Title: The Holding Game
Genre: Angst/Suspense
Rating: T

Synopsis: While training in the forest one day, Sasuke and Naruto's pathological need to compete with one another causes them to commit a horrid act; after which their guilt and fear prompts them both to hold the biggest secret of their young lives.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

The Holding Game
by Yamichik

(:Chapter 4:) Sasuke's guilt

The next day was Sunday, and Sasuke was feeling anything but holy. In spite of his amazing control over his emotional display, he surprised himself by acknowledging that this was the absolute worst he'd ever felt in his life.

Regardless, he knew just sitting around the house all day would look even more suspicious. One of the other genin, most likely a girl, would notice he wasn't in church and they'd all show up at his door after service to see what was wrong. That was the last thing he wanted, so he dragged himself out of his apartment at around 9:45 to leave for the morning service at the Konoha church.

When he got there, everyone else had already found a seat, but for some reason the closest chair left was beside Sakura. He didn't really care about sitting next to Sakura, he'd have preferred to not sit by anyone, but that wasn't even possible anyway, so he walked down the aisle and sat next to his female teammate.

"Hi Sasuke!" said Sakura, Ino was beside her smiling at him too, as was Tenten. The girls always sat together, so it made Sasuke wonder why a seat was even open.

"I never thought I'd be happy for Hinata to miss church!" she laughed.

"Sakura, you're horrible." Said Ino as she leaned over to talk to Sasuke. "Poor Hinata has the flu, but I'm sure she'd be fine with you as her substitute today!" joked Ino.

"I'm sure." Said Sasuke with a weird look on his face. The two girls just laughed, and Sasuke actually cracked a smile. Church usually made him feel better anyway.

Time passed, and he began to get into the sermon. Before he knew it, the alter call was given and prayer was offered to those in need of it. Something pulled at him, something he'd never felt before. An urge to run to the front and beg for someone to lay hands on him. He held it back of course, but he couldn't help but stand there and let his mind wander around. Eventually of course, it came back to his terrible guilt, which had about tripled in size since he'd last seen Naruto at the announcement where they were informed that the old man was the Hokage's dearest friend. Sasuke thought to himself, trying hard not to release his emotions outwardly. He thought, 'Three nights ago, I killed a man and hid his death… Now, how can I stand here in a church knowing that I hold such a terrible secret inside me?! Then I talk to Naruto about doing the 'right' thing… The word hypocrite doesn't even begin to describe me… '

Sasuke was so zoned out, he didn't notice his eyes tearing up.

"Hey Ino, look at Sasuke." whispered Sakura. "He looks like he's gonna cry or something." The girls just looked on as they had never seen Sasuke get emotional.

"Hey Sasuke, are you okay?" asked Ino after a few seconds. Her question broke him out of his zoned out state.

"Oh… yeah, I'm fine." He said quickly.

"O-Okay, I just thought I saw you getting a little misty there…"

"No, I'm fine." He repeated. "Worry about yourself."

Sasuke only managed a passing glance at Naruto after service, but he could easily see the worry on his face.

Later on, as he sat in his apartment staring blankly at the wall, he began to have what he could only think of as insane urges. He had already caught himself reaching for the phone to call the academy office and turn himself in twice. He gripped his head in his palms and leaned forward. He felt horrible, like he was literally losing his mind. He slumped down until he was nervously scrunched on the floor against the edge of his bed and he felt something he hadn't felt in years.

A single tear trailing down is right cheek.

He made not a single sound, he was no longer familiar with the sensation of the hot wetness that was emerging as a result of his pure frustration. Sasuke hadn't shed a tear in years, he was always so good at holding in all of his emotions usually, and yet they were now pouring out freely. In a way, it scared him. If this could happen, how much more would he unwillingly release? He shocked himself that he still even knew how to cry. However, that retrieval of a lost childhood ability, would be his only solace for the night.

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A little OOC with Sasuke there huh? LoL, Ch.5 is waiting for you already! I decided to give you two at once, LoL! Have fun with it, and review for me, cause I love it!

Peace,
-Sabs