Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is from the HP universe and belongs to J.K Rowling, Warner Bros and Scholastic respectively.
Author's Notes: This chapter is dedicated to Ela / Padfoot's Mate.
Year 1972, First Year
Remus Rants:
Quote of the Day: 'A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad' – or – in Sirius' case – makes fun of your jokes when they're not so good and laughs at your problems when they're not so bad. It is this that makes a friend all the better…
It was a couple of days after the Easter holidays and the last term had already started.
Sirius, James, Peter and I were in History of Magic, talking about Sirius' birthday, which was next week. Nearly everyone had given up on listening to Professor Binns at all, as he was extremely boring; even I had to admit that. It was also a couple of days after the full moon so I felt too tired to copy down notes anyway.
I could always get someone else's notes either way, as I had made other friends besides James, Sirius and Peter. I had made friends with Lily Evans and a couple of other first years, as we came to know each other whilst on library visits.
"So what do you want to do for your birthday?" James asked Sirius who was sitting in between James and I, Peter was on my other side.
"What do I want to do? Well, I want to throw a huge party and invite the whole school, except the Slytherins and teachers and people that I don't like, and there would be heaps and heaps of food and beverages and magic little pixies flying around, and lights everywhere and gnomes dressed up in party hats. That is what I want." Sirius dreamed.
James and I exchanged grins. Sirius always thought of the most eccentric ideas. "O-kaaaaay, let me rephrase that, what would you like to do that is within our ability to do?" James asked.
"Well, if you put it that way. I really don't know." Sirius answered simply.
"Well what'd you do for your birthday last year?" Peter asked.
"Sat at home by myself celebrating that I'd be free of Grimmauld Place."
"Oh."
A short silence followed.
"Well leave it up to us then," I said suddenly, "we'll surprise you," I added, without thinking. James raised his eyebrows at me. I don't know what came over me exactly, but I wanted Sirius to have a better birthday than last year and I knew how miserable his family made him at the best of times, I wanted to show him that we were his family.
"We will?" Peter asked.
"Of course we will," James confirmed.
Sirius beamed, "Great!"
"Do you have any special requests Mr. Black?" James asked.
"Gnomes with party hats?"
"Er, anything other than gnomes with party hats… Somehow I don't think they'd consent to the whole party hat thing."
"Well, no, not really. Surprise me." Sirius said brightly.
"You got it," James replied, and then the signal went for the end of class.
"What's now?" Peter asked as we gathered our gear and shoved them into our bags.
"Potions" I replied, standing up and shouldering my bag. I was not in the mood for a Potions lesson at all. I've never liked Potions, mainly because I wasn't very good at it, which Professor Crevan incessantly liked to remind me about. Crevan was always like that to me. The fact that I was a werewolf made him hate me even more and he never stopped annoying Sirius about pureblood gripe. The strange thing was that he treated Peter and James fine; he actually pretended to like them just to spite Sirius I think. Whatever it was, he definitely only pretended to like James and Peter. And they bought it.
Crevan is a sly old fox.
Sirius groaned, "I hate Potions, and bloody Crevan."
My thoughts exactly.
"Oh it's not so bad," James said as we made our way out of the room and into the corridors, "Crevan's not that bad."
"Yeah, to you maybe. But he's always annoying me! All he does is talk about pureblood crap and how bad I am for not embracing it! I'm really sick of it," Sirius said. "And he treats Remus like crap too," Sirius added.
"Well he's fine to us," Peter said.
"Only to spite me," Sirius replied.
"Sirius, in case you hadn't noticed mate, not everything revolves around you, you know," James said with a grin.
"How do you know? It might," Sirius replied as we entered the dungeons.
"In your dreams maybe," James commented. They bantered like this until we entered Professor Crevan's dungeon and took our seats.
"Today we'll be brewing a forgetfulness potion which is a potion that can make a person forget things, it is often a potion that comes up in exams, so pay close attention," At this Professor Crevan waved his wand at the blackboard where the instructions and ingredients for the forgetfulness potion appeared.
"There are the instructions, you have your ingredients and cauldrons, now get to work," Crevan ordered.
I set about preparing my ingredients and set up my cauldron. I made sure to follow the instructions carefully this time, so that nothing bad would happen and I wouldn't wreck my potion. But it was proving hard as Sirius kept on talking and I wasn't in my best spirits because of the full moon. I felt weary and the bruises and scratches on my arms did nothing to help the situation.
"So have you made any decisions for my birthday yet?" Sirius asked eagerly as he frivolously threw ingredients into his cauldron and set it to boil.
"No, it's been about ten minutes Sirius, we haven't discussed anything yet – you won't let us – with all the blabbering your doing," I replied.
"Well, I'm excited is all," Sirius said brightly, stirring his potion.
I finished cutting my daisy roots and put them in the cauldron with the rest of my ingredients then set it to boil.
Just then Crevan walked over to us, "Black, concentrate on your work."
"I was Professor," Sirius replied, glowering.
"You were gossiping with Lupin," Crevan eyed my potion and sniffed, though he didn't make any comments. He then turned to James' cauldron.
"Very good Potter," he said, "Maybe you two should take a leaf out of your friends' books and learn how to brew potions properly." Crevan said as he smiled sinisterly, "Lupin, yours is far too thin." he said, before making his way over to Severus Snape's potion and praising it.
"I'll show him who's gossiping," Sirius replied with a glare at Crevan.
"Maybe you should take a leaf out of my book," James grinned.
"Maybe you should shut up Potter," Sirius replied.
"Maybe you should make me,"
"Maybe I will,"
"Maybe you both should be quiet before I tip this potion down your throats," I replied dryly, "Trust me, you don't want that to happen." I added.
"Oooh," Sirius said, "Hear that James? Remus is threatening us."
I didn't comment, rather I tried to figure out what was wrong with my potion. I was sure I'd put all the ingredients in, and I followed the instructions, so why was it thinner than the others? I spent the rest of the lesson boiling my potion in hope to make it thicker, but it didn't work, it was still hopelessly thin. Sirius' was a strange brownish yellow colour because he threw his ingredients in without a care in the world and didn't even look at the instructions but copied what James was doing – he can't even copy things right. Heh.
"Why is my potion this foul colour?" he asked, looking at his potion and screwing up his nose.
"Because you can't brew potions for shite?" James suggested.
"Very funny James," Sirius replied.
"All right," Crevan was now standing at his desk, "Your forgetfulness potions should be finished by now. They should be turquoise in colour and thick in consistency, if they're not, then they are wrong," Crevan said sharply. "Put a sample of your potions in your test jar and bring them to me please."
Well, there was nothing else to be done about it, I had to give a sample of my potion to Crevan, and he'd see that it was too thin and make some derogative comment about it and my potion making skills – that – and lecturing Sirius, seemed to be his favourite pastime.
I scooped a sample of my forgetfulness potion and ladled it into my jar, and then I went to give it to Crevan with James, Sirius and Peter.
"What is this, Lupin?" Crevan asked, holding up my potion for everyone to see.
"It's forgetfulness potion, Sir," I replied.
"Indeed?" he said, eyeing my sample, "It's as thin as water Lupin. Tell me, did you put your horned slugs in here, or did you perhaps forget?" he asked, twisting the jar in his fingers.
I looked at my working space, and sure enough there were two horned slugs sitting on the bench that I had carelessly overlooked. I had forgotten about the slugs, after meticulously making the potion I had forgotten one of the key ingredients. My face burned, but I was not about to be ridiculed by Crevan
"I forgot, Sir," I replied.
"How ironic," he said sharply.
"I've not been feeling my best, Sir," I said, glaring at him.
"Yes, so I've heard." Crevan rolled his eyes at me, "You must find it so hard Lupin. With your… problems," Crevan said sarcastically. I looked at him in disbelief. How could he say such things, and in front of the whole class! Sure he knew about my condition but that gave him no right, absolutely no right, to talk about it so freely in front of my classmates! What would people say? What would James, Sirius and Peter say? What could I possibly say to cover it up!
I thought quickly, searching for a reply, "What problems would they be, Sir?" I said quickly.
"You know exactly what, Lupin." Crevan said quietly so that no one else heard. "You will write me two rolls of parchment about the importance of horned slugs to various potions. Now go back to your desk." he said as he took Sirius' sample.
I couldn't believe it. How could he almost mention my condition to the whole classroom! And then giving me homework!
I worried about what I would tell the others to cover this whole thing up and was still worrying about it when the bell rang.
"Man I hate Crevan!" Sirius said as we exited the dungeon. "He's making me write two whole rolls of parchment on how to make bloody forgetfulness potions!" Sirius said, outraged. Hopefully Sirius was too caught up in his own problems that he wouldn't mention what Crevan had said to me.
But no such luck.
"And see how he treated Remus?" Sirius said, as he looked at me, "What was he talking about, when he said that you must find it hard with your problems?" Sirius asked, looking at me. I could feel Peter and James looking at me also.
"I have no idea…" I lied. I tried. I knew it was a horrible lie, but there was nothing else to do about it.
Sirius raised his eyebrow at me. "He seemed to think you knew what he was talking about."
"Well I don't. Unless… He was probably talking about me having to go visit my mother, and how she's been very sick. Maybe that's what he was talking about. Or how I've been a bit sick lately." I half-lied, hoping they'd believe me.
"If you say so," Peter said, as we walked up to the Great Hall to dinner. Sirius, however, looked at me as if he didn't believe me. I knew he didn't, but he didn't pursue the subject, thankfully.
"Hey I have an idea for my birthday!" Sirius said as we entered the bustling Great Hall and sat down at the Gryffindor table.
"Oh no," I joked, as I put some potatoes on my plate.
"No, not 'oh no'. I have an idea. How about we do a massive prank on everyone! How much fun would that be?" Sirius said excitedly.
"How big are we talking?" Peter asked, shoving food into his mouth.
"Really big. We could prank the whole school at dinner or something! Imagine the possibilities! Oh and we could get the Slytherins! And the teachers! Imagine Crevan!" Sirius nearly wet his pants with excitement. (It's a metaphor.)
Hopefully…
"Is that what you really want?" I asked.
"Hell yes!" Sirius said, talking with his mouth full of chicken.
"Sirius, I do not need to see your mashed up dinner, now please close your mouth," I replied.
"What was that Remus?" Sirius asked, his mouth wide open.
"Sirius!" I said closing my eyes, annoyed.
"What sort of prank though?" James asked.
"Something big," Sirius replied.
"You said that already," Peter said.
"Perhaps with glitter and streamers, ooh, and fireworks!" Sirius said excitedly.
"Fireworks?" I looked at him incredulously, "And where do you propose we get fireworks from?"
"Don't you worry about that Mr. Lupin. I have my contacts," he replied, winking at me.
"Do I even want to know?" I said, shaking my head. Actually, I was wondering exactly who Sirius could bribe into getting us fireworks. Obviously you could get fireworks from Zonko's, but first years weren't allowed to go into Hogsmeade, only third years and over were allowed. Maybe it was someone in third year or over. It had to be, I thought as I chewed on my chicken.
"Probably not," James replied.
"Oh how fun is this going to be! We could start a whole new tradition! And every year on the 27th of April, the whole school will fear because the notorious Sirius Black and his sidekicks will have struck again!"
"How come we're your sidekicks?" James said.
"Because clearly, I'm the most intelligent, good-looking, charming and devious one of the whole group, therefore it should be named after me," Sirius grinned.
"Devious- I'd agree with. But 'charming', 'good-looking' and even 'intelligent', now that's going a bit too far," I laughed.
Sirius poked his tongue out at me, "Well what do you propose we call ourselves then Remus?"
I thought for a while. "I don't know… The Pranksters of Hogwarts?" I half-heartedly suggested.
"Wow. That's original." Sirius said sarcastically.
"Well its better than 'Sirius Black and his sidekicks'!" I retorted.
"I don't think so, my idea was better. James what do you think?"
"Sirius, we are not going to be called 'Sirius Black and his sidekicks'," I grinned, Sirius pouted, "Or the pranksters of Hogwarts." Sirius smirked at me, "Sirius is right, we need something more original. Something that will strike fear in the hearts of our enemies!" James said, I don't know if he was being serious or not.
I hope not.
"Well what do you propose Almighty Potter?" Sirius asked sarcastically.
"How about- The Potter Purveyors of Peril," James suggested. This was too much. I burst out laughing.
"What?" James said, annoyed. By now Sirius was also laughing. Peter seemed to like James' idea.
"That sounds ridiculous!" I said, laughing.
"The Potter Purveyors of Peril! Ahahahhahahahhaa," Sirius laughed, "That will surely make our enemies shake in their boots," he added sarcastically.
"Well it's original and the peril bit sounds scary," James said, trying to defend his honour.
Which made things even funnier.
"If we can't have my name in it then yours isn't going in it either," Sirius said, still laughing.
"Fine then. But mine was the best so far." James said, "Well Peter, it's up to you, what do you suggest?" James asked, looking at Peter.
"I liked your idea James."
James beamed. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"See, at least someone appreciates my witty intellect," James said.
"Is that what they call it these days?" Sirius smirked. James poked his tongue out at him.
"So Pete, what's your suggestion?" I asked.
"What about: The Magical Mischief Makers?" Peter suggested.
"Not bad," James said.
I agreed, it wasn't bad.
"At least it sounds better than Sirius' idea," I said.
"I like my idea better," Sirius said.
"Of course you do," I replied.
"Well let's just think about it for the meantime seeing as we can't decide," I said, finishing up my dinner. By now everyone else was also finishing the last of their meals.
"Well, I'm going to the library for a while. I have to do that essay for Crevan by tomorrow," I said, standing up.
"Is that due tomorrow?" Sirius asked.
"Well mine is, so yours probably would be as well, it wouldn't hurt you to do some work," I said.
"I don't feel like it. Crevan can shove his essay where the sun doesn't shine." Sirius replied.
"What was that Mr. Black?" A voice said behind Sirius.
It was McGonagall. She had come up behind Sirius while he was talking, without him knowing it. Sirius turned around, "Oh, Professor McGonagall! What a lovely surprise! How nice to see you! I was just telling Remus how Crevan gave me an essay and I wanted to do it when the sun isn't shining so bright."
If McGonagall weren't standing there frowning at Sirius I would have burst out laughing.
I looked at McGonagall, it looked as if she had the hint of a smile on her lips, "I'm quite aware of what you said Mr. Black. However, that's not why I'm here. Mr. Lupin, Professor Dumbledore would like to talk to you in his office," McGonagall said looking at me.
Dumbledore wanted to see me? What for, I wondered. Maybe it had something to do with my transformations. Or maybe, I thought, he had heard about what happened in Potions today.
"Yes, Professor," I said.
"Follow me then," McGonagall said, and then walked off.
I looked at Sirius, James and Peter, who were all looking at me curiously, then without another word I followed McGonagall.
We made our way through the corridors until we came to the large statue that guarded the entrance to the Headmasters office. I had been in Dumbledore's office once before, that was at the start of the year, on the very first night, when he told me what the arrangements would be for my transformations.
"Cauldron cakes," McGonagall said to the gargoyle, which instantly sprang to life and gave way to reveal a stone staircase.
"You can go up by yourself Mr. Lupin, I must see to some detentions now," McGonagall said, and then walked off.
I stepped onto the staircase, which started revolving, and stopped after a while. In front of me was a shiny oak door. I stepped off the stairs and knocked on the door with the brass doorknocker.
"Enter," Professor Dumbledore's voice came from inside.
I pushed the door open to see Dumbledore sitting at his desk, reading the Evening Prophet.
"Ah, Remus, good to see you. Please sit down," Dumbledore said in a kindly voice, his eyes on the paper in front of him.
I sat down at his desk.
"Professor," I replied, not knowing what other way I should greet him.
Dumbledore put the paper down on his desk and smiled, "I just wanted to see how your transformations were going." He said, his blue eyes gazing into my own.
"They're… the same as usual…" I replied.
"Are they getting better or worse, do you think?" Dumbledore asked.
I thought for a while, "Well… there's sometimes when I think they're getting better, and I can cope a little better, then all of a sudden I would have one terrible transformation…" I said truthfully.
"That's bound to happen. You seem a lot happier when it's not the full moon though, Remus, and I think if your happier then your transformations will be a little better," Dumbledore smiled at me kindly.
"Sometimes… sometimes when I'm around Sirius, James and Peter I can completely forget about my transformations… sometimes… I feel normal," I said. This was the first time I had ever confided in anyone about this. But if there was anyone who could keep a secret, it was Dumbledore. It felt good to talk to someone about it.
"I see," he smiled again, "But what is normal? I don't think anyone is ever truly normal; they always have something that makes them unique. Your being a werewolf makes you unique. No one person is the same, Remus. Therefore no one is normal. Not even the person that you always thought was the most normal person you've ever met." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he looked at me.
I had never even thought of it that way. No one is truly normal. How right he was! How, I wondered, had I never realized this for myself?
"You never thought about it in such a way?" Dumbledore regarded me, as if reading my mind.
"No, I never have." I replied.
"So your transformations are on track." Dumbledore said.
"Yes," I replied.
"The other thing that I wanted to talk to you about was that Professor Bones will be escorting you to the shack every full moon from now on. Madam Pomfrey feels that this is a safer precaution. Of course Madam Pomfrey will still pick you up afterwards."
I nodded. I didn't mind that Professor Bones would be escorting me from now on; I got along with him well. As long as it wasn't Crevan I was happy.
"That's all I wanted to see you about. Is there anything else you needed to talk to me about Remus?" Professor Dumbledore asked.
I thought for a moment.
"Professor, does all of the staff know about my condition?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"I'm afraid so Remus. It was my job to inform them."
I nodded.
"Is there a problem?"
"…No Professor. I was just wondering."
"Very well then."
This seemed to indicate that the conversation was over, so I stood up and made my way out of Dumbledore's office. Once I was back out into the corridors again I started to think as I made my way to the library.
I still had to finish the essay on horned slugs that Crevan had given me. I didn't know why I didn't tell Dumbledore about Crevan nearly revealing my secret, I think it was because I thought that I could deal with it on my own. I didn't want to be the whistleblower. And it seemed like a petty complaint anyway, one which Crevan would most definitely deny.
After I finished my essay for Crevan I made my way back to the Gryffindor tower.
When I got to the dormitory I found Sirius, James and Peter all sitting up and discussing what sort of prank they could pull for Sirius' birthday.
"What took you so long?" Sirius asked as I closed the door and sat on the end of my bed.
"I was talking to Dumbledore then I had to go finish my essay," I replied.
"What did Dumbledore want to talk to you about anyway?" Peter asked.
"Nothing much really," I replied.
"You're so secretive Remus," Sirius said, eyeing me.
"I am not." It was a complete lie, and I knew it.
So did James, Sirius and Peter.
"Yes you are, see – me and James here," Sirius nodded towards James, "-we tell each other a lot of stuff, you don't tell us anything," he said.
"Well, maybe there's some stuff that I want to keep to myself," I replied.
"Have it your way then," Sirius replied dismissively.
"So have you decided on a prank yet?" I asked, changing the subject.
"No, Sirius can't make his mind up, he wants to do everything, greedy blighter," James said, leaning back on his bed and putting his hands beneath his head.
"Well it has to be simple, we can't do very advanced spells yet," I said.
"How about we just let off a whole bunch of fireworks in the middle of dinner in the Great Hall, that could be highly amusing," James said.
"Yeah, but what else can we do?" Sirius said.
"What else do you want to do?" Peter asked.
"Well, the fireworks can act as a distraction, while those are going off we could do something else," Sirius said.
"Such as?" I said.
"I don't know, I'm thinking…"
"Well you think about it, I'm going to bed," I said, and started to get changed. The others followed my lead and got changed as well. I climbed into my warm bed. I felt exhausted, I was still recovering from the transformation, and the day had been a long one. I slowly felt myself drifting off to sleep, until-
"I got it!" Sirius' triumphant voice came from behind his curtained bed.
"What?" James moaned.
"I know what else we can do while the fireworks are going off!" Sirius said.
"Be quiet and go to sleep!" I said.
"No, I've got a great idea! We can let some Cornish pixies loose in the Great Hall as well! Can you imagine it! Cornish pixies and fireworks! What a great mixture!"
And a potentially fatal one, I added in my mind.
"Don't you think that's a great idea, James? Remus? Pete?"
"Yes Sirius" we all groaned.
"Don't sound so excited," Sirius said sarcastically.
"Well it would sound like a much better idea if you put it to us in the morning, not in the middle of the night when we're all half asleep," I said tiredly.
"I can't wait for my birthday!" Sirius said, ignoring my protests. It was to this that I finally fell asleep to.
The next couple of days went by fairly quickly; when we weren't in classes we were planning the prank that we would play for Sirius' birthday. Well, Sirius and James were determined to plan the prank even when we were in class as well, so they relied on me to get all the notes down. It was a couple of days before Sirius' birthday, and James, Peter and I were all sitting on our beds in our dormitory, it was just after dinner time and Sirius had gone to meet his 'contact' to see if the fireworks and pixies were all in order. He still hadn't told us who was supplying them.
"So what are we going to do after the prank then?" Peter asked, as he flicked through a Defence Against the Dark Arts book unenthusiastically.
"Well obviously all Sirius wants to do is eat and drink." James said, "A lot," he added.
"But are we going to invite anyone else up here or are we going to have it by ourselves. And where is it going to be? What are we going to do?" Peter asked.
"Well I was thinking that it should just be us four. It's his first birthday at Hogwarts and we don't want people making too much noise." I said.
"True. It should just be us four. I think Sirius wouldn't mind either way. We probably should just have it up here as well." James said.
"Yeah." Peter said.
"We could just give him our presents and a cake up here then, and have some food here or something," I said.
"Yes. I think that's the best idea." James replied, "But let's not say anything to Sirius. We're meant to surprise him anyway," James said, then continued, "Well, I'll go and see the house elves to see if they'll supply the food." James stood up.
It did seem like a long shot, to ask the house elves for extra food, but the house elves seemed quite willing to give away their food to anyone who poked their head in the doorway of the kitchens. And we had become acquainted with quiet a few of the house elves since we had discovered the kitchens.
"Anyone want to come?" James asked, pulling on his shoes.
"I can't." Peter answered, annoyed, "I've got to finish my Defence homework."
"Remus?" James asked, looking at me.
I considered the offer for a moment. There was nothing better to do, I thought, and seeing as I had finished all my homework for the day, I took up the offer.
"Yeah, I'll come then." I said, as James pulled his trusty Invisibility cloak out of his trunk.
Once we had said our goodbyes to Peter and had made sure we were completely covered under the cloak we set off down the dormitory stairs into the common room and out of the portrait hole into the chilly night.
"So do you think Sirius'll like what we're planning?" James asked quietly as we made our way through the corridors to the kitchens.
"I hope so," I replied, "His other birthdays obviously haven't been exactly what I'd call fun. So I want this one to be. His family obviously isn't going to throw him a party," I said, "Actually; I'd be surprised if they even send him a present."
"I know," James agreed, "It must be rotten having a family like that. Remember when his cousins- Bellatrix and Narcissa, I think it was, gave him hell about it? I mean, he has to take it from Crevan as well. It must be hard for him." James said.
It certainly must be hard for him, I thought as we walked quietly along the corridor. I knew that without my family I don't know where I'd be because they had looked after me whenever I needed it. They had tended to me when I was sick, tried to find a cure when I was bitten and were always there for me. I couldn't imagine having a family who treated you like you were the dirt beneath their shoes- like a pestilence. It must be horrible for Sirius, I thought. And that was why I wanted him to feel like he did have a family who loved and cared for him.
"Yeah. That's why we have to show him that he does have a family." I said, "In us. We're his family."
James nodded, and then, before we knew it, we had arrived at the kitchens. I reached my hand up to tickle the pear in the portrait that led to the kitchens, and then the pear turned into a large green doorknob. I opened it and stepped inside.
As soon as we stepped into the room about a dozen house elves had come scrambling up to us, trying to meet our every need.
"Would Sirs like some cake?" they chorused.
"No thanks," I said, the house elves looked slightly disappointed, "is Pippy here?" I asked, looking around for said house elf. Pippy was the house elf that we had first come to know. We had first met him when we played one of our first pranks, and ever since then he had become our acquaintance down in the kitchens. And it was lucky that he was, because it turned out that he was one of the leading cooks in the kitchen. So if we needed extra food Pippy was the elf to see.
The other house elves rushed off to find Pippy, and in a couple of minutes he came shuffling up to James and I. We greeted Pippy and told him our request.
"So Sirs would like extra food to be made for Sirs to pick up on Friday?" Pippy asked after we had told him our request.
"Yes, if that's not too much trouble," James replied, taking a bite of a cherry tart that a house elf had offered him.
"No, no trouble at all James Potter!" Pippy squeaked.
"You're great Pippy," James said.
Pippy beamed. "Does Sirs have any special requests for the food?" Pippy asked.
"Hmm." James and I looked at each other. "What are those puddings that Sirius likes?" James asked me.
"Chocolate and date pudding," I remembered.
"Yes, that's it. If it isn't too much trouble just a bit of chocolate and date pudding." James told the house elf.
"And some sweets, like you had on Hallowe'en." I added.
"And those Yorkshire puddings Sirius likes," James continued.
Now that we thought about it, Sirius liked and ate a considerable amount of food.
Well, as they say, a good pig eats anything. Nevertheless James and I spent the next five minutes telling Pippy every dessert, cake, dish and type of food that Sirius liked. Which, when listed, was a lot of food.
Pippy grinned, "No problems at all Mr. Remus Lupin! No problems for Pippy at all!"
I smiled. "We'll pick it up on Friday afternoon or night sometime then."
"Good. Pippy will have everything ready by then." Pippy said.
Finally, after James insisted on taking a plate of food from the house elves and after we had said our goodbyes to Pippy and the other elves, we made our way out of the kitchens.
On the way back to the Gryffindor common room we heard voices coming from an empty classroom that we were passing. James, being the sticky beak that he was, insisted that we see who it was. As we got closer to the door I recognized one of the voices instantly.
"It's Sirius!" James said, recognizing the voice as well. We drew closer to the classroom and I peered through the keyhole.
At the front of the classroom sat Sirius, a grin fixed to his face. Opposite Sirius was none other than Mundungus Fletcher, a fourth year Hufflepuff who had a notorious reputation for 'selling' goods. He was the person anyone went to to obtain items that were either banned, stolen or illegal. I wondered exactly how Sirius had come into acquaintance with Mundungus, and why. It was strange indeed. Mundungus sat opposite Sirius, slouching in his chair, his matted ginger hair fell over his face, making him look even grizzlier.
"So the fireworks and pixies are all in order then, Dung?" Sirius asked.
"Sure are." Mundungus replied.
"And you'll have them by Friday?" Sirius asked.
"Don't see why I wouldn't." Mundungus replied, "So what are you gonna use 'em for Sirius?" Mundungus asked.
"You'll see," Sirius replied with a grin.
"Sounds wayward to me." Mundungus said, "I like the way you think, Black."
Sirius grinned. "Of course you do," he said, then he stood up, "Well I've got to get back, I'll come and get them on Friday sometime then." Sirius said as he put the chair back under a table.
"Good." Mundungus replied, and then they said their goodbyes and Sirius walked towards the doorway. James and I retreated to the other side of the corridor so Sirius wouldn't hit us with the door on his way out.
"Let's scare him," James whispered as Sirius opened the door and went out, followed shortly by Mundungus who walked in the opposite direction to the Hufflepuff Common Room.
We followed Sirius as he walked up the corridor, whistling happily.
"I can't wait until Friday, it's about time I had a good birthday for once," Sirius said to himself as we turned left and entered a dark corridor.
I stifled a laugh as James muttered, "First sign of madness."
"Let's scare him now then," I whispered and then Sirius suddenly stopped, turned around as if he had heard me, and peered down the dark corridor.
James and I froze.
"That's weird," Sirius said as he looked straight at us, "I could have sworn I heard a noise just then," he shrugged, "Well I suppose, it is Hogwarts. Anything could happen in this place," he said, and then he turned around and looked in the other direction.
We slowly crept up behind him, and James whispered "On three," and held up one finger, then another, and finally the third one. On three we both yelled "Booooo!" loudly and pulled off the cloak. Sirius jumped about twenty feet into the air in shock and confusion, then, realizing it was only us he scowled as we laughed our heads off.
"You bloody prats! You scared the shite out of me!" Sirius said as he shook his fist in the air. "I'll get you both back for this!"
James and I were still laughing. "You should have seen your face!" I laughed at the expression Sirius had had on his face just seconds before when we had scared him.
"Well yours wouldn't have been much better if you just had your wits scared out of you!" Sirius retorted.
James and I chortled.
"Well that's what you get if you don't tell us things," James said.
"Yeah, well I was abou-" Sirius suddenly stopped. We all froze. We could hear someone muttering in the corridor ahead of us.
"I'll get the scurvy little brats this time Mrs. Norris!"
It was Filch.
I peered up the dark corridor; there stood Filch's cat, Mrs. Norris, looking at us with her huge eyes.
"That bloody cat!" Sirius cursed as James quickly put the Invisibility cloak over us.
"Quick! Let's get out of here!" James whispered just as Filch entered the corridor. We quickly and quietly made our way back down the corridor we had just come.
"Students out at this time of the night! Oh they're going to get a hiding!" Filch's voice came behind us.
"Quick! Down this way!" James said, taking the corridor on the right, one that I didn't recognize.
I took a quick glance behind me to see Filch turn down the left corridor.
"He went the other way," I said, relieved at our narrow escape.
"So he should, stupid git," Sirius said as we stopped to catch our breath, "he nearly caught us because of the noise you two were making."
"Well you got to admit, it was funny, especially the look on your face," James grinned as we took off the Invisibility cloak.
Sirius poked his tongue out at him, "What were you doing following me around anyway? Sneaky blighters."
"Well, we went down to the kitchens and then we were coming back and we heard someone talking from that empty classroom so we went to take a look and we saw you and Mundungus Fletcher talking," James told Sirius.
"Spying on me were you?" Sirius said, raising his eyebrows at us.
"Something like that," James grinned, "Why didn't you just tell us that you were consorting with Mundungus?" James asked.
Sirius shrugged. "Cause I didn't feel like it."
"You do know that Mundungus steals things…" I said, eyeing Sirius, "He's got a bad reputation…"
"Ah, now I remember, that's why I didn't tell you." Sirius said, looking back at me.
I wasn't sure of Mundungus Fletcher. What if he gave Sirius the fireworks and then made him pay more than what they were worth? Or tricked him into buying more things? He didn't seem like the honest type to me.
"Well I just know if you should be doing business with him, that's all," I said.
"Remus, I've been by myself for the past eleven years. I think I can look out for myself. Don't you?"
"Yes… But what if Mundungus tries to make you buy more things? Or if he makes you pay more than what they're actually worth? What if he's tricking you?"
"Dung isn't like that!" Sirius said, irritated. I looked at James, who was keeping well out of it. "He may have a 'reputation' but I know him and he wouldn't do that to me."
"How do you know?" I asked.
"I don't have to explain any of this to you, Remus. It's none of your business." Sirius had a bad temper and got angry very easily, especially if it was about him or his friends, I knew this but I didn't want him to be tricked so I ignored his comments. I didn't want Mundungus to take advantage of Sirius. Sirius sometimes got in way over his head; he never looked before he leapt.
"How long have you known him?" I asked suddenly, "Two weeks? For all you know, he's a crook and he's tricking you," I said. I didn't want to start a fight, but I was worried for Sirius. Sure, he was buying fireworks now, but what next? What if Mundungus was a real crook and Sirius didn't know it? What if he was just tricking Sirius?
"For your information- Lupin," Sirius said coldly, grey eyes piercing into me, "I've known him for as long as I've known you."
And with that, he turned around and stalked away.
I didn't know what to say.
What was Sirius implying? That he knows Mundungus better than me? That Mundungus was a better friend than I was? I was speechless. I stood there, looking after the retreating figure of Sirius, not knowing what to say. I started to feel terrible. Why did I have to open my mouth? Why didn't I just let it drop?
"Well." James said awkwardly, "Well." he said again.
I didn't say anything.
"I think we should just let him cool off… I'm going back to the common room. You coming?" James asked.
I stood there a while. "…I… I don't think I will, actually." I replied.
"Filch is still out there," James said.
"It's okay." I said. I just wanted to be alone. To think.
"Okay then. See you back at the common room." James said, and he put the Invisibility cloak over himself and walked away.
I let out a deep breath. It was the first fight that I had had with any of my friends, and I felt terrible. Sirius obviously was better friends with Mundungus than me. I walked along the dark corridors, not knowing exactly where I was heading. Was I in over my head? What made me think that we were such good friends anyway? Living and having classes with someone does not instantly make you best friends. Maybe I was in way too far over my head. I did not deserve these friends. After all, I had been lying to them. What made me any better than Mundungus Fletcher? Nothing. Mundungus was better than me. He probably wasn't even tricking Sirius. I was. I had been lying to him- and Peter, and James, ever since I had met them. How could I do such a thing? I did not even deserve to have friends like them.
Or maybe they weren't even my friends. Of course they were my friends. But I hadn't been a friend to them. What kind of person lies to their friends? Someone like me, I thought as I entered another corridor.
A werewolf like me.
That's who tricks and lies to their friends. Not someone harmless like Mundungus Fletcher. It was I who was the one who was tricking Sirius, I realized, not Mundungus.
Me, Remus Lupin.
I found myself unconsciously making my way towards the Astronomy tower. I needed to look at the stars, the heavens, and the sky. There, I would find comfort. Out there, I was only but a small speck in a whole universe. Like an ant on a tiny planet that probably meant nothing in the scheme of things. In universal figures.
I climbed the stairs to the Astronomy tower.
Finally, I was out on the top most part of the tower. I noticed that the beanbags that were usually there for us to sit on in class weren't there. I walked to the edge of the tower and leaned against the cold stone banister, the chilly night air mussed my hair as I looked out at the vast sky in front of me. The rest of Hogwarts stood below me, some of the windows lit up by candlelight, but most of them were dark as most people had gone to bed.
I breathed in the cool night air and let out a sigh. I felt horrible. Even though I hadn't really even said much to Sirius, it felt like I had accused him of something. And the way he had looked at me. Those cold, deep eyes staring right into me as if piercing right through me. The eyes that seemed to say 'What right have you to tell me any of this?'
And of course he was right. What right did I have? What right did I have to question him, or anyone, for that matter? When they had accepted me with no questions asked. When they had welcomed me with open arms as their friend? What right did I have at all? I had none. None at all. No right to question Sirius' friendship with Mundungus Fletcher. And no right at all to accuse Fletcher of tricking Sirius. I shivered.
"Remus Lupin." A soft voice behind me made me jump. I turned around to see Professor Philomena, the Astronomy professor, standing there with a strange look in her eyes, her dark hair hanging like a curtain down the sides of her elegant face.
"Professor Philomena, I'm sorry," I apologized instantly, "I shouldn't be up here, I know, I can exp-"
She cut me off, "Its fine Mr. Lupin," she said understandingly, "It's all right. I couldn't sleep so I came up here." She walked to the edge to stand beside me. "It's the best place to be to think things over, isn't it?" she asked looking out at the deep sky.
"Yes," I replied. "It is."
"May I ask what's troubling you?" Philomena asked.
I didn't reply for a while. And then, "Have you ever felt like you didn't deserve your friends?" I asked.
"Many times," she replied. "What makes you think you don't deserve James, Sirius and Peter?"
I didn't say anything.
Then, "I've been tricking them. Lying to them. Everyday. Ever since I've met them I've been tricking them."
"…Tricking them, or saving them from what they might not want to know?" She asked slowly.
"They may not want to know, but they have a right to know. I've been tricking them. I don't deserve them."
"Remus, being a werewolf – that is something sacred to you and you alone. You don't have to share it with anyone. It's not an obligation. You aren't tricking them, just covering up a truth they may not want to know. You have no obligation on anyone to tell them anything. Your friends, I'm sure, have secrets they haven't told anyone. Everybody has secrets."
I considered this for a moment. "Not as big as being a werewolf."
"You'd be quite surprised." she said, looking at me, "If everybody knew everybody's secrets then we might never get along."
"But my friends deserve to know something as big as this."
"Yes, they do. But you'll tell them when you're ready to. Not before. Are you ready to tell them?"
I thought for a moment. No, I was not ready. I'd never be ready. How could you tell your friends that you were a monstrous werewolf and that you'd been lying to them ever since you'd met them?
"No."
"In time you will be ready. But not now. You will tell them when you're ready, Remus. For now, just be a good friend to them. They definitely deserve that from you. They already know that you're loyal and a great friend. Show them." Philomena stared back out at the sky. At the shimmering stars.
"Professor,"
"Yes?"
"Thank you." I said genuinely, "Thank you very much." I turned towards the entrance of the tower and made my way towards the steps.
"They deserve to have you as a friend, Remus." Professor Philomena said from behind me. "And you deserve to have them as friends. You deserve it more than you know."
Without saying anything more, I started to make my descent down the stairway. I thought about what Professor Philomena had said- that I did deserve to have them as friends, that they deserved to have me as a friend. Did I deserve to have them as friends? Or was I not worthy enough to have them? They never had to be my friends. They could have just overlooked me and not been friends with me at all. But they didn't. They chose to be my friend. And I chose to be their friend.
And that made all the difference.
When I arrived back at the dormitory James and Peter were asleep, their curtains were closed. I could hear Peter's snoring coming from behind his curtained bed.
But Sirius. Sirius was still up. He was sitting on the windowsill, looking out at the sky. The same sky that I had been looking at for the past half hour. I looked at Sirius as I stood in the doorway. He was hugging his legs against his chest and he didn't take his eyes from the dark sky when I closed the door quietly.
I didn't quite know what to say. I knew what I should be saying. But I couldn't find the words.
"You had no right." Sirius said quietly. His voice cut through the air like a knife.
"I know."
"It wasn't your business."
"I know."
"I'll choose my friends wherever I like. And I'll decide whether they're true friends or not."
I didn't say anything.
"I can look after myself."
"I know."
"I don't need another person telling me what to do or who to be friends with. I get that enough from my family, from Crevan – Bellatrix – Narcissa – Amias – Cyrilla…"
"Sirius…"
His grey eyes flicked at me for a moment, then went back to looking out the window at the stars.
"Before you say anything else. I'm sorry. I'm really very sorry. And I know I was wrong. But I was worried for you. I don't know Mundungus properly; I thought that he might be trying to trick you. I never knew you were good friends. You never told me… I'm sorry."
Sirius didn't reply for a while. Then his voice came, soft, "Seems like we all have our secrets. Doesn't it?"
"Yes." I said, "Sorry."
"Have I ever questioned your friends Remus?"
"No."
"No, I have never. So understand that I can choose for myself who's a true friend and who's not." Sirius said. "That's why I chose you."
Sirius finally turned and looked at me, his eyes boring into my own. "I chose you. To be my friend. I wanted to be your friend. Just like I wanted to be James' friend."
I didn't know what to say to that.
"And I wasn't a proper friend back." I whispered, gulping.
"Remus. You are a proper friend back. A true friend. Just let me choose my own friends, okay?"
I nodded.
There was a short silence.
"Especially if they can get me some kick arse fireworks." Sirius looked at me and grinned. I let out a choked laugh.
The tension was gone.
"So are we okay?" I asked.
"Friends? Of course. Okay? As in normal - sane? I don't really think either of us will ever be able to say that." Sirius laughed.
I smiled.
We were okay.
"You should meet Dung sometime."
"I would like that." I said softly.
"So would I." Sirius replied, "So would I…"
Author's Notes: The next part of this chapter is coming out soon. Hopefully. Now, lesse, I just need counts 15 more reviews and it'll be up to 400! Come on reviewers/readers, you can do it! I might even dedicate a chapter to whoever hits the 400 mark! (If I count it up right that is, heh)
brennQT: I'm glad you liked the Sirius/Peter bonding, we don't often see them bonding much so I thought it would be a change to what we usually see, so I'm glad you liked it. And that you liked how I brought out in the open that they never really talk that much, well they don't really, and I imagine Sirius to say just that as well. Thanks!
Beansie: Heh. Yes, yes, chap 23 and its still first year – be patient! Heh. You know, if I'm taking this long you know what that means don't you – that you get to read for longer, so it's a win win situation here. Heh. Or you'll get bored and stop reading. (Which I very much hope that you don't!) Chagrin means annoyance, so if you say 'to Remus' chagrin' it would basically be to Remus' annoyance. Hehe. Poor Remus. Oh, I meant, the next two chapters (meaning this one and the one I will post after this) Sirius' birthday chapters, is 43 pages long, that's why I split it in two.
Janet Lily: Thanks! Yes, Peter was sort of innocent wasn't he? But I think he didn't just turn like that, there were other things involved to make him betray his friends. Well deep down I think they all (WPP) were a bit prejiduce of werewolves, well, no matter what anyone says they will always be seen as dark evil creatures and Voldemort maybe was trying to get them on his side and maybe that's why Sirius chose Peter, not Remus. I will try to check out your fanfiction when I have some time.
Thehpgang: Thanks very much. It makes me very happy to hear that the story is original. Well I didn't want to skip straight to the important stuff right away, I think there are other things happening in between all the important stuff that led up to the important stuff. Don't worry I won't quit writing this, unless I get very very very extremely busy and can't do it anymore, if that happens it'll just go on hiatus though – but don't worry, it won't happen, hopefully. I'm not making any promises or guarantees though, but I will say that I am thoroughly enjoying writing Memoirs and as long as I keep enjoying it I will still be writing it! But thanks for the warning! Heh.
LupinLover99: That's okay. Glad you liked the friendship between Sirius Peter. Well there was more Remus, hope it satisfies!
Anarane: I'm a bit wary of writing Peter chapters, as you may have noticed, because there are more chaps written by MPP than by Peter, but I try to balance it out. Wow, I'm very glad that you come out liking my Peter, yay! Glad you loved the plant thing. Thanks!
Carlie Black: Yay! Someone's saying yay about a Peter chapter! Heh. Glad you liked the Peter/Sirius bonding. Glad you liked the good ol' honkin' daffodil! Heh. Heh, I will try to update 3 times this month. No promises though!
Writer of Fantasy: Hi! Glad you liked the honking daffodil! And the Christmas chapter, and the intro of Malfoy, yes, he is older than MWPP, I don't see him to be in their year either, I think its now canon that he isn't anyway. Yes I have a lot of fun writing this, as long as I don't have writers block. :o)
French Chipmunk: Hi! Thanks very much! I'm very glad you like it!
Elvenwolf123321: 'ello there! No, I never get sick of hearing that you love my story! It's good for the muse, hehe. Wow! You've stopped thinking of my story as fanfiction, O.O, that is just amazing and awesome, thanks a whole bunch! I love you! Heh. And wow, their characters formed in your mind from my descriptions! Wow! No I have never had raman noodles dry. They expand in your stomach? Heh. Interesting. Thanks very very much again! I do appreciate it and I do love you forever for your awesome words! Heh.
Erica: Heh, I'm glad you've found flowers amusing now then, hehe. I've never found that they got along with each other as well as everyone else either, but as you said, they must have. But I still don't think that they got along as well as say Sirius/Remus, or Sirius/James. But anyway, they were all friends.
Dominique: Thanks very much! I'm glad you like it! Well, you have your wish; it's a Remus Rants! Thanks for reviewing!
Visualpurple: Heh, I do already love you forever because you review! Hehe. Yes it is interesting how Sirius Peter only are friends because of James Remus. Otherwise I don't think they'd be that good friends at all. Thanks for reviewing!
DarkKestrelArwenSilkeQueen: Thanks for reviewing! Yes, Sirius and Peter are friends, it is too bad Sirius hates him later on, if only Peter hadn't betrayed them. Sighs… Thanks again!