Chapter 8. JurrAshic
Ash had been wandering through the jungle for hours, using his sword to hack away the bush that stood in his way. Sweat ran down his face as the humidity combined with the jungle heat beat upon him. He finally stopped and sat down for a minute.
"This is the worst vacation ever." he said to himself as he wiped his brow. "Christ it's hot here." He rose back to his feet and continued on. After walking a few hundred yards, a loud roar caught his attention. He listened intently as he tried to focus on the direction it was coming from. He finally determined to go left. He hacked through the brush, making his way to the sound. He slashed through several vines and emerged into a clearing. He laid his eyes upon three sabertooth tigers that were feasting on their latest kill. They picked up their heads and looked in the hero's direction.
"Nice kitties." Ash said. The three animals, blood dripping from their large fangs, began a slow march toward Ash. "Time to clean the litter box." He pulled his gun and fired. One of the cats fell to the ground. The other two then began to sprint toward him. Ash struggled to get another slug into his gun but was knocked to the ground as one of the cats pounced on him. His gun and saw were out of reach as he fought for his life. He was using his left hand to gouge at his attackers eyes while he swung his iron fist around, catching the animal in the side of the head. The cat rolled off of him and was slow to get up. Ash was able to draw one breath before the other cat was upon him. It open it's jaws wide and thrust down for Ash's jugular. The cats elongated teeth grazed his neck when a deafening blast rang in his ears. The animal slumped onto him, dead. Ash shoved the sabertooth off of him and got up.
"Don't move." a voice said seconds before a second shot rang out. Killing the other animal. Ash brought his eyes up to meet with those of a beautiful redhead wearing a skintight black uniform. On her person she carried several weapons. Ash identified a machine gun, two pistols, a flame thrower and a rocket launcher as well as the shotgun she held in his direction. "How did you get here?"
"I'm Ash." he said with a smoothness only Ash could pull off with a gun in his face.
"How did you get here?" she repeated with a more threatening tone.
"I was transported here by a blue vortex." She lowered her weapon.
"Regina." she replied. "I got here the same way."
After taking a few minutes to explain their current state. Regina and Ash began to venture on as she told him of her situation before she was taken from her world. Ash had barely been listening as he walked behind her and studied her "features". The two continued to walk into the clearing, staying close to the jungle that surrounded it so as not to be in the open. Around them, small creatures slithered and crawled along the ground while a flock of large birds passed by over head. Ash gazed up into the sky at them.
"Those have got to be the ugliest birds I have ever seen." Regina looked up as well.
"Those aren't birds." she replied bluntly. With that, Ash noticed one of them snap it's long head in their direction. It swooped out of the flock and dove down toward them. As it neared, Ash identified them.
"Pterodactyls," he said. "You've got to be kidding me." He pulled his shotgun and fired, clipping it's wing, causing it to flutter to the ground. A second shot was fired by Regina. The animal twitched for a moment, then ceased all movement.
"Run." Regina said. Ash turned and looked into the sky. All the noise had caught the attention of the rest of them. Around a dozen or so, he estimated. He fired one more shot into the air before taking off behind Regina. Ahead of him, the redhead ducked under the large swopping wings of the beast, she cocked her shotgun and blast it from behind. Ash had to sidestep to his right to avoid tripping over the carcass. Three of the animals landed to feast upon their fallen comrade while the others continued their pursuit.
"Damn." Regina said as she reached for another shotgun shell only to find that her supply had run out. She stopped in her tracks and turned around. "Duck!" Ash crouched just in time to miss the butt of a shotgun as Regina swung with all her might. The weapon shattered as it cracked into the skull of one of their pursuers.
"A girl after my own heart." Regina then pulled her machine gun and fired into the flock. Four bullet riddled bodies fell to the green grass. With three more animals closing fast, Ash stopped and started his saw. "Time to get messy." He revved it up and swung. The chain effortlessly cut through the soft flesh of a leather like wing, sending the beast crashing into the ground. Ash and Regina readied for the last two, when an arrow whistled through the air, piercing the heart of one of the winged creatures. Immediately following, Ash caught a brief glimmer of sunlight reflecting off steel just before the final attacker fell to the ground, a sharp sai buried into it's chest. Ash and Regina both fired a shot into the one that Ash had winged before they turned around.
"Not a bad shot." a voice said.
"Not a bad throw." another replied. Ash and Regina watched as two figures emerged from the jungle. One was tall with long white hair, human but with pointed ears. The other looked like a bipedal turtle.
"You two are a bit of an odd couple." Ash said to the pair.
"What?" the terrapin with the red bandana said. "Haven't you ever seen a talking turtle before?"
"Or an elf?" the other added.
"Hasn't everybody?" The elf spoke to Ash.
"My name is Legolas."
"I'm Raphael."
"I'm Ash, and this is Regina."
"We know." Raph said. "We've been watching you since you got here."
"Were the hell were you when those things first started to attack." Regina asked.
"We wanted to make sure you weren't with Sauron." Legolas replied. "Raphael and I crossed his path once already and barely escaped with our lives."
"Sauron?" Ash and Regina asked at the same time.
"He claims to rule this dump." Raph went on. "He calls it the Savage Land. He grabbed hold of elf boy here and nearly killed him."
"It seemed as though he was draining my life."
"Sounds like a big push over to me." Ash said confidently. "How long have you to been here."
"We both arrived only hours ago." Legolas said. "It seemed as though Sauron new we were coming."
"Yeah." Raph added. "We barely had time to stand up before the bastard was on us."
"Well," Ash said. "Time to save another world."
"Do you even know were we are going?" Raph groaned. "We've been wandering for hours."
"Keep your shell on." Ash replied. "I seriously doubt any of you have any better ideas." Regina had been ignoring the pointless banter that the turtle and Ash had been exchanging for quite some time now. She brushed it off as the two trying to pass the time.
"See anything, Legolas?" she asked. The elf had been jumping across the canopy of the trees, trying to get a better look.
"Same as before. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"Besides the heat." Regina had finally had enough. Her black suit was getting to much for even her to bear. She unzipped her top, and tossed it to the ground. The black tanktop she wore underneath was very revealing as her skin glistened with sweat. She suddenly noticed that Raphael and Ash had stopped talking.
"What are you looking at?" she looked at Ash.
"Just the only thing in this God forsaken jungle that's worth laying eyes on." Raph rolled his eyes as Regina turned around and continued forth, trying to hide her blushing face. Just then, they heard Legolas.
"You might want to come and look at this." The three made their way towards his voice. Legolas was able to cover a lot of ground jumping from tree to tree, it took the rest of the party a few minutes to reach him. They emerged from behind some very thick foliage and looked around them. As far as their eyes could see lay ice and snow. The jungle was in the middle of a snow covered wasteland.
"Who puts a jungle in the middle of Antarctica?" Ash said. Regina crossed her arms and tried to hide her shivers.
"God Damn it's cold." Raphael said, his cold blooded body feeling it the most.
"Let's turn back." Ash said. The four turned to retreat into the jungle. As they neared the foliage that they emerged from, the ground began to shake. They looked behind them, the snow was rising. The powder fell away as a huge creature made of ice stood before them. It stood at least twenty feet high as it glared down at the four with two ice blue eyes.
"Back to the jungle." Ash ordered. They turned toward the jungle to find that the way they came was blocked by ice. Ash continued. "New plan, kick some ass." The four ran at the beast. Regina armed herself with her flame thrower, a small flame danced on the tip while Ash revved up his saw. Raph and Legolas were the first to engage the beast. The turtle slid underneath a huge icy fist and stabbed the back of the ice titan's leg. He used his sais to climb hand over hand while Legolas drew an arrow. He fired with the precision that only an elf could manage. The arrow pierced one of the giant's eyes. It's head snapped back in pain. Ash fired his shotgun at the blue heart that lay beneath the ice of it's chest. Raph had made his way to the giant's shoulders and buried a sai deep in the back of it's neck. He held on with all his might as the titan spun quickly, trying to shake off the turtle.
"Leg." Ash said. "Fire, arrow, do it." Legolas ran over tp Regina and lit the tip of an arrow with her flame. He pulled it back and aimed at the beast's heart.
"I can't get a shot."
"Shoot at Raph." Both Legolas and Regina looked at Ash hesitantly. "Do it. Raph, catch." Raphael looked up just in time to see a flaming arrow racing toward him. He barely had time to dodge to the side and catch it in his left hand. He pulled out his sai and leapt down. As he fell passed that titan's chest, he thrust the arrow into it, piercing the blue heart that beat beneath. He fell to the snow below and scrambled to the others. The giant roared in pain as in collapsed to it's knees.
"Regina, you're up." Ash said.
"With pleasure." She pulled the trigger of her weapon and unleashed a blast of flame. The ice titan roared it's last as it melted into a steaming puddle.
"That wasn't so bad." Ash said.
"Easy for you to say." Raph replied. "You weren't the one riding it."
"Hey guys," Regina said. "I think we should get back." Ash and Raph looked out into the snow. Dozens of other titans had heard the cries of the first and were rising from the ice.
"I agree." Legolas said as Regina pulled to grenades from her belt. She pulled the pins and threw them as far as she could. Ash led the way as he cut through the ice blocking their path with his saw. As the four made it back into the jungle, the grenades exploded, ice pelting their backs. Once back in the jungle, Ash eyed Regina. He thought to himself.
"Tic tacs, sweet." The four ran through the jungle until once again emerging into a clearing. They were catching their breath, when they heard a screeching voice.
"The Savage Land does not take kindly to strangers." They looked into the sky and saw another pterodactyl, but this one was different. It had a human-like body, but with a tail and the oblonged head. In the talons of his foot, he clutched the Necronomicon. He hovered in the air just above them.
"All intruders will be destroyed." Raphael and Legolas spoke at the same time.
"Sauron."
"So this is Sauron." Ash said. "Let's feed the birds." He pulled his gun and fired, Regina did the same. Sauron expertly dodged the barrage of bullets and swooped down at the four below. Ash was hit with a scaley fist that knocked him to his back. Sauron landed on top of the hero and swung his tail around, toppling Regina to the ground. An arrow found it's way through Sauron's hide causing a screech of pain.
"Hey tweety," Raph said. "Remember us?"
"How could I forget?" Sauron said as he pulled the arrow from his side. He flapped his huge wings and climbed into the air. He dodged another arrow before he swooped down yet again. Legolas jumped out of his way and landed on his back. He grabbed a knife from his boot and attempted to slash down. Sauron reached back with his hand and grabbed the elf. Legolas was thrown to the ground while Raph leapt into the air. Ash was amazed at how the turtle could jump. Raph spun around and kicked Sauron hard in the side of the head. Raph landed on the ground and drew a sai. With a swift flap of his wings, Sauron dodged the sharp tip of the turtle's weapon, and came down hard on the back of Raphael's head with a fist. Raph staggered forward as Ash tackled the green creature. Sauron flew high into the air, dodging more bullets and arrows as he wrapped his taloned hands around Ash's head.
"Not on the first date." Ash said as he hit Sauron in the stomach with his hard iron fist. Sauron maintained his grip as a yellow light began to glow around his hands. Ash felt himself weaken as Sauron drained his life. Ash went limp as felt as though he was going to die. The world around him started to go black when he barely heard Sauron scream in pain. He let go and Ash fell to the hard ground. He looked up to see blood running from Sauron's side, an arrow had pierced through his leathery hide. As quickly as he had made himself known, he soared away.
"Ash." Regina said, running to his aid. She knelt down and picked up his head.
"He's, old." Raph added upon seeing Ash's face. Legolas knelt down and put his hand on Ash's chest.
"He'll be alright, in time."
"So," Ash said to Regina. "I guess I'm not pretty anymore." The three helped him to his feet. "That bird's made a big mistake. At least I'll be the hottest grandpa at the bingo hall." Ash leaned on Legolas and Raph as the four made their way in Sauron's direction.
Every bone in his body ached as Ash tried to walk with the aid of Legolas and Raph as Regina led the way through the jungle. The other three had been silent, trying to listen for any signs of Sauron. The only sound was an occasional groan from Ash as his arthritis riddled joints hurt him with every step. Ahead of them the sky had turned ominously black. Lightning struck all around the Savage Land, starting numerous fires. Thunder rolled overhead when they heard a screeching laugh cut through the air. After a few mor painful steps, they came to a large collection of boulders. In the center, Sauron stood, the book open at his feet. He looked at the aged Ash with his yellow eyes.
"It seems you are the key to this book. You energy has allowed me to open it's power." He pointed a long, clawed finger toward the trees. The ground shook as if something big was coming. The trees burst forth and a huge T-Rex emerged, eyes clouded white under the power of the book.
"Set him down." Regina said. Raph and Legolas helped Ash sit down on a rock. They gave him his weapons and joined Regina at her side.
"Alright," Raphael said. "Let's see if we can do this without getting eaten." He drew his sais as he gritted his teeth. Legolas readied an arrow and pulled it back.
"Fire away E. L. Fudge." Ash said with a raspy voice. Legolas let go of the string, the arrow flew through the air, burying itself into the hide of the carnivore's neck. Legolas, Regina and Raphael charged toward the beast as Sauron watched in delight. Raphael barely dodged the swift snap of the reptiles sharp teeth and grabbed hold of a nostril. The animal thrust it's head into the air, tossing Raph like a rag doll. He managed to hand on long enough to stab hard into the clouded eye of the beast. He released his grip and fell to the ground. The turtle rolled up onto all fours. Legolas placed a foot on the turtle's back and jumped into the air, blade drawn. He climbed onto the snout of the T-Rex and thrust his blade into it's other eye. Blinded, the beast snapped it's teeth wildly, trying in vain to catch a hold of it's adversaries.
"Regina," Legolas yelled. "Now." Regina cocked her rocket launcher, aimed and fired. Legolas leapt out of the way as the projectile rocketed at the beast. The T-Rex was struck in the side of the head. Blood exploded everywhere as the massive creature crashed to the ground in a heap. The smell of burning flesh hung in the air. Ash looked at Sauron who's face showed anger.
"I'll feast on the rest of your power." He swooped into the air and made his way toward Ash. Upon Sauron's arrival, Ash rolled off of his rock, not very gracefully, and dodged the attack. Sauron flew back into the air while Ash placed his hand in his shadow pocket. Sauron made his way toward Ash again and landed right on top of him.
"Your life is mine."
"I thought you'd say that." Ash pulled out the crooked bottle and tipped it back. Youth raced through his veins as he was restored to his handsome young self. Ash hit Sauron in the jaw with his mechanical fist.
"We had the whole thing planned." Raph said.
"And it seems that you've left your book." Legolas added stepping aside, Regina stood behind him, holding the Necronomicon.
"Missing something?" she said.
"Don't you just love her?" Ash said, cocking his gun. Sauron's eyes widened at the realization of his defeat. He spread his wings to fly, but was grabbed around the throat by the unimaginable grip of Ash's hand. Ash pointed his gun in Sauron's face.
"Bye, bye birdie." he fired. Sauron fell to the ground. Ash turned to his allies.
"Time for me to go."
"How do we get home?" Raphael said.
"Apparently," Ash replied. "I'm the only one who knows how to return everything to normal. But I don't know how I know." Ash shook hands with Raph and Legolas before turning to Regina.
"It's been my pleasure." he said. Regina handed him the book.
"Goodbye, Ash." The blue vortex appeared and Ash was gone.
"I hope he's right." Legolas said as the vortex disappeared. The three left Sauron's body to the scavengers and walked into the jungle. Not knowing what was to happen.
Ash surveyed his surroundings. He was in a very long and dark valley that led to a huge building. He looked up at the sky. He saw a planet with bright rings surrounding it.
"Saturn?" Ash said to himself. Behind him he heard footsteps. "Doom and Maleficent!?" Ash pulled out his gun and fired. The two didn't even notice the noise that echoed through the steel valley. He looked inquisitively at his gun.
"What the hell?" Doom and Maleficent walked right through him. "I'm not even here. Charles Dickens much?" He decided to follow the two. The villains were silent as the made their way to the huge doors at the end of the passage. They opened and Ash followed them inside. They enter a brightly lit room with a throne in the middle of it.
"Thanos, scourge of the cosmos." Maleficent said to the being sitting in the golden seat.
"I know of you Maleficent." Thanos said. "What brings you to the dead moon of Titan."
"Doom has informed me of the death of your own civilization by your own hand. That is a quality that I admire greatly."
"Answer the question." Thanos demanded.
"Doom." Maleficent gestured to here partner. Doom stepped forward and opened his right hind.
"This," Doom said as an image conjured in his palm. "Is the AutoBot Matrix. It holds the power to control the most powerful machine in the universe, Unicron." Thanos sat forward in his throne, intrigued.
"All you have to do," Maleficent said. "Is obtain this object. The power of Unicron will aid me in blanketing the universe in darkness."
"What's in it for me?"
"If you assist me, once the universe is blackened by evil, you will be able to use Unicron to destroy all life." Doom closed his hand and the image disappeared. Thanos sat for a moment thinking, while Ash said to himself.
"The whole universe. This lady's even more messed up then I thought." Thanos stood up.
"Were do I find this, Matrix?"
Ash looked around, all over bodies littered the ground. He bent down to look closer, all of the bodies had puncture marks on their necks. As he was inspecting a body, one of the other corpse's sat up behind him and made it's way to it's feet. Ash turned and was attacked. The creature wrestled him to the ground and opened it's mouth. Ash noticed that it had a pair of fangs as it tried to bite it's neck. Ash punched the undead vampire repeatedly in the head before he was finally freed.
"Open wide." Ash said as he pointed his gun at the assailant. Ash was then splattered with blood as something ripped through the vampire's chest. The blood sucker fell to the ground, it's heart still beating in front of him. Ash bent down and looked at the object that tore through it's chest. It seemed to be a boomerang, in the shape of a bat.