Wrong Kind of Hero

Chapter Ten: The Eye of the Storm

Lily put all her spare time into planning details of the wedding, trying to figure out what dress to wear and what color scheme to implement. James was no help. He thought she looked good in every dress she tried on, and he wouldn't give an honest opinion about the silverware —on which point Lily had put her foot down for Remus's sake and insisted it not be actual silver— so she thought of Sev instead, and went with the choices she felt he would have made. Would have helped her make. Side by side. She figured she could make everything perfect except the groom, so she closed her eyes and envisioned her dream wedding. She imagined Sev would get incredibly grumpy and pretend it didn't make a bit of difference, but then he'd secretly pick out something very simple yet elegant for her to wear. He would put a flower in her hair and let it flow loose and long. Severus himself would tie his hair back and wear perfectly tailored black dress robes with just a hint of colour at the cuffs and lining, perhaps. They would drink from each other's cups out of crystal fluted goblets, and the decorations would be deep red and silver or soft green and gold, a mixing of their two Houses. She imagined it would be an outdoor wedding, something in dappled sunlight and shade. There would be music, strings and harps, and at the proper time doves and showers of golden mist would be released. It was completely wrong of her to be fantasizing about a wedding to someone other than the man she'd already agreed to marry. Of course it was. She knew it was, but it was also aiding her in the dozens of choices she had to make every day, so ultimately it was helping, wasn't it?

"Lily, love, you look stressed," James noted, popping in to check on her progress through the guest list. "Is anything wrong?"

"Yes, I'd say there's something wrong! You're supposed to be my groom, but you're leaving all the details of planning this wedding and telling your parents to me while you go off gallivanting with your buddies to play soldier-boy for Dumbledore, leaving me home to worry about whether or not I'll even HAVE a father for my child when and if you get back every time you leave the house!"

"Er, I am sorry about that, but we've discussed this and you know it's important to me, and even you said if you weren't pregnant that you'd be more actively involved than just healing…"

"Oh, and not to mention the fact that you broke the face of my best friend while you were supposedly defending my honor and never told me about it!"

"What? Moony and I have never got into a fight. What are you-"

"Not Remus, you dolt! You know who I mean, and I'd call that wrong. Very wrong! Ye gods, James, when will you grow up?"

"I have grown up," he protested. "I barely ever set off dungbombs anymore, and I can drink a whole bottle of firewhiskey without puking, and… I'm marrying you, aren't I?"

"Oh, that's just lovely, James," she snapped. "Remind me again that the only reason we're doing this is because of the baby."

"That's not quite what I meant, but you have to admit a lesser man would-"

"Just forget it." She stormed off, leaving James bewildered as to what had brought on this fit of temper. When he'd asked Sirius about it later, Sirius just slung an arm around James's shoulder and said "probably just female hormones, mate. Nothing to worry about."

"Right," James had said. "D'you think I should be helping more with the planning bits?"

"Nah. Women like doing that sort of thing." James was about to question how Sirius knew so much about the behavior of women. But Sirius was his best mate and wouldn't lead him astray. They went off to the pub for a butterbeer and some manly activities, such as doing jello shots off each other's chests and stumbling home drunk.

Elsewhere:

"How's the blushing bride doing? The maid of honor wants to know."

"Remus? Oh, Merlin's baggy y-fronts, take those off. You look ridiculous. I wasn't serious when I said you'd be wearing lilac chiffon, you know."

"Not even in a sweater vest?"

"No."

"Oh, thank heaven. It's really not my color."

"No. I'm afraid not. What about something in a celestial pattern? Silver on black, stars and comets, that sort of thing? It'd look lovely if you insist on a vest."

"That might be rather aesthetically pleasing, actually. But I wasn't just asking about how you're getting along with the wedding plans, you know." He smiled gently at her. "How's your mental state?"

"Well, utter chaos, really, after all the inadvertent flirting I've been doing with Sev lately. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed him until I saw him and talked to him again."
Lily looked guilty, then admitted, "I still haven't had the courage or the time to tell him James and I were getting married. Or why we're getting married so suddenly. And I'm afraid that if I do, he'll hate me again and we'll never manage to patch things up. I know there can't be… anything more than friendship between us, for obvious reasons, but I'd die if I knew he never wanted to see me again. What am I going to do?"

"Stop hinting that you're trying to seduce him? I'd say that would be a good start. I know you're not trying to mislead him, but it's going to be that much crueler when you have to tell him the truth. And the sooner the better, really. If he's truly a friend, he'll understand. And, well, you know I'm here for you, should you need me." Lily sighed expansively, knowing he was probably right, but really not wanting to tell Sev all the same. She just knew it was going to kill him, and it was going to kill her to tell him, especially now that they'd been flirting again. She felt excited every time they talked, and it wasn't just because they hadn't been talking for so long. She didn't even feel that excited about her own impending matrimony. Something was seriously wrong with this wedding; she suspected it had something to do with the groom.

"All hail the Queen of subversive punctuation," Sev greeted her, eyes glinting wickedly, and she momentarily forgot all about everything she had to tell him. He had that effect on her: she became young and sexy and light in his presence. She felt eighteen and free, instead of eighteen-going-on-thirty planning a wedding and having a baby. "I'm in the process of finding my own flat, so do excuse the mess." Well, that explained the boxes currently littering his childhood home. Why had she agreed to meet him here again? Oh, yes. Because the spectacle they'd surely create later wouldn't be appropriate for public consumption. Severus knelt before her and lifted her hand to his lips, his eyes watching her reaction all the while.

"My liege," he said softly. He brushed his lips across her fingertips, then feather-light across each of her knuckles. Lily knew she should be stopping him, but she'd lost all capacity for speech and her knees felt like jelly. He kissed the flesh between her index and middle fingers equally leisurely, watching her from heavy-lidded eyes as his tongue slowly flicked out and stroked, just once. He exhaled in a long warm breath when he saw her biting her lower lip and heard her breath hitch. He turned her hand over and placed a lingering kiss on her wrist, then released her hand. She was a quivering, wobbly mess, and he'd barely touched her. This didn't happen when James kissed her. What's happening to me?

"There," he said, satisfied and smirking slightly, "that was much more fun than kissing your ring, wasn't it?"

"Gyuh."

"I'll take that as a yes. Now," he took her by the hands and led her to a couch, "what was the 'so much' you still had to tell me last time we met?" He was still rubbing his thumbs in circles over the backs of her hands and she'd forgotten why she was there.

"Hwwur?"

"Don't remember?" It was a full-blown smirk this time. "Can I… help you remember?" He raised an insinuating eyebrow.

"Gyuh-huh."

"If you insist. Why don't you show me how much you've improved at 'massages' while you think about it?"

"Sh- sh-" He cocked his head at her.

"Hmm?"

"Shirt. You should take off your-" She pulled at the fabric on his back. "Shirt."

"Getting me naked already, are we?" Lily blushed and stammered,

"N- n- noooo…" What was the problem here? Normally Sev was the awkward one and she was the one casual and cool, making him uncomfortable!

"I was only teasing," he admitted, shucking his shirt. She sat behind him and began to knead his shoulders after rubbing her hands together to warm them up; trying valiantly to ignore how his body had changed and firmed in the year they'd been apart. She was kneading shoulder and upper arm muscles that hadn't been this developed the last time she'd been close enough to touch him. He would never be bulky by any means, but his stringyness had somehow changed into equally lean muscle.

"What have you been doing for the last year, lifting steel cauldrons for a living?" Had she really just said that out loud? Merlin, talk about awkward.

"You're not far off," he said, and there was a smile in his voice. Smile number two, she thought. "An apprenticeship at Bourgin and Burkes does involve a lot of heavy lifting. Why? Did my shocking new muscles catch you by surprise?"

"Who are you, and what have you done with Severus Snape? You're not, say, Sirius on Polyjuice, are you?" And she'd really just said that, too. Way to voice your inner thoughts out loud, Evans. "Whatever happened to nervous shy Sev?"

"He's still in here, screaming at me for being so bold and cowering in a corner of my consciousness, actually. I've just gotten better at bravado since the last time we were friends. Just as you seem to indeed have improved at this 'massage' thing. But you have to promise not to tell anyone; I've finally got everyone else to think that my sarcasm and razor sharp humor are masking a bitter, hardened shell of a man instead of a nervous little boy." She couldn't tell if this was another of his jokes or if he was actually being serious. She wondered if he even knew.

"Your secret is safe with me," she assured him, running her nails up and down his spine. He shivered and she laughed. "Good?"

"What was your charming expression for it? 'Gyuh,' I believe." Lily brushed Severus's long hair away from his neck so she could work without it getting in the way, and he tensed and stopped speaking. She wondered what she'd done wrong. Or right, as case may be. She stroked a thumb down the curve of his neck, trying to resist a sudden overwhelming impulse to kiss him at the nape. There was some reason she shouldn't, surely… No, too late, not strong enough. Oh, that was satisfying, especially how he hissed when she did it.

"So, having failed to seduce me via mail-"

"Failed? Ha!"

"-you now attempt it in person. Interesting," he continued, unruffled by her interruption.

His skin was smooth and pale and warming under her touch, and she realized how much she'd missed this physical closeness to Sev and the thrill she got when she could make him respond like this. Oh dear. This 'just being friends' thing wasn't working out so well.

"Very well, I surrender to your nefarious purposes. Tell me, though, do you do this to all the boys, or just the ones you want to keep as pets?"

All the boys? Curious thing to say. As if there was another boy, she thought indignantly.

"No, just you." Boys… all the boys…Lily mulled this over in her head for a while. There is another boy, isn't there? Oh, shiteJames! I have to tell him about James!

Lily pressed herself against his back and wrapped her arms around him from behind. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Yeees?" His tone was amused, but cautious. "Is there a reason you're using me as a pillow?"

"You're so cynical sometimes, Sev. Gods, you're just like that Eagles song, 'Desperado', 'walking through the world all alone.' Does there have to be a reason for everything?"

"Yes," he said harshly, "there does." She sighed.

"Fine. Be that way. I- have something I really need to tell you. Something you should know before word gets out and you hear it from someone else." He shook her off him and turned around to face her, expression closed-off and wary.

"So that's why you're trying to 'sweeten me up'." He pulled his shirt back over his head.

"No, it wasn't, actually. But think what you like. Will you promise you won't get mad?" She looked at him anxiously.

"That depends on what you're about to tell me. The mere fact that you're asking me to not be angry implies that it's something I'm not going to like very much," he drawled.

"You'd better give me your wand," she said. "You might be inclined to Crucio someone with it, and while I'm fairly sure it won't be me, I'd rather not take any chances." He raised his eyes to the heavens as if to say oh, the drama, but he placed his wand out in the open all the same.

"Lily, what news could possibly be so bad that I'd Crucio you?"

"Well, just remember that you asked…"