Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. And you all know that.

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews and the alerts :) Here is the next chapter. I'm not sure how I feel about this, especially the end. I just rapidly cut that off. Don't know why. Ah well, here it is and remember! I love alerts, but I love reviews even more!

I Won't Soothe Your Pain, I Won't Ease Your Strain

Knowing that I had no other choice but to tell him, I went to Paul's house with a heavy heart. I hated this whole situation, hated it with every cell inside of me, I was aching to hide behind a rock. Remain oblivious to the fact I wasn't going to make it without help. Help from Paul.

It was obvious I needed it desperately.

I just wish I wasn't so afraid of his reaction. But I was. So damn afraid that I was quivering with hesitation. My mind was spinning and I wasn't paying attention to anything at all. Stumbling all the way from the top of the stairs, I made my way outside. Paul didn't live that far away from me. Ten minutes walk, so I decided to walk there. Maybe I could postpone telling him. But that was one side of me. The irrational side of me, whereas I knew this had lasted long enough.

Too long actually.

I arrived far too early, and I knew I would wait for a long time in the dark before Paul would be back. I wish I had thought of a coat or something warm. I closed my eyes and sat down on the steps putting my head in my hands.

I was going to let Paul be angry at me. I wasn't going to protect him from anything. He's not the one needing the protection, I was. He knew that all too well, and so did I. I brushed away my hair and looked at the sky. Dark clouds made it hard to see the stars and somewhere far away I could hear wolves howl. I smiled involuntarily. I knew it was someone I knew, but it wasn't like I could tell by the howl who it was.

Somewhere inside of me I was wishing it was Paul.

I wringed my hands together, the anxiety finally catching up with me. I closed my eyes and pulled my knees to my chest. "I can do this." I whispered to myself. It was true, I could do this. Just open my mouth and tell him. No emotions attached. Just tell him. He'll be able to fix it.

"Julie!" I looked up and saw to my surprise that Paul was back already. I swallowed the thick lump and I stared at him as he made his way to me. His hot hands grabbed my forearms pulling me visibly closer to him. In this freezing cold I wasn't protesting. Paul on the other side was. But on a different subject.

"What the hell are you doing?" He sounded angry and suddenly I realized I was backtracking. I wasn't going go through with this. Because I couldn't do it. The shame I felt was so dominant and burning its way through my body. I hadn't even realized that Paul had let me go and stepped away. I was even immune to the hurt that was coming but I didn't feel it.

How was I going to tell him what is wrong with me? What's been going on for weeks? That I'm too scared to be alone, because a freak ass psycho has his dirty mind set on me. That I'm scared every single time Paul leaves my sight. That I'm just so fucking scared that I can't breathe? How the hell was I going to tell him that Dante was causing all of this? That he is the reason that Paul and I were fighting nonstop. Dante was the reason that I didn't leave Paul out of my sight, forced him to spend his nights with me. That I persuaded him to bail his patrols just because his fucking imprint is too scared to sleep alone.

How long was it going to take for me to start being responsible and share my problems instead of keeping it inside until I burst.

I took a deep breath. My voice would crack before I speak. I knew it.

"It's because I'm terrified." I confessed. I focused my eyes on the trees behind Paul. But his eyes were solely focused on me. I could see the frown colour his face.

"Of what? Of the vampires? You don't have to worry about that. I told you that the pack had it under control." I shook my head. He was drawing the wrong conclusion.

Suddenly Paul grabbed my hand. "Let's get you inside before you turn into a Popsicle." I wanted to protest, but I couldn't. So I settled for a small laugh that sounded wrong in so many ways.

I watched Paul drag me to the front door and retrieve the spare key out of the potted plant that stood next to the Welcome mat. He pushed in to the dark living room and suddenly everything fell into place. This was it. I was going to tell him. This should be the moment where all the weight of the world would be lifted off my shoulders. So why did it feel like it was going to kill me before I could even open my mouth?

"Jules?" I barely heard his voice. I was more focused on the fact that I was going to fall over any second. Paul's hot hand grabbed my arm and he steered me to the couch. I plopped down. My jelly knees trembling even now it was released from the weight.

"Tell me, what's terrifying you?" I bit my lip taking deep breath at the same time.

"You're going to be so angry." I whispered. I looked at the ceiling as Paul crouched down in front of me. Putting his hands on my knees. His large thumbs circling a pattern that would've calmed me down.

"Tell me."

I took a deep breath but the tears that I've kept to keep inside were now spilling over. "I know that you contacted Lily." I told him. Suddenly everything spun out of control. I was sobbing now. Loudly, out of control. I couldn't breathe but I wanted to say so much that I cut off any sense of logic and concentrated on the one thing I was here for. Telling Paul.

"Jules." Paul began but I cut him off. I couldn't have him interrupt me now I was starting.

"Dante knows as well." I said, I looked at him and I saw him shake. "He told me."

He pushed himself away from me. With teary eyes I observed him pace the room. One part of me was hoping that Paul would lose control and he would leave so I would have more time to sort this out but the other part, the more rational part, knew that I had taken more time that I should've. This was my last chance to make things right.

I've hit rock bottom. Now the only way is up.

"You're telling me. He came to you and did nothing?" I swallowed as Paul's low voice, filled with anger and hate, reached to me. I got up and made my way to him. Standing right in front of him I saw the slight fear in his eyes. And I realized that even though I didn't always believe it, he did truly love me. And I had hurt him a lot.

"H-he..." I trailed off. I took a deep breath. "I-I went to the store a few weeks ago. A-and I was putting the groceries in the car w-when he suddenly appeared a-and p-pushed m-me against t-the c-car." I was sobbing. My chest was heaving with the lack of air but I pushed myself to continue. "I t-told him to s-stop." I put my hand on my forehead rubbing away the headache.

"What did he exactly do Jules?" My knees were trembling and Paul grabbed me by the shoulder steering me to a chair now. His warm hands on the small of my back were shaking with the effort of him keeping it together; I appreciated the fact that he defied gravity just for me.

"N-no." I shook my head and I folded my hands in my lap now. We were in the kitchen, and since there were so many windows here I felt exposed. I felt like everyone could see me fall apart. Everyone was able to see how I freaking ruined everything!

"Julie." Paul repeated my name again and grabbed my shoulders forcing me to look in his eyes. "What did he do?"

"He k-kissed me." I confessed. I closed my eyes. "A-and h-he forced himself on me." I pulled away from Paul, waiting for his anger.

But Paul had stopped shaking. In fact, he wasn't moving at all. His eyes were most certainly focused on me and suddenly he dropped his hand from my shoulders. Moving away as he suddenly grabbed a lamp and smashed it into a wall. I gasped and put a hand on my mouth, watching him with wide eyes as he practically tore apart his living room.

And I did nothing.

Seconds ticked by and I was wondering whether people could hear the noise he was making. But no one did. And Paul slowly stopped. He turned to me again. The anger in his eyes was inevitable. I caused this; I'll deal with the blow.

"And you kept this from me?" I nodded slowly, hoping it would ease him a bit more. Yet it did nothing but fuel his anger.

"Why?"

"I'm sorry." I apologized. "I couldn't tell you because he'd know immediately. I was too scared to do anything. I thought this was the right thing to do."

"To keep it from me? Are you fucking stupid?" He yelled. The decibel of his voice was getting louder but I just sat there and took it. "Do you have any idea how many scenarios I've thought about, hoping that one of them would explain your fucking behaviour."

"I'm s-sorry."

"How could you be sorry? Do you have any idea how big of a masochist you are? And frankly it's annoying the shit out of me. You didn't have to keep this from me because if I knew I would've fixed it for you." I shook my head.

"What would you have done?" I ignored the glare. "You would've kicked his ass. And I don't want ANYONE to know what kind of bastard he is. I thought if I kept this from you that it would blow over eventually and I wouldn't have to worry about YOU getting sued for assault."

"SO! I would've kicked his ass yes! If it was up to me I would've killed him and I don't give a flying fuck about it. I do care about you and I would've fixed this in a way that would've suited you best. This just proves how little you know me."

"REALLY!" I was shouting now. The tears were flowing without a stop and I got on my feet, my fists clenched by my side. "I DO KNOW YOU! THAT IS WHY I DID THIS."

"So it was all about protecting me huh?" Paul scoffed. "I AM NOT THE ONE THAT NEEDS PROTECTION."

"YES YOU DO!" I yelled back. "YOU NEED PROTECTION FROM YOURSELF AND THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I KEPT IT TO MYSELF!" I sobbed and put my face in my hands. This was going way out of hand. The conversation was now reaching a point where the climax would be disastrous.

Paul suddenly grabbed me by my wrist. "You wanted to communicate. You're the one that wanted me to be honest. And yet you're the one breaking that fucking promise." I bit my trembling lip. "Do you have any idea how much you've hurt me." And that was when I finally broke down. I pushed myself away from him and walked with trembling knees to the front door.

Paul was in front of me though. Stopping me effectively.

"Let me go." I pushed against his torso and he let himself being pushed around. But he put his arm around me, pinning me to his body and I slowly lowered myself to the ground. Paul went down with me. I pressed my forehead against his chest feeling this emotion overload draining. I had fallen apart and you could see the pieces of us everywhere.

His hand was on the back of my head, stroking the length of my hair soothingly. My hands were on his chest, and I closed my eyes. I wanted to breathe, but every single time I did that there was this pressure that hurt me so bad because I had a bad conscience. I was able to breathe now but I was hoping it would ease the guilt and fright, but that didn't change.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I know you're mad, you have every right to hate me. I won't hold it against you." I clenched my hands again. The flow of tears had dried out. I had no tears left to shed. "Please don't leave me." I whispered slowly. The biggest fear I had.

Yes he was allowed to leave me. Yes he was allowed to bail because I did something that was inexcusable. But he couldn't leave me now. He just couldn't, because I won't be able to forgive myself if he did. And for my sake he had to stay. He just had to. I would do anything to keep him here. Anything.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jules." Paul murmured in my hair. "I'm keeping my end of the promise."

"I know." I breathed. The fatigue was rapidly catching up with me. My full weight was now kept up by Paul. "But still. Don't leave."

"Julie. I'm not going to leave." He said firmly. His voice wasn't affectionate. But he was merely sharing the fact he was staying. "But I'm still angry at you. So I'm fixing this my way and you can't do a thing." I nodded. I figured that much.

"You're parents are going to kill you." I was referring to the messed up living room. Paul let out a small laugh and he hauled me back up on my feet.

"Don't worry about that. I'll think of something." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs to his room. Before I knew it I was in his bed and he was next to me. As I pushed myself closer to him and he wrapped his arm around my waist, he kissed my bare shoulder.

"I'm so sorry about this."

"Stop apologizing Julie." Paul shushed me and I smiled at him, looking at his face made me realize that I was really lucky to have him as boyfriend. I pushed myself up on my forearms and kissed him.

The feel of his lips on mine made things go away. I was able not to think of the things I said today, the things I've done wrong. I was able to let myself go because Paul was my release and no matter what I did he accepted me. His hot, wet lips were pulling away from mine and he flipped me over. His hot body covered mine and I was glad he wasn't wearing his shirt. The feel of his bare skin on my hands were enough and I was getting undone by the slight touch of his teasing lips on my skin.

I raised my arms immediately as he lifted my shirt over my head. His lips were going down my neck, leaving a trail of burning skin in its wake. His hands were teasing my side moving up to my breasts. The tips of his fingers stroking my sides before finally cupping my breasts in his hands. His thumb brushed over my nipples, and a rush of lust waved over me, making my temperature rise. Paul's mouth was reattached to mine again and I ran my hands through his hair. Pulling, while one hand went down his chest, scratching.

The sounds that escaped my mouth and his were loud and I knew that I was embarrassing myself with the loud breathing but I couldn't help it. Every touch was like fire and I was on fire with the way Paul's hands moved around my body. I lifted my hips and I could feel his arousal press against my inner thigh. It wasn't enough though. I wanted to feel him entirely.

I let myself fall back against the bed when I felt dizzy. I took a deep breath and slowly I couldn't feel Paul's lips anymore. Maybe I was too tired for this. But I couldn't leave him like this.

"Jules, you there." I heard his voice and murmured a reply. Paul turned around and I laid my head on his chest. "We'll finish this another time." I nodded.

"Sure." I breathed out and I let Paul's hands touch my sides as I slowly let the fatigue take me under.

A/N: Sorry about the ending. Crap ending. Crappy day. Ugh! Sorry!