Undercover Chapter 5

Joe had taken the day off so we could get some details out of the way before he had to leave next week on the undercover operation. He would leave in 8 days. I tried not to think about that. We'd gone to the bank and he had added my name to his checking and savings accounts so I could handle the money while he was gone. We'd never talked about how we would pay bills and things after we were married, but in his absence I knew I could make it work. While we were there, my cell phone rang. I recognized the number as Joe's mother. Why was she calling me instead of Joe? There's only one way to find out. "Hello?"

"Stephanie?"

"Yes. How are you Mrs. Morelli?" Joe shot me a curious look. He wondered why she was calling me, too.

"Your name is now Mrs. Morelli, too, sweetheart," she sang. "You can call me either Angie or Mom like all my other kids do." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Okay, I'll try." Old habits are hard to break and besides I was terrified of the woman. I couldn't imagine ever calling her Mom.

"You'd mentioned that you were trying to get an appointment with Dr. Hands before Joseph runs away with that woman." She said it so casually…"I remembered that Joe's cousin Tiffany works in Dr. Hands office. I guess you were a little rattled and gave her the wrong name when you were making your appointment. You made your appointment as Stephanie Plum instead of Stephanie Morelli. If she had realized who you were, she would have juggled things around and gotten you right in. Anyway, I called over there this morning. Do you think you and Joseph could go this afternoon around 3:30?"

"Oh, yes! That would be great. Thank you for doing that." Joe said that he didn't care that I'd decided not to change my name when we got married, but I hadn't thought about his mother's reaction. I'm sure she would think it was a slap in the face. She is pretty old school. In fact my own mother didn't like the idea. She thought that people wouldn't believe that I was married if I still had my maiden name. I don't think I'll get into it with Mrs. Morelli now. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Of course, I also wasn't considering children when I made that decision either. I may have to think about it some more, later. Much later.

Mrs. Morelli continued, "Alright, Dear, I'm anxious to hear everything the doctor says. It sounds like it will be a Spring baby. You know Joseph was a Spring baby…oh, of course you know. Silly me. Listen, I want to have all of the family together tomorrow night so you and Joseph can tell everyone the good news…about the baby, I mean, not the other news – of course that news isn't good news anyway. Are you free tomorrow night?" She asked.

I responded. "Um, well, I think you should talk to Joe about that." I didn't know if he'd want to tell everyone himself, especially under the circumstances. Of course, our two families are very different from one another. Joe and I are completely different, too. It was weird enough for me to tell my own family about the baby. That was just like saying 'I had sex!' to my parents. I know everyone has been perfectly aware that Joe and I have been having sex for years but this was the first time anyone could actually prove it.

Joe's family is more open about things. They talk about having sex like they talk about going to the grocery store. No detail is too personal. Joe and I are always late to every event with his family because we always get caught up and wind up in bed before we go – and then everyone there knows why we are late and they TALK about it. Oh, I dreaded a dinner with them. His sisters will probably ask me something like what sexual position we were using when I got pregnant. Considering that we probably had unprotected sex 8 or 9 times that one day (it was our first day on our honeymoon after all) I wouldn't even know what to tell them.

Including Joe and me, there are 5 siblings and 5 spouses. I have no idea how many children there are between them, but it's a madhouse when everyone gets together. Joe is the youngest by several years so most of the children are teenagers with a couple of smaller ones tossed in. Our kids will be at the back of the line. The only time I was around them all at once was at our wedding. I was so unsettled by thinking about having to face the Morelli Mob that I forget to tell Mrs. Morelli that Joe was sitting right next to me and she could talk to him right then. She'd already disconnected by the time I came to my senses. I conveyed to Joe that we had a Doctor's appointment at 3:30. Just as I got the words out, his cell phone rang. I said that his mother would ask him about dinner with his family. While I was finishing up paperwork in the bank, he talked to his mom and said 'yes, of course' we'd love to have five hours of embarrassing dialogue with his family. He also asked her to make manicotti. He loves his mother's manicotti.

My mind was drifting. I've never seen Joe embarrassed in my life. I can't even imagine it. When his grandmother would ask something like, 'Is this the girl you are sleeping with now?' He would have a glib response like, 'I'm trying,' while I wanted to crawl under the rug.

"Come on, Hot Stuff. We've still got an hour and a half before we need to head to the Doctor's office. I want to take you home and explain my finances so you can be aware of everything. I hate to dump it all on you so fast but you'll need to understand it in case something comes up while I'm gone." Joe grabbed my hand and home we went.

"Omigod," I said as we were driving toward the house, "we had sex this morning."

He gave me a suggestive stare, "Are you saying you are ready for more, or what?"

"No! What if the Doctor, you know, what if he knows? I've got to take another shower. Can I douche while I'm pregnant?" I looked at him for an answer.

"How the hell should I know? I don't even know what that means. Call my sister, Kathy. She knows all that stuff. Why would a Doctor even care if we had sex? We're married now, even. Why does this stuff bug you so much?" He just didn't get it. He pushed his long hair out of his eyes for the hundredth time today.

I called Mary Lou. She'd know about do's and don'ts during pregnancy. A big bonus is that she isn't in Joe's family so we wouldn't have to discuss it tomorrow at the dinner table. She said I could douche gently with clear water but not with anything else. Okay, I can handle that.

After my second shower of the day, Joe and I were in the office upstairs across from our bedroom and he was trying to get me to comprehend his financial system. "Okay, all the regularly occurring bills, you know, the gas bill, the phone bill, the water bill, et cetera, those are all just on automatic draft so you don't have to worry about them. What comes in the mail is just a notice that will tell you when the money is going to be drafted out of the account and how much the bill will be."

He started to move along to another subject, but I stopped him. "So, I just need to make sure there's money in the account to pay them, right?"

He looked puzzled. "Well, no, I mean my paycheck is automatically deposited so there should be plenty of money to cover everything. By the time I get home there will probably be a decent chunk of excess unless you have bought something substantial. Anyway, don't worry about it, we'll talk about it then."

Now I was puzzled. I'd never heard of such a thing. "You mean all your bills… everything, added up… they just come out of the account and you can just let it all automatically go out without having to juggle money around?" Joe was getting board while I was processing all this information and had taken the opportunity to hook a finger into my neckline and take a peek inside.

He was laughing. "Well, yeah. That's the idea. It makes it a lot easier that way."

"What about your credit cards?"

He answered, "Glad you reminded me. I ordered you cards on my accounts," He said, pulling several credit cards from the drawer and handing them to me. "They draft, too. You don't have to worry about paying them either."

"How do they know how much you want to pay on them? I mean sometimes you can pay more than the minimum, right?"

He was seriously chuckling at me by now. "Yeah. I pay them off every month. They just take the balance out of the account. If you've bought something big, you may need to transfer money from savings to checking so that the bill is covered, but if you don't buy anything out of the ordinary it should be fine."

"You mean your credit cards have no balance on them?" Wow. I'd married a man with no credit card debt, and money in savings. Doesn't he have any vices? Flaws? Weaknesses? "Okay. Does your car payment draft, too?" I didn't want his car getting repossessed while he was gone.

"No car payment. Oh, that reminds me, I need to give you my key to the safety deposit box so you can get to the title and stuff if you need to for any reason." He was making a note. I had married a note maker. I'd never seen him act like this before. I'm sure that he is nervous because he's leaving me to go on a dangerous assignment and he wants me to be prepared for the worst, especially since there is a baby on the way.

"House payment? I asked.

"Nope. I inherited it free and clear. Insurance and taxes on it will draft quarterly. The only thing you'll need to actually remember to pay will be any one-time bills you get, you know? I guess your Doctor bills and things like that. I can't really think of anything else." He was studying the stack of papers in front of him, making sure he wasn't forgetting anything.

"How do you manage to do it? You have everything paid off? You have no debt, whatsoever. You're a cop. You don't make any money. How the heck did you manage to actually put money in savings? I've never had more than $100 in savings in my life." I could think of this as hitting the jackpot or I could think of it as hitting the nuthouse.

"Eh, it's not a big deal, really. After my dad died, I watched my mother struggle for every dime when I was growing up. I knew if she could ever just get caught up she'd be fine, but she couldn't with 5 kids in the house. By the time I left, since I was the youngest, she had pretty well gotten back on her feet. I didn't ever want to have to scrape by like she had. My dad had just racked up so much debt and she just couldn't service it after he died. Anyway, I just disciplined myself to be responsible with my money from the time I joined the Navy. I tried to put everything I could into savings so that I could have a sort of a cushion to live off of before I got a job when I got out."

"Even when I was irresponsible with my personal life, back in the day, I knew I didn't need much. I spent about half of my paycheck on booze and whatever women I was chasing at the time and the rest I saved. When I became a cop, I just bought an old beater car for cash and drove the wheels off of it. I made sure I put into savings what I would have been paying on a car payment if I had one. I've been doing it ever since. This way, if I want something, I can pretty much have it and pay cash for it. It's not too bad, I just don't live beyond my means. You know?"

Not a big deal. Just don't live beyond your means. Hmm. No, I didn't know. I was in debt to my eyeballs. I couldn't go more than a few days without some income because I would have been on the street. I was going to be SO humiliated if Joe ever asked me about my financial situation. Of course, he already knew I was a walking disaster so maybe nothing would surprise him. I was starting to panic again. I couldn't keep chasing skips forever while I was pregnant. I'd have to stop at some point. How would I pay my bills after I didn't have any income for myself? Well, I wouldn't have to pay rent anymore because Joe's house was paid for. Joe had bought me a nice used car for a wedding present and I guess he'd paid cash for it. I'll just have to see how this turns out.

It was time to leave for the Doctor's appointment and I was nervous about it, too. It seemed I was in constant panic mode today. Joe could tell, I guess and just gave me a big hug and kiss before we headed out the door. He continued to be tender and understanding with me and it just made me love him even more than I did yesterday.

While we were driving to the Doctor's office, I asked, "Have you figured out how we can stay in touch while you're gone? What if I have a question or you get sick or something?"

He seemed frustrated not to have a good answer and gave a disgusted wave of his hand. "I think we have a scenario where we can handle infrequent written communication. I want to figure out how I can actually see you for a couple of days periodically – maybe every other month, but we haven't come up with that plan yet."

"I'm not sure how you may feel about this, but I have an idea." I said brightly.

Joe looked at me out of the corner of his eye and said, "Lay it on me, Sugar. Anything you've got has to be better than anything I do."

I shifted in my seat so I could see him better and then I reached over and brushed that annoying hair out of his eyes. "Well, if you are skipping out on me and acting like you have a drug habit, wouldn't it be reasonable that you would be arrested, maybe for drug possession, and that led to you getting fired? Then Vinnie could bond you out. That way, when you missed your court date, I would need to come bring you in." I smiled my most convincing smile at him.

He smiled back and looked pretty impressed. "Cupcake, I think that idea has merit. Let me talk about it with Morgan and we'll see what he thinks. Of course, you've tried and failed to apprehend me in the past." He winked at me.

"Of course, I have also tried and succeeded at apprehending you in the past. I made $10,000 on that deal, if you recall." I winked back.

He wanted to object, but we were at the Doctor's office. I jumped out of the car to avoid the altercation.

The appointment was relatively uneventful. They asked a lot of questions that I had a hard time answering. Like, 'Name?' I went with Plum. Joe didn't even pay attention until they asked which last name the baby would have. He looked at me. I looked at him. Finally I just told them to make us all Morelli's. One big happy family. Now that there's a child in the picture it makes sense to change my name anyway. Joe smiled a lazy half-smile. I think he was pleased. He probably always wanted me to change my name but he knew that it was going to have to be my idea if it was ever going to happen. It took him a while to learn to stop pushing me, but he's embracing it as second nature now. I think I eventually make the same decision he would have initially, but it just takes me a while to warm up to it.

The nurse asked what I thought, were very personal questions, too. I'm sure they needed to know, but geez. I don't want to talk about this stuff. Couldn't they just ask me in writing and then I could answer them without actually talking or seeing their face? 'When was my last period?' Joe finally answered because I couldn't. Why would he remember that? I'm sure it had something to do with sex.

Have I been having any cramping? Well, yes, a little today, I said. The nurse said that cramping during pregnancy can be caused by particularly intense orgasms. Have I had any of those? Oh, God. I really didn't want to talk about this. Joe, of course looked very pleased with himself.

They gave me prenatal vitamins and asked if I had any strong preferences about the type of 'childbirth experience' I preferred. What the heck does that mean? My preference would be a childbirth experience that I didn't actually have to attend personally.

The nurse explained that some people prefer natural childbirth (no drugs – fat chance), some do home birth, and some use a birthing suite. I've never heard of any of this stuff and had no clue how to answer her so she gave me a book to read before my next appointment, which is in a month. It has chapters on morning sickness, sex during pregnancy (I guess we have that figured out already), nutrition, birthing options, and even breastfeeding. I was feeling pretty nauseous after just talking to the nurse and I hadn't even seen the doctor yet.

When Dr. Hands came in, he checked all the paperwork and the couple of blood tests they had run. They also did another pregnancy test and, lo and behold, I was pregnant. He asked again about the orgasms. He explained they weren't a problem (good thing, because I don't want Joe to get lazy and to lose his touch – it's pretty magical). He checked my cervix and all that fun stuff where the stirrups were used and I got to stare at black and white cartoons that were stapled to the acoustic tiles on the ceiling. Joe just hung out in a chair and watched everything going on attentively. If he'd been the one in the stirrups, I would have wanted to see what was going on, but he was fine just sitting across the room, listening and making eyes at me periodically. He was beaming. Seeing him so excited about this experience was making me happier about it and more terrified as well.

Joe had apparently run Dr. Hands through a background check. He felt it was important that the Dr. knew what was going on with his absence since it would be putting additional stress on me. So, after my appointment was over, the three of us sat in the doctor's private office and talked for a few minutes. Joe didn't give him any particulars other than that he would be leaving soon for a professional commitment out of town. The doctor urged us to choose someone else to be a birthing coach for me in case Joe couldn't be there and told Joe that he wished him the best of luck.

Dr. Hands also said that he didn't usually do a sonogram this early but since I was already 8 weeks along and Joe wouldn't be able to come to any other appointments with me for a while, that he'd be happy to do one now so that we could hear the baby's heartbeat if we wanted. We jumped at the chance and left his office with our hearts in our throats. We both realized this was another person we were now responsible for.

I don't think either of us spoke the entire ride home. I didn't want Joe to leave. This was too exciting for him to miss. I also knew that he didn't want to go. I can't believe how I have gone from not wanting a baby at all to wanting this baby more than anything else in the world in just two days. That was when I realized that Joe would be with me the next time I was pregnant so even if he missed a lot this time, he would get to experience it later. I was shocked by the revelation. Suddenly, not only did I want this child, but I knew that I wanted more than one. I was wondering if an alien had taken over my mind when Joe broke the silence.

"I don't think I can do this, Stephanie." He was pale and sweating. I could see the fear, and panic and love in his face.

"What? Can't do what?" I asked.

"Go on this assignment. I just don't think I can leave you and do this." He was holding my hand and looking for a sign in my eyes that it was okay that he back out.

I sighed. "Joe, we've been through this. It's going to be okay. I know I'm not the most level headed girl in the world, but I'm not the first to have a child. I'll make it through this just fine." I was trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convince him. "Besides, you can be here with me the whole time the next time we have a baby, right? This isn't a one time opportunity."

"I can't believe you just said that!" He said. "I thought I'd have to beg you to have another one after this." He grinned. "Well, I guess I still might. I don't think you can say for sure that you want another one until you've got the first one out of the oven."

I playfully smacked his arm with the book we got at the Doctor's office. "If this one acts like you, you can guarantee he'll be an only child."

His eyes met mine. "He? Did you see something on that sono today that I didn't?"

"No. I just don't want to keep saying 'it'. Let's just give the baby a temporary name so that we don't have to keep referring to it as 'the baby. What should it be?"

"Okay, Cupcake, let's call the baby 'Muffin'." He said, smiling.

Perfect. I love it.

Joe got a call from an informant and had to go to work for a little bit that evening to work on another case so I just hung out with Bob and took a long walk. I was in bed and almost asleep when he got home. He undressed quietly and snuggled up behind me when he came to bed. The feeling of his warm body pressed against my back just flooded me with an amazing sense of well-being and safety. He kissed me softly on the shoulder and I just said, 'mmmm.'

I rolled over to face him and buried my face in his neck. "I missed you." I said.

"You are so smart. Morgan thinks your idea is great. It makes sense that I'd be processed and that Vinnie would bail me out since he's in your family. We worked through the logistics. I'll tell you all about it in the morning." He kissed me again and put his head down to go to sleep with a big sigh and his arm across my tummy.

"Don't keep me in suspense. Tell me now." I propped myself up on my elbow to look into those deep expressive brown eyes.

"Well, it's a little complicated. No one will know that my arrest is not for real, so I'll need to actually be arrested and processed. Of course, we'll arrange that internally and then I'll need you to arrange for Vinnie to post bond. Vinnie and Connie, of course, won't know that it isn't for real either, so it will be just like any transaction for them, with the obvious distinction that you work there. Anyway, my point is that I will actually have to sit in jail overnight for this scenario to work, so you and I will lose a little time we thought we'd have together. We won't be cutting into our time much, but instead of leaving from home the morning we'd planned, I'll need to go into jail at midnight the night before and leave from jail. Does that make sense?"

I nodded. I didn't like it, but to have Vinnie post bond, Joe will have to go through with being arrested and processed. He'd been through it before and it wasn't pleasant.

"After I'm released, Terri will pick me up at the jail and we'll take off. Our story will be that I'm running away with her in an effort to escape from the pressure of a new wife and a child. You will have to act like you have no idea where I am, at least for a while. If someone asks you point blank, you can do what feels right. You can deny it or just choose not to answer. It's really up to you. When I go FTA in 60 days, Vinnie will be pressuring you to find me, so you'll need to tell him that you've heard that I'm living in Detroit. You'll set out to come get me. I'll try not to ruin you sexually that weekend so that you don't have that goofy look on your face that you usually do after we've been at it."

He was laying on his back with his hands under his head. My hand was on his abdomen and I could feel him laughing. He's right. My face usually gives away my level of sexual satisfaction after being with Joe. That's why everyone in his family knows why we're always late to family dinners.

He continued, "I'll let you apprehend me and we'll go to the Detroit PD where you will present me to a specified contact for 'processing and transportation' back to Trenton. We've arranged for the Detroit contact to smuggle you out of the PD in a private vehicle, so you'll need a change of clothes and a hat or something so you aren't easily recognizable. He'll deliver you somewhere in a quiet suburb where we'll be unlikely to attract attention. I'll be transported to you shortly afterward for a joyous 48 hour reunion. It may be tricky to convince people that I actually came back with you to Trenton and no one saw us, but you can do it. Just tell them that I was being an ass and you didn't want anyone around to witness it."

"Why not really come back to Trenton?" I asked.

"Well, for several reasons. One, if I only get to see you for a couple of days, I don't want to spend most of our time traveling back and forth. Also, I imagine that at least one of my brothers or cousins is going to try to teach me that it isn't cool to run out on your pregnant wife and I really don't want to have the crap beat out of me for the short period of time I get to see you. I can't even kiss you if I have a broken jaw. They'll never believe the real scenario even if I told them. Then, too, if I'm back here at home, the doorbell will never stop ringing and I don't want to share you with anyone else that weekend."

He was silent for a moment and then gave a bark of laughter. "Oh, I forgot the best part. Morgan says that your breasts will be significantly bigger by then! He and his wife have 3 kids." He was smiling at me and looked so wonderful and handsome in the moonlight that was coming in our window. I burst into tears. He was clearly surprised. "Honey, I'm sorry. I was just teasing you. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! You know I like your breasts and all, but that's not the reason I want to see you." He sat up and pulled me into his embrace. He was kissing my head and my temple and clinging to me.

"I know. I'm just emotional. I miss you already!" I continued to cry, all the while telling myself it was going to be okay. Besides I am sort of looking forward to having bigger boobs. That doesn't just happen every day. Joe just looked pained.

"Steph, please don't cry. You know I hate it when you cry."

"I know. Keep telling me the plan while I try to get control of myself." He scooted up to the headboard so he could lean against it, and then pulled me up there with him. He continued to hold me, comfort me, and press kisses into my forehead.

"Well, I'm not sure what we'll do following that weekend as far as Vinnie is concerned. He usually insists on physically seeing the person he's bonding. I mean, he's going to get his bond returned, plus interest, after the case is out in the open. We don't need him hiring Ranger or a Rent-a-Thug to come after me. That would screw everything up. Morgan thinks we need to level with him. I think that's risky. I don't trust him." I agreed with Joe. Vinnie wasn't the pillar of virtue. He'd sell his own mother for a good price.

Okay, now I had a choice to make. Joe and Ranger had developed a very serious mutual dislike for each other in the past few months. I had tried to walk the line with both of them and to remind them periodically that I didn't expect them to be best friends, but I really needed to be able to maintain a working relationship with Ranger and a separate personal/working one with Joe and the two of them really were almost always on the same side of the law.

We all got along fine as long as I didn't mention Joe to Ranger or Ranger to Joe. But Joe had brought Ranger's name up. I've been worried ever since Joe first mentioned the undercover operation that Ranger would take it upon himself as my friend (or as Joe's adversary) to hunt Joe down and bring him home…or worse. "Joe," I said. "I need to ask you a question and I need you to think about it and not get mad, but just sleep on it. You don't even need to answer me tonight. Okay?"

"I don't like to agree to things like that. Ask me and then I'll tell you if I agree." He was studying my face in the darkened room.

"Well, I hope you agree, because otherwise this evening could take a downward turn that I don't want it to take. We don't have much time together and I don't want to waste it on arguing with you. You mentioned Ranger." As soon as I uttered Ranger's name, I felt Joe's chest tighten reflexively. "Now, again, I just want you to think about this. I'm afraid if he thinks you've abandoned me he'll track you down and spoil the operation whether Vinnie hires him to or not. I know you don't like me working with him, but maybe, in this case, it would be a good thing."

Joe let out a disgusted laugh. "Yeah, that would be a really good thing. I don't think so."

I sat up and looked at Joe's face. The moonlight was making his features even darker than usual but I could see his scowl. "Listen to me. By the time your second appearance as an FTA rolls around, four months from now, I will be 6 months pregnant. How credible is that going to look when you just surrender to me? We'll need someone else to 'apprehend' you. Besides, if Ranger is in on this plan, maybe it will help you two mend some bridges that you've both been burning lately." Joe started to speak up again but I stopped him by putting my index finger up to his lips. "Hey, I said I don't want an answer tonight. I need you to think about how this entire scenario is going to work. I have a professional relationship with Ranger. I will have one as long as I'm doing my current job and I don't have any plans to stop doing it long term. Of course, I'll have to slow down during my pregnancy, but I'm not quitting."

I could see him nodding. He, again, had learned that I had to do things my way. That's just the way it is. "Okay. I'll think about it," he said as he pulled me towards his body again. "You are the most frustrating, hard-headed, intelligent and exciting woman I've ever met in my life. I love you and I can't wait to see what our life together is going to look like in 5 years and in 25 years. I may want to kill myself periodically but I will always love you." He did. I could tell. I'm such a lucky girl.