Creation began on 03-03-23
Creation ended on 03-20-23
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Different from You: Change
Gendo hated this feeling of uselessness and vulnerability as he laid on the hospital bed in forced recovery. His entire body was broken, he had difficulty sleeping in a fixed position, his mouth was sealed and through his bandages was a tube to help him breathe, and he couldn't escape if someone decided to come into the room and do away with him if they decided he was no longer worth keeping alive. And the worst part of this was that he was beaten almost to death by none other than the Third Child. Or rather, a deceased version of him from another dimension, reanimated shortly to take him out…just for trying to speak with his daughter and ascertain whether or not she was who she claimed to be.
My scenario is being threatened! He thought as tried to comprehend what Fuyutsuki could do while in control of NERV. Things need to transpire the way I see fit! I need to know for sure if this little girl is Yui! I need to know!
But so long as he was incapacitated, he would never know for himself if the girl that was claimed to be the Third Child's daughter was really his wife masquerading as a child. He would never know for sure…and not knowing was what made his unanswered questions seem worse for him.
-x-
"…So, she learned to say your name?" Hikari asks Asuka the next day at school during lunch outside.
"Yeah," she explains, "but then she tells me that would be the only time she would ever say my name until I apologized to her."
"Well, children are more sensitive to what they hear than teens are. They distinguish early on which people are good and which are unpleasant. If you have been anything but tolerable towards Shado, it would be no wonder why she would see you as being unpleasant, and why she would address you as she has ever since she met you."
"Except everything she does seems so…"
"That's because she's a little girl, Asuka. She's still a baby. She's supposed to like things like that. What is she going to do at her age right now? She doesn't know anything about computers, shows any interest in sports, robotics or even math. She knows about arts and crafts, what makes her smile and playing around. Trying to make her be like any of us or even yourself is impossible because she can't be like any of us…and she shouldn't have to be like any of us, either. What is it really about Shado that you find bothersome, Asuka? What is your real issue with her?"
"It's…everything with her."
"Everything?"
"Her designations for people in place of their names, her way of talking, her mannerisms, the fact that she's that idiot's kid and looks up to him like he's the best person in the world."
"In her mind, Ikari is the best person; who else is willing to do what he does for her? In any child's relationship with their parents, their love tends to go to the one that is the most involved in their lives, whoever they love the most is. And…I don't know who said this or if it's even true, but since Ikari has a daughter, Shado is basically…a daddy's girl."
"A daddy's girl?"
"Ikari spends as much time as he can with her and she loves him above all others she's seen. There's no mention of her mother and that absence is compensated by the fact that she has her father and how he tries to help her navigate the ups and downs of her life. Shado probably doesn't like it when anyone, no matter their reasons or intentions, tries to make it seem like her father is some awful person when she states that her grandfather is the awful person."
"And the harsh reality being that now everyone in the school knows she's his kid's kid?"
"If anything, that just makes things harder for Ikari because there will always be someone that gives him lip about it. There will always be someone that wants to question something that they don't understand…or do worse than question. To try and disturb a relationship for any reason, be it some form of resentment or even jealousy or outright hostility towards one or the other, it just makes life harder for those that are trying to live within each day."
Meanwhile, up on the roof, Shinji sat by himself as he ate his lunch. He worried about Shado being at NERV HQ, mostly because of the likelihood of the Angels and the Evas; he wasn't worried about his father right now because the guy was broken in places he didn't expect to know he'd be broken in. He didn't want to endanger her with the monsters that looked like monsters or have her hiding in an Eva when she feared those things as much as she feared her grandfather or anyone that she viewed as a threat. He couldn't even afford to let the fact that the whole school knew about his daughter's relation to himself impede him from worrying about her while she was down in the Geo-Front.
"Ikari-Kun," he heard Rei speak to him as he turned to his left to face her.
"Ayanami," he replies.
"Students have been talking about you. About your…daughter. Do you deny this?"
"I do not. I was hit on the head with a baseball and ended up not being able to move for most of the day, and I made Shado worry about me. Random people asking me the same question, is she really my daughter…is a small price to pay just to be able to walk and still do what I do for her sake. Why must you ask?"
"She…does not seem to like me."
Shinji sighs and responds, "You did slap me once, Ayanami, and she hasn't forgotten about that."
Rei was surprised that Shado held a memory of that day involving the Fifth Angel.
"She…knows about that day the Fifth Angel attacked?" She asks him.
"She knows about everything because she was there when it all happened. I never once took her to a shelter; if an Angel attacks, it doesn't seem to matter where anyone goes because nowhere is safe. Nowhere in Tokyo-3, that is."
"Is that so?"
"Ever since Shado came into my life, she had me reevaluate everything that I know…and don't know. Her recollection of things I know nothing about helps me to understand who her father was to her and how he was able to endure things. And sometimes…when I'm asleep, I feel as though I'm talking to him, another version of myself, from a lifetime in which he has someone that loves him and he loves back…and I'm understanding why he had more common sense than I did to question things as they are…or were."
"And?"
"I can't really ask Asuka about anything because she clearly doesn't know any more than I do…and I don't think I can ask you because there's a chance you barely know more than I don't. But I'll ask, anyway. If the Angels are a threat to the human race, why is it that most of them only come to Tokyo-3? They don't make any attempt to attack anywhere else; it's like they're being drawn here to something? Why is it only Japan that suffers the repeated attacks? Nowhere else on the planet receives a visit from any of these Angels; not China, not Russia, Germany, the US, none of them except for Japan. It's always Japan…and always here to this city that…doesn't feel safe, no matter what we do. Can you explain any of it? Do you know why?"
"I…do not," she tells him; it was the first time that Rei had been asked such questions…and the first time she realized that his line of questioning was right to be asked.
All she understood, all she ever understood…was that whenever the Angels attacked, she and the others needed to pilot the Evas and defend the base from them. It didn't matter how much damage came to the city, so long as the Angels were defeated. But it didn't make any sense not to know why this was so. If there was more to the reasons why, she was as much in the dark as Shinji was…and why he suddenly questioned it.
The bell rang, signifying that the lunch period was now over, and Shinji sighs as he gets up to his feet to go.
-x-
"…Did she fall asleep after drawing again?" Kaji asked Maya as she turned to face the unshaven man that entered the small room where the girl was asleep on a sofa.
"She was tired and needs rest," the boy-ish-looking woman responded, and then had to question his presence. "What are you doing here?"
Kaji looked down at the table where the drawings laid and picked one of them up.
"I'm just here to eavesdrop. It seems like every time she draws something, she gets better at her details," he utters; even though it was just crayons and color pencils, Kaji could recognize Unit-00 back before it was upgraded and repainted after the Fifth Angel attack. "It's hard to believe that she can draw these and yet be afraid of her grandfather."
"In Shado's defense, Commander Ikari is scary; have you ever seen him smile?"
Kaji thought about it, and then cringed. He then looked down at another drawing and noticed that it was a person that resembled the Third Child carrying a little person away from a larger person with a dark thing in their outstretched hand. The person they were moving away from had an expression of rage that seemed unchecked and directed towards the pair.
"What does this look like to you?" He asks Maya, showing the picture.
"It looks like…her father and she…running from Commander Ikari…who is pointing a gun at them," she answers, bothered by it. "I asked her about it, and she says that she has some recollection of that day."
"Some recollection? As in…this drawing is actually…something that happened to them?"
"Sometimes, she asks her father to lift up his shirt so she can see his chest. If this is something that happened, then it's only natural for her to be afraid that it could happen again."
This combined with the fact that neither Shinji or Shado knew about the girl's actual father being dead from the injuries he received from his father…simply for trying to leave him.
"Is there anything you can tell me about the status of Unit-01?" He asks Maya.
"Nothing that Dr. Akagi hasn't already informed," she replies. "It's still out of order."
Of course, this was mainly due to the assumption that Unit-01, at least the one from the alternate universe and timeline that she and her father were from, ate Shinji and kept him inside it for two days after facing an Angel that came after the Unit-03 incident. And with Shado afraid of that particular Eva hurting her father, it was anyone's guess as to how long this suspension of Unit-01 would go on until they couldn't afford to keep it out of action against the Angels.
Maya checked her watch and utters, "Well, the school was let out less than twenty minutes ago, so her father should be here in another ten minutes."
Suddenly, the alarms went off and Shado awoke with a startle.
"Aah!" She gasps. "What is that?!"
"Trouble," Maya says.
-x-
It was an Angel detected in space above Tokyo-3, except that this one had been seen by them in the detailed drawings of Shado Ikari, who had stated earlier that this had been the Angel that came after the one that led to Unit-01 eating Shinji for two days. This was the alleged Fifteenth Angel, the shiny wings.
"I don't believe this," went Asuka as she looked at the Angel depicted on the screens.
"I know," said Shinji to her. "It's insane."
"But…this can't be right, right?" Misato questions; because Shado was left alone in the room she had been in since the alarms went off, they were free to talk about this. "Shado didn't see this Angel until after the one that came after the Unit-03 incident she had been endangered by. So, how can this Angel be here now instead of a different one?"
"Alternate reality, alternate timeline," Ritsuko states. "We try to change something that happened in one lifetime, something else happens in another lifetime. Maybe we changed things enough that the order in which these Angels appear has changed, meaning that this is now the Thirteenth Angel instead of the Fifteenth Angel."
"How do we beat something like that?"
"Uh, do we have anything that resembles a big, red fork?" Shinji asks, and all eyes were on him. "That's what Shado told me this Angel was defeated by. A big, red fork."
"A big, red fork?" Ritsuko questions. "Did she draw a picture of what it looked like?"
Shinji reached into his left pocket and pulled out a folded paper. Unfolding it, he showed Ritsuko the object Shado had claimed to see being used against this Angel…and the faux-blond cringed a little at the way the object was detailed.
It can't be, she thought. Even if she only saw it only briefly, there is no way she could recall it.
"Do we have something like this, Dr. Akagi?" Shinji asks her.
"Unfortunately," went Fuyutsuki, breaking the silence, "we do."
-x-
All he knew was that there was an Angel involved, and he was stuck in this room because his body was broken! Oh, how Gendo hated this predicament he was trapped in.
"Oh, dear," he heard a female voice say as he looked to the door and saw a nurse. "You really are in such terrible condition, Ikari. And what's this I heard? This was caused by a version of the Third Child you yourself had murdered? How ironic is that?"
He couldn't say anything to this woman, let alone do anything to express himself. As she came over and stood beside his bed, he saw how she looked at his respirator and IV line.
"They're kinda losing interest in your service to them, you know," the woman tells him. "And now, this unexpected occurrence with this little girl that is your granddaughter from another reality, stripped of her father because of another version of yourself, and yet being looked after by your son. If something like this were to become public knowledge, think of the repercussions. Think of the reactions. People would want to see this girl, ask her questions she probably can't answer, dissect her to study her biology. I can only imagine how your son would react to such a possibility. What is it that some of the personnel here have been saying about the Third Child? He's become so attached to this child that he's an example of how a father should be? It's pretty common knowledge that you treat your boy as if he were nothing more than a relic set for the incinerator…and it's an add-on that your grandchild wants nothing to do with you, either. Of course, if anything happened to both of them, you wouldn't really give a damn, would you? You're Gendo Rokubungi-Ikari, the man everyone considers to be a real bastard. But what do you suppose would result in the very opposite ever happening?"
Gendo looks at her moving her fingers along the IV tube, then how her index finger hovers over the power button on the respirator.
"Right now, everyone is preoccupied with the new Angel, so accidents can and always happen," she tells him. "All I'd need to do is flip a switch, cut a line, inject an overdose of morphine or adrenaline…or blow your head off…and nobody would be the wiser as to who silenced you and why. Oh, nobody would ever know."
Gendo glared at her, the good that did him.
"But you're a lucky prick right now," she says. "I don't have permission to take you out. Not yet, at least. I'm just here to deliver a message to you, and here it is: Your deliberately-broken family is living on borrowed time. Should anything happen to delay the progress of the Human Instrumentality Project now that you've been incapacitated by your…dead son from another universe, you, your actual son…and your…unexpected granddaughter…will be erased. It's no skin off my back if your kid and his kid die. But the look on that woman that took them in, she'd probably suffer from heartache. Don't get up. I'll let myself out."
The woman left him alone…and Gendo had to wonder what SEELE was thinking about doing to him, the Third Child and the girl.
-x-
Shado worried that something was wrong outside the room she was in. Even as she lay on the couch, she worried about her father; the Eva her father often used to face the Angels might've been out of action, but just because Shado was told that Shinji didn't have to use it until the people here got it working properly, it didn't necessarily mean that she believed it unless she saw Shinji in one piece. She needed that confirmation, that proof that her paternal caregiver would show up and just be present. One thing she didn't need to worry about for the time being was her grandfather, who was in the hospital because he was hurt, not that she was at all concerned for his well-being.
Suddenly, the door opened…and in came Shinji, who looked like he had seen something terrible.
"Daddy?" She utters to him as he comes over and sits down beside her on the left.
"The bad Angel that you say that Asuka loses to," he responds, "the shiny wings…showed up."
"It…it came back?" She asked; she had to assume that the monster came back a second time because of the alternate reality confusion she was surrounded by. "Is she fighting it? Again?"
"She's about to," he explains to her. "She and Ayanami. And…you were right. NERV has a big, red fork."
"I knew they had one!" She cheers, feeling vindication for herself.
Shinji couldn't help but smile at her cheerfulness.
-x-
Breaking the Patterns
Fuyutsuki may had sent Rei to bring the weapon up from storage, but Asuka was the one who was going to use it; her synchronization ratio was higher than Rei's, making her the best candidate to use the weapon. But it was still a gamble to base their strategy against this Angel on the word of a four-year-old child from an alternate reality. Probably the most insane of risks due to their lack of confidence in what could happen once they go down this path. As she stood on the empty streets in Unit-02, gripping the weapon, the redhead pondered her chances of hitting the Angel with this bident NERV possessed. And on a deeper level, she pondered the chances of walking away from this unscathed.
"Nnnnnn!" She remembers Shado sticking her tongue out at her.
That little brat, she thought, bitter over the fact that Shinji paid her more attention than he had herself. And that idiot refuses to scold her. Why can't he make her see that we live in dark times and every day that comes and goes is a day we could end up living for only a few precious seconds? He can't protect her from the harsh reality that ignorance isn't bliss, no matter how much we wish it were. Idiot!
As she locked onto the Angel in space, she prepared to throw the weapon…until she was bathed in white light.
"The shiny wings made the sky bright and made the Angry Harpy Lady scream until she couldn't no more," she recalled Shado telling her father as she felt like something was clawing at her mind. "…Made the Angry Harpy Lady scream until she couldn't no more."
Flash! She found herself standing in the hallway in NERV HQ, seeing Shinji walking away from her with Shado beside him.
Flash! She was at the mall where Shado was wearing new clothes and people were looking at her like she was the envy of the world, resenting the attention she was given.
Flash! She found herself in the kitchen in the apartment, noticing that Shado was sitting at the table by herself.
"Where's Daddy?" She heard her say, and she realized that this had to be one of her fantasies.
"I don't know where that idiot is," she told her, but then noticed that Shado didn't move an inch in her seat.
"I miss him."
"He's probably out somewhere…or doing a test with the Eva."
"He 'eights' (hates) it in there."
"He can't walk away from his obligation."
"You're…not one to talk about 'apple-geishas' (obligations), Angry Harpy Lady."
Asuka approached her and looked at her face.
"It sounds like Daddy's little girl hates it when her daddy isn't around to pay attention to her," she jokes in an unfriendly manner to Shado, but then she notices that Shado is looking at her…in a manner identical to how she looks at Shinji whenever he upsets her with anything he does…and backs away.
"Like how you hate it when Daddy doesn't pay you any attention?" Shado asks her, now speaking coherently and with a hint of spite towards the redhead. "Why should he pay you any attention? You think he's stupid for being my father and everything else he does. You hate him because he's not that guy with the ponytail that you have a crush on and won't return your affections the way you want him to. You hate me just for existing, for being Daddy's. You're always angry, which is why you're the Angry Harpy Lady. You're a horrible person if you can't accept anyone like me or Daddy because we don't seem like people you set standards by…and you refuse to talk about yourself! If you can't talk about yourself, how is anyone supposed to understand you?!"
Asuka didn't remember her fantasy of Shado being coherent and having this vicious temperament towards her.
"Now, you wait a minute," she warned the little girl.
"Or what?" Shado countered. "Or what, you'll hurt me? Words hurt more than you know, Asuka, and you say many hurtful words to everyone that sees you from a distance."
"You're out of line here. Even in a dream, you're out of line, talking to me like this."
"You feel like you have to compete against anyone for your self-righteous right to boast about what you do when you work for a paramilitary organization that the world barely knows about, which means that you're a nonentity; nobody in general knows who you are…and they could care less about your existence any more than they could care about my own…or vice versa. Do you pilot that monstrosity for the praise of others or do you enjoy the poisonous power you get from piloting it?"
"I don't need anyone's approval beyond my own."
"Then why do you want people to know who you are and why you pilot that monster that's its own coffin? Why do you hurt my father every time he does something that has nothing to do with it? Why do you condemn the both of us in the same manner as that man that hates us so much that he is willing to sacrifice us for the sake of some grand scheme?"
"What? I don't condemn…"
"Yes, you do!" Shado raises her voice, causing Asuka to back away further from the girl. "You hate everything we do! Everything we say! I haven't heard anything from you that is even remotely positive about us! You hate Daddy for being around! You hate me for being around! You hate Misato for being Mr. Kaji's favorite! You hate the two boys that spend time with Daddy! All you feel is hatred! Even your smile is one of hatred! It's no wonder you're alone!"
"I'm not alone!"
"Then where is everyone else, huh? Where is Hikari? Where is Daddy? Where are your parents? I don't see them here. I don't see you ever talking about them positively. It's like you pushed them away from you and you are by yourself most of the time."
"What about you, then? Where is your mother? Where is your father?"
"Daddy's right over there," Shado pointed behind Asuka, and the redhead looked down the hall, seeing Shinji standing there, holding a large book in his hands.
"How long have you…" Asuka tried to question.
"Long enough to know that you're terrible at answering the truth," he cut her off, having the same tone of spite towards her that Shado had. "You don't say anything about yourself, and you expect everyone to understand who you are. How are we supposed to do that, Asuka? We can't understand anyone if they say nothing about themselves. The only exception to this rule are those who are deaf-mutes, incapable of saying anything about themselves. What, is it that much of a problem to just say more about yourself than what isn't even relevant? Nobody will give a damn about who you are because of the Eva. Shado doesn't give a damn, I don't give a damn, and I find it hard to fathom your mother giving a damn about you piloting the Eva."
"Daddy, aren't the people behind the Eva the reason you and others your age are made to be inside them?" Shado asks Shinji. "The grownups that make you do these things that you should never have to do…just so that they can see tomorrow…which I find hard to believe they even deserve because of the bad things they have done not to deserve tomorrow."
Asuka found herself being suspicious of why this little girl would speak the way she did about people she knew nothing about. It was just disturbing that she would deem people responsible for creating the Evas to be undeserving of seeing the next day.
"Why would you assume the people responsible for making the Evas don't deserve to see the next day?" She asks Shado.
"You know deep down why she would think such an assumption," Shinji tells her.
"And you agree with her?"
"I do. It's not everyday that you find yourself agreeing with your own daughter on the actions of the previous generation being the cause of the current generation having to deal with repercussions that never should've existed to begin with. Our parents are part of that previous generation, responsible for the difficulties we have to live with, and we're the ones that end up paying for their mistakes. If they hadn't made the Evas, maybe none of this would have happened in the first place."
"If they hadn't made the Evas, we'd be dead because of the Angels, stupid!"
"But you don't know if that's true because the ones responsible could be lying about what really brings the Angels to attack the city," Shado told her. "What really causes the Angels to come to this city that has no people that can stand to live in it because of the repeated attacks? Not once have any ever attacked any other city in the country or any belonging to any other country. Why do you suppose that is so?"
"Because of the Evas! They see them as a threat!"
"But then why didn't any of them ever attack Germany, Asuka?" Shinji questions. "Unit-02 was being made in Germany, right? It was completed in Germany…but the Angels never once showed any signs of being interested in invading Germany. If Evas were being made in any other country that was far from Japan, would the Angels have ever attacked them instead? Can you answer this?"
For once, Asuka found herself unable to answer the question raised to her. She didn't feel that it was necessary to answer the fact that if the Angels were not defeated by herself or any other pilots, then they could cause a Third Impact and eradicate the human race.
"If we don't fight, then we'll die," she counters.
"Then we die," Shinji responds.
"You'd just accept that? I know you're not that stupid?"
"How would you know? I'm just someone you can't accept for not being anything like the guy you have a crush on because you see him as the pinnacle of what it means to be a man. And you find me to be even less of a man because I have Shado in my life. I'm just an example of how much you hate anyone that doesn't live up to your standards. I can't live up to your standards. I will not live up to your standards. Yours or anyone else's."
"You can't expect him or anyone else to just stand up to something if you have no expectations of living afterwards," added Shado. "And worse, the Evas hurt all the time, even if the people responsible for making them say you're fine when you know you're not. It doesn't matter how many times they tell you that you're safe inside one of those things. They are not safe to be inside of. They are not safe to be around. They are not heroes or protectors, no matter how much you try to make them look nice and say that they are our only hope. They're the monsters of monsters. The nightmares of people's awfulness. The tormentors. Just because some people put their faith in them, it doesn't mean that they promise anything but pain…when all they have to give…is nothing but pain. Nothing but hurt. Is that what you long for from piloting that thing? You long for hurt?"
Asuka looked at the girl…and was reminded of the hurt she had suffered because of the Eva. It had been different for her because of the twisted frailties of her past. Of how pride and seeking admiration were what led her down the path she was on to be who she was. And how…the one she wanted most to pay attention to her…was no longer there.
"You hurt those around you, but you can't stand to be hurt?" Shado told her. "That's why you suffer at the hands of the shiny wings. That's why you fall. Why you…push everyone away for even trying to be your friend. It's why you're…the Angry Harpy Lady. You're only happy…when you hurt others…and you're angrier…when you get hurt. You hurt…and hurt…and hurt. That's all you do. That's all you'll ever do."
"You're wrong," Asuka told her. "You're wrong about me."
"Oh, really?" Shinji asks her. "We're wrong? You haven't exactly…been pleasant to be around since we met. How can we be wrong…when you hate us simply for existing? When you hate us for every little thing that we do, whether it's what we enjoy or you can't understand it?"
"Because you're so…"
"We're so what, Asuka? What are we to you?"
Even if this was only a confrontation in her mind. Even if these two were just figments of her own imagination, representations of how much she hated who they were in her life, it was still hard to comprehend how these two were just so…used to each other when they had only been together for a while. But then she was reminded of how, in at least another universe, the girl had been with Shinji ever since she was a baby…and was still a baby in a sense; the kid had nobody else that seemed willing or able to put up with her, not that she was privy to whatever knowledge there was on her. And the way people looked at her like she was a precious angel or something when, sooner or later, she was just going to end up being a disappointment to someone or die from some accident or sickness.
"Your kid is so ignorant of how the world is right now…and you let her be ignorant of how the world is right now," she told Shinji. "You don't scold her, you don't raise your voice to her unless you're worried about her. You don't even say things to her that most people say to kids her age. You…you treat her as though…you honestly care what happens to her. How she feels at the end of the day…and not once has anyone ever done that for people like us. We don't get to be treated like we're precious children when we only have one purpose in life. We don't have the luxury of blissful ignorance like some people do. And you…you don't expect anything from her other than for her to be happy and smile like a carefree idiot. Even when someone says your old man did some terrible things, like walk out on you, you strive to do the very opposite of what he did by being involved in the girl's life, and you accept her presence in your life without any complaints and few questions. Most boys would run at the mere thought of having children, but you…you didn't even try to run. You'd sooner run from facing an Angel than from her. You'd sooner walk away from NERV and the Eva than to walk away from a little girl that loves you wholeheartedly. And…not once…not once…did anyone ever give me that option. Not once did anyone ever say to me what you say to her…and meant every word of it."
"And that's why you hate us so much?" Shinji questions. "Because nobody told you that you matter…and meant it? Isn't that part of your perception of anyone chosen to pilot the Eva, anyway? We're chosen to pilot the Evangelions? We're special because we were chosen out of everyone else alive? We don't get the luxury of being like other people that get to be like other people? We don't…deserve to live like other people do? It's fight or die? Isn't that what you and everyone else in NERV have been preaching in your own way ever since we were old enough to remember anything? You're special because you were chosen to pilot the Eva? I can accept that anyone that so much as looks at Shado and tells me that she's precious or is nothing more than a waste of my time and efforts to look after, that she's both adorable and not worth anything…but that doesn't change the undeniable fact that, as her father, she's precious to me. She's my waste of time and efforts to look after. I love her…and mean everything I say to her. If I had to choose between Shado and the Eva, I'd choose my daughter in a heartbeat over piloting the Eva. In the end…I will always choose Shado over the Eva…because she matters more to me than anything else in this world and the next."
"Yeah, she does matter to you more than anything else. You would trade the world for her."
"Maybe…or maybe I'd just trade my life for hers. I don't know everything about what a father is supposed to do, but I know what things a father should never do. Fathers…don't walk out on their children. Fathers…don't exploit their children…or say horrible things to them…or be the monsters they're afraid of in the silence of the night. Do you have monsters in your past that used to be the people you wanted only their love and affection from? Are there monsters still in your past that you can't face?"
"She must have a monster that she can't face," went Shado, and the room started to shake a little. "Maybe that's her monster outside right now, waiting for her."
"Must be, Shado, and it's not going anywhere. They never do unless confronted."
The room continued to rumble, as though something were outside the front door, and Asuka went over to said door. It was…red…with a noose hanging on it!
"Aah!" She gasped.
"Don't turn away, Asuka," she heard Shinji tell her. "Face your monster. Own up to it."
Asuka wanted to turn back, to walk away, to leave it behind in the past…but she couldn't. It wouldn't stay buried there forever. There was no rest for the past; it always returned, one way or another, and wouldn't stop, longing to be remembered at all times. She raised her hand up to the button…and the door slid open, revealing her monster.
-x-
"…Do you think she'll win this time?" Shado asks Shinji as they waited for an update on the situation with the Angel.
With this question, Shinji was reminded that Shado had seen this Angel Asuka fell to before, and wasn't sure how to answer her. Except that he had to give his honest response.
"If doesn't want a repeat of what happened last time," he stated, "she'll do her best to win."
"Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm," Shado started humming. "Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm, hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm."
"What is that song, Shado?" He asks her, intrigued by it, even though he wasn't sure what it was.
"You…don't member it?" She replies, and he nods in the negative. "It's…the happy and sad song we both like. You called it…an endless embrace within the warm darkness."
"And endless embrace? Within the warm darkness?"
"Once, you told me I was crying at night, and you couldn't get me to stop. I was making the 'institcher' (instructor) unhappy, and then you turned on the 'tello-hision' (television) and this group were playing the song…and I stopped crying. On another night, I was crying again…and you played the song again…and I stopped again. You would sing it sometimes…and I would hum it."
"Happy and sad?"
"Happy when we're together…and sad because we're in the darkness."
"Do you…remember how the lyrics sounded a little?"
"A little bit."
"Could you…help me remember them, please?"
Shado nodded and spoke the words she could remember.
"I still member you… The time we shared… The lube you gave… I still lube you, even though I miss you… I will be here for you, always and forever… Within this warm darkness…"
Even though her recall was limited, it was still a pleasant song to hear from her. It was…happy and sad, just as she told Shinji. And, as strange as it seemed, Shinji did find the song lyrics to be representative of an endless embrace in the warm darkness. But there was one part of the lyrics he couldn't understand the meaning behind: "I still love you, even though I miss you". Who was the one that was missed while still being loved?
"It's…really beautiful, Shado," he told her.
To be continued…
A/N: This is meant to be the pinnacle of Asuka being Asuka and then changing her attitude around Shinji and Shado; this matter with the Angel of Birds, Arael, is the first step because there's more to it than what they know. I really like the song Endless Embrace by MYTH & ROID, and it helps to describe Shado's devotion to Shinji as he tries to fulfill the role of her father now that she's in his life, and since it's an alternate universe scenario, who's to say that either universe had the music group came up with the song earlier? And as for Gendo's unexpected visit in the hospital, it was mostly for him to know where he stands in the midst of SEELE's contempt towards him and what he can expect in the future if something happens out of their favor; even if Fuyutsuki is now in charge, they can still blame Gendo if something goes wrong because he's no longer in control. Expect the next chapter soon.