I apologize if this fic is moving slowly—it's not going to be quite as long as some of the other AiW '10 fics are, but I'm doing my best to make it enjoyable for you!
Oh yes….I KNOW 'fairfarren' means 'farewell.' I PURPOSLY altered its meaning to suit this fic. It was a drastic move, and one I don't normally do, but I got the idea after seeing Burton's film a second time….it just fit so well, and it's really what holds this fic (sort of) together, so bare with me here. I apologize if its changed meaning bothers some of you. It bothers me, but it had to be done.
One last thing: the italicized segments in this chapter (and in the upcoming chapters) are flashbacks.
The battlefield stretched out before her; its victims sprawled across its checkered surface, its newly aligned forces, standing beside one another, clutching their wounds or supporting the beaten form of another. To her right, stood the White Queen; a triumphant smile on her porcelain face, her crown glittering despite the gray sky. Next to her, Nivens McTwisp—the white rabbit—beamed, his pink eyes wide with pride and relief. The war was over. The Jabberwocky was dead. They had won.
Behind the rabbit stood an assortment of familiar faces; the March Hare, the Tweedles, Chessur—their faces weary but thankful for the blond-haired girl clad in silver armor. Their Alice. Their Champion.
Yet, it was the face directly in front of her that held her attention; his magenta-colored lips frozen in a melancholy smile; vibrant green eyes full of a distant hope. He had asked her to stay. He wanted her to stay. They all did, she knew. She was their champion, after all. But….
"I can't." She said after a moment, forcing her lips to mimic his action. Her chest squirmed in uneasiness, daring to contradict her words, but she ignored it. "There are questions I have to answer…." She went on, telling herself his hurt expression was simply an illusion of her mind "….things I have to do." She took a step back, her gloved hands fumbling to open the vial containing the Jabberwocky blood, averting her gaze in the process. He would not understand; if she gazed into those darkening eyes of his, she knew she would never be able to leave.
The air surrounding them had weighed down considerably, a silent battle of emotions flickering between Underland's champion, and its half-mad Hatter. Before she could even stop herself, the words "Be back before you know it," escaped her lips—her heart and its desires temporarily winning over her mind and logic. If only that were true.
"You won't remember me." He replied hoarsely, causing Alice to raise her head, despite her previous decision. Slight regret twisted in the pit of her stomach as her eyes searched the Hatter's face. He seemed almost….defeated at her departure. Not saddened or upset….just….
"How could I forget?" She said, and this she felt from the bottom of her heart. The Mad Hatter had proved to be one of her dearest friends; to forget him was not only impossible, it would be a downright insult. Her smile broadened, as if to strengthen her words, before taking a drink of the Jabberwocky's blood. As the vulgar liquid trickled down her throat, she thought she saw a bitter look pass over the Hatter's pale face. However, it lasted only a moment, so Alice again dubbed it an illusion; a result of tasting the bitter blood.
It was shortly after the world started to fade—The Hatter and all of Underland's inhabitants enveloped in one great blurry shadow. However, just before he vanished completely, the Hatter leaned over, and whispered something in her ear: "Fairfarren, Alice." He said, his features melting into the surrounding darkness.
She never did learn what that meant.
"What….what do you mean 'the Hatter's dying?'" Alice asked, nearly choking on the words as they escaped her throat. A cold wave of anxiety had washed over her, leaving her eyes wide and her heart pounding in her ears. "Mally, that….that can't be true!"
"Do y' really think I'd be here if it weren't?"
Alice paused, putting her panic attack on hold and swallowing hard. She knew the answer to that question. "N….no. No I-I suppose you wouldn't." She stammered, memories of her not-so-friendly past with the Dormouse flashing before her mind. It was not that they possessed a hostile history—unless one counted the various times Mally drew her sword on her—but rather one of….well, rivalry. Jealousy. Competition for affection. It was not that Alice herself felt jealousy—at least, none she would admit to—but the constant dealing with someone who was was rather tiresome. Especially when it was very clear the Mad Hatter adored them both equally…..
"I don't understand." She murmured, hugging her knees to her chest, "How did this happen? I mean, I know it's been a few months, but he seemed perfectly fine when I left—"
"That's what we all thought," Mallymkun interrupted, shaking her head, "but we were so wrong." The last part was spoken quietly, as if to herself, rather than to the distressed blond seated before her. The words, however, did not go unnoticed by Alice.
"Mallymkun." She said slowly, earning her a sharp head turn from the Dormouse—the kind one receives after pulling another from their thoughts—"T….Tell me what's wrong with him. What's causing him to….? Why is he….?"Her voice trailed off, unable to bring herself to complete her sentence. This whole mess made no sense at all! He was the Mad Hatter—the one who had stood with her in the face of danger several times, willing to do whatever it took to end the war; going so far as to risk his own safety so long as Underland fell back into the hands of its rightful queen. And when Alice herself was unsure of her identity and the task thrust upon her shoulders, he had been the one to guide her confidence until she realized she had been the right Alice all along.
She thought he was invincible.
He….he was supposed to be invincible.
"Mally…." She reiterated, dropping her voice to just above a whisper, "….please." The words felt forced, and indeed, they nearly were, as Alice herself was still struggling with her desire to preserve the heroic image of the Hatter her mind had concocted. But the idea was foolish, she knew: she needed to know, no matter how terrifying it was to accept that even Underland's hero had his weakness. Locking gazes with the much smaller female, Alice allowed her desperation to leak into her caramel-colored eyes, hoping Mallymkun would stop stalling—for she had gone silent after revealing that last bit of information—and tell her how she could help. However, the longer she waited, the more Alice thought she saw a spark of rage behind the sadness in the sword-wielder's furry face. How peculiar, the blond thought, curiosity temporarily masking her fear, It's almost as if she's mad at—
"You are."
—What?! Of all the answers in the world, the very last one Alice would have ever expected happened to be those two words. It was a joke. It had to be a joke. She cared for the Hatter dearly—to kill him would be like killing herself. "I…." Alice stammered, a turmoil of emotions colliding with her rapidly beating heart "….I'm afraid I….don't know what you mean."
That was clearly the wrong thing to say. "Are you daft?" Mallymkun shot back, making a swooping gesture with her hand, "This whole thing is your fault!" Mid-sweep, her arm had halted, now pointing viciously at the distressed blond. "If you 'aden't gone back down the 'ole in the first place, 'e never would 'ave 'ad to suffer like 'e is!"
"Never gone down the rabbit hole?" Alice repeated, not quite believing her ears, "If I hadn't done that, the Red Queen would still be in control!"
Her arm had lowered, the Dormouse still retained a dark expression. "Maybe so." she said, dropping her gaze to the floor, "but at least 'e'd still be alive."
"Don't be absurd! The Hatter hated the Queen! She surely would have taken off his head if I hadn't—" What are you doing, Alice? A voice that undoubtedly was her conscious internally interjected, how is this helping? Fueled by her emotions—lack of comprehension towards Mally's accusation—Alice searched her mind for an answer to that question. What was she doing, exactly? Defending her innocence? Clearing her name? Washing her hands free from a situation she knew only the bare bones of? Indeed, she was doing exactly that. All three of them. And why? How did this senseless, thoughtless arguing help anything? "I'm sorry."
A pause. "You're what?"
"I'm sorry, Mallymkun. For going on like I was. I guess…." Her voice cracked "….I guess I'm just afraid."
"Because it's your fault?"
Alice shook her head, a large clump of hair falling in over her face. "Because I don't know why."
She expected to receive an aggressive response from the agitated swordsmouse, or one of sarcasm. So when Mallymkun told her to expand her confession, Alice was taken aback—grateful, but taken aback none the less. Exhaling slowly, she decided it was best not ruin such a rare opportunity. "I'll be perfectly honest with you, Mally," she began, leaning forward so as to rest her chin on her knees, "The Hatter seemed perfectly fine when I left—sad, perhaps, but no more than you or the Tweedles or the rest of them."
Slight regret twisted in the pit of her stomach as her eyes searched the Hatter's face. He seemed almost….defeated at her departure. Not saddened or upset….just….
"I-I thought we'd come to an understanding. I had….I had to attend to my family….my future….I couldn't stay in Underland with him…." Drawing in a breath, her stomach churned uncomfortably. "….I thought he knew that…."
As the vulgar liquid trickled down her throat, she thought she saw a bitter look pass over the Hatter's pale face.
"I mean….he was the one who bid me farewell. I-I-I merely told him I wouldn't forget…." Composure slipping from her fingers, Alice abruptly ended her explanation, biting her lower lip as she waited for the Dormouse to reply. It was childish behavior, but when she considered the whole 'holding a conversation with a sword-wielding mouse' bit, it did not seem quite so bad. Nevertheless, an overwhelming sense of guilt had lodged itself in her throat, and she had not the slightest idea how it got there, or why she was feeling such a thing as guilt when she was obviously innocent….
"Were those his exact words?"
At the sound of Mally's voice, Alice promptly reeled herself from her thoughts. A faint blush dotting her cheeks from embarrassment, she asked the Dormouse to repeat her question.
With her eyebrows knitting into her forehead—and muttering something about incapable girls and wasted effort—Mallymkun obliged. "The day y' left Underland, what exactly did the 'atter say to you? 'Cause the look on 'is face when y' vanished leaves me thinkin' it was somethin' other than a simple good-bye." Her anxiety had diminished somewhat, replaced now with a form of agitation as she waited for a reply of some sort.
Feeling pressured under the petite female's weighted glare, Alice began searching her mind for the specific details of her departure after the battle on Frabjous day….
It was shortly after the world started to fade—The Hatter and all of Underland's inhabitants enveloped in one great blurry shadow. However, just before he vanished completely, the Hatter leaned over, and whispered something in her ear: "Fairfarren, Alice." He said, his features melting into the surrounding darkness.
"Fairfarren." She said softly, repeating the line as the memory cleared. "At least, that's what it sounded like. I'm not entirely—" Alice froze, her words dying on her tongue when she noticed Mallymkun's rather obscure reaction upon hearing such news. The Dormouse's eyes had gone from wide, to nearly bulging; jaw gone slack, and ears poised directly over her head.
Alarmed, Alice scooted back an inch, in time to hear the furry sword wielder whisper a bewildered "bloody 'ell." Not quite sure how to respond, Alice continued to observe Mallymkun, watching with rising discomfort as she dragged a petite hand down her face, shaking her head. "You slurvish girl." The mouse alleged coldly, "No wonder y' don't understand."
If there had not been an anxious feeling swimming around in her stomach, Alice would have been quite irritated at being addressed in such a way. As it was, she merely stretched her legs out before her, nervously playing with the hem of her dress. "Understand what?" She asked, beginning to suspect her grasp on the 'Outlandish'—as she had been told it was called—language spoken in Underland was not quite as adept as she believed it to be. "What does 'fairfarren' actually mean?"
At first, it appeared Mallymkun would not reply, as she had begun fiddling with the rim of her scarf. The anxiety Alice had previously felt climbed its way into her throat, her heart pounding against her fragile frame in anticipation of the Dormouse's answer. It was not that she had incorrectly translated the word, so much as the drastic behavioral shift Mally had undergone upon hearing her error. Not once since Alice had known her did the swordsmouse display any sort of intimidation, so the fact that she was now set off a warning sign in the blond girl's head.
And with good reason, as the next words out of Mallymkun's mouth nearly stopped her heart.
"Alice…. 'fairfarren' doesn't mean 'farewell.' It means 'I love you.'"
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I SWEAR I'm NOT trying to be cliché. It just….you'll see.
Ah yes, I should point out that the reason the writing style isn't quite as proper in this chapter, which is because Underland isn't a very proper place. Even if it's just Mallymkun at the present moment. That….and it's a bit hard to keep up that writing style.
I hope you guys liked this chapter! Stay tuned for the next one!