Year 1972, 2nd Year

Remus Rants:

Quote of the Day: "Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"

About two weeks after Sirius, James and Peter found out about my secret Sirius practically bounded through the portrait hole of the Gryffindor common room one night with a look of uncontrollable excitement on his face. He beamed at me as he made his way over to where I was sitting by the fire. James had followed him through the portrait hole, both of them had a mixture of anticipation and utter happiness on their faces and James was holding a thick book.

"We've had an idea!" James said gleefully, as Sirius and James sat down in chairs beside me.

"That'd have to be a first," I teased as I put down my quill.

I was feeling extremely happy these days. In fact I felt the best I ever had ever since I'd been bitten by the werewolf, and it was all thanks to my friends. Now I wouldn't have to keep anything from them. I could share with them what I had never shared with anyone, and they wouldn't abandon me for it. I still felt a little uneasy, because the full moon was tomorrow night.

Despite the feeling of happiness, I also felt sad and rejected at Peter's reaction. In the past few weeks Peter had been distant to me. He jumped whenever I talked to him and always avoided my gaze. Every time we were in class he moved as far away from he as he possibly could. I hadn't had a steady conversation with Peter for what seemed like weeks.

It all came down to one thing.

He was scared of me.

Maybe even disgusted.

I had seen the fear in his eyes whenever he looked at me.

James and Sirius either didn't notice this change in Peter because they were too caught up with discovering my secret, or they didn't worry about it.

Peter seemed to take me being a werewolf the worst. He probably felt betrayed – and he had every right to. So I tried to talk to him – to explain, but every time I tried he paled and made up excuses to get away.

I missed not being able to talk to Peter properly. I missed our nightly talks about anything, about our homes, about life, about Hogwarts. I missed Peter's friendship. It saddened me, because I knew Peter was scared of me and he felt betrayed.

James' voice interrupted my thoughts, "Ha ha very funny, seriously, we've got a brilliant idea!" he grinned at me.

"That's great James," I replied absent-mindedly.

"Well?" Sirius demanded expectantly.

"Well what?" I asked.

"Don't you want to know what it is?" Sirius asked abruptly.

"Quite frankly: No. But I have a fleeting idea that it could have something to do with pranking the Slytherins," I replied.

"Is that all you think we're capable of Remus? Jeez, here we are trying to help you out and you think we have the brain capacity of a two year old," Sirius joked.

I laughed, "Well it wouldn't be surprising."

Sirius pouted, "Very funny. No, we have a brilliant idea – really!" Sirius assured me, noticing the sceptical look on my face.

"Okay, tell me your idea then," I said. I wondered what it would be this time. Pouring buckets of water over the whole school? Letting doxies out all over the Great Hall?

"We were going to tell you whether you liked it or not," Sirius said.

"Well tell me then," I replied, getting impatient.

"Well, I've been thinking," James said, "you know, about you being a were-"

"Not so loud!" I implored, and glanced around to see if anyone was listening, luckily they were all conversing between themselves. I caught Peter's eye. Quickly he turned away.

"Yeah well about your condition, and a great thought struck me, so I went to the library," I snorted, James in the library? That was a very rare sight to see, "Shut up and let me finish. Anyway, I went to the library to check it out, and turns out we might be able to do it!" James finished gleefully.

What was he talking about? Can do what? He wasn't making any sense at all. I wondered where this was leading.

"Do what?" I asked, confused.

"Be with you when you transform of course!" Sirius said finally, bursting with excitement.

"That's impossible," I said abruptly.

"No it isn't!" Sirius replied.

"How could you be with me? I'd bite you," I said. What were they playing at? Surely they couldn't have thought of a way to be with me.

"Not if we were animals, werewolves don't bite animals, only humans," James said, grinning stupidly.

"What so you're telling me you can turn into a bloody animal now?" I asked, thinking the impossible.

"Not yet," James grinned.

"What do you mean 'not yet'?" I asked warily. If you knew James and Sirius you'd know how stupid and reckless half their ideas, (scratch that – all of their ideas), were and this one seemed to be no exception, "how are you meant to turn into animals?" I raised my eyebrows.

Then it hit me…

"Animagi," Sirius said significantly.

"What? You don't mean…." I trailed off, surely they weren't thinking of doing that? It was downright… absurd… impossible… stupid… illegal…so many words sprang to mind…

"That's exactly what we mean," James said.

"Are you two absolutely mental?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, James – yes, me – no," Sirius grinned.

"You must be off your rocker," I confirmed.

"Remus, just listen to us for a moment will you!" James asked pleadingly, guessing that I was about to reject their idea straight away.

"No." I said instantly, "You aren't doing something so stupid. And that's that." I said stubbornly.

"You haven't even heard us out yet!" Sirius replied, exasperated.

"I don't need to hear you out. I know what you want to do and I'm not letting you. Absolutely not."

"Yes, mumsie. Seriously Remus, just hear us out okay," James said.

"No. Don't you get it? No. I'm not letting you take that risk, you have to be mental if you think that you can do this, you aren't going to try, so just drop it, and anyway even if you did -"

Sirius ignored me and cut me off, " – So, we've got this idea, and that is, to become Animagi that way we could be with you when you transform and keep you in check so you don't hurt anyone."

"Sirius," I said warningly, "I. Said: No. N-O. Now get over it and shut up about it."

"Remus, sometimes you're just so stubborn! Now listen to us; haven't you ever wanted someone there with you when you transform?" Sirius asked, looking me in the eye.

Well… I had to admit it. That was true. That was one of the things that I've always wanted. Not to spend those long painful nights in solitude. Yes, he was right. I did want someone there. But no. I couldn't take that risk. I wouldn't take it.

"Yes, but-"

James cut me off, "Haven't you ever wanted to spend those painful nights with your friends instead of being caged up in a shack all night?" he asked.

"Well if I-"

"Haven't you ever felt that you needed your friends with you?" Sirius said, ignoring me again.

This was all true. But I would never risk my friends' lives just for a bit of company. That was too much of a risk.

I closed my eyes and gathered my thoughts before going on, "Sirius," I said bracingly, "becoming an Animagus takes years to do, and even if you do manage it, it can go horribly wrong, and you don't even know how to do it," I said.

"That's why we've got this book and we're going to find many others as well," James indicated the thick looking book that was lying on his lap. He flicked through the book until he came to the right page.

"Where'd you get that from?" I asked, eyeing the book.

"Library, duh," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I know that, but surely Pince wouldn't have just let you borrow it out," I said.

"It was in the Restricted Section, James got it in the Invisibility Cloak," Sirius explained.

I shook my head; James and Sirius were always wandering about the school after curfew causing havoc.

"Listen, you are not going to do this," I said, "look what can happen if something goes wrong, I mean, you don't want to end up looking like that," I pointed to a diagram in the book. It was an illustration of a human with what looked like giant pincers sticking out of the man's body and a tail had sprouted out of his head, his body was covered in scaly like skin. The caption underneath it read: 'Animagi are very hard to achieve and can go horribly wrong, as shown above. True Animagi forms can only be achieved by highly skilled wizards, and even so it is subject to caution…'

"Oh come on Remus, we're top in Transfiguration, I'm sure we'll be able to do it," Sirius said after he had read the caption underneath the diagram, "James' wand is built for it."

James nodded vigorously.

"Being top in Transfiguration doesn't mean that you're geniuses! You're only young! Most wizards who become Animagi are skilled and know what they're doing," I said, trying to persuade them out of it. But when Sirius or James have an idea stuck in their head it is very hard to get it out again, and even harder to persuade them not to do it. Especially Sirius.

"So? I'm sure with a lot of practice we could get it," James said.

"Even if you did miraculously get it, becoming unregistered Animagi is illegal," I stressed the last word.

"Since when has that stopped us from doing anything?" Sirius asked with a sly grin and a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Sirius – this isn't just some school rule! It's a Ministry of Magic law; you can get into serious trouble for something like that!" I said.

"God Remus, you sound scarily like my mother, anyway, what they don't know can't hurt them," James grinned.

I threw my arms up in exasperation. They just didn't get it. They never thought of the dangers involved, of the consequences, something horrible could go wrong and they didn't understand that. They thought they were clever enough to pull off something like this, something that could only be achieved by highly experienced wizards. I didn't want them getting into serious trouble at my expense, although… it would be alright to have some company on those horrible nights… The thought was very tempting.

"Come on Remus, we're doing this for you, we just hate the way that you have to go through this by yourself, we want to help you, isn't that what friends are for?" Sirius asked, looking me in the eye.

"Yes, but I don't want you to get into trouble, and something is bound to go wrong!" I said.

"Nothing will go wrong, and no one will find out about it if we're careful," James reassured me.

"James, I'm not letting you do it okay? End. Of. Conversation." I said firmly, making up my mind. It was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to say, and I can't believe how selfish I felt at the moment I nearly gave in to Sirius' and James' wild idea of becoming Animagi – yes it would be good to have someone there with me on those terrible nights – but I wasn't going to put my friends in that kind of situation. There were too many risks to think about.

James and Sirius groaned in frustration.

"Re-mus! Why not? Nothing will happen to us!" Sirius said in irritation.

"You don't know that, anything could happen, becoming Animagi is dangerous! Something could go wrong, and I don't want to take that risk! You're. Not. Doing. It. Okay? Get the picture? End of discussion." I replied stubbornly. Sometimes Sirius and James never listened, and never thought of the consequences.

"Moony!" Sirius objected.

"Don't call me that!" I snapped. Ever since they had found out about me they started calling me Moony. Sirius had started it and before long they both referred to me as 'Moony', which was very irritating. I didn't need to be constantly reminded of the moon.

Sirius ignored me, "Come on Moony, it's not like you have to do it anyway, we can do it on our own, we won't need your help at all."

"I don't care if you need my help or not. The point is you can't do this! It's against every school and Ministry law there ever was not to mention it's extremely dangerous!"

"Remus, just think about it, please?" James asked pleadingly.

"No!" I said flatly, getting irritated, "You're not doing it!"

"We can handle it Remus! We're not stupid you know!" Sirius said loudly, getting angry.

"Sometimes I really do wonder about that Sirius!" I snapped angrily, raising my voice before picking up my books and storming off to the dormitory.

I opened the door to the dormitory and lay down on my bed, covering my face with my hands.

I couldn't believe to what limits Sirius and James were willing to go to just to make my transformations more bearable. I hadn't wanted to snap at Sirius like that, but sometimes you have to just so he gets the point, and even then he still is stubborn about things. I just hoped that James and Sirius wouldn't try to become Animagi behind my back.

Suddenly a sick feeling slid into my stomach like ice.

What if they did try it behind my back?

They wouldn't. I reassured myself. James and Sirius weren't that stupid. They'd listen to me.

Wouldn't they?

They weren't so stupid as to go behind my back now that they knew that I didn't want them to do it. They weren't that stupid.

Or were they? After all Sirius and James seemed keen on the idea when they had first came to me about it, they wanted to do it. What if they really were going to try this? I knew that the idea of becoming Animagi was extremely tempting, especially to Sirius and James. It was like the ultimate challenge for them; if they could do that then they could do anything.

Or so they thought.

Everyone knew how reckless Sirius could be sometimes, and I knew that he was definitely capable of trying something as dangerous as this. I also knew that James would go along with him.

I sat up again and only when I took my hands away from my face did I notice that someone was already in the dormitory.

It was Peter.

He stood there, frozen; the faint moonlight hit his form and cast dark shadows across his panicked face. Suddenly all thoughts of Animagi fled from my mind as I stared at the terrified boy in front of me. It was the first time we had been properly alone together since he had found out about my secret. Somewhere distantly in my mind I realized that had it been any other night we would have been in this very room chatting and laughing together.

Had it been any other night…

"Peter…" I said slowly.

Peter emitted a small whimpering noise.

"Peter, I'm sorry," I said quietly.

He didn't reply, it was as if he was planted to the ground in fear.

"Peter," I tried again, "I… I wanted to tell you… I really did…"

He looked fearfully at me, and a strange expression flashed across his face.

"I'm sorry, I didn-"

Peter cut me off, "Got to go… library, homework, for Potions… bye," he said hastily and bolted out the door. The door slammed behind him and the sudden silence rang in my ears.

I sat there numbly on my bed. I could feel tears prickling at the back of my eyes. No, I wasn't going to cry. I won't. I won't…

But I did. I felt salty tears burst from my eyes and run silently down my face. I don't know why I didn't expect this in the first place. Why I didn't expect to be shunned, to be feared. Maybe it was because James and Sirius had accepted me I automatically thought that Peter might find it in his heart to do so as well.

Things don't work that way Remus.

My father's comforting voice echoed through my head. No, indeed, things didn't work that way.

Peter was scared. Terrified, in fact. And understandably so. But that didn't make it any easier. I missed Peter's friendship. I missed laughing and eating chocolate frogs with him. Peter hated me, I thought miserably.

Nothing made this easy. An empty feeling settled inside me then. The yearning feeling, the feelings at the loss of a friendship that had only been starting. And it was all my fault. Because I hadn't told him. I had tricked and lied to him.

His pale, terrified face floated through my mind.

I knew what he was feeling, the fear. Fear of a monstrous creature that wanted blood every month.

For I too, was scared of that creature.

Insanewelshangel: Aw thanks SO much! I really appreciate it!

Ashe Nightingale: Thanks very much! Aw, you nearly cried? That's touching. Yes it can't all be humorous, just wait until I get to the prank (when Sirius tells Snape about Remus), there won't be even a smidgen of humour there! All angst angst angst. It makes me sad though.

Delano: Thanks very much! I'm really glad you thought it was believable, I really wanted it to be and I'm glad you liked the way everything just clicked for Sirius, I think that's how it happened.

BrennQT: Aw! Thanks SO much! I'm really glad you liked it, I was hoping you would:-D! I'm really glad you liked the flashbacks and quotes and I'm glad you thought it was realistic, I was hoping it would be, yay! Thanks heaps again!

Jojo: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm really glad you decided to review! I agree with everything you said in your review, that everyone is the same and everyone has the potential to be evil its just what you choose in the end that makes the difference. I totally agree! Thanks very much again for reviewing!

SilverStar24: Hehehe, yes 'Merlin's Balls' indeed. Definitely something Mr. Potter would say.

Mme. Raye: Hehe, yes the 'Merlin's Balls' things seems to be popping up a fair bit! I suppose the first thing James would say is a swear word! Hehe. Anyway, thanks SO much! Really glad you liked it!

MutantJediBauer: Well I'm glad to have you back! Thanks for your review! Yes it is stillbeing updated, (even if I am pretty slow haha). I'm glad you like the way the secret was revealed, and you think its one of the best! Aw! Thanks SO much! Glad you liked the flashbacks, I like them too!

Tijiya: Thanks SO much! I really appreciate it!

Cheezypuff: Thanks very much! I'm really glad you liked the way it was revealed, and that its original. Its very hard to be original with so many fanfictions about MWPP floating around! Thanks again!

Padfoot's Mate: Aw thanks very much! Every review counts:-D I CAN'T believe its nearly up to 600. Its all thanks to my faithful reviewers:-D ! Glad you liked that quote, I found it and it seemed to fit the chap very well.

Visualpurple: Thanks very much! Heh, sorry about all the swearing, I suppose they swear a lot more when in situations like that. Thanks very much again!

Writer of Fantasy: Thanks very much! I'm so glad that you did like it, and as you said it is such an important part so I didn't want to stuff it up! ;). Well Peter's Prattles will be after this chapter, so never fear, Peter is going to be here! Hehe. I'm glad you liked the way Sirius realized! I'm glad you liked all of it! Yay! Thanks!

Thehpgang: Thanks very much! So glad you did like it! Yay! And glad you liked the ending, heh, well we had to have one of them not okay with it, and inevitably it would be Peter. Anyway, thanks very much again!

Setogirl04: Hehe, yes Moony's the best, isn't he? He –is- so nice, that's why I love him so! Thanks for reviewing:-D