Fwee, update! I'm sorta nervous about how this chapter will go. I always feel like love confession scenes are hard to write. And yeah, I made Malik be a bit of an angsty character. There's quite a bit of his backstory in this chapter, mostly for the purpose of explaining Malik's relationship with Ryou.

In any case, bear with the fact I made Malik quite a frustrated character. He's pretty violent in this fic, rofl. But I kinda felt that it suited him for this fic. And writing his character development shall be fun. X3

Thank you very much for your reviews! And now...

Read on! ~ X3

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Chapter Four: What I Seek

Malik's POV

There were many ways to describe a person like me. Often people picked the foul-tempered description. Or they looked at me and thought of me as a frustrated person. For the longest time, I had never been associated with a positive adjective. Any act of kindness of mine always went unnoticed. Not surprising though. Kind acts weren't something I really did much.

I could be certain about one quality I had. That I was someone who's endured a lot of hardships in life. I know what harsh reality truly meant. I also know what it's like to be the one responsible for the hardships of others.

Mariku does too though he always turns a blind eye to it.

We used to live in Egypt, Mariku and me. Life began unfairly for the two of us and well, Mariku was my influence. I followed in his footsteps; so I learnt that rebelling was a great solution to problems and if I'm pissed off, venting via violence was the answer. Then along came the incident. The events that followed meant that we had to separate from our family and be adopted by a couple in Japan.

The environment in Japan was so much different to the environment in Egypt. The couple were really kind to Mariku and me but we didn't know how to respond. Neither of us was willing to admit to the truth. The truth made me so ashamed of myself.

Why?

Because the incident taught me a word that would stick with me for life.

That word was consequences.

Mariku and I should have known. But no, we were responsible for tearing our family apart in such a way that would scar each member of the family for life.

Scars.

I had many of those. Mariku shared a lot of the same experiences as me, being my twin brother. But... But we were twisted so differently! No matter how kind the adoptive parents – Akiko and Kensuke – were towards us, we rejected that very kindness. For we Ishtar twins only knew how to cause trouble. But like I said, Mariku and I were twisted differently. The incident and consequences that came with it made me suffer. Mariku looked at me and decided that I would shoulder all burdens.

I saw the consequences as punishment for our actions and also the punishment we never received. Mariku burst out laughing and said, "Look, Malik! We can get away with anything we want to!" He could never acknowledge anything properly. Not even his flaws, his faults... He refused to see them. I watched him with so much guilt and regret in my heart.

So Mariku became a troublemaker while I was incredibly hostile. Nobody was allowed to know the real me. Don't get close to me; I will tear you to shreds. I don't think anybody in this world has ever felt pain like I had.

I remember when Mariku called me an emo kid and handed me a craft knife he stole from somewhere. Staring at the blade; how badly was I reminded of the incident. My heart began bleeding once more and holding that knife so securely in my palm... I wanted the knife to rip through my skin and let my burdens come pouring out.

But Mariku had shown me hatred so I decided, 'why should I get beaten around?' and I ran around, searching for a target. I went for a tree and as how Bakura put it, I did indeed, carve out my frustrations. Mariku just laughed at me before leaving me to it. So whenever I was furious at my brother, I found a tree and slashed at it with the knife.

Akiko became concerned for our well-beings and chose to take us to see a counsellor. A shrink! I disliked that idea, it rubbed in the fact we had issues. Like hell I was going to open up to some stranger who would be making judgements of us and noting them down in that stupid notebook they have! Oh yes, that first meeting... I remember smashing up so much in that room and the counsellor trying to calm me down while Mariku's howling laughter accentuated the fury I was dealing out.

Mariku's insane. I'm furious.

So we were sent to boot camp. We found crazy kids much like ourselves and we learned a lot. I remember this one kid who taught me how to fight and he showed me how to push my inner pain to the side.

He understood that my pain wasn't something that would ever go away so he said, "Well, let's find ways to push it aside when required, eh?" I said that it'll be an impossible feat. He called me an idiot and proved me wrong. I said that I was so grateful I could marry him and he told me to "get away, pervert."

That guy never really gave out his name and somehow got known as Akefia. In some ways, I wonder if he was a first love. But before I could really open up to him, he left the boot camp as did Mariku and I. I had no idea what exactly Mariku got from that place but Kensuke said we came back a lot fitter for society.

So I expected for life to pick up and become routinely; we'd go to a local high school, make friends, and do homework and all that. Then Akiko and Kensuke announced that we were going to a boarding school across another end of the country.

Our reactions to that?

Well...

I ended up trashing the study room that night. Books were ripped up and pieces were scattered all over the floor. I smashed a hole in the computer screen and chucked the monitor out the window. The computer desk was tipped on its side and I carved the words 'Fitter for society? You lying bastards' again and again, using my craft knife. I was in so much trouble. But did I care what they thought of my actions? Not one bit.

Mariku was amused by what I did but agreed that I was right in what I did. He said I had a point. Fitter for society? Then why are we being sent away again? Are we really that unbearable to have around? I felt like trash, always being kicked out, taken and dumped somewhere with that hope of being recycled into something better.

Domino Boarding School was where we found ourselves at next. Mariku found his place in the school with ease. He knew every trick in the book to cover up the truth. I searched for an Akefia. But I felt frustrated, for no one was an Akefia to me.

My ways were confusing. I knew that nobody understood what my deal was and that was perfect enough for me. Because of Akefia, my heart had learned how to store my innermost secrets. It worked at first. I could get angry and upset over things but have enough control not to go to the extreme. Mariku and I only know violence as a solution but we know when to stop now. In any case, Mariku made himself appear cool while I didn't feel cool at all. So I kept to myself on purpose.

And that was when I met Ryou.

My memories of that meeting were pretty vivid. It was on that deck on the fifth floor of one of the dormitory blocks. The view was decent and because I was there, nobody else would go. One day, Ryou dared go onto the deck when I was there...

"Why the hell are you here?" I roared at the meek white-haired boy who dared approach me. I raised my fist threateningly and he backed off a bit. "Backing off isn't good enough!" I snapped, "Get the fuck out of here!"

"I... just wanted to sit and write," the boy squeaked, clutching a book close to his chest. Like that's going to change anything.

"That book will be reduced to a pile of paper scraps if you don't leave!"

"I'm sorry, Malik-san!"

As the white-haired boy made his leave, I smirked triumphantly. The guy knows my name and yet I don't know his. Funny. He must've been that insignificant.

It was that meeting that brought Ryou to my attention. I mentioned him to Mariku later and he told me that the guy's name is Ryou Touzoku. For some reason, Mariku didn't approve of my behaviour because it wasn't necessary. He said I have the worst temper ever. I was shocked. Why did Mariku snap at me? I can't work him out. After that talk, I slashed at the bark of another tree.

The next day, Ryou approached the deck again while I was there. He saw me and apologised, asking shyly if I wanted him to go away. I rolled my eyes and said I don't give a damn if he stays, so long as he grows a freaking backbone. So he sat on the deck and took out his notebook and began writing in it.

It's been a week and the weird kid keeps coming here at lunchtimes to write in that stupid book of his. I'd been watching him for a while but I never talked to him. Occasionally he'd speak to me and by the end of the week; he felt he could speak without me snapping at him to be quiet. I had gotten accustomed to him just being there, I guess. I didn't particularly like him but the talk with that damned Mariku remained fresh in my mind whenever this kid was around.

Sheesh, why would Mariku give a damn about this kid?

"...You... do know that I'm in... some of your classes, don't you Malik-san?" Ryou asked, ending the silence. I thought about it and knew it was true, just that he'd never really been brought to my attention.

"Don't call me Malik-san... It makes me irritated," I replied. Malik-san basically meant he was saying something like Mister Malik to me and well, it didn't sit right with me.

"...Malik-kun?" the boy tried a new honorific to refer to me with.

"It'll do," I sighed, crossing my arms. I decided to stop watching the kid write and turned my head back to the view. "Why are you always here, writing in your notebook?"

"...Oh! Um, well... It's my diary. I've had this diary for years because it has so many pages and my handwriting is small so I don't take up much space with my entries," Ryou explained, clutching the book to his chest once more. I see. Memories he holds close to his heart. "Normally one would write in their diary at night when the day's events are mostly done but... but I have homework to do and um... letters... to write."

"You write home to your family? You screwed up person," I commented with a raised eyebrow.

"Um... my brother doesn't ever send letters so... someone has to tell them what's going on."

"So you write to your mother then?"

"My mother and sister... are dead."

I sighed. The word death used to bring out my inner feelings but I needed to be calm. "...What killed them?"

Ryou hung his head low and wrapped his arms around his knees. "Car crash."

"They crash or someone hit them?"

"Oka-san was always a careful driver... A drunken man hit them with his car and he was the only survivor of the crash..." Ryou explained with a wavering voice. He looked up at me and I saw that tears were building up in his eyes. Why is it hard for him to talk about this stuff? Parents don't care. Families are a bitch. That's what I'd grown up knowing. Clearly this kid saw different from me. He could cry... for his mother and his sister. "Please, Malik-kun. Don't ask any more questions... It's hard for me to talk about stuff like that."

I wonder how that man feels knowing that he was the cause of a person's death. Does he know a pain similar to mine? Has he ever gotten drunk since? Did he ever drive a car again? Has the man received his deserved punishment for his crime? Would he ever go back into society like any other ordinary man ever again?

"This man... Can you forgive him?"

"I don't want to keep talking about it!"

I scowled, bending down and grabbing at Ryou's shirt collar. He was crying but I didn't care. I wanted to know the answer. How did someone victimised from such an incident feel towards the person who was the cause? I've had my own hardships, I've dealt out pain. How desperately I wanted to know if it was possible to... to be forgiven. I didn't care about the man in reality. I was just covering up for my own guilt.

All this time, being forgiven was something I'd often thought about. That incident with my own family had left people broken up. Mariku and I were such bastards, destroying lives. What we did, I wasn't sure if it was unforgivable or not.

If a man who caused the death of others can be forgiven then can Mariku and I be forgiven? Of course, Mariku doesn't ever want to face up to the guilt but I know that I had to be forgiven. I had to be forgiven to move on.

"Tell me the answer to my question, Touzoku!" I yelled right in his face. He didn't answer, which only irritated me even more. I stood up and pulled the sobbing teen to his feet too. Slamming him against the wall, I asked again. "Can you forgive that man?"

"...I guess I can..." Ryou mumbled, "He was drunk, he didn't mean to... Even if... his own mistakes became a permanent loss for Bakura and I... and our father."

"They were fucking stupid mistakes too; didn't you ever hate that man?" I asked. Ryou then struggled until I released him from my grasp. I rolled my eyes as Ryou ran away. He left his diary behind. Maybe I pried too much. I won't read his diary then. I'll just return it next time I see him.

I was happy with that talk though. Ryou was upset at the time but I felt enlightened. For the first time, I felt like I saw an angel. An angel who forgave. That's how I started to see Ryou. My mind had twisted it into some kind of screwed up attraction.

Looking in the mirror since that talk, I didn't feel so dirty on the inside and I didn't look so ugly on the outside. I was amazed. The thought that the forgiveness of another person could purify me and wash out my hatred, clear me of all wrongs; that thought truly inspired me. Being forgiven meant I could erase the horrible side of me.

So I decided to apologise to Ryou for asking all those personal questions surrounding the death of his family members.

"Touzoku! Touzoku!" I was usually the first to arrive at the lunchtime spot but Ryou was already there when I came. It had been a week since we talked and I hadn't had the chance to return his diary. Finally I had a chance. Ryou and I were alone together once more. Ryou looked up, surprised at the weirdly cheerful tone in my voice.

"Malik-kun..." he mumbled as I fished around in my book bag. Then I pulled it out and handed the diary to him. "Oh! My diary! Thank you, Malik-kun..."

I beamed at him. It wasn't often that I'd get thanked for anything. My cheeks were going pink but I felt truly happy. I was amazed at how Ryou could thank me and still treat me with kindness even though I was usually horrible to him. It's because Ryou's an angel. That's why.

"It's nothing, really," I told him. "Did you know that... I'd never apologised to anyone before. When you told me that your parents passed away, I never apologised for what happened. There's a first time for everything, don't you think?"

Ryou was staring at me with that surprised expression of his. For the first time, I saw that expression as cute, not annoying. "Um... Oh... You don't have to..."

I got to my knees and knelt before him. "I'm sorry for trying to delve into an aspect of your life that is sensitive to you. I asked too much of you and didn't stop when you asked. I'm sorry that I didn't return your diary sooner. I'm sorry that I treated you rudely the first time we met. I'm sorry that I didn't apologise sooner when I should have. I'm sorry that I referred to you as being a screwed up person... If anyone is screwed up, it's me."

Apologising's such a different experience for me. I felt like sins were pouring out of me and my weak, vulnerable personality was being exposed to Ryou. Would the angel forgive me and my sin? Please don't turn me away. I'm sorry that this is my test. I needed to know if it was possible for someone to forgive me. Was it possible? Answer me, Ryou.

"Sit up, Malik-kun. I understand. I forgive you." I sat up immediately at those words and a huge smile spread across my face. This... This could be the happiest thing in my life. I started to shake, trying to contain my emotions. "Malik-kun? Are you okay?"

"I'd never... ever... been forgiven for anything!" I confessed. It was the truth. Until now. "Thank you... Touzoku... Touzoku-kun."

Ryou smiled warmly at me. A smile that I could love. He made me feel that if I was down; he would embrace me, comfort me and only good would matter. Ryou may not realise the depths of his actions and why they affected me so but it didn't matter. It was possible for someone like me to be forgiven for all wrongs.

I didn't have to hate myself so much. If there was at least one person who knew about the different sides to me and still liked me despite my flaws, I felt that maybe it would be enough. Enough for me to be able to continue living this life.

"Malik-kun, you don't have to thank me. I'm in awe of you. It took guts to own up to the things you did. In fact, it makes me want to move on too," he replied with words that made me want to cry. I really like you, Ryou. I believe that if I am with you, someday I'll be forgiven for everything wrong about me. Ryou held up his diary towards me. "I shall part ways with this diary and stick to the letters. Next time you're frustrated, please tear up the pages. Tear them up and scatter those pages."

What? Why would he want me to rip apart his diary? All his beloved memories, good and bad, they are in this diary. Wouldn't he want to look back at them? I didn't understand but I couldn't say no to the request. I just couldn't.

"Gotcha."

I remember the day where I tore up that diary. It was English and the teacher was pissing me off. He kept picking on me for any misstep and he was getting on my nerves. Ryou and Mariku were in that class. I stood up and kicked my desk to the side. Then I dashed towards the teacher and beat him down. He ordered students to keep me back and so Mariku sighed, preparing himself to restrain me.

That was when I rushed to my book bag and took out Ryou's diary. I heard the Touzoku gasp and Mariku yell out, asking why I had Ryou's diary. Then everyone in the classroom watched as I ripped out pages, tearing them to shreds, crumpling them up and scattering them on the floor.

"Don't get close to me; I will tear you to shreds!"

Those were the words I yelled. And once the showering of white fell like a blanket of snow to the ground, nobody dared come near me. I turned to Ryou and he smiled at me. I don't know why he smiled but that smile made me feel like things were okay. That was what I loved the most about Ryou. He knew of my ways and he continued to treat me kindly despite my flaws.

I had to tell Ryou how I felt someday.

---

The next few classes were Drama and History. I know that lately, I've been getting nervous around Ryou. It's not like I don't know why. It's uncontrollable though. I feel it's because the time is coming soon. The time when I tell him how I feel.

Bakura doesn't know the history I have with Ryou. He probably thinks I have no chance. But Ryou and I, we have history.

Even though I avoided talking with Ryou, I felt I couldn't talk to him until tomorrow. I wanted to word everything right. I wanted to do something right. I didn't want to screw up for once. I didn't want to trip up. I didn't want to cause some fiasco. I wanted to confess and be accepted with open arms.

I didn't doubt Ryou. He was the type of person to accept anyone. No, he still is. I'm sure of that. I can't have doubts.

I mustn't.

---

"Malik..." Bakura mumbled suddenly in amongst the darkness. It was light out for the night and we were trying to sleep. Or at least I was. Gah, what did that idiot want? I'm trying to sort out my plan for tomorrow and he thinks he can interrupt my thought train?! Hn. I suppose I'll let him speak.

"What is it, idiot?"

"I figured that the story between you and Ryou was deeper. What is the deal with you two?" Ah, I knew he'd ask sooner or later. Bakura's an odd guy. He doesn't let you go to him with open arms but he doesn't reject you either. He's no angel the way Ryou is. But he's perceptive and tries to understand without pushing his limits.

And he likes Mariku! I still don't get that. Perhaps I met Bakura so that I'd remember that Mariku needed a place in this world too. He's an arsehole and he let me suffer, he didn't understand why I was down all the time... But that's because he can't face the truth the way I did. He still has a long way to go.

Bakura... He reminds me of Akefia. Someone not content with the way things are. And he watches out for me the way Akefia did. Yes. So long as Bakura is around to support me, confessing to Ryou is no big deal. It's an easy hurdle.

"Oi, Malik! Why do you like Ryou so much?"

"My hardships are my hardships, I told you! So for now, I'll just answer your question with: he has a nice smile!"

"You weirdo."

Sorry Bakura, I don't feel like telling you the secrets of Malik Ishtar. Not tonight. Maybe in the near future. Or the far future. I don't know which.

Near.

Far.

Someday.

---

Snap, my heart's beating so fast this morning. I feel like my forehead is sweating too much. This morning, I thought I was going to leap on top of Bakura and give him a hearty morning greeting but the nerves are hitting me. I can't have that. Gah!

So I decided to mess up Bakura's side of the wardrobe as a way to vent. He woke up irritated. So we bickered and I hoped that would take away my nerves. But it wasn't working! "I need to smash something!" I shouted as Bakura did a facepalm.

"Look, you don't have to confess today if you're not ready..." the idiot roommate of mine muttered. I seriously don't need to hear that! I scowled at him and he backed off a bit just in case. "Okay, okay! So you're nervous! That's understandable! Have you worked out how you're going to confess?"

"Um... before classes begin?" I replied weakly.

He sighed. "You need to work out what you're going to say. Get dressed and go get breakfast. I'll tidy up the clothes pile you've made. Seriously, I'm going to have to know what's going through your head because well... you're screwed up."

I smirked at him, holding up a fist. "Just keep talking, bitch."

"I'm glad you like listening to my sexy voice too," he responded sarcastically. I chuckled at him. Five minutes later, I was in my uniform and I went to go get some breakfast. I decided to ignore the stares of students who remembered breakfast yesterday. Heck, I even let out a laugh when I saw the chair I'd thrown around lying on the table where Mariku and some others were sitting.

He beckoned me over and grinned at me. "Some jock came up to me five minutes ago and wanted me to ask you if you were interested in joining the track team," he told me. We both had evil grins, both knowing what my answer would be. Mariku pisses me off but we can get along when we're too lazy to hold a grudge against one another. "I suppose that guy will know hell for a while?"

I nodded. "That sounds about right." Mariku's eyes lit up suddenly and I knew instantly what that meant. No nerves, Malik. Act normal! I turned around with a small smile on my face. "Morning, Touzoku-kun!"

Ryou was walking over to us, his white hair flowing as he took each step closer to us. He still seems like an angel in my eyes. I felt so cheesy, constantly thinking that but I didn't know how else to put it. "Good morning, Malik-kun, Mariku-kun. How are you two this morning? I'm relieved to see that it appears that you're getting along again."

"Until the next smash-up!" Mariku responded cheerfully. Ironic but true.

"I'm good, and you?" I replied politely. I felt my cheeks were already beginning to blush pink. Gah, I need to say it. Go on, Malik! Say it, say it! "Touzoku-kun, can we talk? Just you and me?" I did it! Well, not fully. I still have the confession itself but it's another step in progress at least.

"Now? That's fine by me. I'm all yours," he replied. I love the wording he chose. It's a good confidence booster.

---

"So Malik-kun, what did you want to talk about?" Ryou asked, sitting down on a bench. We were at one of the many gardens around the school. This one was small and deserted, except for Ryou and me of course. It was calm. I would've preferred the fifth floor with the deck but I didn't want to force Ryou to walk far just because I wanted the picture perfect setting.

"Touzoku-kun, when I first met you, I had no idea people like you existed. Sometimes I can't believe I was almost going to turn you away everytime you came to me. I'm so relieved that something in my heart told me to let you stay and scribble down things in that diary of yours..." I began, pacing around. My eyes had a far-off gaze. I wanted to build myself up to the point. "I liked to watch you write. It brought a sense of calm. The calamity of my heart felt it could be at ease because you let me be myself. I was horrible to you and you kept coming back to see me. I didn't understand but I wanted to thank you. Touzoku-kun, thank you so much."

I approached him and sat down on the bench beside him. My lavender eyes met his chocolate brown orbs and I tried to read his expression. His cheeks were blushing a rosy pink. These aren't rejecting eyes. They aren't. My hands reached out and took his, causing him to go even redder.

"On that day, when I apologised and you forgave me, that meant the whole world to me. I can't thank you enough for healing so many wounds in my heart..." I continued, feeling a gentle breeze blowing our hair about. I felt strands of Ryou's hair stroke my face, a sensation I didn't mind. My own flaxen blonde bangs were getting out of my eyes, which I closed to prepare myself for the next words. "I don't know how else to say it. I enjoy your company. I feel good around you. For you to accept someone like me is an impressive feat. Touzoku-kun... No... Ryou. Ryou Touzoku, I..." My grip on his hands tightened.

"Hang on, Malik-kun," Ryou interrupted suddenly. My eyelids flew open and I wanted to curse. He killed my flow. I almost said it. I was about to say it! Now I have to find another way to get it across.

"Y-y-yes?" I stammered.

"Do I really mean so much to you?"

My face went hot. Okay, I'll work with this. "Yeah, you do."

His face lit up happily. "I'm so glad! I was worried that you didn't like me because you never once referred to me as a friend or anything! But I always figured it was because you weren't very open with your feelings. I always wished to be friends with both you and Mariku-kun!" I grinned at this.

"A-actually... I'll be honest..." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I wanted more than friendship. You seem so perfect to me. I... Well... To put it simply, I love you."

I said it. I finally expressed my feelings. I sat and waited for his response. His response will seal the deal, I'm sure. For the longest time, I've wanted someone to wash my bad side away and forgive me. I could move on from my past and start anew.

With Ryou by my side.

His hands released themselves from my grip and I heard him standing up. I opened my eyes once more and saw that he had indeed stood up. His head was facing the sky and seemed to be mulling over what I'd just said. I brought my own hands together and sat there, shaking. My nerves were kicking in once more.

"Malik-kun... I get the feeling you hadn't had anyone treat you kindly often. But I am not strong enough for you to lean on for support."

I froze, unable to reply. This isn't how I imagined Ryou responding! I don't understand. Why is he responding like this?

"I'm sorry!" I blurted out suddenly. "I said too much, didn't I? I mean uh, you didn't hear me correctly! I love your uh... cooking! Wait, not cooking! That didn't come out right either!" I struggled with my words. That didn't stop the fact that something I'd believed in was being denied. Denied entirely. I thought Ryou would spread his arms wide and I would run to him and he'd hold me tight.

"I heard you correctly. But I think it would be better for us to just be friends... I'm sorry!" And with nothing left to say, he left. I stared after him as he left, hardly reacting.

Wrong. What I believed in was wrong. Why did I rely so heavily on this? I wish I took into consideration that things may not always go right. But this was Ryou I was confessing to! Ryou! Ryou... You had done so much for me. Maybe you reached your limit of what you could do.

I stood up and pondered what to do. Where is my back-up plan?

"Are you going to cry?" I leaped up in surprise and saw that the one who just entered the scene was Bakura.

"Eh? Eh? Wait, what are you doing here?" I asked as he walked closer to me. Seriously, what the hell? Did he listen in? "I'll kill you if you heard everything!"

"Mariku told me you and Ryou went somewhere and so I decided to take a walk. Then I came and heard... But never mind that," he said, taking his hands out of his pockets. I swear the guy was only standing a metre away from me. He should know that listening in warrants him a huge punishment. "What are you going to do?"

I expected myself to punch him right then and there. I truly did. But I found myself placing my head against his shoulder, resting it there. No idea why. He didn't flinch at all. Bakura's shoulder felt warm... Almost... comforting...

"Bakura, I have many regrets. You want to know why I first liked Touzoku-kun? Because he was the first person to forgive me."

Not once did I look up. I didn't want to see the ashamed look in his eyes as he thinks, 'That's the reason? Gee, he's more screwed up in the head than I originally thought!' Most people would think that, wouldn't they?

"So that probably made him incredibly appealing in your eyes... You weren't looking for love; you were looking for forgiveness, weren't you?" I would never admit it out loud but... I think that's the truth. That incident that I've never spoken about destroyed so much. I hated myself to the core for what Mariku and I did. "But I don't think Ryou has anything to do with what you're seeking forgiveness for. It's alright though. Whatever you did, I don't know but just because he was convenient doesn't mean that he could be the one to forgive."

"I can't ever see the people I truly want forgiveness from..! One of them, never again! The other two, I don't know where to find them. I just... I just..." I stopped speaking suddenly. I felt arms wrap themselves around me and hold me tight. Ah... "I'm not sure what to do."

"You know what happened to my mother and sister, don't you? They died in a car crash. I want to apologise to them for making them get in that car and make the trip from which they'd never return alive. Mother cooked dinner and I bitched about how there was no meat. I complained and complained so she grabbed Amane and got in the car. It was the last time I ever saw either of them... Even now, I can't help thinking every once in a while, why the fuck couldn't I just get over it? And I wanted to apologise to them but well... I can't..."

Why is it that whenever I'm down, Bakura can always relate to me? Does he have all these stories at the ready for when someone needs them? He doesn't try to make you feel good with positive words. He just ensures you that you aren't lonely.

The Touzoku twins... Each of them are amazing individuals, they really are.

"How does never being able to apologise make you feel?"

"If I think hard enough, I picture them assuring me that they forgive me for my actions."

I see... He has to do that. Otherwise he'll have the constant guilt. He has to pretend that he's been forgiven. That's why he feels he has the right to get more in life. Why he wants thrills. He feels it is okay for him to enjoy life without shouldering so much guilt.

"Well, I suppose I still have my end of the deal for now. One Bakura and Mariku match coming right up!" I told him with a grin. Bakura let go of me and backed a couple of steps from me with a shocked expression. "Hey, I know things didn't go so well for me but I'll use everything I've got to make sure things work out for you and Mariku!"

"What about Ryou?"

"...I want to continue liking him for a bit longer," I admitted with a sad sigh. "But don't worry about me. I'm sure I'm not the only screw-up."

"But-"

"I'm hungry as!" I talked over the top of him. I don't want Bakura having to stress out with whatever mess I get myself into.

Bakura glared at me. "It's not often I show concern, damn it. You should be grateful, you bitch."

I kicked my knee into his stomach in retaliation. As he clutched at his stomach in pain, I burst out laughing. "Wanna run that by me again? Honestly, the way our relationship is, I'd say I'm the seme and you're the uke! You put up with the stuff I make you do!"

"Idiot, you're using terms that refer to positions in the bedroom!"

"We share bedrooms, it applies!"

"You're missing the point!"

I slapped his shoulder and smirked at him. "I said I'm hungry, idiot!"

"Shouldn't you be in a bad mood?"

"I am in a bad mood! Here I am, making clear signals that we should go get breakfast and here you are, complaining about positions in the bedroom!"

"You were the one who first brought it up!"

---

We arrived at the cafeteria and Ryou was nowhere to be seen. Bakura mumbled something to me but I didn't quite catch it. Mariku saw my expression and understood that he better not bring up Ryou in discussion. Even though Mariku and I don't really get along, we have that twin connection. He knows that I like Ryou and he knows that I tried to confess and it didn't go down well. He also knows what I sought for when crushing on Ryou.

It didn't stop him from having those eyes that told me that he's got news. So after Bakura and I got trays with breakfast on them, we joined Mariku at his table. He then proceeded to tell us the news.

"Some teacher approached me and said that I'll be getting a new roommate because my room is one of the only rooms that can fit a third person!"

Bakura bit his lip before inquiring, "Is there a new transfer student coming soon then?"

Mariku chuckled. "Bakura, you brainy arsehole. The transfer student is the son of a family friend of ours. He'll seduce like, everyone! He's a male model after all." My jaw dropped. Fuck, you got to be kidding me. I have a bad feeling about this. I'm going to carve up a new tree later on today, aren't I? My twin brother's eyes flashed and he added with a snicker, "Yes Malik, I am indeed referring to Ryuuji Otogi."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hn, the whole time while writing this chapter, I kept thinking that I had quite a bit of a KyoKagura (Fruits Basket) take on this. Or at least the aspect of 'if I can like you and you like me, the ugly side of my personality will go away'. I guess that was something I was aiming for. Because Malik's backstory is pretty harsh as he is aware that bad things has happened to him, he is the cause of bad things too and so on. If you noticed how he mentioned an 'incident' frequently and how it then caused a spiral of events to happen such as being separated from others of his family, etc... Well, that'll be explained in later chapters.

And the reasoning behind Ryou's rejection will be found out in time. But yes, with Mariku's announcement, yush! The final character of the main five for this fic is going to arrive! 8D Otogi-kun. He's sexyyyyyyy. *shot* So he'll bop up and stir things up even more.

Oh yeah, next chapter will have things return to Bakura's POV once more. Trying to write this chapter from Bakura's POV would've been tricky and for Malik's backstory to bop up and bop up logically... Hurrrr, I think just taking it from Malik's POV is a heap easier. XDD

Eh, enough ramble. Whatcha think of the chapter? :3

I'ma update 'Bloody Brilliant' next. Cuz that fic's starting to get somwhere. 8D It's kinda funny, I like plonking Malik and Bakura as main characters. That fic is mostly Malik's perspective while this one is mostly Bakura's perspective. Lulz.

I thought I said enough ramble, Mel. :o

Adios!

Mel-Girl.