Disclaimer: Like you don't know it, but still. I don't own anything, yada yada yada!

A/N: Thank you for the support for the past chapter, I was so glad that all of you liked it! But let's crick up the amount of reviews. I know you can do it! This chapter by the way isn't betaed, but I couldn't help myself not posting it! So I hope you won't mind the mistakes, and I'll hope my great beta will send back the betaed version! Anyway, enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think in a review!

P.S I wanted to ask you guys something but I forgot what it was! Hmmm...

In Which We Cry

"Julie why are all of your things here?" I heard my dad yell. I winced inwardly and moved to the living room where he was sitting on the couch with my mother next to him. He was pointing at the sketch books that were littered all around the room. I shrugged and moved forward to pick them up.

"What did I tell you about keeping your things here? You have a room, why can't you leave all your things there?" He asked. I shrugged at my dad, I wasn't in the mood to make things more troubled. I had enough problems and the way things were going with my dad weren't really helpful.

"Well? Julie, I'm talking to you." My dad bellowed. He had a loud voice, it was natural, but when he yells it all intensifies.

"Well it's my house to, you know." I responded and I could feel my mothers angry eye on me. I met my dad's glance and it was murderous. Which wasn't new at all, you can say I was used to it.

"You're ungrateful Julie. Just so you know, you're big mouth is going to get you in trouble one day, mark my words girl." I rolled my eyes at that threat. I picked up my last sketch book and moved out of my room back in to my room.

I was glad my dad was one of the top surgeons in Forks. It meant that he spend a lot of time in the hospital and went to these kind of conferences in New York and other big cities. It meant he wasn't home a lot and I loved that. He may be my dad in blood but he sure doesn't treat me as his daughter. At first I blamed myself, it all started when I became older, suddenly I wasn't his little girl and he started to treat me like I was ungrateful. Which I wasn't. Honestly

But in his eyes I could only do bad things. He was so focused on the things I couldn't do that he forgot that I had things that I was capable of doing. But it still made no difference and after a while I stopped trying to please him. Because why should I even bother? He didn't, he doesn't care that my grades are quite good. At least I think so. He doesn't care that I like Art so much. He doesn't care at all.

He of course does mind who I hang out with. He absolutely hates boys, except Seth and he's still a bit mean to him. He thinks that they only want one thing. And I suppose you know what that would be, right? Well, it wouldn't be so bad, because a lot of other fathers have the same opinion. But they love their daughters. I'm not sure if he loves me. Because I never heard him say that once, not even to my mother.

My mother of course adores him. She always had, no matter how he treated her; she was so kind towards him. He never saw that she gives him so much more credit than he deserves. He may be an accomplished surgeon, he failed as a father. And I think that's the worst name a man can over come.

But of course he doesn't care, because everybody else has to adjust to his ideas, if not, there'll be hell to pay. I just wish my mother saw the man he really was. But she loves the man so much she forgot that she had a daughter that suffered. I love my mother. I really do. But when it comes to her husband or her daughter she'd choose her husband over and over again. Because she really thinks she's happy with him.

I just wish she knew how I was suffering. I know I'm being very self-centred but the thing is, I'm allowed to. I'm jealous of Kim and Summer. Kim's mother died a few years ago of breast cancer. It completely destroyed Kim and her father Timothy Sudol. But the bond between father daughter strengthened so much that he became a mother and a father to Kim. She never complained once.

Summer of course has the loving family of four. She got her little brother by one year Brady. Her parents Dean and Hannah are one of the most loving parents I've ever seen. They support their children in everything they do and that's completely the opposite what my parents do. My mother likes that I paint a lot, but she never says something, while my dad on the other hand completely ignores it unless he finds something that bothers him.

Of course you have Seth to. He lost his father a few months ago and it completely tore him, his sister Leah and his mother Sue down. But they made it through, they're holding up and I can't believe it that they're still a family. I think Leah had the most trouble with pulling through. After the whole thing with her ex boyfriend Sam, her father's death really broke her down. And she turned bitter.

I put down my sketch books on my desk and I closed to door while I turned on the radio. I heard the familiar tune of Fallin' Apart. The All-American Reject. I loved the band, slightly whiny but I liked it anyways. I lay down on my bed as I heard the familiar drizzle of the rain. It was almost hypnotising. If you've lived with rain all your life you'll start to hear the beauty of rain. I like rain, of course, I like it less when I'm outside but it doesn't bother me as much it does others.

It's soothing and the constant raindrops that tickle the window can put you to bed, sometimes it even sounds like a lullaby. I decided it was time to get to bed, I hadn't slept well the past few nights and the thing with Dante of course didn't help. I was glad I had Paul. Funny enough, Dante stays away when Paul is with me. I like it, it's nice and I got an excuse to keep Paul with me the whole time.

I'm not sure why Paul is doing it. I don't mind of course but I'd like to know the real catalyst behind his behaviour. It's not like he owes me or something. In fact, we've only been 'real' friends for a short period of time that it's too soon to act all protective. I'm used to Seth's behaviour. And he only turned so protective since a few months or so. It was around the time he had his grow spurt. It was like he was growing every second.

I'd just wish he saw what I would see every time I'd see him.

^*^

"Jules, we need to talk." Those words never meant anything good in a relationship. But the thing is, I'm not in one, so when somebody tells me that I have something to worry about. Because these conversations never end up lightly.

"Oh." I nodded and as Paul took my hand in his I tried to follow his long strides to the woods. I never went into the woods. I was afraid of them, especially since those terrifying animal attacks, I made sure to steer clear from them.

"Uh Paul, are you sure we should go there?" I asked, my voice quivering slightly. I suppose he noticed because I saw him give me an uncertain look.

"I think we should." He said, his voice determined. I nodded, because that was the only thing I could do. As I followed him, my hand still in his, I tried to focus fully on the walk and not on the sounds around me.

"Okay, take me back." I exclaimed when I heard a crack behind. I spun on my heel and started to walk in the opposite direction. I only managed a few steps when I felt warm arms wrap themselves around my waist and pick me up. He put me back on my feet again and he gripped me by my shoulders.

"Julie, there's nothing here! Stop overreacting. You really think I'd let something happen to you?" I shook my head mutely, completely engrossed in his eyes. He sighed and rolled his eyes when he saw I wasn't listening. He grabbed my arm and slung me over his shoulder, settling me in away so he was carrying me on his back. I didn't have time to protest, even though I wouldn't, and before I even knew it he had started walking again. With me clutching his neck.

"Why are you so dead set on bringing me into the woods?" I asked. I knew my breath was tickling his ear, but I couldn't resist it. I heard him inhale a sharp breath and I thought I felt him falter in his steps, but if he did, he recovered soon because he was still walking in the same pace.

"I want to show you something." He replied simply.

"You know we're going to get in trouble for skipping class." I pointed out. To be honest, it was the least of my problems. I didn't mind skipping, even though I never did it, unless it was an emergency. Sadly enough, those emergencies never occurred.

"I'm sure we'll survive." He said flatly. I frowned at that and I tightened my grip on his shoulders. I could feel his warmth seep through his clothes. I wasn't sure if it was healthy. Sometimes it would scare me that his temperature was so high, he didn't seem bothered by it though. He avoided it completely after he gave me a lame excuse like; 'it runs in the family'. Some family he must have.

"Are we there yet?" I asked. The silence that had engrossed us had made me aware of our surroundings and it was just the thing that I avoided. Suddenly the trees that were so thick that it completely blocked out our views opened up and I felt like Alice in Wonderland that had walked into the magic garden.

"It's beautiful." Those words seemed far too inadequate for this. We were now standing in front of a meadow which was being lit up by the sun, the little sun we had though, but it was just enough to make this place beautiful. Everything was of course green, but this place made me love the colour green. Somewhere on the east there was a wooden fence with a little white cottage. The cottage was obviously abandoned but it was truly adorable. The tree that stood so tall gave me this particular feeling I couldn't quite identify. It was a sort of longing, a desire, yet the whole emotion was new and in some way quite bittersweet.

"I come here often, to think… to be alone." He added and he startled me with that. I had almost forgotten he was there with me. I turned to him and craned my neck to look at him.

"Thank you for showing this to me." I murmured. Knowing that this was something personal. He took my hand again and we started walking to that same cottage which stood so alone.

"Julie, if I'd ask you something, would you answer honestly?" Paul asked carefully. I nodded, but couldn't shake the feeling it arose.

"Of course, why?"

"I'd like you to tell me about Lily Waltz." Those words shocked me. I didn't want to tell him about that. It was the one thing I wouldn't be able to tell him about. Not because I didn't want to, well partly because I didn't want to, but also because it's not my secret to tell.

"I can't." I murmured, my voice awfully painful. I swallowed painfully and looked at my feet. We had stopped walking and I felt Paul stand in front of me. One of his hand tilting my cheek so I would face him.

"Why not?" He asked. He was being awfully calm. I'd thought he would be angry again, but I suppose that this boy is capable of surprising people. Most of the time me.

"Because it's not my secret to tell." I replied honestly. I pulled my hand out of his and crossed my arms, forcing myself to focus on the tree. It was the only tree in the meadow which was standing on his own. It made me wonder why it was all alone.

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Paul offered. I knew that I never should've interfered in the fight between Paul and Dante. That whole mess brought this upon me. When I finally thought I was able to walk away from that piece of history it came back to bite me in the ass. I should've expected it. I should've prevented it in the first place.

"Yeah, unfortunately we don't know what Lily wouldn't have minded. Because she's not here, is she?" I snapped. Angry tears were filling my eyes again and I cursed loudly for the fact I was so emotional. I hated that, but I couldn't help it. He had crawled under my skin and forced me open up. Unravel every one of my secrets. He wanted to crawl as deep as possible. And he had succeeded.

"Julie, don't be like that. I would help if you talked about it. I'm here to listen." I hate you. I hate you for being so bloody helpful.

"Stop being so freaking understanding Paul. Can't you see that I don't want to talk about it? It's better left unsaid, why can't you see that?" My voice echoed in the quiet meadow and I flinched hearing the volume. Paul however didn't flinch. His own anger got fuelled by mine.

"Stop being such a spoiled brat." He sneered. "You're not the only one that's involved in this now."

"Yes I am. I didn't ask for you to help me." I responded angrily. Which was true by the way. I didn't remember asking him to step in. I could've handled it. Or maybe not, but it's the thought that counts.

"You know, I'm starting to regret it now." He snapped. I placed my hands on my hips as I glared at him. The nerve of the guy.

"Good, you should." I replied.

"Fine."

"Fine." I yelled. His chest was heaving because of his anger and mine was to. Before I knew it he had his arms around me and I was being held close to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I stood on my toes.

"Can we go now?" I asked quietly, my voice muffled by his shirt. The sweet scent it radiated made me weak and I had trouble standing on my feet.

"Sure, come on." He said gruffly.

The walk back was awfully uncomfortable. I suppose it was the tension in the air of our little disagreement. Paul and I fought often, not on purpose of course. We'd just butt heads for the most ridiculous things. Sometimes it was justified, sometimes it wasn't. This time, my anger was completely legitimate. Because I had the right to refuse, I may have dragged him in, not by choice of course, but still. I was allowed to keep him out of that part of my life.

But I also knew that, that part was awfully crucial to me. The whole situation had scared me. And I know it's not even about me and I shouldn't complain because I don't know the amount of pain Lily went through. But still. It marked me and shaped me in the person I am now. I'm not proud of it though, not proud of the fact I let it affect me in a way so it would seem that I was the victim. It wasn't my intention. I didn't mean to. But sometimes these things are inevitable and you take it in like it's a part of your life. I did that. Look what happened?

I don't recommend it.

"You're awfully quiet." I heard Paul say beside me. He wasn't holding my hand anymore. I didn't mind. I hadn't expected something else. I suppose he's still a bit set with me.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. I wasn't sure if he had heard me because he didn't respond. He didn't even look in my direction. Before I knew it we were standing in front of my house. We had made a silent agreement not to go back to school again.

"Here we are." He replied. Acting like nothing had happened.

"Are you upset with me?" I asked. Wondering if he really was as mad as he appeared to be. Because he sure seemed frustrated. He looked at me and his eyes which had softened so quickly looked like the familiar brown orbs that I had grown to love.

"No, not upset. Mildly frustrated, yes." He gave me a roguish grin and I rolled my eyes. Paul was someone you can trust. That was true, it was something you couldn't deny because he would prove it to you in a split second.

We walked up the three steps and stood in front of the front door. I pulled out my keys and opened the door. I was home alone. When I turned around it had only taken a split second to take my decision. Maybe it was indeed time for me to start talking. Maybe it would help me and make things easier for myself and others. Maybe Paul is just the right person for this.

"Lily was a nice person." I began. I wasn't quite sure why I had started so abruptly. But maybe it was more effective like this.

"I know." Paul said. Sincerity rang in his voice. I looked at him and realized that he was urging for me to continue with what I was saying. I took a deep breath.

"And I think she wouldn't have minded if you knew."

A/N: Review and thank you for reading this!

P.S I remember now: For the ones that forgot the surnames: Julie Lynam, Paul Matson, Kim Sudol, Summer Lott, Brady Lott and Seth Clearwater which all of you of course know!