I want to thank the following for reveiwing:
MistiWhitesun: Thank you for reading! Also, thank you very much for the constructive critisism - very rare in a review anymore! I really appreciate it!
lil-blu-penguin: Thank you for reading! I'll try my best to update as often as possible! I will warn you though, I have a tendancy to not finish my stories, BUT I am determined to finish this one, so please bear with me.
jedi-padme-amidala-vader: Thank you for reading!
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Disclaimer: The Star Wars Universe was created and is owned by George Lucas, this is just my imagination at work, based on the universe he has created. If this story is similar to another, it's pure coincidence. This chapter contains excerpts from the book "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones" written by R.A. Salvatore. The excerpts can be identified by bold and italic writing.
Summary: Padmé Amidala said no to Anakin Skywalker once, but will she be able to let him go again - even if he now is the Dark Lord of the Sith?
Rating: PG-13 (to be safe)
Note: Thoughts are in italics.
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"I have never eaten so much in my entire life," Sola moaned as she rested in the passenger seat of Padm's landspeeder. "That was so delicious," she repeated for the millionth time.
"We know; we know," Padmé joked around, "All you ever talk about now is food and how delicious it is!" Darred laughed in response to his sister-in-law, though the family was so tight-knit that he just might as well called her his sister, and she, in turn, call him her brother.
"Have we gotten everything then?" Ruwee checked, as they examined the area in which they had spent the lovely afternoon at. "I think so," he said, his voice trailing off as he got into the landspeeder. As they headed home, thoughts of him consumed her mind.
"Something is wrong with you, Padmé. I know it. You can't hide it forever."
Something deep down inside of her wanted to yell at Sola for being so nosy, though she knew her older sister was not being nosy - just curious and caring. She wanted everyone to back off, leave her in her own little world, even though she knew those were just selfish feelings she needed to push out of her mind.
"Why does everyone think something is wrong with me?" Padmé snapped back, not meaning to sound so harsh and cruel. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong. But really, what is it that makes you all feel that way?"
"You're always daydreaming, and you're so quiet - you're the opposite of the real Padmé: focused and opinionated, yet not pushy and obnoxious. I don't know what it is, but I will find out," Sola insisted, turning away and looking at the Naboo landscape.
You do that, Padmé thought to herself.
But, maybe she was right, maybe something was wrong. Am I really acting so different?
- - - -
She wanted him to kiss her, so desperately, and it was precisely that out-of-control sensation that had stopped her cold. This was not right - she knew that in her head, despite what her heart might be telling her. They each had bigger responsibilities for the time being; she had to deal with the continuing split of the Republic, and he had to continue his Jedi training.
Anakin settled back into the sofa. "From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you." His voice was husky, intense, and the sparkle in his eyes bored right through her. "And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over, my mouth go dry. I feel dizzy! I can't breathe! I'm haunted by the kiss you never should have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar."
Padm's hand slowly dropped to her side and she sat listening in amazement at how honestly he was opening up before her, baring his heart though he knew she might tear it asunder with a single word. She was honored by the thought, and truly touched. And afraid.
"You are in my very soul, tormenting me," Anakin went on, not a bit of falseness in his tone. This was no ploy to garner any physical favors; this was honest and straightforward, refreshingly so to the woman who had spent more of her life being attended by handmaidens whose job it was to please and entertaining dignitaries whose agendas were never quite what they seemed.
"What can I do?" he asked softly. "I will do anything you ask."
Padmé looked away, overwhelmed, finding security in the distracting dance of the flames in the hearth. Several moments of silence slipped by uncomfortably.
"If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me," Anakin prompted.
Padmé turned on him, her own frustrations bubbling over. "I can't!" She sat back and struggled to collect herself. "We can't," she said as calmly as she could. "It's just not possible."
"Anything's possible," Anakin replied, leaning forward. "Padmé, please listen--"
"YOU listen," she scolded. Somehow, hearing her own denial brought some strength to her - much needed strength. "We live in a real world. Come back to it, Anakin. You're studying to become a Jedi Knight. I'm a Senator. If you follow you thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go . . . regardless of the way we feel about each other."
"Then you do feel something!"
Padmé swallowed hard. "Jedi aren't allowed to marry," she pointed out, needing to deflect attention away from her feelings at that debilitating moment. "You'd be expelled from the Order. I will not let you give up your future for me."
"You're asking me to be rational," Anakin replied without the slightest hesitation, and his confidence and boldness here caught Padmé a bit by surprise. There was no longer anything of the child in the man before her. She felt her control slip a notch.
"That is something I know I cannot do," he went on. "Believe me, I wish I could wish my feelings away. But I can't."
"I am not going to give in to this," she said with all the conviction she could muster. She finished with her jaw clenched very tightly, knowing that she had to be the strong one here, for Anakin's sake more than for her own. "I have more important things to do than fall in love."
- - - -
Padmé buried her head into her pillow, curling up underneath the blankets and sheets adorning her bed. Why do I always have to be so strong? she asked herself, wanting to give in to the fantasies and thoughts, just like Anakin. Maybe Sola is right, maybe it is time to move on, time to settle down.
But Anakin isn't here.
Mustering up all the strength she could, the strength needed to forget about her problems and spend time with her family - that being the reason she was on a weekend vacation - she stood up from her bed, fixing her hair and adjusting her clothes. Walking into the living room, she leaned against the wall, watching them in peace; not seeming to have a problem in the galaxy.
The Naberrie family sat around in the living room, watching the news. Ryoo and Pooja lay on the floor, quickly falling into a deep slumber, though trying to stay awake - obvious by the the constant blinking and rubbing of their eyes, now bloodshot red.
"Come on you two," Sola stood up, trying to get them to follow, with no sucess. "Time for bed, it's late," she told them to no avail.
"Come on girls," Padmé joined in, as they quickly stood up - only because it was their Aunt Padmé, whom they adored. "Listen to your mother."
The two followed their Aunt into the guest bedroom where they usually slept when over at their Grandparents home. "Brush your teeth," she ordered them, pointing to the washroom.
As she waited for them to return, Padmé sat on the edge of the one bed, looking into the mirror of the vanity. She was now twenty-seven, maybe it was about time to finish up her career. Sola is twenty-nine years old now, and already having babies number three and four - I've never even really dated anyone. Maybe it is time. Interupting her thoughts, Ryoo and Pooja skipped into the room, dressed in their nightgowns, their hair and teeth brushed, all set for bed.
"Will you tell us a story, Aunt Paddy?" Smiling, Padmé agreed, pulling a book off of the bookshelf in the corner of the room.
"No, tell us a story, don't read one," Ryoo explained, her younger sister nodding in agreement.
"Okay then," Padmé began, sitting on the edge of Pooja's bed.
"There was once a young Jedi Padawan, once a slave from the planet Tatooine, who fell madly in love with a young Senator - from this very planet! But, the Senator was too concerned with other things, even though she loved the Jedi very much. She refused to fall in love, and he left. They never met again. . ."
Her voiced trailed off as she finished her not-so-ordinary bedtime story. Much to her surprise, her two nieces were enthralled by the story, full of questions.
"What happened to him? Why didn't she want to fall in love?" A million questions hit her at once, some of them she couldn't even hear over another.
"Well, he became evil. She wasn't ready to fall in love yet."
"That's sad." Ryoo looked down at the blankets, almost affected by the story. She can't possibly feel as bad as me. Padmé selfishly thought to herself.
"Tell us a happy story!" Pooja complained, bouncing on the bed. A faint smile appeared on Padm's grief-stricken face, as she almost wished she had never told the previous story. But, telling the story - even to her young nieces - made her feel better; made her feel as if she finally let out what was really bothering her without letting anyone know.
"You'll soon realize that life isn't always happy. .," she mumbled under her breath, only to see confusion on the faces of the two little girls. "Never mind. Anyway, a happy story? There once lived a young Queen. . ."
Though she told the "happy" story, she didn't pay attention to what she was saying. It almost had suddenly hit her, the truth, what her mind had been trying to avoid all along.
He became evil.