Warnings: labor

"Ana!" Cecilia shouted as yet another strong pain in her abdomen made her drop her spoon and double over in pain. That had now been the fourth time in bit more than two hours. Her friend came asking what she had and Cecilia had to wait a few seconds until the pain was over before she could try and explain. Luckily Ana's English was rather good, so she didn't need to try and explain it in Spanish. The older woman placed a hand on her stomach and told her to take deep breaths.

"El bebé" she then said

"What-what about my baby?" instead of replying Ana led her to the chair, made her sit down and prepared some tea. After pouring her a cup, she patted her hand and told her to wait here before she left "Ana! Where are you going?" she was scared to be left alone. Her words had alarmed her. What if the baby was coming? She didn't want to be alone. But luckily she returned only a short while later with Ben, who had been out helping a rancher south of the town getting back some goats that had escaped.

"What's wrong Missy?"

"I-I don't know" Ana turned to Ben and they started talking in Spanish but she didn't want to listen. Instead she got up, went back to the meal she was preparing before Ben stepped over and took the spoon from her hand "No. Give it back" she protested

"Ah, no fussing now 'til you're better"

"But I'm hungry. And I still gotta finish cleaning the floor and put away the utensils. And it wouldn't hurt to…"

"Sit down. That'll be a good idea" he tried leading her back to her chair.

"Ben, this is ridiculous" but he wasn't listening to her anymore and instead told Ana to tidy up the stuff she had used for cleaning and then get her something to eat. Ana nodded and went to work while Ben sat down too next her, taking her hands in his.

"There. All settled without a fuss" she snorted but felt herself calming down

"The baby can't come now. It's a week too early"

"Shh"

"Did you find your goats?"

"Yeah. Seems like the yeanlings found a small hole in the fence and wanted to see something of the world. Didn't get far though" she chuckled

"And now you've decided to not open a saloon later on but breed goats?"

"Hell no" he laughed "More dickheaded than you. Plus, they bite and try to impale you with their tiny horns"

"Very funny" she muttered

After another two hours of rather irregular pains Ben too had gotten worried and sent Ana to find them the women they had chosen as midwife while he got Cecilia to the bedroom and made her lie down. When she confirmed that Cecilia was in labor, she almost freaked out, even more so when she tried to make her husband leave. But luckily, he made it clear that he'd stay at her side until Cecilia sent him to hell. As her pains got more frequent after a couple of more hours she was getting mad at each and everyone in the room and there was a time at which she wanted them all gone. Yet she still was glad that Ben stayed.

Her labor had started in the early afternoon and didn't seem over until it was the next morning. The only times one of the three people left was to retrieve new materials or to send curious neighbors away who had heard her cries and tried to help. (Or women that just wanted stay there to watch to have something to gossip about). But eventually, the midwife announced that the baby was out and when it started crying, so did Cecilia. Ben gave her hand a reassuring squeeze but she couldn't bring herself to react.

"Un niño" Ana said with a smile and now Cecilia turned to her husband

"Ha" she pressed out "Knew it" he chuckled and stroked her cheek

"You know, I've known it from the beginning. Just claimed it's a girl so you can say you told me so"

"Yeah sure" she tried to sit up because she wanted to hold her son and finally, the midwife handed him to her. It was as if she had suddenly forgotten how to breathe and she just stared at the crying pinkish human in the beige towels. "Hey" she then said, trying to rock him "Hey, it's all good. We've done it"

"Drink" the midwife said and pointed at her own chest "He drink"

"Oh right" she said and wanted to sit up further and get ready to let him drink "Can you hold him?" she asked Ben and without really waiting for his answer she put the crying baby in his arms and opened the front of her shirt and also removed the cut corset before trying to get her son back. When she looked to her husband she could see him staring down at the newborn in disbelief. And he looked shocked "Ben?" she asked, carefully placing a hand on his elbow. All of a sudden his head shot up as if he woke up from a trance and blinked "You okay?"

"Yeah" he just said before looking down at the baby again

"I uh… I thought I could try and see if he's thirsty"

"Right" he transferred the little one into her own arms and then got up "Guess I'll give you two a moment"

"Ben" she said "You stayed with me through all this. Pregnancy and birth, 'course you're not leaving now" when she glanced at him again she saw the reason he probably wanted to leave as well. Tears were shining in his eyes and one had already escaped. She chuckled but and helped her son to find her breast before turning to Ben "Come now, I've seen all facades of you and seen you in your weakest moments. Don't pull that on me now" for a while he remained standing but then sat down at the headend of the bed and wiped at his eyes. "You know, if I'd have known it bothers you that much it's a boy I'd have hoped for a girl too" she joked and was glad to see him smile. She wanted to squeeze his arm but feared she could drop the baby

"He needs a name"

"He does" Cecilia agreed, looking down at him and taking hold of the tiny hand. "You know, maybe we could also find you a fake name for when we move back to the states and name him the same"

"No one in your family you'd like to name him after? Like Morgan?"

"Hell no"

"After your father?"

"Dunno"

"One of your countless other uncles? Wasn't there one you liked? The one with the saloon you worked in?"

"James" she said, looking down at the little boy "Little Jimmy. Hm. No one in your family you'd like to name him after?"

"Only man I've known is my father and ain't gonna name my son after a sucker"

"Alright"

"Or we could call him after someone from one of your books" she glanced at him with a look that made him chuckle

"Hm what else?"

"Hey, I'm supplying all the ideas currently"

"What about John?" she said "Or maybe Jack. Or just Jim"

"You got something with the letter 'J'. Why not just name him Jay?"

"Well outlaws seem to have a thing for names with 'B'. Billy Clanton, Billy Claiborne, Billy the Kid, Bill Brocius, Bob Dalton, Butch Cassidy,…"

"Fine, I see you made your…"

"Buckskin Frank, Bill Downing, Bob Younger and let's not forget Ben Wade."

"Good, he ain't gonna have a name with B then"

"Ah and I just remember, one of Clanton's rowdies that almost kidnapped me some days ago was called Billy Evans. It's like you're destined to become an outlaw with the name Bill or William. Come to think of it, I also know a few people I dislike called John. Johnny Behan, Johnny Ringo…"

"Well, I guess we can't find a name that no outlaws' ever had before, you know?"

"Yeah"

"So why not name him James or Jim and think of your dear uncle?"

"Hm" she said looking down at her son who had stopped drinking was now glancing up at her "Well what do you think, you like the name, Jimmy?" he stretched himself and let out a gurgle

"Sounds like yes to me" she smiled and give a nod

"Yeah, I like it. Let's call him James" she let out a yawn and Ben nudged her

"Hey, how 'bout I hold him for a while and you get some sleep?"

"Only if you stay and hold me too"

"Can do that" he said, moving closer to her, so that she could lean against his chest and then took the baby from her. It felt strange and wrong to give him away but she quickly calmed down when she noticed how tired she suddenly was. Ben wiped the last of the dried sweat from her face and then placed the small towel on the nightstand before burying his face in her hair "You did great, you know?"

"Well, most just happened and I had to endure it"

"You endured it well" she let out a snort "Though it's really weird"

"Weird?" she huffed "You call that weird?"

"Just the fact that I've been 'round death all my life. Been the reason for it and saw many people take their last breath" he lifted his head "But a birth? Never witnessed something like it. To be the reason for new life"

"Hm yeah" she said "makes sense" she shot up when another pain went through her body and then started to panic "What-what's wrong?" breathing seemed a lot harder suddenly and she grabbed Ben's arm "Ben… what if-if I don't make it?"

"Nonsense. Don't think about that. You are gonna make it, yeah? You have to" the last part was a lot more quiet and she didn't know if she even was supposed to hear it. The pain subdued a little and the midwife was at her side again, ordering Ben to get up and give her some space and it was obvious he didn't like it and asked the question she had as well; what was going on. It seemed like both of them didn't really get the answer but from what the midwife told them it sounded like it couldn't be too bad.

"What if we're having a second baby?" she asked and she could see how Ben paled a little before asking the midwife that who shook her head. Now Cecilia understood from her speech that whatever was happening apparently was normal and nothing to worry about.

"You hear this?" Ben asked her "You'll be fine, yeah?" Ana came over and took the baby in her arms so Ben sat at her side again, taking hold of her hand as he had in the past hours. Luckily, whatever it was only took about a quarter hour and then the midwife removed a rather big, bloodied bundle from her bottom

"What's this?" Cecilia shrieked and if she hadn't been in pain she would have shot up "That can't be normal? That… what the hell is this?"

"Shh" Ben said, stroking her hair

"Don't tell me you don't worry"

"She said not to worry"

"Ben…" she gulped "What-what if that was my… where the baby was in. The uterus. What if I'm barren now?"

"Missy, all that counts is that you're and Jimmy are fine. And that we're gonna stay together, yeah?" he turned to the midwife and asked if everything was alright and after she looked up from whatever had just left her body, she nodded and announced that there was no danger of bleeding or any complications right now. Ben tried to ask what it was and this time Cecilia understood that it was the placenta.

"Right" she breathed out "Alex's told me about it"

"Alex?"

"Doc Potter. He read about it. It's well… in the uterus and somehow nourishes the child. Wait, so that's the afterbirth where it comes out. God, how could I forget that?"

"So nothing dangerous?" she chuckled.

"No Ben. She's right. If all went well with the afterbirth, which seemed to be the case there's nothing to worry. Except for other stuff that can still happen"

"Which we'll not even think about" she gave a nod "Why didn't the Doc tell you more 'bout it?"

"Well, we thought it might be better if we discussed that later on, just before it came relevant. We hadn't calculated with you getting caught and Doc coming with us and getting killed on the way to Contention"

"I'm sorry. I know he was your friend"

"It's not your fault" she only said "I blame Boles and Breakenridge. See, another two asshole names with B. Though that are family names" she let out a sigh "I never even asked why you came down into the saloon. That they caught you. I thought you'd stay in my room 'til I lured the Marshal away"

"Had to come see if you're alright"

"How so?"

"You screamed after you went down. Had to make sure you're okay"

"What? No. No, I've just bumped into Deputy Kane and got a startle. Shit. Don't-don't tell me that's the reason for all of it? That it's all my fault"

"No" he said "It ain't your fault. At all" he pulled her closer and then Ana gave her back James what made her smile "We talked about this. This is our future. Let's not dwell on the past"

In the following days, sleep was hard to get. Every few hours James was crying and she was happy that Ben always instantly got up in the night and only bothered her when the baby was hungry which seemed to be about 80% of the instances. So he promised to find a way that he could feed him himself so she could get more sleep. And she also was grateful that Ana was around almost all the time and provided them with meals so Cecilia could spend a great part of the day in the bed and relax. Every second day also the midwife came back to check on her and the baby but so far all seemed fine and ten days after the birth she said that Cecilia was now ready to go back to her work as she usually did. But of course Ben would have none of it and told her that Ana would still do most of the household.

This seemed to spread gossip in town; that Cecilia was a bad wife, a lazy woman and failing as a mother. The latter because Ben was doing so much for taking care of their baby. Not because he had to or Cecilia couldn't. Because he wanted to. While she was really grateful for the help, it sometimes bothered her that Ben and James seemed to be best friends and at times she felt a bit left out. In the course of the first month, Cecilia at least managed to take over more than half of the household and she hoped to only have Ana as an assistant for two days in the week in another month. And then they had planned to leave for Colton. By now, she had already informed her family, letting them know that the baby was born and that she intended to visit them with her new fiancé, who she had met in Bisbee. Now all they needed was a new name for Ben and to disguise him.

What hadn't changed even as she started to release Ana from some of her duties was how Ben insisted she called for help or paused what she was doing if it wasn't something important. Sometimes she believed this was the reason he so often placed James in her arms and prompted her to read him a story, quite often after he had bought her yet another book with short stories.

One afternoon, she woke up from a really good nap and frowned when she smelled food from the kitchen.

"What are you doing here Ana?" she asked as she got up and walked to the kitchen. It was her day off, so what was she doing here? The picture she got in the kitchen, however, surprised her even more. It even shocked her a little. Ben was holding James, talking to him in a hushed voice and at the same time cooking. She stood there like frozen "Ben!" she then almost shrieked "What are you doing?" he turned around

"What's it looking like?"

"No. No I meant… why. Why are you doing this? You-you're cooking"

"Was hungry and figured you'd be too when you wake up"

"You could have called Ana"

"It's her day off"

"You could have, no should have, woken me!"

"Now, Missy that would've been rather mean, don't you think? You were sleeping peacefully and needed the sleep"

"But-but…" she didn't know what to say. What if the townspeople heard and spread more gossip that she now was letting her husband do her work? A woman's work?

"See, I know what bothers you 'bout it but in contrast to other men I can take care of myself and know how to cook. So why shouldn't I do it if it helps you?"

"You could have at least let me take care of Jimmy"

"As I said, you were sleeping and he seemed so content in my arms so I left him there" she sighed and shook her head

"I don't know what to say. Thank you"

"But you know" he said, walking away from the stove "now that you are awake. I figure without the little one it'll be a lot easier to do the rest" with that he just placed his son in her arms, pressed a kiss to her forehead then turned back to the stove

"You are one in a million, Ben, you know that?"

"Well, you said that just a few times, you know? And you did complain you didn't want to be reduced to the cooking, cleaning and babysitting wife"

"I know" she smiled, nuzzling the top of James' head "Just make sure the neighbors won't know"

"They're just jealous, I tell ya. Bet their husbands don't lift a finger"

"Suppose that according to most people only thing men gotta lift is their… well dicks to do their duty to marriage" he raised an eyebrow

"Really, Missy?"

"What can I say? I grew up among men, spent two years with outlaws… you do pick up some stuff most women don't"

"You know, I wouldn't have it any other way"

"You too taught me quite a bit, don't you forget that, Ben Wade who seemingly always gets his way"

"As if you'd mind" she rolled her eyes then turned to her son

"Well, little one. What do you think of hearing the rest of yesterday's story while Daddy's gotta proof his masculinity?" with a giggle in Ben's direction she left for the bedroom.

"Missy!"