Thanks for the reviews. Sorry it took me so long to update, but it's been a crazy week, and this chapter was hard to write with the time transition and all. Hopefully it'll take things in an interesting new direction, though... ;)
Chapter 42. False Security
"I saw you talking to Kevin before," Jack said later, a hint of accusation in his tone, as he and Kate extinguished their fire and prepared to go to bed. They were the last ones up; Claire had turned in after putting Aaron down, afraid to leave him alone in her tent, even though it was only a few feet from Jack and Kate's. "What did he want?"
He was trying to keep his voice even, reasonable, but, by the way he was watching her out of the corner of his eye as he scraped off their plates, stowing them inside the tent, his disapproval couldn't be more obvious.
"Nothing," she told him uncomfortably, not wanting to get into another fight with him, especially about Kevin. She was sick of fighting with him, sick of having to reassure him. "We were just talking."
It was the truth, but it wasn't until the words were out of her mouth that she realised how loaded they would sound. "What did he say, Kate?" he pressed, dropping all pretence of casualness as he straightened to meet her eyes, taking hold of her wrist so that she would be forced to look at him.
"He just… he told me what happened with Ethan," she explained, tensing as she tried to anticipate his reaction, whether he was going to blow up, or fall apart on her again.
He managed to keep himself under control, but just barely. "Great," he said with a bitter laugh that was almost manic, letting go of her arm as he reached up to run his fingers over his hair. "So now he's trying to convince you that I'm some kind of violent criminal, who could snap and do that to you or our kid."
"It wasn't like that," she told him defensively, resenting the implication that she couldn't make her own judgments. "He agrees with what you did – said he wished he'd done it."
When Jack fell silent, too stunned to speak, she added, "He's giving up, Jack – at least I think he is – so you can cut the crap, okay? I'm not Sarah – I'm not going anywhere, not with Kevin, or anyone else, and if I do, it'll be because I'm sick being in the middle of this. You have to trust me, or else how do you expect this to work?" Gripping his larger hand in hers, she placed it over her middle, stopping to catch her breath once he looked suitably ashamed.
"I'm sorry, Kate," he agreed, tracing delicate patterns with his thumb as he glanced down at their hands, connected over the baby, but he didn't apologise like she was expecting him to. "It just… it all happened so fast – you can't blame me for thinking there might still be feelings there… Not just on his side."
"No, but I can blame you for thinking I would hurt you like that," she reminded him, softening as she confessed, "I can't lie and say I don't still feel something for him, but it's not the same. The thought of never seeing him again doesn't tear me up inside – not the way it should. Not the way it does when I think of not being with you."
His eyes drifted back to hers, boring into them, searching for signs of dishonesty; once he was satisfied that she was telling the truth, he nodded, his voice coming out low and hoarse as he said, "I can't do that again – lose any more people I love." Wrapping his hand around hers, he lifted it to his lips, kissing her palm. "Maybe it's selfish, but I'd do anything to keep that from happening."
As he replaced their hands, she moved in closer to him, settling against him while he looped his free arm around her waist. "I know," she agreed, feeling safe for the first time in a long time, in spite of everything that was happening. "I know."
With Ethan gone, the ominous feeling that had haunted Kate since the beginning of her pregnancy disappeared too, and she found that she enjoyed it, more than she'd ever thought she would. There was the morning sickness that Claire warned had her about, and later, the backaches, and the swelling, and the cravings she couldn't satisfy, but each time she felt the baby shift inside her, letting her know that it was there and it was thriving, she forgot her discomfort, and thanked whatever God had made her careless enough to forget she was off the pill.
Even though the threat had diminished, Jack seemed reluctant to leave her alone, following her into the jungle when she slipped off to be sick. It was during one of these outings that they'd stumbled across Locke and Boone battering at a hatch door, and after discovering a second entrance and a button, Hatch duty had come to replace the nightly watch.
No one bothered to schedule Kate a shift, pregnancy being the ultimate Get Out Jail Free card for everything from hunting to laundry, but she made a point of visiting Jack if he was on during the day, so that she could take a hot shower and curl up with him on the bunk. At more than eight months pregnant, it was getting harder for them both to fit, but as cramped as it was, she liked the security of knowing that he was right there beside her, holding her while she slept. He didn't seem to mind it either, talking softly to the baby when he thought she couldn't hear him, his stubble tickling her skin as he pressed feather light kisses to her bump. As hard as he'd tried not to, he'd fallen completely in love with it, claiming it as his, even without proof, though she sometimes wondered if he still doubted it.
She'd barely spoken to Kevin since that night on the beach, all of her free time tied up with Jack, while he spent his with Libby. They were so private that she couldn't tell if they were together: sometimes they held hands while they walked around the campsite, and in the evenings, Libby would rest her head on his shoulder, listening to him talk, but they were never openly affectionate, not like the other couples. She'd thought about asking Libby, but somehow, this seemed inappropriate, so most days, she let her friend steer the conversation towards her and Jack.
He was in the Hatch until dinner; pushing herself to her feet with more difficulty than she'd ever thought possible, she made her way along the path, frustrated by how cumbersome even the most basic of movements had become. She hated having to wait for Jack to help her out of bed in the morning, and not being able to contribute to the camp, even to pick her own fruit. She was used to being useful: sitting back while other people took care of everything wasn't in her nature.
Halfway there, she stopped, tensing when her ears were met by a series of muffled sounds. Voices, low in argument, as if afraid of being overheard, told her that there were at least two people out there; she reached for a branch, preparing to strike back if she had to, dropping it hastily when Sawyer came striding out of the trees, buttoning his jeans, a similarly dishevelled Ana behind him.
She had the grace to blush, averting her eyes, when she saw Kate staring at them, but Sawyer smirked, taking his time replacing his shirt. "Don't look so shocked there, Freckles," he said, affording her a full view of his naked chest. "I ain't a genius like your boyfriend, but somethin' tells me you didn't get that way holdin' his hand."
It was Kate's turn to blush, shifting her gaze straight ahead, to where she needed to go. "Yeah, well, you better watch out, or you'll be next," she retorted, half to him, half to Ana, continuing on her way before he could see how embarrassed she was, first at catching him with Ana, then at his suggestive comments. It was true, she was no virgin, but it was none of his business, any more than whatever he was doing with Ana was hers.
It was worse than living in a dorm, or what she imagined living in a dorm would be like, sometimes, the constant fear of walking in one something she wasn't meant to see; the next time she heard a rustle in the jungle, she decided to ignore it, in case Sayid and Shannon, or Charlie and Claire, or worse, Kevin and Libby, had decided to slip off for a little alone time as well.
She was almost at the Hatch when felt something prick her neck; reaching around to find out what bit her, she was stunned when her fingers closed around a two-inch long metallic dart. Her legs were beginning to feel heavy; stopping, she pulled it out, staring at it as her vision began to swim.
"Jack!" she cried, knowing that as close as he was, he wouldn't be able to hear her through all that concrete. "Sawyer… Ana…" but her voice was barely above a whisper, her head too foggy for her to be sure that the sounds she was making were actual words.
Afraid of hurting the baby if she fell, she staggered to the nearest tree for support, but it wasn't enough to keep her from hitting the ground with a heavy thud.
Please don't let Them take it, was her last coherent thought as she began to lose consciousness, the world going dark as something scratchy, like Hessian, was dragged over her head, dozens of unfamiliar hands picking her up off the jungle floor.
Hope you didn't mind me glossing over the Hatch, but there're a ton of fics focusing on it, and it's kind of a diversion since it has nothing to do with the Others or the island pregnancy stuff (which I will address in upcoming chapters).
Next chapter: Juliet! And then, in chapter 44, I'm going to break formula and give you the long-awaited Jack and Kevin bonding!