Wrong Kind of Hero

Chapter 13: Unbreakable Vows

James was pacing back and forth anxiously, straightening his tie for the seventh time and fiddling with his hair. He waited nervously for Sirius to come back and give him the signal that the wedding was about to begin. He'd never seen Lily in her wedding dress before. He was sure she'd look beautiful. It was just the waiting that was driving him crazy. And then he'd have to stand up there all by himself, waiting for her some more, wondering if she'd come down the aisle at all. James sighed. He just wanted to skip all this ceremony and be married already, but he knew it made Lily happy, and he'd do anything to please her. This was her day. The groom was just an accessory (albeit a very rakish and handsome one), he thought ruefully, turning to face the mirror once more. The lights flickered, and then went off, and James was momentarily annoyed by a power failure now, of all times.

"Guys? This isn't funny, guys. Turn the lights back on. Hey, come on!" James was groping his way in the darkness toward the door when suddenly, a hand he couldn't see wrapped itself around his neck and slammed him up against a wall. He felt a wand tip pressing against his chest, and the rational part of his brain that wasn't shit-scared by his unknown attacker wondered who would want to harm him on his wedding day.

"Who are you?" He choked out. "What do you want from me?"

"Who I am, isn't important," the voice growled, low and sinister. "But you are in a precarious position. Answer me, and answer me well. Your life depends upon it." James tried to gulp, but he was choking. "How well do you love her?"

"Who, Lily?" The wand pressed harder against him. His assailant shook him a little.

"Do not trifle with me. Do you marry her for love, or for the child?" How does he know about the child? James wondered, more terrified than ever. That was a very close-kept secret. Who was this man?

"For love! I mean, both, but love is the main reason."

"Would you swear it on your soul?"

"I…" Swear it on my soul, or I die. Clear choice. Right, then. "Yes. Yes, I would. She's Lily, how could I not? I love her enough to spend the rest of my life with her, and I'm thrilled about it. Not just because of the baby. Though I'm thrilled about that that too. I just want to marry her today. Is that so wrong?" The hand gripping his throat loosened its chokehold on him.

"Very well. Your love has spared your life today, James Potter. But know this:" and here James wondered if his attacker had cast an amplification charm, because his voice seemed to echo ominously in the darkness, "I will be watching you. If I should witness you breaking your vows, not devoting yourself entirely to her happiness, or treating her as anything less than the goddess she should be to you, I will know. And if I must visit you a second time," and the wand was back, this time jabbing into his temple, "you will not be so lucky." In a rush of wind, the man was gone. The lights snapped back on. James rubbed his sore neck and willed his heart to stop racing, wondering just how close he'd come to death.

"James? Jamie?" Sirius's voice came a moment before his body bounded through the door. "Prongs, you lazy arse! What are you doing laying there on the floor? Get a move on, it's your wedding day! People are starting to grumble!" James accepted his friend's hand up, brushed himself off and pushed the experience to the back of his mind. He was marrying Lily today. That was the important thing.

James and Lily had a beautiful wedding, extravagant as it was celebratory. They had dozens of their closest friends from Hogwarts there, and all James's extended family and most of Lily's. Severus Snape attended. He knew Lily had asked him to be there. She'd sent him a personal invitation, in fact, by owl, and he'd promised never to leave her. He supposed he'd better get used to painful duties as soon as possible. He settled himself in the very back of the hall where the wedding was to take place moments before the groom arrived. He pocketed his wand, smiling to himself. He'd put the fear of God into James Potter today. Or at least the fear of Severus Snape. He had hoped to disguise himself in the shadows, yet as Lily came down the aisle, her father by her side, she searched the crowd discreetly and caught his eye. He never could hide from her. Her eyes lingered on him wistfully as long as she could without slighting James. She seemed to draw in courage from his presence. She faced her groom, her pasted-on expression determinedly cheerful. Only Severus would have noticed that she trembled, perhaps from fear or regret, as she took her vows. Only Severus would have known why James looked so pale and nervous when he swore to love and honor Lily till death.

In his mind, Severus conjured a sudden tornado that whirled through the ceremony and swept Potter away with it before he could say "I do"; in his mind, he leapt up and objected to the marriage on grounds of the bride loving someone else, and the groom not loving her nearly enough. In his mind, he swung from a chandelier (though where one would hang a chandelier in the middle of the forest, he could not say), kicked James Potter in the head with the soles of his hobnailed boots (though why he was wearing hobnailed boots, he could not say), and proceeded to swordfight him for Lily's hand in marriage while dramatic music played (though where he had learnt to swordfight and how the dramatic music was being piped in, he did not know). In his mind, he was a hero. But he was not a Gryffindor, and he was not brave. He did none of these things. He sat in the shadows and watched them marry, and the only objections to the vows were in his heart, and there they remained.

Snape did not bring a gift. The groom was still alive. That was his gift. That he was at the wedding at all was to be another secret between the two of them, him and Lily. And if anyone thought it strange that Lily and James danced to "Desperado," by the Eagles for their first dance as a married couple (since the song was not particularly an obvious, logical choice for a wedding), well, Remus Lupin (who was always rather too bright for his own good) and Severus Snape understood the intended message, and that was enough. Snape listened as the last lines faded away: you better let somebody love you before it's too late. Wasn't it already too late? He'd just lost the woman he loved to James bloody Potter. She still loved him, true, but there was no chance for them now.

"Bloody odd song for them to be dancing to, eh, Moony?" Remus gazed at the bride and groom dancing, arms wrapped around each other, and shook his head slightly.

"She knows what she's doing," he affirmed softly. "I just hope she's right."

"Speaking of right, this wedding's got me to thinking…" Sirius bit his lower lip nervously, then blurted out, "Would you move in with me?" The question clearly caught Remus off-guard. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"I practically have already, what with the hissing cockroaches and glowing Technicolor mold in my flat. I stay at your place almost every night. I have a toothbrush there, even."

"I know, but I wasn't talking about for a week, or a month, even. I meant, um, indefinitely. Until you get sick of me. Possibly forever, if we could work it out."

"Oh." Remus was stunned. "That kind of moving in. Right. Well, er, do you know what you're getting yourself into? I mean, the flat'll be filled with books and unfashionable jumpers and…"

"Look, if you don't want to, you can just say so, but don't-"

"Wolves mate for life, you know," Remus said abruptly. Sirius shuffled his feet.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't." He reddened.

"Oh!" Remus said again. "Well, if you feel you've thoroughly considered and explored all alternatives and still feel that you'd like to proceed, then I'd have to wholeheartedly-"

"Moony?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up. You think too much."

"Oh. Sorry. Yes. I will move in with you. Permanently, if you'll have me and my inkstains that long."

"Good." Sirius beamed. "That's what I like to hear. Though I swear if you start trying to organize my sock drawer, there will be vengeance. Furry, cold-nose-pressing-up-against-your-leg-while-you're-trying-to-sleep vengeance. Just so you know." Remus threaded their fingers together and squeezed tightly.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Severus slipped out as early as he could, heart aching, unable to witness any more of the celebration that, for Lily at least, was so clearly false. She was too teary-eyed a bride, and only he knew why she was really crying. It wasn't, as she assured her guests, "because I'm so very happy!" An anonymous messenger slipped him a piece of parchment as he fled. Snape took it without thinking. It was in Lily's slightly cramped script, and he almost dropped it when he absorbed what it said:

Convinced James that he can go out with his friends tonight, since we didn't have time for a proper bachelor party for him before we were wed. The reasoning isn't important. But please, open your apartment door for me tonight. I have to see you.