Disclaimer: The whole wonderfully amazing Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer, not me. :(
Yes I know, I need to update faster!! But I can't!! I wish I had more time...I really do want to write! But thanks for being so loyal!!
I hope this doesn't sound bad haha, it's very late at night and I'm in my face mask...so it may sound loopy, hopefully not :P
Bella POV
I spent the whole weekend locked in the house, watching the sun shine and thinking about Edward. Where was he? What was he doing? Was he thinking about me too?
Friday after school I drove home with a clouded head. Edward was trying to tell me something, that much I knew for sure. But what was it that made him so nervous and tongue-tied? He never got that way. Ever. This had to be huge. Like some secret no one knew. Well, why would he even tell me then? I was no one. A week ago he didn't even know I existed.
It got me thinking of how fast I was falling for him. I didn't even know him and I was falling. I'd never fallen for anyone like this before. I got home and started my homework before realizing it was Friday. I snorted and pushed it away. That could wait for Sunday. But in doing that I realized I had nothing else to do. This was my first weekend in months where I had nothing to do.
Last weekend I was in Arizona packing. The weekend before that I was arranging the funeral. And all those weekends before that I was in the hospital with my mother. I didn't know what free time was.
So I got up and cleaned my room. I put away all the clothes I'd tossed on the floor and dusted every shelf and nook. I finished unpacking from the last two suitcases I'd shoved under my bed, which mostly contained books and small knick-knacks from around the Arizona house. But when I pulled the chest from my closet, I couldn't bring myself to open it. It held all my mother's favorite things. Sure I'd tossed in a few after she died, but I'd never gone through it myself. I couldn't bare it. It would open up all the things I'd held down and kept hidden. I couldn't let myself lose control and freak out again. I had to accept this.
So I placed it in the middle of the shelf above my desk and layed on my floor, staring at it, for three hours. Charlie still wasn't home, and I knew he'd be another hour or two. I was bored out of my mind. Then I got the idea to start laundry. I gathered mine in a basket and then searched out Charlie's surprisingly clean room for his dirty clothes. That was when I came across the letter. It was opened on his nightstand, slightly tucked under his alarm clock. I set the basket down and unfolded it to see my mother's neat script. My heart sped up and I let my eyes wander.
February 20
Dear Charlie,
I know these are the worst circumstances to finally speak with you, but my time is running out. I know that you know, and I also know that you're prepared to take Bella when the time comes. It could be any day now. I'm not asking much, just-
I dropped the letter. She wrote Charlie a letter. She wrote him a letter a week before she died. She didn't even tellme she wrote the Goddamn letter! My hands shook. She didn't even write me a letter! I knew because I tore the house up after she died in one of my crazy fits. Phil even thought about sending me away because I'd gone ballistic. But she didn't even write me a letter, and she wrote Charlie one.
I kicked the laundry basket as hard as I could and watching clothes fly through the air. Tears spilled down my face as I ran into my room and locked the door. I could fill my rage. The rage of such agony that anger went through my mind. This was what it was like after she died. I couldn't handle it.
I pushed everything off my desk and screamed out in fury.
"It's not fair!"
I tore the sheets off my bed and threw them the best I could at the wall. I took each book off the shelves and threw them one by one at my door and kept screaming. More tears came from my eyes until I couldn't even see what I was doing. Then I went for all the stupid picture frames of me as a child and threw them too. One of them shattered in my hand, but I hardly noticed the blood running down my arm. I just kept throwing and I kept screaming.
"Why did she leave me! She couldn't even write me a letter! She didn't even care enough!"
Feathers from my pillows paraded down like a dream. I was caught in a nightmare that I couldn't escape. I had nothing. I couldn't even stay sane for a week without losing it.
"Stupid Mike! And bitchy Jessica! And that good-for-nothing, lying, mysterious, asshole Edward!"
One final scream erupted from my lips before my door finally burst open. Charlie had me firmly in his arms. I thrashed and screamed and even tried biting him, but he held on tight and restrained my hands.
"Bella! Calm down. It's just me! Bella, it's okay!"
He had to shout so I could hear him through my yelling.
"She didn't write me a letter!" I yelled again. "She left me. Why did she have to leave me!"
My energy was fading and I collapsed against Charlie. We both slowly sank to the ground until he had me wrapped tightly in his arms and was rocking me back and forth whispering Shhhh.
"Your mother loved you so much Bella! Don't think for one second she left you by choice."
But it still wasn't fair. I lost my whole world in five minutes. I wasn't prepared and I couldn't handle it.
~.~
I don't remember Charlie cleaning up the blood on my arm or bandaging the cut. I don't remember him changing me into pajamas or cleaning my room for me. I don't even remember being tucked in or having my forehead kissed. But I do remember my dream.
I was sitting on the beach. The sun was out and waves were splashing gently at my feet. They were the perfect aquamarine color. And for the first time in a long time, I felt truly happy. Everything was content.
"Bella!"
I jerked around the see a shadowed figure in the forest behind me. Even thought I couldn't see, I knew it was Edward.
"Come out here!" I called with a warm smile.
"Come over here Bella!"
Irritated by him making me leave the sun, I stomped into the cover of the thick trees. He was tired looking and serious.
"I need to talk to you," he said.
I found myself walking even closer. He was so beautiful.
"What is it?"
I let my hand run down his smooth face. "You can tell my anything..."
But he never spoke. Instead I found myself pushed up against a tree, his body pressing mine. This was what I wanted, I knew that, but why did it feel dangerous? Scary?
"Don't move..."he hissed.
Edward's sparkling teeth drew closer to mine. My heart raced at the realization he was actually going to kiss me. His lips slowly brushed mine, the way I'd always imagined, but suddenly they moved lower.
What? This wasn't how it should go. His lips blazed a trail right to my throat and then I could feel the tiniest hint of his teeth.
"Bella?"
My eyes flew open and I swear I jumped ten feet in the air. Charlie was sitting on the edge of my bed, his eyes worried.
"You were screaming. Are you alright?"
I noticed that he was holding my arms down, like I was trying to hit him. Weird.
"Uhm, yeah. I-I'm good."
His rough hands pushed my hair gently from my face. "Okay. Get some rest."
He flipped the lights off and shut my door behind him. I lay there for what seemed like hours, trying to fall asleep. But I couldn't. I rolled over and my alarm clock read 4:15 AM. Great. I turned the lamp on and sat up, mesmerized at my room. It was...clean? My books were back on the shelves, my pictures frames- although glassless- were back where they were, my books were arranged neatly on my desk, the feathers were gone and the glasses vacuumed up. I turned bright red instantly. I couldn't believe the way I acted. Charlie must be ashamed, or something. But he took care of me. My father who sucked at showing affection, took care of me.
~.~
When morning came I showed my appreciation by cooking the biggest and heartiest breakfast for him. I even took the time to set the table and cut some flowers from the garden to place in a vase. We ate in silence, but I knew he enjoyed it and was grateful.
"Dad, about last night...I'm so sorr-"
He held his hand up. "Bells, don't even think of it. You've been through a lot, it's understandable."
I shook my head and stirred my eggs around. "No, it's not. I destroyed my room. I went crazy."
Charlie dropped his fork and wiped his mouth before looking me in the eyes.
"You just lost your mother Bells. And you were sent to live in some strange place. This isn't easy and you need time to heal. Everyone heals differently."
I knew he didn't mind, but I still felt stupid. I was acting out and I was embarrassed.
After Charlie left to go fishing, I cleaned the house thoroughly. Even I was impressed by how good it looked. But it was only 3:00 when I finished and Charlie wouldn't be home until 5:00. Angela called and asked if I wanted to go to a movie with her and Jessica in Port Angelas...but I said no. I wasn't ready for the whole "friend" thing yet. But I knew that wasn't true. In the back of my mind I knew that if it had been Edward, I would have said yes in a heartbeat.
Giving up, I pulled my Catcher in the Rye book out and started halfway through. Once I'd read a book enough, I could start anywhere and go to the end before starting back to the beginning and going to where I started. It was weird, I know, but reading gave me an escape. I took on a new role in life and for once I wasn't just Bella Swan, the girl with the weird Dad and dead Mom. I was someone happy, someone in love, someone who had no worries. Now I could be Holden, the guy with no direction who didn't care and just wandered.
And right now that was just what I needed.
Ah I'm sorry! I was kind of blocked for this chapter because I have the plan for the next chapter, but I didn't know how to get there. Oh well, reviews please!! :)