Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE

Rating: R

Warnings: I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.

Thank you very much Heidi for editing.

Title: Welcome Home

The Hard Way

Ranger pulled back from the embrace and nudged me to the elevator. He pushed the button to call the elevator down, and we waited. That's when the panic attack started. What was I doing? I just up and left the life I'd been building for a year. Were things really so bad that I had to throw away a year of my life? Couldn't I talk to Joe? He loved me, and I loved him. He would listen and work with me if I explained I wasn't happy, wouldn't he? It wasn't even that I wasn't happy. I was happy with Joe, I just wasn't happy about who I turned into. Okay so that wasn't completely true. Why couldn't I have Joe and be a bounty hunter? Why couldn't I have all my friends as well? Why was Joe even happy with me? After all, he didn't fall in love with a Burg housewife. He fell in love with me when I was a bounty hunter, skirting through life by the seat of my pants. Granted that lifestyle drove him nuts.

"Babe?" Ranger said, pulling me from my thoughts. He was standing inside the elevator holding the doors open with his foot. He watched me for a moment more, before stepping out of the elevator and allowing it to close behind him. "Have you really thought about what you're doing?" he asked, brushing some loose hair off my face.

"No, not really. I just made a decision all the sudden and went with it."

"What brought about this sudden decision?" he asked, leaning against the wall next to the elevator doors. His arms were crossed over his chest. His eyes were soft, but curious.

"Who are you?" I said, repeating my sister's words from earlier in the evening.

Ranger raised his eyebrow. "Not sure I'm following you."

"My sister asked me that tonight at dinner," I said.

"And your response?"

"I didn't have one, because I don't have a clue," I said, letting out a slow breath. "Who am I Ranger?" I asked, locking my eyes with his.

He held my eyes for a few minutes, not giving anything away. He slowly pushed off the wall and moved closer to me. He took my hands in his, and raised them to his mouth. His lips brushed across each of my palms, and he lowered them back down. "I can't tell you who you are now, but the Stephanie Plum I know and love is in there somewhere," he said, brushing his thumb along my jawline.

"Love?" I questioned.

"Babe."

"No, Ranger. How can you say love, when you so easily let me walk out of your life to marry somebody else? You didn't even try to talk me out of it. You just told me to be happy. You can't possibly love me like …" I started to say, but caught myself just in time. I'd never told him I loved him. It wasn't something I was willing to say out loud to him, when I knew he didn't feel the same way. Yeah he loved me, but it was in his own way. And that way didn't come with a relationship or a future commitment.

"Like what, Babe?" Ranger asked me.

I shook my head. "It's not important," I said.

"Yes it is. And I want to continue this conversation, but can we do it upstairs? This business stopped running the moment you came through those gates," he said.

I looked around. I hadn't noticed how quiet it had been since I arrived. Normally there were men coming and going pretty much all day. It was around eight o'clock in the evening though, so it should be quieter, but not dead. I looked back at Ranger and the corners of his lips were tipped up in an almost smile. I rolled my eyes muttering, "Need to be more aware of your surroundings, Babe."

Ranger laughed softly. "Will you come upstairs with me, please?" he asked, reaching for my hand. I looked back at my car. Rex was still sitting on the front seat. "I'll have one of the guys come down and get him. He can hang out in the control room, while we talk." I looked down at his hand, and laced my fingers with his. The elevator opened right away, and he pulled me in.

Before I knew it I was standing in front of Ranger's apartment door. I hadn't been there in a year. He opened the door and allowed me to enter first. That incredible calm feeling came over me as I stepped over the threshold. Nothing had changed. Everything was exactly how I remembered it the night I came to tell him Joe proposed to me. I had wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I wanted to give us a shot, but instead of trying to talk me out of marrying Joe, he told me congratulations and to be happy. It broke my heart and made giving up on my life so much easier.

Ranger tossed his keys in the tray on the side table and placed his hand on the small of my back. "Let's go sit down," he said. "Do you want anything to drink?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but stopped short when my cell phone started ringing. I grabbed it out of my pocketbook and looked at the display screen. Joe. I knew the time would come, but I was suddenly feeling ill. I wasn't prepared for this talk. Ranger I could handle. Well that was a lie too. But, at least I could do avoidance with Ranger. I knew he would never force me to talk about things I didn't want to. Joe was an entirely different situation. Joe was Italian.

I flipped my phone open. "Hi Joe," I said, unsure of what I should say.

"Hey, Cupcake," Joe said. He didn't sound upset. "I'm sorry I missed dinner. Believe me, I would have rather been at dinner than the crime scene. I just got home and noticed you weren't here yet. Are they wedding talking your ear off?" he asked.

The tears were free falling down my cheeks. He didn't know yet. He loved me so much, and I left him without so much as a word. It wasn't Joe's fault I changed. He never told me to change into a Burg housewife. It was something I decided to do. It was something that went along with getting married to him. He didn't deserve what I was doing. I should have talked to him. I should have explained how I was feeling. We could have worked it out, right? It might not be too late. He hadn't noticed the ring and key yet. We could still talk. That was what I wanted, right? No, it wasn't, I admitted to myself. I didn't want to get married. I didn't want to be at home anymore. I wanted to be working. I missed my friends. I missed the action, the never dull life.

"Stephanie," Joe said, his voice taking on an edge. "You're not at your parents' are you?"

"No, I'm not," I said quietly.

There was silence on the other end. I figured he was working on his anger. "You're with Ranger." It was a statement, not a question. He knew I was with Ranger.

"Yes, but not like you're thinking," I said.

"What I'm thinking is that you took your ring off to go be with another man. Does that make it easier for you?" he asked me, his voice harsh.

I didn't blame him for being angry, but he was angry for the wrong reason. "That's not what's going on," I said, looking around for Ranger. I couldn't see him anywhere. I moved into the living room and sat down on the couch.

"Let me guess, Steph, you were doing the dishes and forgot to put it back on before you left to go see him."

"What? No, I took it off by choice. I know it was really cruel the way I did this, but I just can't take it anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. And I know that's not your fault, but I think secretly I gave you exactly what you wanted. I just don't understand how you could love me when I'm nothing like the woman you originally fell in love with," I said.

Silence met me.

After a full minute of nothing, Joe finally said, "Are you telling me you left me?"

"Joe I'm sorry. I do love you. I just can't be this person anymore. I didn't have the courage to face you, so I just left my ring and key on the counter before I left," I explained.

I heard a scraping noise. "I didn't see the key. I thought you were with him," he said, letting out a sigh. "If I'm being truthful, I'm actually slightly relieved it wasn't what I was thinking."

"Joe," I said, but didn't really know what else to say.

"Can we talk about this? I'm sure we can come up with something," he said, his voice surprisingly civilized. There was no angry Italian. No yelling, not even a raised voice.

"I just need some time, Joe. I need some time to find myself again," I told him honestly.

"And then?" he asked.

"I don't know," I told him.

"Our wedding is in two weeks, Steph," Joe reminded me.

"Was, Joe," I said, disconnecting the call.

I dropped my phone back in my pocketbook, and stared at the opposite wall. I didn't hear Ranger come in, just like I didn't hear him leave, but there he was at my side looking at me.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"I'm tired," I said, rolling my neck.

"Understandable, Babe. Ella made up an apartment on the 4th floor, and the guys moved your stuff up from your car. I'll walk you down," he said, offering me his hand.