Disclaimer: I don't own Paul, wish I did though!
A/N: Sorry for the long wait but school was hectic, and it'll only become more hectic. Don't worry though, plotbunnies are forming and I've got quite a few pages written already. So I'll try to update as regularly as possible. Thank you WolfGirl-Addie for betaing this chapter! Here it is:
Each Confession I Make
Ten days, ten hours and seven minutes. Ten days, ten hours and eight minutes. Ten days, ten hours and nine minutes. Ten days, ten hours and ten minutes. It has been ten days, then hours and now eleven minutes since I last saw Paul. I could go on like this for ever but the result will be the same. He hadn't showed up at school since ten days, ten hours and twelve minutes ago. And I haven't seen him ever since. At first I thought he was sick, but Jared told me he was alright and had some business to take care of. I thought of calling him, believe me. I would sit down in my room look at the phone as if that would make any difference. Truth is; I'm too much of a scary cat to call him. I mean, I bended in every possible way to get his phone number. (I kind of stole Jared's phone and quickly scribbled down Paul's phone number.)
I know it's too soon to say but I kind of miss him. I miss his loud booming personality. His cocky grin, his woodsy scent, his towering height, even the way he eats, even though that's completely outrageous. It makes you wonder if he's brought up with manners at all. But somehow all of these things made school worth while. Normally school would be a drag. Believe me, I'm not the only one that thinks so, but ever since Paul started to give me attention I started to look out to school. I would look twice in the mirror before heading to class. I even started carrying a hair brush to school. Trivial, I know. But I can't help it. I'm completely under his spell.
But since he didn't show up at school for almost a week I started to worry. What if something real bad has happened? These thoughts often occurred but those thoughts were wiped away immediately when I saw him in the grocery store. I was picking up some things for my mother when I saw him walk in with Jared, Jacob, Embry and Quill. They were, like always, caught up in their own activities. None of them noticed me holding the sack of potatoes. I was relieved that there was nothing serious going on. He looked the same like always. Besides his hair though. His short cropped hair, which I was used to, was starting to grow and it was now the perfect length. But everything looked fine. He was active, joking around, punching Jacob on his arm while he returned the favour.
Secretly I was hoping he would see me. So I wouldn't feel obliged to start a conversation, seeing he was always the one that began. I felt like a fool. A teenage fool with a crush, I think I didn't breathe until he was out of the store and out of my sight. That was now ten days, ten hours and thirty-two minutes ago. It's kind of pathetic of me to keep track of his whereabouts and stuff, but it's like my whole brain has adapt to his pattern. I somehow managed to keep track of his classes. My eyes automatically search out for his presence in the cafeteria. It's like the claim he has on me has grown stronger. But I don't mind. Because for the first time in my life I feel like something is worth remembering.
"Jules," Seth's face popped out of nowhere. I gave him a startled look and he chuckled lowly as he plopped down next to me. I was on the beach. I went there often, it felt nice there. To play with the pebbles that had different colours. To let the cold wind blow and hope it would whisk you away. It was my temporary sanctuary.
"Seth." I said solemnly. We didn't say much. I didn't feel like talking. Seth however needed to make small talk ever single moment.
"You do know it's going to rain any minute now?" He said, and I shrugged carelessly.
"Don't care." I muttered and I grasped a pebble in my left hand and threw it in the distance.
"Apparently, or you wouldn't be sitting here." Seth responded in the same chipper tone like always and I gave him a pointed look before I rolled my eyes. Nothing could get him down.
"Seth, can I ask you something?" I began.
"Sure you can Jules." He said looking at me. I wondered how to begin. How could you ask something that's quite personal, and almost secret, in a subtle way so he wouldn't find out? Well let me tell you something, you can't.
"Is it about Paul?" That's what I meant. I started to splutter pathetically and vividly shook my head. His eyes, full of mirth, looked at me amused. "You sure, you're face is telling me otherwise." Seth said pointedly. I looked at him, completely embarrassed. "What about him?" Seth urged. This is what I like about him. I didn't need to ask. He knows. He just does.
"Well, I noticed he wasn't at school for the past couple of days." I began, fiddling with my sleeves nervously. "And seeing that you know him I thought you might know where he is."
"Why the sudden interest...?" He asked reluctantly. I shrugged embarrassed.
"U-um, I just c-couldn't h-help b-but notice. T-that's all." I defended weakly.
"Ah I see." He said casually, a bit too casual. I inched closer to him as the first few drops of rain fell. They soothed my flustered face but the rest of my body was reacting differently to their temperature.
"So, do you know where he is?" I urged.
"I don't know, haven't seen him in a while. Did you try calling him?" I shook my head and got back on my feet again. It was obvious Seth wasn't going to tell me. He didn't know either.
"I think I'm going to head home. The weather looks bad and I think my mother is expecting me home." I said awkwardly. I wondered why the situation turned so easily. It was a first that I felt this way with Seth. It was new and didn't feel right at all.
"I'll walk you home." He said and I shrugged coolly.
"You don't have to." I said weakly. I hated it that I could sound like this. I sounded like this a lot actually, for no reason at all.
"Jules," Seth said exasperated. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, absolutely nothing." I emphasized.
"Why the sour look? You upset because I didn't tell you about Paul?" Subtle Seth, real subtle...
"Seth, drop it already. It's nothing. Suppose I'm overreacting." I replied. Seth put his arm around my shoulder and brought me a bit closer to him.
"You have a thing for Paul, don't you?" There was no trace of hidden amusement in his voice. It was genuine. Seth was taken aback. I looked at him as I stopped walking. I wouldn't want to risk me falling in the mud. Besides it wasn't raining that hard.
"Well, I wouldn't call it a thing, merely a friendly interaction." I responded as I tried to keep the flustered look down.
"Oh I know. It's called a crush." He teased and he ruffled my hair and he began walking again. I followed him and avoided the mud that lay in front of me.
"No it's not a crush!" I said hotly, obviously disturbed by the thought that he could read me so easily like an open book.
"Julie has a crush! Julie has a crush! Julie has a crush!" Seth teased and I couldn't help but yell at him for being so loud.
"You idiot, no need to yell! Besides it's not true!" I snapped as I hit him on the shoulder.
"Oh really," He said slyly and suddenly he started to run. Oh no! What was he going to do? Think, think, think, no, run, run, run! I clumsily ran behind him, yelling profanities, begging him to stop before he'd do something stupid and regret it. Or more likely made me regret.
"Seth! If you don't stop! I—I'll tell Summer you love her." I yelled at him. He stopped immediately and I couldn't help but notice that he suddenly turned around with an angry look on his face. It even looked like he was shaking slightly. It didn't seem like Seth at all.
"You wouldn't!" He dared. My eyes widened. Seth, why didn't you ever tell? I suspected something, but never this. I never knew his feelings went this deep.
"Seth. I-I didn't mean it. I-I…" I spluttered.
"Look, just forget it." Seth said sourly and suddenly he turned a full 180 degrees and disappeared in the woods. I felt horrible for making him leave like this, but I knew that I should leave him alone for a while now. He'd come when he was ready. But that didn't help keep the guilt away. I felt terrible. I didn't mean to upset him, hell it wasn't my intention at all.
I sighed, troubled and trailed back home, dragging my feet up the three steps in to the living room. I shrugged out of my shoes and dropped them unceremoniously in front of the door before I plopped down on the couch. I heard my mother cook in the kitchen. The smell of baked potatoes filling the whole house.
"Julie is that you?"
Who else? "Yeah." I yelled back. My voice seemed strained.
"How was the beach?" She asked as she came in the living room with a towel in her hands, she looked at me expectantly. I shrugged.
"It was fine." No it wasn't. I made my best friend angry, worst of all, I made Seth angry. That hurts. More than I could bear.
^*^
I felt awful for the past two days. It didn't make things easier when Seth refused to talk to me. At first I understood, I mean I wouldn't want to talk either, but then reality kicked in and I couldn't help but feel angry myself. I'd said I was sorry. It was a mistake and it was supposed to be taken seriously. But apparently Seth thought differently and he avoided me at all cost.
"Seth, listen to me." I cried out as I followed him through the almost empty hallways. He full out ignored me and I stumped my foot frustrated and had to resist the urge to kick a locker. Why wouldn't he listen? It was a question I asked myself often. I slumped down and leaned against the lockers, ignoring the looks students were giving me. Some teachers that passed me by couldn't help but glance in my direction with questions filling their eyes. At least I wasn't the only clueless one.
I pressed my face against my knees as I drawded them close and tried to cut off my surroundings. If he wasn't going to listen I might as well stop trying. The results wouldn't change anyway.
"Apology accepted." I heard. I looked up startled. I hadn't noticed Seth sitting down next to me. In fact I hadn't noticed at all that someone was nearby.
"Seth." I began wanting to tell him everything that troubled me. He shushed me and ruffled my hair brotherly. I loved Seth. I really did. He was like my little brother, irreplaceable.
"Seth, listen. I'm really sorry about what I said. I didn't know. Really, I never meant to hurt you or anything. And I wasn't going to tell Summer. I'd never do that. It's not up to me to say something like that. I'm so, so sorry." I was rambling but I needed to get everything out. Make him understand that I didn't mean anything of it. Seth just nodded amused.
"Jules, you worry too much. I know you'd never do something like that. You're too kind of a person for that. Besides, I'm sorry to. I wasn't rational when I walked away like that. I shouldn't have." I nodded as Seth explained and now I had to ignore the urge to ask him about Summer.
"Spit it out Jules. I know you want to." I smiled sheepishly as Seth looked at me with his eyebrows raised.
"How long have you…" I trailed off. How was I going to put it? "How long have you harboured these feelings for Summer?"
"Well." Seth began. He ran his hand through is short locks and he looked like a lost puppy. It was so cute I couldn't help but resist the urge to hug him. So I settled for leaning against his side in stead.
"I've liked her since you introduced me to her." I gulped. That was almost two years ago.
"Oh Seth," I let out a breath and was completely in awe.
"I know. I'm an idiot for liking her. But it only increased since a few months ago. Then suddenly she was everywhere. I couldn't help but not think of her. She was always on my mind. It was disturbing actually." Seth confessed.
"Does she know?" I asked quietly. I wondered if Summer knew what Seth felt for her. Maybe she did know the little details but not the whole content. If she knew would she accept him? Or would she be the same old Summer?
"She does."
And with that my heart went out for him. Because the chance of Summer confessing her love to him would be just as impossible as the tribe stories.
A/N: Review, I know you wanna, make me happy!