Harry chuckled slightly before hesitantly taking hold of her hands.

"I did," was all he could say. He watched their fingers entwine before diverting his gaze back to her face.

Ruth watched Harry struggle with his emotions. It was funny how different they were, yet how so similar. She could see he wanted to say the right things, but knew the signs well enough to know he was shutting down on her.

"Harry," she coaxed gently, desperate for him to see he isn't the only person finding this hard. "Harry, what's wrong?"

He held her gaze and for the first time she was really able to study his appearance. The lines on his face were considerably deeper, his hair noticeably thinning around the edges and the wrinkles, especially around the eyes, were more defined. He looked like he'd spent one too many years within the service, and her heart ached for him.

"I don't want to make you any promises I'm not sure I'll be able to keep Ruth." A pause. "You deserve more than empty words and promises, especially from somebody like me."

Her eyes searched his, silently begging him to continue. Her hands, still firmly locked with his, begged to differ as they shook uncontrollably.

"You have to understand I would love nothing more than to sit here and whisper sweet nothing's in your ear and tell you everything going's to be ok, but you know as well as I do that life here doesn't always work in our favour."

She nodded slowly, unsure of where he was going with this. She could practically feel her heart breaking.

"Behind this life, behind the confines of the grid I am nobody Ruth. I'm nothing. Harry ceases to exist. I'm a making of the service and I don't know what else to be. This job is all I'm good at. I'm not a normal man, I don't lead a normal life and I don't do normal things. I need to be realistic here Ruth, I can't open up to you without including the possibilities of being able to experience all of those normal day to day things with you. I don't want to give you false hope Ruth, I've told you before I'm a limited man and you deserve so much better than that."

Ruth watched as he bowed his head. Was it shame? Was it grief? Was it relief he'd finally got the worst of it off his chest? Whatever it was, the atmosphere had changed entirely and as much as she tried to pull away from him to end the conversation Harry held on to her hands tighter encouraging her to stay put, telling her without words he hadn't finished and he needed her to listen, to understand.

"Uh, uh," Harry murmured teasingly, shaking his head for extra emphasis. "You can't run away from me that easily Ruth. There's still more for you to interpret and analyse."

Ruth drew a shaky breath and forced herself to smile. He was nervous. The the playful tone, however brief, gave her hope. She just had to be patient.

"Despite my failings as a normal human being I still have feelings. You see, Ruth..." He drew a deep breath and paused slightly, frantically trying to figure out how to articulate what he so desperately needed her to know. "I haven't looked at anybody else since I developed feelings for you."

Noting the look of disbelief Ruth was sporting he felt it was necessary to reassure her.

"Ruth, don't look at me like that. You know it's true. As you said yourself in the letter, you got to see sides of me nobody else has. That to me proved that I felt enough for you to subconsciously let my guard down. I've never done that for anybody else Ruth, anybody. Not even Jane can claim that much and we were married for ten years."

Ruth gave Harry's hands a gentle squeeze and smiled at him. He didn't know how she did it, but she made him feel like nobody else ever had. A simple touch, a simple smile and he felt like he could beat any terrorist organisation. Irrational, but comforting.

"When I found out you were with somebody else Ruth, it hurt me more than any gunshot, knife wound or torture scheme I had been subject to. The thing is; you deserved to be happy. And I know that he made you happier than I daresay I can ever make you, and even though I love you more than anything, I worry about opening up, talking about the positives with you and lowering my guard. I'm not him Ruth, and truth be told that scares me to hell."

Ruth sat motionless, which Harry interpreted as a bad sign. In actual fact Ruth's mind was reeling. She'd stopped concentrating on anything he had been saying the moment he said he loved her more than anything. It was almost as if she'd died and gone to heaven.

"Ruth?" Harry tried his hardest to read her face. She had a better poker face than he gave her credit for, and it was driving him crazy.

"You love me?" It was the only thing Ruth was capable of saying.

"What?"

"You said you loved me,"

"Yes I did." Hoping it hadn't been the right thing to say he carried on hastily. "If I've said the wrong things then Ruth then ju..."

"Say it again."

"Say what again?" This conversation was getting more and more bizarre as the seconds ticked by.

"You know what."

Ruth was beaming at this point and there was no way he could deny her what she so wanted to hear. She no longer cared about his worries and insecurities. He was about to say the three words she had waited five years to hear him say. Harry stared at her to make sure he had heard her correctly. He knew Ruth had changed drastically since returning; more confident, more assured, less naive. He loved it, he loved her and he loved the way she was so eager to hear him say it again.

A/N: To be continued or not to be continued?
Although it can work as a plausable ending, I know that a lot of people will want to see Harry openly tell Ruth of his feelings for her, rather than his insecurities keeping him at bay! Let me know what you think!