me-" She took a deep breath "You know, usually when a man tells a woman he loves her, he kisses her. You had the chance! You were with me all night, you rescued me… anytime that night you could've made your intent clear! But, you didn't, so what was I supposed to think?" She stopped, then spoke again, quietly. "I would have left him. I…I hoped you would stop it before it even began…Dammit, Derek, I wanted you to claim me!" She was crying again, but she no longer cared. "And when you didn't… What could I do but let go of that dream. You had your chance to take me, you didn't… I had to try to move on… I whittled life down to one dream… then stupid Kevin took that away too!"

"Penelope-" His voice was soft, serious. "Sweetheart, I wanted you to be happy, and if you thought Kevin was it, I wasn't going to ruin your happiness because I was selfish… I thought you understood me that night…If I could go back, now, I'd give you a thousand kisses, a million, if they'd fix what we've broken…"

She laughed, and his heart rejoiced at the hopeful sound. "Hot stuff, if you stop at a million, you're getting spanked." She sobered again. "Did you mean what you said, that day? About what you want?"

He smiled. "Yes, baby, from the moment I finally realized that all this was love, real love, yeah, all my happy dreams feature you, kids with your eyes and curly hair, and a messy house."

"Derek, we're a long way away from it, you know. There's so much hurt…"

"Yes, I know. We can fix this, though. No more giving up, no more running away, no more hiding from us."

Penelope stiffened. "Um, I don't think I've been the one doing the running. That's all you. Do you have the balls to stick with this?"

Derek grimaced. "Woman, look, till we fix this, you own my balls, and whatever else you want."

She smiled again. "Only till we're fixed? I want to own all of you, forever." There was a wistfulness in her tone that told him she still wasn't completely convinced that he really could be with her, that he would stay with her and settle down.

"Beautiful, you have me. You have owned me since the first day." She smiled again. "And woman, you better watch out, cause hurting or not, I am going to kiss you when I see your pretty face again. That's a promise."

She shivered, the heat in that comment warming her entire body and soul.

"Goodnight Derek."

"Goodnight goddess… sweet dreams."

She smiled and snuggled down into her bed, the rabbit clutched against her. "They will be now, my love."