Elizabeth was exhausted and bleary-eyed by the time dawn broke. She hadn't been able to fall back asleep, too afraid of the dreams that might haunt her. Her son's calls of mama from his bedroom told her he was awake too. Thankful for a distraction, she hurried to his room and picked him up.
"Hello, my sweet boy," she said, nuzzling his soft cheek.
"Hi, Mama," Jack replied. He placed a wet kiss on her nose.
Elizabeth chuckled. "Thank you for that gift, Jack," she said. "Are you ready to get dressed?"
He nodded. Elizabeth began the process of readying him for the day. By the time they made their way downstairs, Jack was babbling about pancakes and eggs. Elizabeth knew what she would be making for breakfast. There were still several hours before church began, so they had time for a leisurely morning.
A knock sounded at the door before she could begin cooking. Wondering who was there so early, she went to answer it. Bill was on the other side. She smiled when she saw him. "Bill! This is a pleasant surprise."
He hugged her. "I saw Nathan yesterday," he said. "He asked me to check in on you."
Warmth spread through Elizabeth's limbs. That was just like Nathan. She'd told him she needed space, but he was still making sure she was cared for.
"Please, come in," she said, stepping to the side so he could enter.
"Thank you," Bill replied. He watched as she closed the door, then frowned. "You look awful."
Despite his words, Elizabeth laughed. "Thank you very much," she said, amused. "That's exactly what every woman wants to hear." She brushed some hair back from her face. "I had a rough night."
Bill gave her a shrewd look, but before he could say anything, Jack began clamoring for his godfather's attention. The older man obliged. Elizabeth smiled as she watched them. Bill might pretend to be gruff, but he was soft as a teddy bear. Seeing him with her son was proof of that.
She headed back to the kitchen. "Will you join us for breakfast, Bill?" she asked. "I'm making pancakes and eggs."
"That sounds great," Bill said. "Thanks, Elizabeth." He settled Jack with some blocks, then came into the kitchen. "Let me help," he said. "I can make a mean batch of pancakes."
Elizabeth chuckled. "Alright. You do the pancakes and I'll do the eggs."
They settled into a companionable routine. As he began pouring pancake batter onto a hot griddle, Bill sent her a side glance. "How are you doing, Elizabeth? How are you really?"
She paused, a small sigh escaping. "I'm struggling," she admitted, feeling no desire to beat around the bush. "Ever since Nathan came close to being shot, I can't seem to figure out my own heart. Part of me can't imagine life without him. Another part of me is terrified to open my heart to another Mountie."
"That's understandable," Bill said gently. "Considering what you went through with Jack, it must be scary thinking something similar could happen to Nathan."
Tears welled in Elizabeth's eyes. "I'm so scared," she whispered. "If something happened to Nathan, I don't think my heart would survive."
Bill wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "That tells me your feelings for him are deep," he said quietly. "Do you love him, Elizabeth?"
She paused. She hadn't been able to admit it, but maybe the strength of her feelings told the truth of the matter. "I…I think I might," she said slowly. "But I'm not completely sure, Bill. And if something happens between me and Nathan, I need to be sure. I can't play with his heart. That would be cruel."
"Of course not," Bill said. "Nathan wouldn't ask you to enter into something if you weren't sure. Take the time you need to figure things out. It might take some time to sort through, or it might hit you all at once. Just be open and honest with yourself, Elizabeth. That is what's most important."
Elizabeth pondered his words. He was right, of course. Nathan himself had told her she could have time to sort through her feelings. She just felt bad that it was taking so long.
"I've been having dreams, Bill," Elizabeth said, slowly stirring the eggs. "Horrible dreams. They usually involve some kind of rejection of Nathan, and stranger still, running to Lucas instead."
"Lucas?" Bill sputtered, blinking.
Despite herself, Elizabeth smiled. "It does sound odd. The dreams are always disturbing. I woke up last night unsure of my surroundings or my reality. I had dreamt Lucas proposed and I accepted, even as Jack disapproved vehemently. When I woke, I couldn't tell if I was engaged to Lucas or not. It took me a minute to sort dream from reality. That's happened a couple times now. It's very disconcerting." She sighed. "I think it's because I can't make a decision about Nathan." Looking down, she bit her lip before speaking softly. "Though I think deep down, I know what the right thing is. I'm just scared to do it."
"You can't let fear rob you of a good future," Bill said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Nathan is deeply in love with you, Elizabeth. You either need to let him in, or let him go so he can find happiness." He raised a brow. "But may I be frank?"
Elizabeth nodded. "Please."
Bill smiled. "I think you and Nathan would make each other very happy. I think Jack and Allie would benefit from having the two of you as parents. I think Jack Sr. would have approved of Nathan." He squeezed her shoulder. "It would be an excellent match."
Elizabeth turned off the heat, sliding the eggs onto a serving plate. "I know," she said quietly, admitting the truth. "You're right, Bill. Nathan would make me happy. He would be a good father to my son." She hung her head. "I just don't know if I'm strong enough to risk my heart again."
Bill pulled her into an embrace. "You are stronger than you think," he said, his words gentle. "There was a time you thought you weren't brave enough to love Jack, but you were. Think of how beautiful your story with him was. You could have another beautiful story with Nathan."
"But what if I can't get over my fear?" Elizabeth whispered against his chest. "What if I'm not strong enough to love Nathan?"
Bill was quiet for a few moments. "Then you will learn how to live life without him," he said finally. "If you choose not to accept him, you will lose him, make no mistake about that. Another woman will take your place in his heart, and she will be the one to give him and Allie her love."
Elizabeth's heart instantly rebelled at the thought of Nathan with another woman. She stiffened instinctively. Bill chuckled. "I see you don't like that idea."
"No," she admitted, seeing no point in denying it. "It makes me feel sick inside."
Bill pulled back to look into her eyes. "Then you need to do some soul searching and figure out what you want," he said. "Have you prayed about this, Elizabeth?"
"Not as much as I should have," Elizabeth replied. She tipped her head. "Perhaps I'll stay after services today and have a talk with the Lord."
Bill smiled. "I think that's a wonderful idea."
Peace washed over her at the thought. "Thank you, Bill," she said, hugging him once more. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
He chuckled. "Probably make a royal muddle of things," he said with a playful wink.
Elizabeth laughed. "Probably." As her laughter faded, she gave him a tender smile. "You're like another father to me, you know. I truly am thankful that you're in my life." She nodded at Jack. "And in my son's life. He needs good, solid men to look up to. I'm glad he has you for that."
Something that looked suspiciously like moisture appeared in Bill's eyes. He cleared his throat, turning his attention to plating the pancakes. "It's my pleasure," he said, his voice rough with emotion.
Elizabeth kissed his cheek, then turned to place the eggs on the table. They enjoyed a leisurely breakfast together with Jack, laughing and talking the whole time. The peace inside of Elizabeth increased, and she sent up a prayer of praise for the wonderful friends in her life. She might be struggling with what to do, but she wasn't alone.
She had good friends to guide her.
"Thank you," Lucas said as he accepted the cup of tea that Jeanette handed him. He did not need to ask if she had put a cube of sugar in. She knew how he took his tea. Instead he blew gently across the surface of the brown liquid, watching the ripples move toward the rim of the cup.
Retrieving her own cup from the tray she had carried in from the kitchen, Jeanette sat down in the chair facing Lucas. Though the chairs sat in front of the room's fireplace, there currently was no fire lit .
The two sat in silence until Lucas broke it. "How do you feel about everything?" he asked softly.
Since she had told him about her struggles to keep the failing business going, things had changed quickly. The business man in Lucas said that quickness was a good thing. The equipment in the publishing company had been sold. The building had a buyer ready to convert it into something else. There was even a buyer for the house that Jeanette had decided was too big for one person. All that remained if all continued to go well, was paperwork for the transaction.
On a personal level, Lucas knew things could be moving too quickly for Jeanette. She had memories of her husband in the business as well as the house. More than once, he had seen her wipe away tears as he helped her pack.
"It is a relief that the financial burden will no longer be there. I can pay off my debts and still have a good amount to live on for a while," Jeanette said. "Sometimes the reality that I am really moving on is a bit hard to deal with. There seem to be memories of Jeff everywhere I turn. However, it is time for me to move on. Jeff will always be in my heart no matter where I live," she told him, laying a hand over her heart as she said the words.
"Have you thought about where that might be?" Lucas inquired. Though he had been packing boxes, he had no idea where she intended to move the boxes too. With the exception of a hutch that had been in her family and the vanity that had been a wedding gift from Jeff, the furniture was being sold with the house.
"No," Jeanette admitted. She lifted the cup to her lips and took a very small sip, the liquid still a bit too hot. "Finding a boarding house or something to rent should not be too hard. Finding a job however might prove a little harder, given that I ran my own business for so many years."
"I am sure we could locate you suitable living arrangements in Hope Valley if you are not set on staying in Cape Fullerton. You could stay in one of the rooms at the Queen of Hearts until you find something more appropriate. I could even offer you a job if you did not mind going back to waiting tables like you did right after school. It would give you a chance to take a breath and process things, with a friend nearby to talk to if needed."
Jeanette smiled at him. "I have always been able to count on you, Lucas," she said, without really answering his question.
"What about the furniture I want to keep?" Jeanette asked after a pause. "I sincerely doubt it will fit in an already furnished room."
"We can make room for it and anything else you need to store in my storeroom," Lucas offered without hesitation. "I am not saying that you need to make Hope Valley your new hope, Jeanette, but I would like to be there for you while you decide what to do next. I know this publishing company was Jeff's and then your main focus all these years. Moving on is going to leave a big hole. Hope Valley is a wonderful town with wonderful people. You will like it. Should you need a judge for any of the final paperwork on the deals, Hope Valley even has its own judge. Though maybe not mention to Judge Avery you are a friend of mine. I may have gotten off on the wrong foot with him."
Jeanette laughed. "I thought you said it was filled with wonderful people?" she asked.
"Oh, it is. Judge Avery and a few others might not be fans of mystery and I was not forthcoming with information about my past when I arrived. Still, they are wonderful people. You would like it there."
"Can I sleep on it?" Jeanette asked.
"Of course you can. Sleep on it for a week if you must. The offer will always be there."
"Thank you," she told him before sipping her tea again. "Now can we talk about something other than my impending life changes?"
Lucas obliged by going into a story about another of his recent adventures. If Jeanette wanted a distraction, he would provide a distraction for the evening.
Monday morning dawned with soft snowflakes drifting slowly down from the sky. Nathan had stood at the front window of the rowhouse, filled coffee mug in hand, watching the crystalized precipitation fall from the sky. At the rate it was falling, the snow wouldn't amount to much. Nathan knew Allie would be disappointed. Allie loved a good snow storm. She said there was something musical about sitting inside listening to the wind blow outside.
Of course Allie didn't have to go out in the storm unless she wanted to. His job went on, despite the weather.
Nathan had still been watching the snow fall, lost in his thoughts, when Allie came downstairs. His niece made a comment about how the snow wouldn't even be good to make a snow angel from at that rate, before heading for the kitchen. Nathan chuckled and followed her. At least Allie was something in his life that was constant.
The two had made breakfast together. They had ended up lingering over their meal longer than anticipated, and though they did not have to rush, the two arrived at the schoolhouse just before Elizabeth stepped through the door to ring the cowbell to start the school day. Nathan raised a hand in greeting as Allie joined the other students streaming inside the building. Even from a distance, he could see the exhaustion on Elizabeth's features. She clearly wasn't sleeping well. Nathan knew the best way he could help for now was to give her the space she had asked for.
That didn't mean doing so was easy. Nathan wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms and comfort her.
For all he knew, if Lucas hadn't left town, it might very well be his arms that Elizabeth would seek comfort in. The saloon owner could offer her material things that Nathan knew he would never be able to provide. He could even offer her the false security of a ''safe' job. Not that running a bar didn't have its own dangers. Drunk men losing money sometimes led to fights. If those drunk men also happened to be armed, those fights ended with more than simple bruises and cuts. Not that he would ever mention that to Elizabeth to try making his point. She had already lost a husband to the job. Nathan refused to say or do something that would only create more worries for her if he could help it.
He would quit the Mounties for her. That had not been an idle promise. The fact that something could happen to him, not even work related was not important. If quitting would help ease Elizabeth's fears, then he would do it.
Elizabeth waved back at him with the hand not holding the bell. Even that small gesture made his heart beat faster. If after all her soul searching Elizabeth decided that she could not return his feelings, Nathan knew that though he would accept that choice, he knew his heart would break.
As Elizabeth followed the last student into the schoolhouse, Nathan turned from the schoolhouse. He offered up a silent prayer for God to bring Elizabeth peace no matter what her choice turned out to be.
Bypassing his office, Nathan headed right for the livery. What he wanted right now was to be in the saddle and away from town. Granted, his rounds usually took him past people, but the interactions he had with people outside town were not the same as the issues that seemed to come up within the town itself. Mending a fence, chopping wood or looking for missing livestock were all problems that were easily dealt with.
Worrying about what was going on with the O'Rourke prisoner transfer incident and answering repetitive questions about it was something that he just wished was behind him already.
By the time Nathan rode back into town a couple hours later, the light snow had stopped falling and the sun was shining brightly from its perch in the sky. His rounds, and another brief chat with Joseph at the Canfield's cabin, had left him feeling less troubled.
After getting Newton settled in his stall, Nathan headed for his office. He was looking forward to a cup of hot coffee and the warmth from the jail's stove. Walking into the office, Nathan removed his hat and hung it up. He got no further before the phone started ringing.
Part of him just wanted to ignore the phone. Despite their convenience in certain situations right now the device was just intruding on the peace of mind he had found while out on rounds. He could think of no news right now that would be good news.
Knowing that ignoring the phone would probably simply lead to Florence taking a message for him to call somebody back, Nathan reached out for the device. "Hello."
"Constable Grant, I have Superintendent Hargraves on the line for you," Florence replied professionally.
Nathan sighed. This definitely was not going to be good news. "Put him through," he told Florence but only because he had to. Refusing to take the man's call would only make the situation worse.
It didn't take long for Florence to connect the call and Hargraves voice to come over the line. "Constable Grant, I have some more questions for you about the O'Rourke Prisoner transfer," the man said, not bothering with pleasantries.
"I am not sure what else I can tell you, sir," Nathan said, trying to keep his voice steady and devoid of emotion. He did not want Hargraves to know that he had him rattle.
"Just the same, I have some more questions. Some new information has come to light. I will be in Hope Valley on Wednesday at four o'clock. Be sure to have your schedule clear."
"Yes, sir," Nathan replied, knowing there was nothing else he could do. Refusing to meet with a superior officer would only mean trouble for him. Hargraves' comment about new information made him uneasy. What new information would have suddenly come to light this long after the initial incident?
With a click over the line, the call was over without any good-byes. Perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps given the circumstances, trying to ask more questions would only cause more trouble. Retrieving his hat from the hook, Nathan put it back on as he left the office. He hoped Bill was in his office and that he wasn't busy, because he definitely needed to talk to the man after that phone call.