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GRAVITATION
by Yih
"Love—is anterior to Life—
Posterior—to Death—
Initial of Creation, and
The Exponent of Earth—"
- Emily Dickinson
7. Lecture
Seattle 2008
Edward POV
Temptation, or as some vampires liked to call it human body count, had decreased quite a bit from the first day of class. I would say at least a 1/5th of the class had decided to not attend because there was the luxury of streaming video. I was here, though, waiting with trepidation for Bella to arrive.
Had it only been yesterday that I had met her?
Everything had changed for me. Yesterday had brought the epiphany that there might actually be someone in the world that I was interested in. I had always known there was probably someone, but knowing that there was someone was entirely different. The feeling was overwhelming and indescribable. I had thought about her obsessively all night, wondering what she was doing and if she was thinking about me.
I had also thought about what Alice had told me. "I think you should follow your heart."
She must have seen something in the future that was good between me and Bella. Why else would she tell me to follow my heart? I trusted Alice with my life and I would trust her with my heart. She would not lead me astray.
I looked at the clock. Lecture was about to begin, but she wasn't here yet. I had even placed my requisite bag on the chair next to mine, saving her a seat. I had never done that before. I stared at my bag on the chair, wanting her to appear instantly there but she didn't. I glanced at the front and back doors and she was nowhere to be found. Where was she?
I cringed when I heard the lecturer begin by introducing himself as the Course Director of Biochemistry. She wasn't coming. It was obvious. She wasn't the type to be late. She had been on time or even early yesterday. Why would she come anyway? The lectures were available by stream and it was a lot less challenging to watch the videos in the comfort of home away from the enticement here.
I sighed. It was just… I had hoped she would be interested enough in me to show up today. It was clear that I was the one far more fascinated with her. And, of course, I didn't even know if she was free to be with me. There was that other vampire she had left with yesterday. Maybe he was her mate. Maybe he was jealous and hadn't allowed her to come to class today because of me. So many maybes and all I wanted was some certainty.
Was it ludicrous to have the slimmest hope that she might return the interest I had for her?
"Good morning," said the sweet voice I had imagined saying much more inviting greetings than that last night. I whirled around and saw Bella standing there with a tote that I couldn't identify, although I'm sure Alice would know the brand, the style, and everything else about it. "Is that seat for me?"
I nodded and yanked my bag out of the chair. "Please sit."
She smiled at me and all my doubts disappeared and I was captivated. Bella lifted a finger to her lips, hush. She knew I was going to say something. There were many words that had been on the tip of my tongue when she effectively quieted me with that simple movement. I nodded and followed her gaze to the front of the room where the lecture was beginning in earnest.
I leaned back in my seat, somewhat paying attention to lecture but honestly concentrating far more on Bella than anything else. I had learned biochemistry many times before in college and while it was taught in a more clinical fashion in medical school – the essence of biochemistry did not change much. It would be easy enough to read through the syllabus once or twice before the exam, especially at the speed a vampire could read.
I slid my eyes toward Bella, wanting her to glance sideways at me and meet my eyes, but her concentration was at the professor and the lecture he was giving. I was jealous all of a sudden at the stupid human in the front of the room that was getting her undivided attention. I wanted her eyes to be on me; I wanted her to listen to me with rapt interest.
I was being completely foolish and petty.
More than ever I wished I could read her mind. Then I would know for certain if she was really paying attention to the lecture or if she was bored. If she was bored then I could lean over a little and whisper to her in a voice that no human ear could pick up. We could hold a complete conversation without anyone else's awareness – lost in our own little world.
But I couldn't read her mind and I could only assume that she was interested by the lecture and that she wouldn't like it if I interrupted. After all, she had hushed me with her finger. I stared ahead, my eyes fixed on the clock as it ticked away at the seconds. Time was moving so slowly, more so now than it had even before when I'd been waiting for her to come. When was class going to be over?
I kept staring at the clock, willing it to move faster – to speed ahead. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. The second hand moved at the same speed, going no faster and no slower. Finally, though the minute hand began to move, creeping up closer and closer to the end of lecture. I breathed a sigh of relief when the professor finished early. I eagerly fixated my gaze on Bella as she turned to me.
"I didn't know mind readers got bored," she remarked, her golden eyes were as astute as they were captivating. She had obviously noticed my agitation throughout the lecture and I was acutely embarrassed that I had been so transparent.
I cleared my throat unnecessarily. "I try not to pry too much into other minds." That was mostly true, except when curiosity got the better of me or when I wasn't concentrating and got far more information than I ever wanted.
She smiled and I felt it wash over me like the glow of the sun. "I must frustrate you."
"Why do you think that?" I asked, genuinely confused.
I didn't think she was frustrating at all. I thought she was fascinating. Maybe she had misinterpreted the way I kept looking at her for that instead of interest. Could it be she was that dense and naïve?
She laughed and the sound was musical to my eyes. Bella tapped her finger against her temple and I had to laugh at how my mind had quickly gone the wrong direction, especially since I could no longer use my mindreading ability to steer myself in the right direction. It occurred to me more and more how much I relied on my special power to read and understand people. Now I only had my eyes and ears. It was frustrating!
My eyes were transfixed on her. She was insightful, I had known this from the very beginning and I was starting to realize that I was very much in her mercy. She had years and years of experience on me with reading people without the need of a supernatural ability – I was an open book for her, I imagined.
Did she know how infatuated with her I already was?
How much more infatuated I could get with some simple encouragement? It was terrifying how so very accurate Alice's description of love was… I had thought she was being overly dramatic about it, but she must have been speaking from personal experience. I knew the love Alice and Jasper shared. I knew of Emmett's and Rosalie's – especially of Carlisle's and Esme's.
Of course, now that I had the slimmest taste of it, of course love would hit you hard and knock the breath out of you.
"Are you going to keep staring at me like that?" Bella asked with wry amusement as I blinked my way out of thoughts to find her staring back at me with a similar intensity that I must have had on her.
"I…" I stammered. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude."
"I suppose I should apologize too," she murmured. "I was rude to stare at you and tease you."
I looked up and saw that she was smiling at me. I wanted more and more of that. I felt like I was being bathed in sunlight under her warm regard. Was I misinterpreting everything or was there really something in her eyes that made me think she was somewhat interested in me? Did she feel the same fascination? Was it possible? Maybe this was all a dream, but what a sweet dream it would be…
"Whenever you daze out like that," she said softly, her voice too low for a mere human to hear, "I wonder if it's possible that I am vulnerable."
My eyes refocused on hers. "No," I admitted, "I cannot here one word from your mind. You are entirely isolated from me. I have never met anyone I could not read before and I have never met anyone that could keep Alice out from finding out their future if she honestly wanted to."
"Alice?"
"My sister."
"Ah," she said, a dawning of remembrance in her eyes. "The girl from yesterday, the one who called you, she was shrieking on the phone because she couldn't see you."
"And you told me you were a shield because you trusted me."
She nodded. "It's just this feeling I have."
"I know," I said, because I understood that I would bare my entire soul to her if I only had the time. "I feel the same."
"Is it silly," she began, her eyes locked onto mine, "to feel this strongly when we barely know of each other?"
I shook my head slowly. "No. No."
I was trembling as we continued to stare at one another. I felt strangely exuberant at the fact that I was not going through this alone. She also felt the feelings I had. Maybe it was not as strong as mine were, but the fact she felt them! It was a godsend. It was more than I could have hoped for. I was intensely relieved and elated.
There was hope and more.
"Now if everyone will open up their syllabus to page 46, we will begin where I left off before the break…"
Bella lifted her finger to her lips again, hush! I was extremely, irrationally jealous when she turned away from me and directed her full attention at the professor. I wanted to continue our conversation. I wanted to grab her hand and drag her from this mundane lecture, but I couldn't. I could only watch her, sneaking gazes and peeks, when it wouldn't be too obvious. How could I deprive her from this when I could see the want of knowledge in her eyes?
She reminded me of Carlisle. I wondered who had been the inspiration to lead her in this direction. I wondered why she had decided on this difficult path. There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but I had to be patient. I should be patient. It wasn't like we lived only so many years.
We had eternity.
"I think you should follow your heart."
To be continued…
A/N: We finally get Edward's POV back and it's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry that it took so long to update, but I've been severely lacking inspiration and it was slow-going to keep the quality up when I didn't feel my muse wanting to be cooperative.
Please, please review and throw me suggestions, advice, whatever if you want this story to continue! I need all the help I can get! I'm on 90 story alerts and get nearly 500 hits per chapter, you guys can do better than 11 reviews, right? There's a challenge ^-^!
Now back to work on my other Bleach story…
Released: 3/24/2009