Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
A/N: Dum dum dum! So the end is almost near and I thought why not make a chapter in Paul's point of view. I always found his so bloody entertaining and intruiging. I wonder how it went. There are a few things I really like, although some parts I just flat out hate! Anyways, this will be the last update for a while. I need to sort out a few things with school and I'll try to update if I can and write things. But for the time being, this'll have to do. I hope you guys can see the end of this. I sure can't. Thank God I have a sequel to look forward to. But still, it's strange that this is chapter 34 while Paul and Julie have been on my mind for the past year and more. It's strange it's almost over. Or at least, one part of their story. Anyways, I hope you guys will like it and please review :) You know I love them. Enjoy:
P.S Thank you guys for the birthday wishes! Who knew being nineteen could make a girl feel ancient! lol!
And You Can't Save Me Now
It's almost funny how times goes by that quickly. Before I even knew it two days had passed and Sam had ordered us to prepare for the 'war' that was coming in less than a few hours. Both Jake and Seth were already at the scene of the clearing where we were going to fight for the upper hand. It's almost funny that there was a chance of someone not returning. That person could be me, but somehow that didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Yes, I have thought about dying.
And yes, I have thought of leaving Julie.
But at least emotions where the thing I was going to miss out on when I was dead. So the only person I'd remotely feel sorry for was Julie, because I knew that I'd hurt her if I didn't return.
If I didn't return.
Julie was almost close to catatonic once I told her about the newborns. She barely reacted to anything someone said. At least Emily, Kim and Summer had a way to get rid of the bottled up feelings. Julie was only a ticking bomb and all I could do was wait for her ticker to go off and hopefully shield her from the collateral damage it would cause.
I knew how Summer felt. Hell I think everyone was aware of her feelings. She kept complaining and the resentment wasn't hard to distinguish from the fear we all could see. But at least she was reacting.
Kim was, like always, over-emotional. And, like always, it resulted into clinginess. She didn't let go of Jared and nor did Jared mind. The ironic part was that I was actually able to understand Kim's motives and why she was clinging to Jared so much. If it were me I'd do the exact same thing. I was doing it with Julie, only she didn't seem to care. At least, that's the message she gave me.
Emily was the only healthy one. She cooked, a lot, but she kept tabs on everyone else by being understanding. And by being Emily. She couldn't hurt a fly even if she had to save her own life. Which is probably why Leah never was able to go off at her. Even though Emily had stolen Sam away from her. Although that was bound to happen anyways, with or without the imprinting.
We were driving to Emily and Sam's cottage. Julie's eyes were focused on the woods outside and it didn't matter what I did or say. I just couldn't get her to react. I wondered how it was going to be when I left.
I made a impulsive decision. I wasn't going to leave her like this, she wasn't allowed to do that to me. I was sick with her masochistic manner of handling things. I was sick of the self-inflicting pain which she didn't just put on herself, but also on me. For once I would like her to react in a manner I know how to handle. For once I'd like her to be human. I would like her to scream and shout, cry. Anything that indicated that she was indeed a human being who had feelings and emotions and used at least one kind of emotion to explain herself.
Not this catatonic shit.
I pulled over the car and this pulled her out of her reverie. I took a deep breath and turned off the engine. My hands were on the steering wheel, my knuckles paling as I tightened my hold. I needed an opening to start.
"Paul?" Her soft voice made me look at her. Her dark hair was pulled in a messy ponytail, there were circles beneath her eyes, she was paler than usual. Her soft, round face with doe-like eyes were staring at me. I swallowed. There was dread in my stomach. Fear, for what was waiting for the pack and I.
I got out of the car, slamming the door harder than I should've done. I opened Julie's door and pulled her outside. The confusion swam in her eyes and insecurity radiated off her like warmth did off me.
"Hit me." I said as I stared at her. I hoped my feelings weren't showing. I hoped I was coming across as the asshole I used to be.
"What?" She frowned and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She pressed her lips together and looked at the car.
"You heard me. Hit me." I repeated.
"You're being crazy." Julie responded and she moved back inside of the car. I grabbed her arm though and pulled her out again. Harsher than I should've done if this wasn't such a dreadful moment. She stumbled, I steadied her.
"I said, hit me." I glared at her and I saw the anger bubble beneath her skin. But suddenly it stopped. She heaved a deep sigh and raised her palm. Slapping me softly on the arm. I barely felt the impact.
"Happy?" She asked as she gave me an exhausted look. This wasn't really going the way I planned it and I gritted my teeth in order to refrain myself from snapping at her. But I couldn't help it. Julie had her way of exhausting me and pushing me to the edge in a way I didn't think was possible.
Yes I had my moments were people would infuriate me. That included family and friends as well. But with Julie it was different. Because when she said something, I actually cared and she would be the only thing on my mind if something set her off. Because I actually cared when she was angry. I actually cared when she said something about me that she didn't like or approve. She actually made me see that I wasn't that horrible if I wasn't such an asshole.
However, she also was the only one who could hurt me by hurting herself. And even though I was the tough one out of the pack. I was the biggest softie when it came to our imprints. I was officially whipped and I'd give up this pack life in a second if I had a say in it. Even though there was a part of me that enjoyed being a wolf. A part of me that enjoyed having 'brothers'. Despite the pain and the consequences of being one.
It's not always as hyped up as it seems. Because it hurts like a bitch every time we phased. And that was only going to go away if we fully surrender to it. Which was unnatural, because there will always be a part that will resist it with all its power. So even trying to built a resistance was wishful thinking.
"Fuck. Julie." I growled. "Do something. Anything. Please." I asked her. I put my hands on either side of her as I backed her to the car. She reacted by giving me a glare.
"Is this your way of trying to coax out a reaction?" She asked. A tinge of edge in her voice. I mentally smiled. I was getting somewhere.
"What if it is?" I provoked.
She raised one of her dark eyebrows. I could see her cheeks tinge red as she opened her mouth respond. I loved riling her up, though today seemed to pull more at my conscious than turn me on.
"Then it's a pathetic way of trying." She responded. "I'm not a puppet, Paul. You can't force me to do things."
"I'm not forcing you." I explained. I swallowed the guilt and tried to get it out of my system. Since when was I even able to feel guilt?
"Oh no?" Sarcasm included. "Then what the fuck are you doing?" I raised my eyebrows. Julie swore. It was only natural. Although saying fuck wasn't something she did easily. She had her way of censoring things.
"Language." I chastised, trying to get rid of the tension.
"Oh screw you." She said and she ducked from underneath my arms and got back in the car. Slamming the door effectively in my face. I blinked. She did not just blow me off.
She did.
I grunted and I walked back to the driver's side and got in the car myself. Starting the engine as I glanced at Julie, who had her eyes on the road ahead of us. I wanted to say something, I wish I just knew how. No it wasn't my vocabulary that was the problem. It had to do with the fact that I just had a tendency of putting my foot in my mouth. And something about being a pussy.
Which I tried to avoid in the first place.
Being a guy can be so fucking exhausting.
The ride to Emily and Sam went by quickly. Julie hadn't said a word. I stopped trying to coax out anything now. She made it perfectly clear she didn't want me doing anything of the sorts. She's fairly good at making a point, you know. Wish I was able to vocalize things in the same way Julie could. On a second thought, no. I'm glad I wasn't able to do that.
Respecting Julie's way, but no, she was terrible when it came to dealing with her problems. I was pretty easy with dealing mine. So I vote for my solutions.
"You ready?" I asked her as I turned off the engine again. We were in front of Emily's house and I just knew that we were the last ones there. Sam was going to kill me for that.
"It's not like I have a choice, Paul." She said evenly. She sounded calm, but also detached and I put my hand on the back of her neck. I forced her to look at me.
"Jules, whatever happens today I want you to-" She pulled away in a second and slammed the door. She blew me off the second time today. I pushed away the rejection and sighed before getting out of the car myself.
I slightly jogged over the steps and opened the front door. Julie was already inside and I saw everyone in the living room. Only Quil had a neutral face, next to Sam of course. Whereas the others, well you can say I was able to read them like an open book. The pages in front of me, just begging to be read.
"Paul." Jared acknowledged. Quil looked over at me and grinned.
"Ready to kill some leeches, Paul? I know I am." His excitement over it all sometimes ceased me. And irritated me. I'm not sure which one was more dominant. He reached out to me with his fist. I bumped mine to his, just because I could not not do it.
"That's not even remotely funny." Julie murmured from beside me as she gave me a pointed look. A look that said, I'm too exasperated to do a thing about it but don't think I'm not angry. You know those looks. The ones you can't ignore because that'd only set them off more.
"Jules..." I trailed off. There wasn't much I could say. Was there? So I turned my attention to Quil instead who was grinning at me as Julie moved to the kitchen where Emily was.
"Fuck off Quil." I muttered as I eyed his grin.
"I didn't say anything." He responded.
"You didn't have to." I told him and he shrugged at me, returning to his seat.
"Where is Sam?" I demanded as I moved to the empty chair next to Jared.
Jared's face. I could write a book about it. He was stiff, leaning against his chair as he looked at the window. His eyes were focused on something non-existent and he was barely moving. His manner of approach though, or should I say, the way he did not approach made things clear as crystal. He was scared shitless. And he knew he wasn't the only one.
Jared was the one person who was able to scare me in a certain way. And he managed to do that before I was even able to scamper up some kind of defence against his attacks.
"He's in the woods. He'll let us know when to go to the clearing. I'm guessing it won't be long." Embry said. Embry was always more reserved than the others. It's refreshing.
"So who is going to stay here with the girls?" I asked. Jared still didn't respond. Quil gave him a calculating look but responded.
"Collin and Brady. Sam doesn't want them in the crossfire." I nodded. "Seth is with Bella and Jake." I grimaced. Bella. The reason we were in this fucking position. Although it'd be a bit rich to give her all the credit. Now I'm at it, why don't I blame the whole Cullen clan immediately? Fucking leeches.
"Where's Kim?" I asked. This time I directly looked at Jared who finally decided to react. He shrugged.
"Sleeping. She was tired" He nudged his head to the bedroom on the bottom floor of the cottage. I nodded. I could only imagine what they had done tonight. Oh wait, I can actually.
"Wore her out, didn't you?" Quil said as he punched Jared's shoulder. "You sly dog!" Jared wore a weak smile on his face that wouldn't even convince a blind person.
"Quil. Do you ever not think with your downstairs brain?" Embry said exasperated as he switched on the TV. Apparently we weren't entertaining enough. I scoffed.
"You know him Em." I began. "He doesn't have an upstairs brain." Quil threw a pillow at my face. I dodged it quickly.
"Fuck off." Quil murmured although there was a ghost of a smile on his face. I smiled smugly at him. Embry laughed from his spot on the couch. I leant against my chair and crossed my arms.
"Where is everyone?" I asked out loud. I was referring to Summer and the other imprints.
"Summer's not coming." I frowned.
"Why not?" Embry and Quil exchanged looks.
"They had a fight." I was able to foresee that.
"Naturally." I responded. "Let me guess. Summer started it."
"Yeah that's what I thought." Quil said. "But funnily enough, Seth is the one that instigated it. For a change." That seemed so out of character.
"Well why were they fighting?" I asked. Embry shrugged as Quil replied.
"Beats me. Seth didn't want her near La Push or Forks." I frowned. Wasn't that a bit too presumptuous. "Or something like that."
"That's not really something Seth would do. He's the empathic one in the pack." I pointed out.
"Really?" Quil feigned surprise. "I thought that was you Paul." He rolled his eyes.
"Hilarious Quil." I sighed and looked at the kitchen.
"How's Julie." Embry asked. He was the only one that was able to ask such a question without coming across like a total dick with his hidden messages. The boy was too sincere. I wasn't sure what to say though. How was Julie? She was being her plain old self. A total masochist.
"That doesn't sound good." I heard Quil say. His response to my silence.
"No, nothing's wrong." I assured them. I was lying. Hell they didn't have to be in my mind to notice that.
"Uhu and I'm the fucking queen of England." Quil muttered.
"Well..." Embry trailed off and I coughed out a laugh as Quil hit Embry on the back of his head.
"I'm going to see how Julie is." I said and I got up, leaving the two sixteen-year-olds to their silly old games. I knew Jared wasn't listening. I have a feeling he was far too wrapped up in his own thoughts to pay attentions to his surrounding in the first place.
"Jules." I called out. I got no response though. I walked into the kitchen and I saw Julie with her back turned to me. I put my hands on her waist as she jumped. Did I mention she had the tendency to jump at the most silly things. Like something was going to happen to her.
I rested my chin in the crook of her neck. My lips teasing the bare skin. Julie smelled good. A hint of vanilla or whatever it was. All I knew it was damn good and I loved it.
"Where's Emily?" I asked and she nodded at the window. I could see Emily in the backyard as she glanced at the woods. Next to her was a dark wolf. Brady. I had seen Collin in the front yard.
"You okay?" I grunted, my attention back on Julie. She nodded.
"Fine." She said dismissively and I closed my eyes hoping that I was able to keep the irritation at bay. Something I couldn't do these days.
"Okay, that's it." I murmured and I grabbed her upper arm. I manoeuvred her up the stairs as I ignored the taunts of Quil and refrained to punch his face. She wasn't protesting. Or at least, not that viciously and I felt some pride that I had her give in so easily. I pushed her into the tiny bathroom and wondered why both Jules and I had this strange fascinations with bathrooms.
"What the hell are you doing?" She exclaimed. I looked at her evenly. Her brown eyes couldn't sway me today. Not today.
"We need to talk." I responded. She gave me a levelled glare.
"Since when are you so in to talking anyways?" She snapped and I rolled my eyes. Her words didn't sting that much. Partly because I knew that at this point she didn't meant them. If only I was confident enough to convince myself of that when she was her normal self.
"I'm not." I said tightly. "But since you're being such a fucking masochist I don't have a choice." She narrowed her eyes. "Besides I'm going in a few minutes."
"Oh." Her eyes softened and I smiled grimly. Putting my hand on her cheek. I rubbed the skin beneath her eye and she closed her eyes momentarily, she leaned into the touch and I put my other hand on her waist. I bended forward and kissed her forehead.
"I love you." I breathed out and she nodded. Sounding out of breath.
"I know." She murmured.
"Do me a favour." She looked at me. "And just tell me what's going through your head. Because I honestly have no idea. And I'll get a brain haemorrhage by just trying to figure you out." She let out a small laugh and I couldn't help but smile. She put both her hands on my chest and her small hands held on to the shirt I was wearing.
"I-I." She stopped and I could see her eyes focus on my shirt. It was like she wasn't able to just tell me what was going on.
"Go on." I urged.
"I don't want y-you to die." She breathed out. "And I know that you can't tell me that everything is going to be fine. Because the chances are quite small that everyone will walk away unharmed. You know that." I nodded. "So don't tell me everything will be fine."
"I won't." I promised. "But I'll try." She nodded and I could see the tears shine in her eyes. She blinked several times, willing them away but somehow they couldn't and I felt a sharp stab inside of me.
So I kissed the tip of her nose and the corner of her mouth before I fully pressed my lips against her. She responded easily and she stood on the tip of her toes trying to remain attached. I pressed myself closer to her. Her curves beneath my hands drove me crazy and I wanted to feel her bare skin. I slipped my hands beneath her shirt and hissed as she dug her nails in my shoulder. The small catlike noises she was making were enough to make me crave more and I ran my hands over her bare back.
Her lips made my insides burn and I was pretty sure it would match my outer temperature. She pulled away and my lips roamed to her throat. I gently kissed her beneath her jaw. The raw passion didn't seem right at this point.
Her hands were now beneath my shirt, her fingers barely moving as she leaned into me. My arm encircled her waist and I pulled away my lips from her skin. I could hear the voices from downstairs as one voice in particular called out my name. So it was time. Julie heard it as well and her body stiffened. She didn't pull away though, she gave me the choice to do that on my own.
"Jules." I said. My voice scratchy. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. I wasn't sure what was appropriate or what she wanted to hear. But I knew I had to go.
"Go." She murmured and I let go slowly. She looked at me and I took in her face again. There was no way I wasn't coming back to her. I bended forward and pressed my lips roughly against her. Ignoring her gasp or the way she quickly reacted to my touch. I just wanted her to know everything I felt, everything I was aware of feeling and everything I didn't know. I wanted her to know that this would not be the last time I'd be kissing her.
I abruptly pulled away and pulled off my shirt handing it to her. She took it wordlessly and I gave her one last look before I descended the stairs. So the moment had finally arrived. And just like expected no one was truly ever prepared for what was coming. No matter how long we had the time.
A/N: Let me know your thoughts if not more :) Please review! :)