Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE

Rating: R

Warnings: References to LMT so consider yourself warned. I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.

Thank you very much Stayce for editing.

Title: Welcome Home

Decisions

I woke up slowly to a light knocking sound. My eyes burned and my throat was raw. I felt like I had cried for hours before I finally fell asleep last night. I opened one eye and tried to focus on the alarm clock. A red blur was all I could make out. The light knocking sounded again. I rubbed my eyes, rolled out of bed, and padded to the door. Ella's smiling face greeted me on the other side.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you'd still be sleeping," she said, taking in my appearance.

I must've looked like hell. I sure felt like hell. I gave her a slight smile and opened the door wider for her. She bustled in carrying bags, and that was when I noticed Hal and Junior behind her with the additional bags. My eyes widened. Holy cow!

"I … uh … I'll just be in the bathroom," I said quickly and sprinted out of the room, locking the bathroom door behind me.

I looked in the mirror and gave an internal scream. My eyes were bloodshot and swollen with dark circles under them. And my hair … oh my god, my hair. It had gotten slightly wet from the bath and I just crawled into bed last night without even tending to it. I looked like I had been electrocuted. Frightening didn't even begin to describe what I looked like. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and fought my hair into a ponytail.

I stuck my head out the door and saw Ella was busy unloading the bags in the kitchenette. The guys were gone, thank God. I crept out, hurried over to the dresser, and stuffed myself into a pair of sweats.

"Can I help you with anything, Ella?" I asked.

"Oh no, dear. You just sit and relax," she insisted from the refrigerator.

There was no way I was going to be able to sit and relax with Ella buzzing around the apartment. I didn't know if she knew why I was actually staying in the apartment or not. I wasn't exactly comfortable with anybody knowing why I was here. It was a personal issue, and I would rather it stayed personal. Of course I knew Ranger would never tell anybody what was going on. He would just leave it to the guys' imaginations. That could potentially be worse if I thought about it.

I looked back over to Ella whistling happily as she shuffled around the small kitchenette. I grabbed some clothes and headed back to the bathroom. "I'm just going to take a shower, Ella," I said, closing the door behind me.

I started the shower, gathered all my bath stuff, stripped out of my clothes, and climbed in under the hot stream of water. I dropped my head to my chest and let the water pulse against my neck. There was so much I needed to think about. Not only did I need to make some decisions about Morelli, but Ranger too. I needed to come clean with Joe. He deserved to know the truth. The truth was ugly, but he still deserved to know I only accepted his proposal because Ranger didn't even try to offer me something more. I knew telling Joe about Ranger and me would serve no other purpose than to hurt him further, and that was really the only reason I hadn't said anything yet. I'd already hurt him enough. I couldn't bear to hurt him anymore. There was no other way around it, though. He'd insist on knowing why I called everything off. Telling him I couldn't go on sitting at home would only take me so far. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the entire truth either. I didn't want to be at home. I wanted to have my crazy life back, no matter how fucked up it was, it was still my life. I may have been in danger every other month, but I still loved it. The sane life just wasn't for me. I needed adventure.

But then there was Ranger. I didn't know what to do about Ranger. The one non hurtful thing I could add to telling Joe about Ranger was that there wasn't anything going on there. Ranger had made it clear that he didn't want a committed home life. He also craved the crazy life. But if I was honest with myself I didn't want a committed home life either. I just ran away from that. Maybe I was thinking about it wrong. I wanted commitment in a relationship, but I didn't want the marriage. I didn't want the children. I didn't want the Burg life. That was what Ranger didn't want. I guess I didn't really know what he did want. He wanted me in his bed, I knew that, but beyond the bedroom I was clueless. He'd started being more and more open with me before Joe proposed, but he never told me what he wanted from me. The mysteriousness started to fade, but saying he wanted me for more than a physical relationship never happened. He sort of hinted at being a couple when I brought up clothes in his closet during the Dickie mess, but it was also handed to me in the form of sex. A sexual relationship didn't spell a couple to me. I had that with Joe at the time, and I didn't consider us a couple. I was involved with him yes, but a couple no. That all changed very quickly, though, when he proposed two months after the Dickie mess was solved. And where did that get me but standing in a shower in the RangeMan building after running away from my fiancé and the life I built over the past year. I shook my head and got busy with washing myself.

I stepped out of the shower ten minutes later, towel dried myself off, and threw on my sweat shorts and T-shirt. I finger combed my hair and left the bathroom. Ella was at my bed stripping the sheets. She picked up the pillows to remove the pillow cases and I just about came unglued.

"No!" I shouted. "Not the pillows. Please don't touch the pillows. I …" I trailed off not knowing what to say. I was embarrassed at my response.

Ella looked at me wide eyed and then back at the pillows. I saw a small smile come to her lips before she nodded and sat the pillow in her hand off to the side. "Of course, dear. I should have noticed they didn't match the rest of the bedding," she said quietly, giving me a soft smile.

"Babe," Ranger said from the dining room chair.

I wanted to just die. I had never been more embarrassed in my life, and I didn't embarrass easily. My ears and neck were burning, and I prayed the ground would just open up and swallow me whole. Could my life get any more complicated? I almost had an emotional breakdown due to pillow cases. I really didn't want Ranger to know how special and how important it was to me that he left me his pillow and T-shirt. That was a bit too much at the moment. I wasn't ready for him to know how in love I was with him. How much I never stopped loving him. He knew I was still physically attracted to him, but the 'L' word was beyond what I'd ever admitted out loud to him.

"Ranger! What are you doing here?" I asked, willing my face not to be completely red.

"I came by to see if you wanted to have lunch with me. I figured you were going to be hiding out in this apartment for a bit, so I was coming to you," he replied as he stood up and walked over to me.

He was badass Ranger today in black painted on T-shirt and black cargo pants tucked into black combat boots. His dark hair was pulled back into a tie. His black shades sat on the table next to his black gun.

He cupped my cheeks and ran his thumbs under my eyes. His eyes softened, showing concern. His voice was tender. "Long night?" he asked.

I nodded my head as my eyes filled up with tears. I tried to keep them inside, but one slipped out meeting his thumb. He brushed it away and pulled me to him, tucking me under his chin. He smelled so good and was so warm and friendly. I molded myself to him, burrowing my face into his chest, and let the tears flow out.

After a few minutes my sobs turned to sniffles. "I'm sorry," I said on a hiccup. "You didn't come here to have me sob all over you." I tried to pull away, but he pulled me in closer.

"Babe, I came here to see you. To see how you were feeling. Lunch was just an excuse to get me here," he said, rubbing my back. "Your life is a little upside down right now. I'd be surprised if you weren't emotional."

He held me, rocking me lightly for a long time. The embrace was supportive. There was nothing sexual about it. He was simply giving somebody he cared deeply for a shoulder to cry on. It made my heart hurt even more, but I wasn't going to admit that to him. I couldn't handle any more. I needed to deal with one issue at a time. Joe was the first issue that needed attention. But that issue was going to take a lot more guts to deal with.

Ranger finally pulled back and wiped the remaining tears off my face. "How about we have lunch and we can talk," he said, taking my hand.

I shook my head. "Lunch with no talking. I can't handle talking right now," I said.

He watched me for a moment before nodding. "Whatever you want, Babe," he said, guiding me to a chair.