My bad habits lead to late nights endin' alone
While Kagome bathed, Sesshomaru went back to the front of the cave and looked out across the barren field. Night had fallen, but he was safe this night; tomorrow night was when everything would begin. A lesser man might hate the idea of letting a woman see him in a weakened state, but his weakened state was far more deadly and dangerous than he was right now. No, not a weakened state, an uncontrolled state.
His control was everything, what he was known for besides her power. Letting her, a mere human, see him slip wasn't thrilling in the least. She, of course, would be used to it, seeing as his brother was just one slip of control after another. Yet not like this.
But she wasn't there to judge him, and somehow he knew she wouldn't. Actually, he fully expected her to be fearful of him, and it was wise that fear would probably keep her alive if she wasn't stupid.
He was becoming anxious, though he would not let her know that.
Tonight may very well be his last night truly alone, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. Even when he indulged in sexual endeavors, he always ended up alone, sending the woman away; he didnt need any female to think it was anything more than a one-night stand, and most demonic females had no issue with this; they didn't tend to cling until they did. His sexual endeavors were far and few in-between and not because he lacked the ability.
No, he lacked trust.
And now was no different, but he couldn't ignore the call anymore. His mother was correct in one thing. He did want something, some link, some connection; he wouldn't go as far as to stay; he wanted love. He wanted respect; he wanted what was once. A woman to be at his side, to give him children, to fight when need be, to lean on him when need be, to know her place around him, when to stay, when to go when to fight with him, when to allow him to protect.
Protect, at one time, he swore he would never. Had no need for such. But then Rin came along, and he grew older and wiser and understood. Protecting a child and protecting a mate were different and would evoke different responses.
Still trusting a female enough to let her get close enough to him? Let her touch him in ways he had never allowed before.
Old habits would be hard to break, but it was supposed to be easy, so he is told, natural, his instincts would guide him while he was a blind dog to its will and call.
Deep in his thoughts, he didnt sense her coming up to him; she said Nothing as she stood next to him, also looking out across the field. She had found the white sleeping robes and now wore it.
He looked down at her. Right now, she looked helpless, so delicate, not powerful enough to hurt even the smallest creature, and yet he knew behind those small hands she did hold just enough to hurt even someone like him. Many would underestimate her, and that gave him slight satisfaction; he did hope to her see her action at least once.
"You seem calmer than this one expected," He half expected her to come out swinging.
"The bath helped; your lucky im a sucker for them," Nothing put her in a better mood than a warm bath.
"Noted, Miko,"
"This is crazy,"
"Indeed," He had to agree,
"Well, how do you feel?"
He raised an eyebrow,
"Tomorrow, you could be a mated man,"
He hoped not.
"It's going to be weird seeing someone following you around, im so used to seeing you alone,"
"And what do you call the small child who follows me?"
Kagome giggles. "Sweet Rin, we all thought it was so crazy when this child, human at that, followed you around like a lost puppy, not a care in the world of who or what you were,"
She blushed slightly. "And even more so when you allowed her to,"
"I gave her life; she was my responsibly,"
"Still, she loves you; you can do no wrong in her eyes; you are the world to her,"
That made him feel something.
"That's what you need, someone who will follow you blindly without question, someone who will go to the pits of hell and back with you for you," Her eyes glazed over, and he knew she was thinking about Inuyasha and Kikyo,
"Foolishness,"
"No, that's called love and devotion, when you knowingly give yourself up for another,"
It was called foolishness in his head. "It is foolishness, a lack of control,"
She turned and patted his chest. "Whatever you need to tell yourself,"
He watched her small hand slide from him. "But you did it once,"
He looked back at her,
"Because you love her too," Se smiled softly and walked away.
And now he did feel foolish because she was right.
He had gone to hell and back for Rin.
He sighed as he went back to his 'room'; Kagome was already lying down in hers.
He sat and laid back, one arm behind his head.
Kagome giggled,
"What do you find amusing," He asked,
"I am never going to forget this, im having a sleepover with Sesshomaru, protecting him from girls,"
"Deadly women and you are protecting them from me," And him from doing someone stupid.
She giggled a little more. "Dont worry, I won't let you choose anyone who will be an inconvenience; killing an allies mate is frowned upon, im told,"
He smirked sassy female; he knew one thing for sure, her future mate would have his hands full, and there would never be a dull moment.
"Goodnight, Sesshomaru,"
He leaned up to see her shield go up, hiding from view.
"Hn,"
It wasn't really his last night alone after all.