Author's Note: Scruffy's words in italics are when he uses official game dialogue. His words in a regular font are basically him talking to himself, or you, the audience.

It was the awkward moment of all awkward moments. Captain Scruffy began a conversation with the young Shaun. It was the fateful reunion at last, the one he had waited for half the damn game to get to.

Only, it wasn't Shaun.

Scruffy found out the hard way that the ten-year-old kid he was talking to was actually a synth designed to look like his son. Father, the leader of the Institute, had set him up as a weird experiment. He wanted to see how the "child" would react, so he set up a situation that would exploit Scruffy and confuse "Shaun" to the point of panic. It was messed up. Scruffy loved it.

"Bravo," he said, clapping as this "Father" walked into the room and spouted a recall code that shut the boy down.

"You really had me there! Talk about a mindf-"

"Fascinating, but disappointing. The child's responses were not at all what I had anticipated…" Father interjected. Captain Scruffy trotted up to the old man as a dialogue sequence began automatically.

"Instead of Father, they should call you GRANDfather! Ha! Get it? Because you're old!"

Truth be told, however, the man standing in front of him did not appear much older than Scruffy himself. This reality troubled Scruffy. He didn't want to get old and end up as some dusty old geezer hanging out underground. He resolved to go out in a blaze of glory before that point, preferably taking several other bastards with him. Or at least retire someplace warm and sunny instead of a nerdy laboratory. Snapping back to the present moment, he decided to focus on the task at hand.

"So far, the other faction leaders were pretty lame. Desdemona pathologically insisted synths were people, like she didn't know the difference between machine and human! Idiot. We gave her a sledgehammer to the noggin, don't worry. And Preston Garvey Commonwealth Minutemen was honestly worse! He LARPed as a soldier, but got his ass kicked across the entire Commonwealth, losing literally everyone. Tell me you're better than that. You've gotta be better than that."

Father stared blankly forward, ready to initiate his default dialogue. Maybe he was a synth, too. Scruffy filed that one back in his mind with the rest of the conspiracy theories he'd dreamt up over the years, then focused up.

"Please try and keep an open mind. I understand that you are emotional, and that your journey here has been fraught with challenges. Let's start anew. I am Father. Welcome to the Institute."

Scruffy didn't really like his dialogue options to respond. They were all confusing and rage-filled. Our hero was feeling more impressed and inquisitive.

"Father? That's your name? Your title?" Scruffy asked, deciding to play it neutral.

"'Father' is my unofficial title. It's what I've come to mean to the people of the Institute. Just as… you mean to your son. To Shaun," Father replied, getting weirdly emotional.

"Cool," Scruffy responded, "Hey, if it's all the same to you, I'll just call you Science Daddy. Anyway, Science Daddy," Scruffy continued, picking a sarcastic dialogue option: "All we're missing are the teacups and white rabbit."

"Ah, levity. Excellent. A sure sign you adapt quickly to stressful environments," Father observed.

"Adapt? My whole life so far has been a stressful environment," Scruffy responded.

Father continued, saying, "I need you to realize this situation is far more complicated than you could have imagined. You have traveled very far and suffered a great deal to find your son. Well, your tenacity and dedication have been rewarded. It's good to finally meet you, after all this time. It's me. I am Shaun. I am your son."

"Oh damn! Nice twist, Todd Howard!" Scruffy exclaimed. He wasn't expecting his son to be the same age as him, but it made sense. After all, he fell asleep twice in the cryo chamber, and had no clue how much time had passed between Shaun's abduction and the present day…

This was great news! Previously, he thought his son might be a useless ten-year-old that he'd have to drag around on pointless escort missions. Nope, Shaun was actually a geriatric geek who looked like he could croak at any minute. Most excellent. It was all coming together…

"It's really you… after all this time…" Scruffy played the emotional reunion up, choosing the 'good guy' dialogue option for once. He just wanted to make nice with Science Daddy so he could help take over the Commonwealth. He aimlessly skipped the rest of the dialogue options, certain that this was all leading to some introductory quest.

Sure enough, Science Daddy asked Scruffy to meet all the divisional leaders of the Institute. Easy enough. He began to hard-jog around the massive underground complex, ignoring the passing scenery and sciencey denizens.

First up was Allie "I'm a filler character" Fillmore, head of… something unimportant, who Scruffy spoke to on the way to Bioscience. There, he met Clayton "I'm creepily chipper" Holdren, and took some time to admire the synthetic gorillas behind transparent walls. "Keeping a giant apex predator right next to you won't come back to bite you at all," Scruffy said as he hard-jogged his way out of the room.

Next, he strolled over to the SRB, Synth Retention Bureau. Yep, that's right folks, the Institute was so bad at keeping Synths in line that they devoted 25% of their real estate and staff just to kidnapping them back and wiping their memories to become robo-slaves again. If Scruffy were a more intelligent man, he would have noticed that and had something to say. Instead, he blissfully ran along and met Justin "I'm totally not the gestapo" Ayo, who immediately stated that he didn't trust Scruffy. "Of course you don't," Scruffy said, "You're totally the gestapo."

Finally, he went to Advanced Systems, where he met Madison Li. Now, if he had played Fallout 3, then he would have probably recognized her as a scientist crucial to restoring a kick-ass robot named Liberty Prime who helped defeat the Enclave.

Instead, he met Madison "I'm a frigid asshole" Li, who claimed she was way too busy and important to talk to Scruffy. Our hero watched her for a bit, and all she did was walk around and occasionally clack on a keyboard, entering nothing. Soooooo busy, Scruffy thought. He had half a thought to blow her head off, but instead leveraged his saintly patience and self-control. After all, the Institute looked like his ticket to becoming the overlord of Boston and the surrounding region. Couldn't make enemies just yet.

After sparing Dr. Li, the quest was done, and Scruffy got a Pip-Boy update to go talk to Father about a new quest. Finally! He was missing the surface and all the asses he got to kick up there.