Chapter 6. The Nightmare Before ChristmAsh
Ash continued down the bare path for what seemed like hours before speaking.
"Does this even go anywhere?" Ash asked himself as he wandered down the barren road. "No tire tracks or footprints. Maybe I'll just find that damn book lying in the dirt." A sound flowed into Ash's ears. He dropped his head and sighed.
"Singing." he said with a less than enthused voice. He maintained his direction as he marched unwillingly toward the sound. He slowly trudged up a fairly steep hill for a while before coming to it's peak.
"Figures, a frightening-beyond-all-reason graveyard, and I have to cross it to get to that awful singing. I'm not sure if I want to live anyway." Ash leapt over the rusted fence and began to make his way across the burial ground, gun in hand. He carefully walked around grotesque headstones and dead foliage. He turned sharply at the sound of a dog's playful bark and pointed his gun in the direction of a floating white dog holding what appeared to be a rib bone in his mouth. The ghost dog wagged his tail and circled Ash.
"Hey there fella." he said cautiously. The dog dropped his bone and approached Ash. "Zero, huh?" Ash said after seeing the dog's tag. "You look harmless enough." He reached down to pet him and his hand passed right through the specter.
"Why did I think that would work?" Just then, Zero grabbed Ash's gun in his mouth and flew off. Ash began to follow.
"Heal you god damn mut." He followed Zero into a clearing. Out of breath, Ash watched the dog stop suddenly, drop his gun and flee as though it was frightened. Ash walked up and picked up his weapon.
"What the hell is that?" he asked himself at the sight of a spiraling hill. Just then he realized that the singing he had heard earlier had turned to screaming. He ran in the direction of the sound and charged through a rusted gate, cutting his arm.
"Tetanus much?" He made his way down a grey stoned walkway and into an open area with a fountain in the middle that was spewing green liquid. All around, strange looking beings, ranging from a clown on a unicycle to a werewolf with no pants, were fleeing from several skeletons and ghosts.
"Which one's are the badguys? Maybe I'll just wing it." He drew his gun and started up his saw. He whirled his revolving blade around, severing two skulls from their bare-boned bodies. The bones collapsed in a dusty pile.
"Lazy bones." He then preceded to fire off several rounds, rendering several more skeletons into lifeless piles.
"Thank you stranger." an ugly witch said as she flew by on her broomstick
"Guess I got the right ones." he said as he continued saving the day once again. After blazing through a few more bone bags. Two ghosts approached and stole is gun and saw.
"Time to get primitive." Ash pulled his sword and commenced with the slashing. Four more skeletons fell to the blade while he used his mechanical hand to crush and pummel more skulls.
"Come one." Ash said disappointed. "Is that all you got?" He then heard a haunting moan from above.
"Oh, right." At least a dozen spirits circle around him. Neither his blade or his closed fist had any effect.
"I may be in trouble." The ghosts closed in with wicked smiles on their twisted faces. He was clutched by several transparent hands and was lifted into the air. He thrashed around trying to escape their grasp when a bright green band wrapped around his waist and pulled him down. He landed hard on his shoulder, dislocating it. Gasping for air, he looked over at a very tall and gangly being wearing a black pinstripe suit.
"Who do you think you are interrupting our Halloween?" He cracked his green strand like a whip, causing the specters to flee. He quickly swung the gooey rope around, catching the two ghosts carrying Ash's weapons. He pulled them in swiftly and brought his face to the shrieking ghosts.
"Tell that no good Oogie Boogie that I will find him." The ghosts dropped the gun and saw as they fled in terror.
"Are you alright?" the tall hero said as he extended his boney hand to Ash.
"Thanks, tall, dark and gruesome." Ash said as he staggered to his feet. "But that little stunt you pulled unhinged my shoulder."
"Oh, I am sorry. Step over to the fountain, that'll fix you right up. By the way, my name is Jack Skellington."
"Ash. How does this work?" Jack produced a crystal clear, twisted bottle, filled it up and gave it to Ash.
"Drink up." Ash looked at the questionable fluid.
"Well, maybe this will kill me."
"Unfortunately no. It will only heal you."
"That's to bad." Ash said before he tipped it back and swallowed the liquid. Ash's entire body was filled with a warm sensation that quickly keyed in on his wounds. He flinched as his shoulder cracked back into place before watching the wound on his arm completely heal.
"It's just like Green Eco." he said silently to himself. He handed the bottle back to Jack, who refilled it and handed it back to Ash.
"Consider it a gift." Jack said.
"Uh, thanks." Ash said, realizing that this big misshapen bottle would be near impossible to carry in a pocket.
"Let's go see the Doctor"
"I'm already healed, what is a doctor gonna be able to do."
"He's not that kind of doctor." The unlikely pair made their way up a winding sidewalk that led to a dark, twisted building made of steel. The black sky had begun to turn grey as the morning approached when Jack knocked loud with his boney hand and the heavy doors opened up.
"Who is it?" An obviously annoyed voice yelled from the top of the spiral stairs. "I am very busy."
"Doctor," Jack said. "It's me. I was hoping that you could be able to help me and my friend here."
"Of course, of course." the Doctor said as he wheeled his chair to the edge of the balcony. "Any friend of Jack Skellington's is a friend of mine. No matter how strange looking he may be."
"You're no catch yourself Doc." Ash leaned over close to Jack. "What exactly is he a doctor of?"
"The good Dr. Finkelstien can do nearly anything you can imagine. Oh, and how could I have forgotten you, Igor?" Jack reached down to pet a small, severely hunchbacked creature that had wandered into the room.
"So," Dr. Finkelstien said. "How can I be of assistance to your and your friend here?" The doctor's lips curled back and Ash saw the obvious distrust on the old man's face.
"The name's Ash, Frankenstein."
"That's Finkelstien."
"Yeah whatever, Dr. Fishburger. How bout you get this thing outa here before he starts pole dancing on my leg." Ash kicked at Igor, who had been sniffing his pantleg.
"Igor, come." The Doctor said sternly.
"He might have already." Ash said as he meandered over to Finkelstien's workbench. The Doctor handed Igor a bone biscuit. Igor ran to the corner and chewed happily on his treat.
"Doctor," Jack said. "We need whatever inventions you have that might help us defeat Oogie Boogie."
"Oogie Boogie!" the Doctor said in surprise. "I thought you destroyed him."
"I did. But somehow he has returned to his old tricks."
"I bet I know how." Ash said as he set the large crystal bottle on the bench. "The same way I got here."
"Well Ash, enlighten us." Jack said, captivated.
"Yes, let's hear it." Finkelstien said before he opened the top of his skull and scratched his head
"Only if you promise not to do that again." Finkelstien closed his lid. "Thanks, Frankincense." The Doctor grunted his disapproval.
"Long story short, I've been leapfrogging from world to world chasing a God Damn book all over the universe."
"How can you be sure this book has brought Oogie back?" Jack asked, crossing his arms.
"I'm sure because every bad guy on every other world I've visited has been using the book to try to control it."
"That's quite a story Ash." Finkelstien said. "Do you expect us to believe you?"
"I realize that you have no reason to trust me." Ash said. "But you kind of have to. I'm the only guy who knows what your up against. Isn't that right Dr. Flintstone?"
"And Jack's taken care of Oogie before." A voice said. Into the room walked a pale, but beautiful red head. "I'm Sally."
"My aren't you put together." Ash said as he looked at her stitches. "Never imagined I'd come across a beauty among all these beasts." Sally blushed and turned to Jack.
"I watched how you and he chased off Oogie's monsters. I believe what Ash says is true."
"As do I." Jack replied. "We shall venture out and rid ourselves of Oogie Boogie once again."
"Nice speech," Ash said. "Can ol' Doctor Fagileskull help us out."
"It's FINKELSTIEN!" the Doctor yelled. Sally had to cover her mouth to stop her laughter.
"Alright, alright. I'll try to learn your name." Ash said sarcastically.
"The only reason I'm an going to help you is because of Jack." Finkelstien turned his chair around and wheeled toward the workbench. "I notice that you are carrying that large crystal bottle in your back pocket. I have something that may help both of you carry more provisions than usual." Finkelstien produced a small, black spot and laid it on the table. "I call it a shadow pocket." he said as he put his arm up to the elbow into the whole. "It creates a small area in space that can be used for addition storage."
"I'll take that." Ash said as he put the black spot into the front pocket of his jeans. He then shoved the entire bottle into the shadow. "Hey, it works."
"Of course it works." Finkelstien said. "I created it." Ash was to busy for a snappy comeback. He was concerned with throwing everything on his person into the shadow pocket. Shotgun shells, a pen, his S-Mart nametag, loose change, anything.
"This," Finkelstien said to Jack. "Is for you." He produced a jar that held a self contained flame.
"What is this?" Jack asked as he marveled at the dancing flame.
"It is a Pumpkin Flame. It will imbue you with the ability to conjure fire from your hands. It will also make your Soul Robber even more powerful." He opened the lid and the flame crept into Jack's hands. Jack looked at his left hand and willed a flame to dance from his fingers. He then cracked his green Soul Robber and a wave of fire burst out and struck the wall. Across the room, Ash was wowing Sally with tales of his adventure.
"So there I was," he said softly to the awestruck redhead. "Surrounded by an army of Deadites. All by myself, slashing and blasting my way through them all without breaking a sweat."
"Amazing." She said. "Will then you should have no trouble with Oogie Boogie."
"I doubt he'll put up much of a fight."
"It just sickens me that inside that stained burlap sack, he is made of spiders, flies, and who knows what other gross creatures."
"Spiders?" Ash said shakily. "Why spiders?"
"What's wrong?" Sally said.
"Oh nothing baby. We better get going." Ash said as he turned to Jack, his face a little pale. "I hate spiders." he said very softly.
"Just a moment." Finkelstien said. "I don't trust you Ash, and I don't want anything to befall Jack. Give me your sword."
"What makes you think I'll trust you."
"Just give my your sword." The Doctor took it and set it on the workbench. He then reached up and grabbed a jar labeled "Deadly Nightshade." He took out the dead plant, ground it up, and mixed in several other vile substances. When he was finished, he soaked the fluid up with a sponge and ran it along the blade. The metal began to smoke and change shape.
"Hey thanks, pal." Ash said. "You just discovered a way to get your crippled ass kicked."
"Patience, my boy." The smoke cleared. The Blade of Neptune had transformed. It had lost it's golden luster, and the jewels that adorned the handle had turned black. The sword was now as dark as the rest of this dreary world.
"You are now the owner of a Deadly Nightblade. This sword is now able to dispense thos pesky ghosts."
"Great Doc." Ash said before turning to Jack. "Now can we go?"
"One last thing." the Doctor said glaring at Ash. "When you two reach the base of Spiral Hill, seek out the lone grave and thrust the blade into the soil."
"What good'll that do?" Ash asked.
"Like I said, I don't trust you. Jack needs the help of one who has saved this land once before."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ash asked as he neared the Doctor.
"Ash." Sally grabbed his arm. "Goodluck." she gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Well Doctor," Jack said. "Thanks for your help."
"Anything for you Jack."
"Yeah, thanks." Ash and Jack made their way to the door. Just before it slammed shut, Ash said. "Dr. Fraggle Rock." Sally had to leave the room for fear of laughing at the enraged Doctor who had literally flipped his lid.
After a short walk through the graveyard, Ash Williams and Jack Skellington were at the bottom of Spiral Hill looking at the lone headstone at the base of the twisted nolle. Ash read it aloud.
"Here Lies Sir Daniel Fortesque, Hero of Halloween Town. Slain while defending this fair city against the horde of "The Hessian.""
"I've heard this story. Several hundred years ago, Sir Dan here, single handedly cut down an entire army before being mortally wounded through the left eye in the final confrontation with the Hessian."
"Who was this Hessian."
"Just a power hungry madman. He was famous for riding his giant black horse into battle chopping off every head he could find"
"Charming." Ash said before thrusting his blade into the dirt. He jumped back as the ground began to shake. Shortly afterward, the ground burst open as a coffin sprung from the soil. The door creaked opened while Ash and Jack struggled to see through all the dust. They finally saw a skeleton wearing a suit of armor, a sword and shield in his hands. They both got in close and stared for a moment, until the right socket of the skull popped out an eye. It looked back and forth at both the heroes before the body began to move.
"I guess it worked." Ash said.
"It would appear so." Jack replied. Dan emerged from his coffin while he yawned and stretched his dusty bones.
"I wonder how ugly he was before he died." Ash said at the sight of Sir Dan's oddly shaped cranium.
"What happened to your jaw?" Jack asked the ancient warrior. Fortesque reached for his bottom mandible. His one and only eye opened wide in surprise before he got on his hands and knees looking for his jaw. A series of incoherent mumbles that sounded a lot like medieval curse words flowed out while Dan frantically searched for his missing body part. Jack tried to be polite and cover his laughter, while Ash just let it erupt from him. Dan finally stopped searching and let out a sigh.
"Alright," Ash said wiping tears from his eyes. "That was great. Let's go." Ash and Jack led the way while Sir Dan dragged his feet behind them.
An hour later, after Ash and Jack got lost, Fortesque was leading the way through a dark, ominous forest.
"Hey handsome," Ash said. "Do you have any idea were we are?" Fortesque mumbled to himself as he continued on. Ash turned to Jack. "I think we're lost."
"Let us not forget that he got us back on track after..." Jack's voice trailed off.
"After what?" Ash asked. "Go ahead and say it. I got us lost. Big deal." Ahead of them, Fortesque stopped in his tracks and drew his sword. Ash and Jack readied themselves as they began to hear a familiar haunting moan. The three stood with their backs to each other, staring into the shadows of the forest. A few moments of silence pasted before Jack spoke.
"Maybe they're gone."
"No," Ash said. "It's never that easy." When Ash finished speaking, Fortesque finally said something that was audible.
"Uh oh." At that, ghosts flowed out of the trees like a giant flood. The sound of their moans was deafening as they began to swirl around the three heroes. Ash slashed his sword around, passing effortlessly through many specters. The ghosts screamed as their bodies faded away like fog. Ash continued his assault while Jack and his Soul Robber were making short work of many other ghosts. He wrapped the green strand around four of the flying spirits and swung them around, crashing into a massive crowd of other white entities, dissipating all of them in one motion. Shortly afterward, Ash and Jack were no longer being assaulted. They looked over at Dan who was dispensing ghosts faster then Jack and Ash combined.
"Well," Ash said. "This sure makes me feel needed."
"I can see why he was so revered in life." Jack replied as he watched Dan's onslaught on his foes. He moved as if it was a choreographed dance. In a matter of seconds, the huge invasion of ghosts had been completely eliminated. Fortesque looked around for more and with an expression of disappointment on his face, sheathed his sword and drooped his shoulders.
"Not bad," Ash said as he approached Fortesque. "I guess those hundreds of years of rest did you good." He slapped him on the shoulder, causing his arm to fall of and hit the ground. Fortesque glared at Ash with his one good eye. "Uh, sorry." When Ash bend down to pick it up, the ground began to quake. "What the Hell is that?" Just then, the soil violently shifted, knocking the three off their feet. The three heroes, looked around as everything became eerily quiet. As they gazed at the trees, they large twisted branches began to move. The trees were attacking. Ash was the first to his feet.
"Time to go to work baby." He started his saw and commenced lopping off branches as they attacked. With every cut, Ash was spayed with a black fluid. The trees were bleeding.
"Ash," Jack yelled out. "That's not necessary." Ash looked back and saw flames dancing in Jack's eyes. Ash quickly ducked out of the way as Jack swung his Soul Robber around, catching fire as it whirled around. It released an arch of fire the engulfed the devil trees. He then fired another blast from his left hand, catching even more of the trees aflame. The trees screamed in agony while they desperately tried to smother the flames with their branches. The flame spread a lot faster than expected. The heroes turned and fled from the heat. Fortesque stopped in his tracks, turned around, grabbed his arm and ran behind Ash and Jack.
Ash was still laughing at how Fortesque ran when they made it to Oogie's mansion. They approached a green door with a wicked smile painted on it.
"Suppose we should knock first?" Ash asked. Fortesque raised his fist to the door. Before he could pound on the rotten wood, the door flew open. The three stood back as three little kids emerged wearing Halloween masks. Jack crossed his arms.
"Lock, Shock and Barrel. I thought you three learned your lesson."
"Now that Oogie's back," Lock said. "We don't have to listen to you anymore."
"Yeah," added Shock. "He'll be very pleased with us when we get rid of you."
"What is this?" Ash said. "Little kids, huh. I don't have time for this." Ash picked up Lock and Shock and banged their heads together. He them clutched hold of a fleeing Barrel and spanked him hard with his robot hand. The three trick or treaters began to cry as they ran off into the night.
"I was a bully in grade school." Ash said before they entered the door. They made their way cautiously down a long hallway. They hadn't ventured very far, when the room in front of them was flooded with bright lights.
"Oogie." Jack said as he looked up on a higher level of the room.
"Jack Skellington. I have been waiting for you. And you bought a bag of flesh and a pile of bones with you. All the more for my pet to swallow." Oogie stepped in front of a light and Ash saw the shadow of the Necronomicon inside of his burlap body. Oogie pulled a lever that closed the entrance. He moved over to another lever.
"Time to come out and play." With another pull, a large gate clanked open and a low growl emerged from within. The heroes readied their weapons and watched the black entrance closely. Just then, eight yellow eyes came into view, followed by a massive eight legged body.
"A spider. It had to be a spider." Ash said.
"What's the matter?" Oogie said. "Don't like spiders. Well you'll have lots of time to conquer your fear while you are digested." Oogies' maniacal laughter coursed through the chamber. Ash got behind Jack and Dan, who charged at the beast. The spider thrashed around as the two approached it. Dan ducked underneath it's large abdomen and stabbed up, causing green blood to escape form the gash while Jack charred the insect's face with a waved of fire. Ash stood back and watched, wanting to help, but to full of arachnophobia to move. As he looked on, Oogie continued to laugh while the spider grabbed Dan with it's front legs and tried to feed him into it's disgusting mouth. Dan punched at the spider's eyes with all his might. Jack wrapped his Soul Robber around Dan's waist and pulled, but to no avail. The spider reached out with one of it's long legs and knocked Jack over before pinning him down. Ash started his saw.
"That's about enough of being a wiener." Ash said as he unwillingly marched toward the fray. He sprinted around the giant spider, buzzing through four of the beast's long legs, causing it to topple over, releasing both Dan and Jack. Ash grabbed on to a long hair on the spider's back and climbed on top as it struggled to get back up. Ash drew his sword and stabbed the insect in the back of the head. The bug kicked a bit and then ceased moving.
"My baby!" Oogie yelled rage. "That makes my bugs boil. It's time for a new game, It's called, keep your head." Oogie ran to another lever and pulled it. Yet another steel gate opened. The three heroes watched and listened intently. They soon heard what sounded like horse hooves shortly before a figure made it's way into the light. On top of a huge skeleton horse, sat a body with no head wearing a long black trench coat. In his right hand, he carried a small ax and in his left, a long sword.
"It's the Hessian." Jack said as Dan stared at their enemy in anger.
"This should be more fun than a spider." Ash said as he pointed his gun and fired. The slug made a hole in the horses ribs, but had no other effect. Dan pushed his way through Ash and Jack before charging at the Hessian. Ash and Jack followed. When Dan arrived, he blocked a sword slash with his shield and stabbed his adversary in the side. The horse reared up, knocking Dan to the ground. The Hessian then pulled out the sword from his side and threw it at Dan. The blade became wedged in between Dan's ribs and pinned him to the ground. Ash then yelled at Jack.
"Jack, hobble him." Jack swung his soul robber around and caught the horses back legs, rendering it unable to move.
"Sticks and stones will break your bones." Ash swung his gun like a club and broke the horses front legs. It crashed to the ground and the Hessian leapt off. Ash blocked an attack from the ax with his gun, but received an elbow to the face. Jack wrapped his green weapon around the Hessian's waist, only to have him grab the strand and pull Jack into Ash, knocking them both to the ground. A blade then stuck through the Headless Horseman's torso. A smile appeared in Dan's crooked face. He pulled his blade out and the Hessian turned around. Dan blocked several sword and ax attacks before he swung his body around and cut the Horseman in twine. The torso continued it's pursuit until Jack caught it on fire.
"Huh," Ash said. "I guess you're twice the man that he was."
"I don't believe this." Oogie said before he made his way to the exit. Jack used his Soul Robber to swing up in front of him.
"We're not done with you yet." Ash and Dan climbed up behind them.
"Ready Dan?" Ash said.
"Uh huh." The two slashed their swords downward, cutting the thread that held Oogie together. Bugs began to leak out of the seams. Oogie tried to run past Jack, who wrapped his Soul Robber around Oogie's head and pulled. Oogie split in two, piles of bugs littered the ground, covering the Necronomicon. Ash drew his gun and began firing at the ground before he began to simply step on them.
"God Damn bugs." Jack picked up the book while Dan yawned. "Looks like it's past Dan's bedtime." Ash said.
"Lets get back to town and tell everyone the good news." Jack replied as Dan yawned again.
Dan shook the hands of both Ash and Jack before entering his coffin and sinking back into the ground.
"You made it." Sally said as she approached the two triumphant heroes.
"That's right baby." Ash said. "Ol' Jack here knocked 'em dead."
"We couldn't have done it without you and your heroic actions." Ash leaned over and whispered to Jack."
"Thanks for not mentioning the whole spider thing." Jack handed the book to Ash. "See ya 'round, bone daddy."
"Goodbye Ash." Jack said as he backed up. The blue vortex appeared.
"See ya later doll." Sally watched as Ash was whisked away yet again.
Ash stood up and looked around his new environment. He was inside a dark room that echoed his every step. He made his way to the only window in the room. His eyes widened in disbelief at the sight that lay before him. He was traveling though space. From his little window, Ash watched as the little spaceship that he had suddenly boarded, dodged asteroids of vibrant colors and flew between oddly shaped, bright and shiny structures. Suddenly the ship shook violently and Ash smashed his face up against the window in an effort to see as much as he could. The ship was descending down at an extremely fast rate. As it pierced through the clouds, Ash could see a huge castle surrounded by land that reflected the sunlight like a mirror. In a matter of seconds, the ship touched down hard, knocking Ash from his feet and slamming him hard into a door that had been undetected. The heavy door slowly opened as he heard the ship's engines shutting down. When he rose to his feet, voices caught his attention.
"You call that a landing?" A speech impeded voice said.
"We're here, aren't we?" That voice seemed to belong to a teenage boy.
"Any landing you can walk away from is a good one." A deeper voice said before chuckling. Ash made his way toward the noise and stepped into the control room. In front of him, three chairs swivelled around. He locked eyes with a spike haired kid, a duck and a tall, long eared dog. He thought it was a dog.