Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE

Rating: R

Warnings: References to LMT so consider yourself warned. I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.

Thank you very much Heidi for editing.

Title: Welcome Home

Alone

I looked up from my plate that I'd been staring at while force feeding myself, and looked at Ranger. He was watching me. He'd been watching me since I sat down. I knew he wanted to talk, but I just didn't have it in me. There had been too much left unsaid since I arrived. It was gonna have to stay unsaid awhile longer. He wasn't pushing the issue, which I appreciated, but we were still left with this strained silence.

"I need to get back to work. If you want to have dinner, just let me know. Order whatever you want from Ella," he said, getting up and placing his napkin on his empty plate.

I thought about it for a moment and realized, quite reluctantly, that if I really wanted to get everything figured out I needed to be fair on both sides. No Joe and no Ranger. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course," he said, stopping at the door.

"I need to be alone for a while. I need to figure some stuff out, and I can't do that if I'm with you. Can you pretend I'm not around? No Ella, no Merry Men, and no you," I said, my eyes filling with tears.

He watched me for a beat, his face giving nothing away. "If that's what you want," he said, opening the door. "But so you know, Stephanie, I could never pretend you aren't around. One of these days you'll realize you're a permanent presence in my life." And he was gone.

A large lump formed in my throat. I wanted to believe that permanent presence meant in his bed and his heart, but then I didn't want to get my hopes up. He easily let me go a year ago, so it was hard for me to believe him when he said stuff like that. I knew he loved me, but the lines beyond that were still obscure.

I got up from the table just as my cell phone rang. I grabbed it off the nightstand and stared horror-struck at the name in the display window. Mom! I completely forgot about my mom. I could let it go to my voicemail and deal with her later. I let out a breath and flipped open the phone. Better to deal with it now. Avoidance wasn't getting me anywhere.

"Hello," I said, biting my bottom lip.

"Stephanie, this is your mother," she said. I rolled my eyes and waited. "I just called your house and Joseph told me you weren't home. I sure hope he's not getting sick with the wedding getting so close. He didn't sound well at all. Why aren't you home with him when he sounds so horrible?"

The lump in my throat got a little larger and my stomach dropped out. It was my fault Joe sounded horrible. Joe and I may have had our problems before getting engaged and during our engagement, but he didn't deserve what I was doing to him. He deserved honesty. And I just kept fucking up at every corner. I messed up Joe's life, and I was messing with Ranger's now too. I should just pack it in and leave before I permanently screw up both their lives, I thought.

"Mom, I need to tell you something," I said, swallowing hard. If I thought telling Joe the engagement was off was hard, it was a walk in the park next to telling my mother.

"Well what is it? I called because we need to finalize the seating arrangement as well as get the music selection list returned to the DJ," she said.

I could hear papers being shuffled in the background. I closed my eyes. I needed to treat it like ripping a BandAid off. "I called the engagement off, and moved out of the house," I said, quickly.

There was a moment of silence before I heard a sharp inhale of breath. "You will not do this to me, Stephanie Plum. Do you hear me? First your sister runs off on her wedding day to Disney World, and now you're telling me you called off the engagement with two weeks left? You will pull yourself together and act like the woman I raised you to be. Joseph is a good man, and he will be a good husband to you. I expect you here in an hour so we can get this stuff finalized, and then I expect you to get home to your fiancé," my mother said, sternly.

"No," I said, breaking out in a cold sweat.

"Why me? What will the neighbors think? Why do I have to have the only daughters that don't show up for their weddings?" she said.

"I made a mistake, and now I'm trying to fix it. The wedding's off. I'll call Mary Lou, and she can spread the word. I'm sorry for doing this to you, but right now your embarrassment is the least of my worries. I've been an embarrassment for so many years it will hardly be talked about. I'm sure there were bets as to whether I'd go through with the wedding to begin with. Just chalk it up to another Stephanie Plum golden moment. I have to go, Mom," I said and hung up before she could say anything more.

I dialed Mary Lou's number and waited four rings for her to pick it up.

"Hello," she said. "You put that down right now. Would you please stop chasing the cat? I said no, and I meant it. You'll ruin your dinner, and if you ask me one more time so help me. Hello? I'm so sorry."

"Mary Lou," I said, cringing. I wasn't cut out for the life Mary Lou led. Why did I ever think I could handle it? I'd take on a high bond skip over being a housewife any day.

"Hey, Steph. What's up?"

"I need you to do me a favor. I have some information that needs to hit the Burg grapevine," I said, taking a deep breath. This would finalize the end of my engagement. Then all I'd have left was the dreaded talk with Joe.

"What? What … Omigod, what?" she said, quickly.

"I've called off the engagement and moved out of Joe's house," I said, eyes squeezed shut.

Silence. Whatever she was expecting, apparently that wasn't it.

"Mary Lou?" I said after a full minute of nothing on her end.

"You're serious?" she asked.

"Yes."

"What happened? Where are you? Do you want me to come to you? I could get all the ice cream you need. Tastykakes, Cheese Doodles, Snickers. You name it," she told me.

"I can't tell you where I'm at, but I'm safe and alone, which is exactly what I need right now. I can't exactly explain what happened, though. I never should have accepted Joe's proposal to begin with. It wasn't fair to him. I never truly wanted to marry him," I said, dropping down on the bed in my thinking position.

"Is this about Ranger?" she asked.

I thought about it for a second. There was no point in denying it. All the lying had to stop. "Yes, partially. There's more to it, though," I said, quietly.

"You'll call me if you need anything, right?" she asked, but really it was more of an order.

"Yes. And thank you Mary Lou," I said.

"What are best friends for?" And she hung up.

Ending the wedding was dealt with, my mother was dealt with, next was Joe. I needed to be completely honest with him. I just wasn't so sure telling him everything would do any good. It couldn't possibly help, since it would only hurt him even more. I didn't think he'd appreciate the entire truth anyway. Maybe the sugar coated version would be a better idea. He didn't need details. I looked at my phone and figured I should just get it over with before I chickened out and put it off for another day. I also needed to warn him about Mary Lou announcing the canceled wedding. He needed to hear that from me. I dialed Joe's home number.

"What?" he said, tensely after the second ring.

I instantly knew this wasn't a conversation I desired to have over the phone, but I didn't want to have it at Joe's house, either. I needed neutral ground.

"Will you meet me at Bessie's?" I asked, holding my breath.

"20 minutes?" he asked. His voice was flat.

"That sounds good. And Joe, so you know, I've told Mary Lou the wedding is off," I told him, softly.

"Fine. I'll see you in 20 minutes," he said and disconnected the call.

I grabbed my hand bag, dropped my cell phone in it, picked up the keys Ranger placed in the tray next to the door, and left the apartment. I pushed the call button on the elevator and waited. The doors opened less than a minute later, revealing Ranger. He looked at me in surprise. Not even an hour ago, I requested to be alone and here I was leaving the building. I stepped in and gave him a small smile.

"Where to?" he asked.

"Garage," I said, noticing that was where he was headed, too.

We rode down in silence. It was the awkward silence again. Neither one of us knew what to say or even where the line was on talking. The doors opened and Ranger held them for me to walk out ahead of him. I stopped next to my car and looked at him. He was watching me instead of getting into the Turbo. I'd never seen the look on his face before. He almost looked unsure.

"I'm meeting Joe at Bessie's in a few minutes. I didn't think talking to him over the phone was right. He deserves better," I explained.

Ranger gave a slight nod. "And?"

"I'll be back when we're finished. I don't think I'll be gone too long."

"And?"

"And I'll still need time to myself," I said, softly.

His eyes stayed locked with mine as he closed the distance between us. "You take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere. When you're ready to talk to me, you know where to find me," he said, running a finger down my jaw line.

It took me a full minute to pull myself together again. "What if I'm never ready?" I asked.

"Then I have to accept that," Ranger said. "But I hope that's not the case."

I did too, but I was no closer to figuring out what I wanted to say to Ranger than when I arrived the night before. "I do have a question. I don't know what I'm going to do now as far as a job, so how long can I stay here?" I asked.

Ranger leveled me with a look that made me want to take a step back. He wasn't even trying to hide his feelings. He was angry. "Stephanie, when I said there's no cost I meant it. There is no expiration date on our friendship," he said, stepping away from me. He looked at me for another minute and walked to his car. He opened the door and looked back up at me. "You still have a job at RangeMan. Start back up at any time. Drive carefully," he said, softly and left.