1971, 1st Year

Remus' Rants:

Quote of the Day: 'Every time I've held a rose it seems that I've only felt the thorns'

The first week of the year flew by quite quickly and I found that James, Sirius and Peter were turning out to be great friends. The first year was the year we formed close friendships with each other.

I discovered that at Hogwarts I was the happiest of all, I was surrounded by great friends and it was one of the happiest times of my life.

It was the beginning of friendship for us, but I still felt ashamed because I couldn't tell James, Sirius or Peter about my true condition.

It was just before midnight on a Friday night of the first week that we had our first Astronomy lesson. I was looking somewhat forward to Astronomy; the midnight skies had always fascinated me.

Before I was bitten I always would wonder what was really out there in the vast space that surrounded the earth.

When I looked out at the night skies it made the whole world seem insignificant and small.

When I was little, on a clear night, I always used to look out at the stars. And on cool breezy nights mum, dad and I would sit outside on the porch and dad would tell us the names of stars, and what they meant, and we would make out animal shapes from the stars, like you do with clouds. Dad would tell us stories of how the stars originally came to be in the sky. He said that almost every star had a name and history, and that they were named after people or the people were placed in the stars.

I loved all these wondrous stories about the stars; they took me to another world and suggested something bigger and grander than the earth itself.

But when I was bitten everything changed, I no longer looked out at the sky.

I no longer sat on the porch with my parents for hours and named stars, or listened to my father's stories about them, reveling in the wonder that was the midnight sky, because I hated to look at the moon, I hated the look of it, I hated the way it leered at me.

Every night it would smirk at me from it's position in the sky, almost as if it was saying 'just five more days, five more days,' and I hated it. It would always be there, even the slightest fingernail of a moon was still an indication that it was there in the sky and I wished so much that one day when I looked up in the night sky, the moon would not be there. But of course, it always was.

Even though I felt all this, it sort of felt good to be studying the sky again, even if it wasn't with my parents. It felt like a homely feeling, the feeling that I had felt before I was bitten.

Sirius' voice interrupted my thoughts suddenly "Where's my bloody star chart!?" Sirius was searching the dormitory, turning things upside down and inside out searching for his said star chart.

"In the last place that you put it," James said cheekily, he too was getting ready for the Astronomy lesson.

"Well duh James, how thick do you think I am?" Sirius asked, not expecting an answer.

"Now do you really want us to answer that, Sirius?" James replied.

"Shut up and help me look for my blasted star chart," Sirius said.

I stood up and began to gather up my equipment for Astronomy, Peter and James did the same. At least they were organized, I thought to myself as Sirius flung assorted items around the room.

"You can borrow mine if you want," James offered.

"I don't want to borrow yours, I want my own," Sirius said stubbornly, still flinging things around and rummaging through his trunk.

"Suit yourself then, but don't say I didn't offer," James replied.

We waited another five minutes, and still there was no sign of Sirius' star chart "We're late Sirius, come on, we've got to go, you can borrow James' chart," I said as I made my way to the door.

"He doesn't want to borrow mine," James replied.

"I'll find it, just give me a couple more minutes," Sirius replied, rummaging around.

"No, we're going now," I said firmly, opening the door.

James, Peter and I stood in the doorway, waiting for Sirius. Sirius finally gave in, and, taking one last almost mournful look around the room, he followed us out the door.

Once we were out of the portrait hole we started off towards the Astronomy tower. It was a fairly cold night and a cool breeze hit my face and lifted my hair.

"Uh, where exactly is the Astronomy tower?" Sirius asked, walking along.

"It's the tallest tower in the school," I answered.

"So… that would be that one," Sirius replied, pointing to the tallest tower in the castle.

"Well done," I replied, somewhat sardonically.

We walked on in silence, and once we got to the foot of the tower we started to climb the many stairs.

"Why are there so many stairs? This is a magical school, I mean, can't they invent something so we don't have to climb so high?" Peter complained.

"Stop whining Peter," I answered irritably. Usually I wasn't snappy like this or edgy, but as it was, the next full moon was in three nights.

This would be the first time that I would transform out of my home, without my parents. Even though my parents couldn't be with me at transformation time, I always found comfort in the thought that they were still there, still around, even if not right in front of me. This would be my first time without them there, and I felt afraid.

Dumbledore had already gone over the plans for the full moon with me on the night of the feast.

Madam Pomfrey, the school nurse, was to meet me outside the portrait hole at 5 o'clock in the afternoon, and she was to escort me to and from the Whomping Willow; I would push the knot on the trunk with a stick and climb up through the tunnel and into the shack above it, where I was to transform.

The next day, Madam Pomfrey or a teacher, would come and take me back to school, to the Hospital Wing.

"Well, here we are," James' voice broke into my thoughts, and I found that my contemplations had taken me all the way up to the top of the Astronomy tower.

I found myself standing at the back of a large tower, I could see the rest of Hogwarts below me, and the view stretched out for miles. The night sky seemed infinite.

I looked around and I noticed that the class was already there and seated. We were about ten minutes late.

All thanks to Sirius and his stupid star chart.

The Astronomy Professor looked over at us upon our arrival. She looked to be around her mid-thirties, she had long black hair, pale skin, and dark eyes. She smiled at us, apparently unconcerned about our lateness.

The whole class turned around also and stared at us. I noticed that we had Astronomy with the Ravenclaws.

"I'll assume you're Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew?" The teacher asked us. We nodded silently.

"Take a seat," the professor indicated to four large, vacant comfy looking beanbags, we made our way over to them and sat down.

"As I was saying," the professor resumed talking, "I'm Professor Philomena, and I'll be your teacher for this year, and hopefully for others. You are here to learn about the night sky and all its extraordinary wonders…" Professor Philomena went on to explain about what we were to study in Astronomy, and about the universe.

I looked out at the sky, it was a chilly night and the stars were out in all their brightness.

So was the moon, and it was almost full.

Turning my attention to the class instead Professor Philomena caught my eye for a couple of seconds; she had a look of understanding in her eye.

I looked away quickly. What did this mean? Did she know about me? I slapped myself mentally.

 Of course she did, the whole staff had to know.

I gazed around at the class absent mindedly, noticing two girls, both Gryffindors, Lavinia Fletcher and Alanna Capes, who were giggling and passing notes to each other. This kind of irritated me, I didn't exactly know why though.

After Professor Philomena finished talking about Astronomy she instructed us to locate and fill in the position of the moon on our star-charts, as it would be particularly easy. I heard Sirius curse beside me quietly and say, "I knew we'd be using it!" Sirius then shared James' and no more was said about it.

After everyone had located the moon on our star charts we were free to go, as the bell wasn't going to ring in the middle of a Friday night.

Students started filing out of the tower and walking down the stairs.

"Mr. Lupin," Professor Philomena's voice filtered through the night sky.

I turned around, "Yes Professor?" I asked.

"I'd like to see you for a minute if you please."

I nodded, and turned back around to the waiting James, Sirius and Peter, "you go ahead," I said to them quietly.

"You sure?" James asked.

I nodded. James, Sirius and Peter turned around and descended down the staircase.

I made my way over to Professor Philomena, who was standing on the edge of the tower, looking out at the dark night sky.

"Mr. Lupin, do you know what 'Philomena' means?" Professor Philomena asked, totally out of the blue. I wondered why she was asking this. And why me?

"Er, no Professor…" I answered honestly.

"It means 'lover of the moon'," Professor Philomena answered, still looking out at the sky.

I snorted without meaning to. How could anyone love the moon? Why was she telling me this?

"You think it's strange to appreciate it?" Philomena asked, now gazing over at me, her dark eyes seemed to look into my soul. It was kind of unnerving.

"Well, yes, I mean, no, I don't think it strange, I just… I just don't know how anyone could love it, I mean, I don't… I don't… know, I hate it," I finished hopelessly.

"Because you are a werewolf?" She asked simply.

I looked over at her, surprised. I had already guessed that she knew about me already, but hearing her actually say it came as a mild shock.

Hearing those words from anyone but Dumbledore or my parents was strange. And yet, somehow, I felt a strange comfort in them.

"Yes," I gulped, then continued, "I… I… how can I not hate it? It is part of the reason why I turn into a murderous beast once a month," I confessed.

I had no idea why I was telling the Astronomy Professor all those things, things that I had never even told anyone else, but it seemed that I could trust her, and I felt somehow comfortable telling her.

"Remus, look at the moon," Professor Philomena indicated to the large glowing orb hanging in the sky, I looked up at it, and I felt fearful. It seemed as if, like many times that night, that the moon was seemingly leering at me, saying 'only three more nights'.

It would be only three nights before I would turn into a savage beast. Only three nights left until the moon was entirely full.

Professor Philomena sensed my fear somehow and said, "I mean really look at it, look at the unmistakable beauty in it, can't you see it?" Philomena asked, gazing at the moon.

I did as she suggested and stared intently at it, after a while I did realize an unmistakable beauty about the glowing orb; it did have a natural splendor about it.

The way its silvery light shone out from the moon was undeniably and disturbingly beautiful, it seemed to be two things at once, beautiful but also menacing.

For the first time since my fatal bite I saw the waxing moon through the eyes of my five year old self. I saw the moon in all its beauty. The moon seemed a thing of ultimate beauty, shining its splendorous pearly light down onto the earth, but it was also a thing of malice, where it controlled the state that I would be in in three more nights.

I looked up at the moon with wide eyes, never had I seen it quite like this before, and it unnerved me. I tore my eyes away from it, seemingly shocked at this unsettling revelation.

"You realize its dark beauty, don't you?" Professor Philomena asked me quietly.

"Y…Yes," I stuttered.

"You see Remus, the moon is not just a thing of evil, but also of wild beauty, and you should realize this," Professor Philomena said finally.

I took in her words, wondering why I should realize this. These words seemed like an indication that the conversation was over, and that the ultimate lesson had been taught. I turned to pick up my belongings and walked over to the stairs, ready to descend down the long stairwell.

I had just took my first step down the stairs when I heard Professor Philomena's voice behind me yet again, "Mr. Lupin," she said softly.

"Yes?" I asked as I turned back around, she had also turned around.

"Do tell Sirius Black to bring his star chart for the next lesson, won't you?" she said with a smile, her eyes glittering.

"Yes, of… of course," I said, then turned around and started the long descent down the stairway.

I managed to walk all the way back to the Gryffindor common room thinking about the things that had just happened and the revelations that I had just realized. All the while the moon's silvery light shone down on me.

Once I had got back to our dormitory I found Sirius, James and Peter lying sprawled out on the top of their beds in their school robes, fast asleep.

I smiled.

They must have been waiting for me to return, and fell asleep in the process.

I walked to each of their beds in turn and pulled the covers over them. When I went to pull Sirius' covers over him I saw a small piece of parchment peeking out from under the bottom of his blanket. I pulled the parchment out fully from under the blanket. It was Sirius' star chart. Though what the heck it was doing in his bed, no one will ever know. I smiled and placed it on his bedside table. Hopefully there it would be noticed and not lost.

I looked back around at the sleeping forms of Sirius, James and Peter; their school robes still covered them. I definitely was not going to change those for them, even if they were great friends.

Once Sirius, James and Peter looked somewhat settled I climbed into bed, not bothering to change out of my school robes.

While lying in my warm bed I looked out the window up to the full moon. It did have a dark beauty to it. It did seem to be all that Professor Philomena had said. And at that moment I realized that all of what Professor Philomena had said was undeniably true.

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Author's Notes: Hiya! Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed, I love you all. (Probably sick of hearing that, eh?) This was a bit of a short chapter because originally it was about 20 pages long, so I had to separate it into two chapters, the next one will be Remus' first transformation at Hogwarts. Anyway, this will go basically from Sirius' troubles to Remus', so it won't exactly be light-hearted marauder pranks and stuff.

As to the Quote of the Day, it's a Billy Joel quote thing, but I think it fits for this chapter. And I couldn't find any others.

I haven't seen PoA yet cause it's not released here until the 10th- and even then I won't be seeing it for a while cause we live an hour away from a decent cinema. Wahh. I have no idea what that had to do with anything, but I felt like sharing. Anyway, as to James being a Chaser in this fic well, in an interview J.K.R said that he was a Chaser, so he is in the fic. Hope that's cleared up any confusion about it later on. I thought he was a Seeker as well, especially because of the movie, but J.K said he's a Chaser, so until she says different he's going to be a Chaser. Thanks for listening!

Ash- Wow! Thank you so much! I really really really appreciate that! I love you! Thankyou so much!

Lil qt wanna b Lily- Thank you very very much! I might take a look later.

Koriaena- Thank you! I'm glad you like it!

Weirdochelle- Thankyou very much!

Oddball- Thankyou very much! Hmm, you know what, that thought never occurred to me, slaps self in the head I can't believe I didn't think of that! Well, er, maybe he can stand the little things that are silver.

Lisa- Thankyou, I'm glad you like it. But it doesn't say anywhere in the books that James is a Seeker, it says in the movie, and J.K said he's a Chaser. Thankyou for reviewing!

DancingDobby- Thankyou, I'm glad you are enjoying the story. I like your reviews. Yeah I know the prologue dragged on for a bit, but you know, I wanted to show Remus' grief about loosing Sirius, I could have made it worse ;). Hehe. Thanks again for your reviews!

Faith-Tse- Thankyou very much! I'm glad you like the way I portray them.

Jai-Moony- Thankyou! Glad you like it. Hope I updated quick enough for you!

Padfoot-911- Thankyou, glad you liked the chapter. Well yes, Sirius is going to be braver, more impulsive, cocky, etc, as he grows up. I think at the beginning Sirius would have a few second thoughts on everything he's been doing etc. I mean, I would too if it was against my whole crazy family. Thanks!

Kady Rilla Wholi- That's okay J. I'm glad you liked Cyrilla, I quite like her too, for some morbid reason. Heh. Sirius is my fave too.

Dracos Princess 1- Wow! Thanks! That sure was a lotta words, and I thankyou for each and every one of them. Thankyou so very very very much! :D. And, if I haven't said it enough, Thankyou!!!

Ronda-Silverpaw- Lol. Yeah there are loads, but I don't know which ones to read! Too many of them! Lol. Hope your comp recovers soon. Send it my regards. Lol.

Squirrel-bladder4- Thankyou! Hope I didn't make you too sad. I'm glad you liked it.

Accio Flaming Stake- (Hehe, cool name). Thankyou very much! I'm glad you like it! Wickedly brilliant, that sounds cool. I salute you too! I love Sirius! Yes his cocky self will be making a reappearance. Well he already has actually.

Visualpurple- Yep, Sirius sure is my fave character. I don't have anything in common with Sirius either, (well, except for dark hair lol) I have more in common with Moony as well. Strange. I had to go look up superlative in the dictionary, hehe. Oh don't you just love Forever Alive? It's my favourite story, Mordred is the best!

Hannanora-Potter- Lol. Yeah, Go Sirius, Go Sirius! Jumps up and down with pom poms Ahem. Anyway, I will try!

Black Vengeance- (Cool name), thankyou, I like your reviews! I liked to show Remus' feelings more than Harry's, Remus has been Sirius' best friend nearly all his life and I think he would have been so depressed (to say the least) when Sirius died. Thankyou for your comments!

Black Mistress- I'm glad you liked the way I portrayed the Blacks. They're evil. It's everybody's fault that Sirius dies! Well, actually, I don't know who's fault it is. I haven't read OotP in a while so now I'm completely immersed in fanfic that it seems like he's alive anyway. There's a TV show called Andromeda? Hmm. Glad you love the quotes, I have a doc with all my cool quotes for this. I'm too lazy to write them down as well. Hope you liked the chapter!

JBanana- Hope this was quick enough for you! I love Sirius and Remus as well!

Goldilocks31890- Hope that was quick enough! I haven't seen PoA yet, cries I want to see it! But it's not released here until the 10th. Waaahhh!