After the explanation of their predicament had been teased out of the two slightly chastened conspirators Remus sat down on the nearest level surface - which happened to be Harry's trunk - and wheezed loudly. "So the two of you pranked Hermione and Ron only to be indirectly pranked by the masters themselves." He managed to snort out.
"Yes, thank you." Sirius said sourly, as possible images of the torturous days and nights ahead of him coalesced into a single alarming vision of relentless embarrassment. Bugger. Maybe this wouldn't be so amazing after all. "We fully realise we, most likely, were had."
"Oh come on Sirius." Harry coaxed, not really wanting to spend the next two days literally stuck with a foul-tempered Sirius. "It is sort of amusing really, and it isn't like it is permanent, or we are at the mercy of the twin demons until they choose to undo it. Forty-eight hours is all it is. Then we are free to do a number on the buggers; we can show them what Padfoot is really made of."
Sirius managed a faint smile, but it looked more like a snarl.
Remus snorted loudly and tried to bite his fist to disguise the giggles that kept trying to well up. "Well it isn't all bad Sirius." He teased meaningfully.
"Okay, let us pretend that you don't find our problem hysterically amusing for a moment… how is this good except that it provides free entertainment for deranged old werewolves?" Sirius demanded. Remus had better not say anything to tip Harry off. Not while he had no means of escape.
Remus merely smiled cheekily, conjured a carton of popcorn and started munching
"Graaahhhh!" Sirius announced and stomped into the bathroom to dramatically slam the door and be alone… unfortunately it was a less than perfect dramatic exit with Harry stumbling along behind him.
Outside the bathroom Remus laughed louder.
Harry smirked at Sirius.
"He won't laugh too hard if he knows what is good for him." Sirius promised darkly.
Harry continued grinning at him. "Oh come on, if this wasn't us you'd be laughing your head off too. We'll get through this, you've already convinced me that we will, so why the sudden panic now?"
Sirius eyed Harry for a moment. "Because I don't know about you, but I will be less than comfortable doing everything with you actually attached to me for the next two days."
Harry looked hurt and Sirius immediately cursed himself for his insensitivity.
"Imagine being stuck to Hermione for two days!" Harry protested. "Be glad it is me!"
Sirius shuddered. "What an awful thought." He made his voice go high and girly. "No Sirius, we can't have more breakfast, I need to go to the library right now for my daily fix of dust and eyestrain and we can't risk you getting honey on my babies, oh, I mean my books!" He twirled himself up in the shower curtain and batted his eyelashes at Harry.
Harry snorted at Sirius's antics, despite still feeling ever so slightly hurt.
Sirius unfurled himself from the curtain with a sigh. "But seriously, sorry Harry, that wasn't personal, but I just wouldn't be comfortable having anyone around all the time… Think about it. Having someone with you constantly while you're trying to eat, think, shower, sleep and piss would be just a little too much – unless you were lovers I suppose." He added slyly. "Although if I had to be stuck to anyone for two days, I am glad it is you, at least I know I won't go completely mad having you around."
Harry grinned at him. "You're already completely mad. It can't get any worse."
Sirius shot him a baleful look, and his lower lip quivered artistically.
Harry shook his head at Sirius's amateur dramatics. "Okay. I get what you're saying. I'm actually glad it is you too, and I can't imagine trying to shower with Hermione. Ron would kill me for one thing."
"How about showering with Slughorn?" Sirius couldn't resist.
Harry mock-glared at him before turning to the mirror and preening exaggeratedly. "Be very glad the only showering you will be doing with anyone is me. I am after all the sexiest bloke in the building."
Sirius forced a laugh and fumbled frantically for the door handle. Suddenly the bathroom seemed much too intimate for him and Harry to be standing in. That humiliation could damn well wait.
Remus had himself more or less under control by the time Harry and Sirius burst out of the bathroom.
"Are you two sorted out now?" He queried uncertainly.
The only response he received was a strange exchange of glances and a vague but collective nod. Remus shook it off easily and stood up intending to leave. It wasn't the first time that he had been more than a little frustrated with the very odd bond between Harry and Sirius… and Tonks would doubtless be better company than the two sulky oafs who had just pranked themselves, and who knew… perhaps this would even produce some kind of results that might make Sirius a bit more bearable to be around.
Remus hastily let himself out, and closed the door firmly behind him, but Sirius was only a step behind and he rapidly began warding the door to the point where Harry idly wondered if they would be able to get out again in time for breakfast the next day.
"You could help you know." Sirius pouted as Harry tucked a hand comfortably under Sirius's shirt and continued to merely stand back and watch him work.
"I would, but I think we're going to need Bill's skills just to get out again, and you know Hermione almost as well as I do – if she decides she wants to come in here to terrorize us and demand we fix things then she is certainly going to find a way in eventually. That girl could break into Gringotts if she had to."
"What do you suggest then, that we make it easy for her?" Sirius asked, pausing in his spell casting. "That we leave the door unlocked, roll out the welcome mat and just hide under the ruddy bed?"
xxx
"I didn't actually mean it." Sirius whined in Harry's ear.
"Why not?" Harry whispered back. "Because she got in so easy she thinks we aren't here, and thus will go looking elsewhere while we get some undisturbed sleep."
Sirius merely grunted and shifted his weight, trying to get a clearer view through the tiny gap between the floor and the loosely hanging coverlet on Harry's bed.
"See! Going, going, going… gone!" Harry proclaimed in a very small but extremely triumphant voice as his disgruntled best friends took a very cursory look around the seemingly deserted bedroom and shuffled out of his room together and banged the door behind them.
Harry and Sirius lay together for several minutes longer, listening intently for any sound to indicate that their pursuers were returning, before flipping up the dangling bedclothes and clumsily clambering out to flop down on top of the bed.
"Well, I guess we already settled the your place or mine issue." Harry kidded a little uneasily.
Sirius merely grunted and made himself comfortable. Harry's bed! He was spending the night in Harry's bed! Okay, so they were fully clothed and it was only due to some stupid sticking solution… but still! Harry's bed!
"Hey! Not so fast Mister." Harry tugged at the hand he held. "I don't know about you, but I would like to brush my teeth before I try to sleep."
Sirius grumbled upright, "Fine, fine. Can we sneak to my room and get me something to sleep in besides jeans?"
"Remus didn't return my cloak, so no. I am not risking wandering and possibly encountering the wrath of Hermione. You can borrow some of my stuff instead." Harry replied as he got Sirius on his feet and headed for the bathroom.
"Does that include your toothbrush?" Sirius immediately wanted to know. "Because that implies a lot of commitment you know, and I've been hurt before."
Harry gave a long-suffering sigh and began poking through his bathroom cupboard for a spare toothbrush.
"And how are we supposed to pee if we hold hands all the time?" Sirius added thoughtfully as he stared at the toilet. "Can you grab some other bit of me while I unzip and go."
Harry gave him a quizzical look. "Depends which bit."
Sirius let out a bark of amusement. "Not that bit. My neck or something."
Harry reached up and tucked his left hand around the back of Sirius's neck and then resumed clattering through the messy cupboard with his free hand. "You know, I actually feel sorry for Ron and Hermione now," he commented as he finally found a new toothbrush for Sirius.
"Hmm?"
"Well, we're both men and using the toilet or showering at the same time is something blokes do all the time. Particularly at school."
"Though they don't usually touch each other at the same time." Sirius responded as he flushed the toilet.
"Well, no," Harry allowed as he presented the toothbrush to Sirius with a flourish and moved to use the loo himself. "But still. It isn't as weird for us as it must be for Ron and Hermione."
"Yeah, now I actually think about it, I understand why they'd be a bit mad." Sirius agreed cheerfully as he nosed through the disaster of Harry's cupboard and noted the presence of strawberry-flavoured lubricant with intense interest. "We're lucky, at least we're pretty comfortable with each other, so helping each other dress and undress and showering together and things won't be massively embarrassing, just a bit… odd." Sirius lied.
Harry nodded. "Yeah." He agreed unsteadily.
They managed to manoeuvre their way through brushing teeth and washing faces with minimal difficulty, but then undressing for bed presented a new challenge.
They managed to tangle themselves up in each other's clothing and the pauses between their day wear being removed and nightclothes put on were difficult and prompted quite a lot of nervous giggling.
"Not embarrassing huh?" Harry eventually groaned as Sirius finally helped pull his t-shirt over his head.
Sirius leered. "This is actually a lot more challenging that I thought it would be, and I seem to have inadvertently ended up groping you rather a lot."
Harry laughed. "Yes, to say nothing of me accidentally grabbing and poking you in various unnecessary places."
"Well, it's more action that I've seen in a long time, so you're forgiven." Sirius jested semi-seriously.
Harry laughed helplessly and collapsed back on the bed, dragging Sirius down beside him. "I can believe that."
"Hey! My lack of sex life is not to be mocked by anyone but me!"
"Sorry!" Harry snorted out.
"And I don't even have my lovely borrowed Chudley Cannons t-shirt on yet. How can I sleep without that monstrosity to drape my body and ward you off? You might take advantage of me again. You vile seducer you."
Harry grinned, even though Sirius was alarmingly close to the truth with his words. Harry had purposely dug out the biggest, ugliest t-shirt he owned (courtesy of Ron) for Sirius to wear in bed – in an attempt to remind himself to keep his hands away from places they probably weren't wanted.
"I think I may be able to resist." Harry said lightly as Sirius balled up the hideous shirt and flung it across the room. "Though I am sorely tempted." He added with deeper sincerity as his eyes roamed over delicious looking bare skin that was close enough to lick.
Sirius slid under the covers and made himself comfortable, a huge grin gracing his features. "Of course you're tempted. You're in bed with me."
Harry took a deep breath. What had Remus said to him? You have to date the one who makes you happiest? Harry grinned to himself, well; maybe he should make the most of this bizarre yet welcome opportunity and see if he could get Sirius to date him.
Or do other interesting things with him.
To judge by the wholly unnecessary innuendo flying around, Sirius wasn't completely oblivious or even completely indifferent to the possibility of having Harry as his lover. He might just need softening up, followed by some strong persuasion and heavy-duty flirting. Even the possibility of having a viable chance with Sirius would be well worth a bit of effort Harry decided, wondering how to get the ball rolling in a subtle way. Obviously less clothes would be a priority he decided.
"You know, seriously, I was just thinking that this sleeping lark would be a lot easier if there was more bare flesh to make contact with." Harry said carefully. "Because if our contact has to be kept to our hands or forearms we'll probably be more likely to wake each other up when we try to move in the night."
Sirius nodded eagerly and then hoped that Harry would take it as eagerness for more sleep, not for more skin being put on display. Then his hand was guided to rest on a taut belly and Harry quickly sat up and stripped off the t-shirt he had struggled to wrestle himself into only a minute earlier.
It sailed across the room to plop down beside the crumpled heap of orange cloth, and Sirius soon found himself lying with a shirtless Harry in his arms.
"Night Sirius." Harry murmured as he happily snuggled unnecessarily close and buried his face in Sirius's chest. "Sleep well."
"Uh-huh." Sirius muttered as he lay dazedly wondering exactly how so many of his dreams had suddenly started to come true with absolutely minimal effort on his part. "You too."
Harry inhaled the smell of pure Sirius and relished the warm chest and steady heartbeat under his cheek. Yes, step one in redirecting the passions of Sirius Black had been accomplished. If you could wangle it, sleeping half-naked in someone's arms was definitely the best way to get them considering you as a potential boyfriend.
Stepping up the flirting could wait until morning though, Harry decided sleepily. Right now, a truly perfect night's sleep was beckoning.