part two. More Fai. And also Kurogane.
I'm caught here in your gaze, unable to move because I'm more afraid of what's behind me. I don't know how I'll avoid you this time and the chances of succeeding are growing slimmer as you persist and my desire to stop fighting grows stronger. I'm getting weaker. I'm going to crack to, and I'm starting to realise that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it…
What I am is unpredictable, even to myself. I don't trust myself any more to stay safe away from you, not as I keep wanting to do otherwise. I'm edging too far into the danger zone, and now I can't get back out.
Oh, I would give so much to be able to properly hate you, or have no cause to evade you…
--
You're trembling, and yes, I can tell. Stop that. You're making things harder for both of us.
I'm burning to say something, shout it, shove into reality so that we can communicate and maybe fix what we've broken. I didn't mean to become your caretaker, but you left me choice. And what it means is that I have to push at your boundaries. I won't let you hesitate like this.
I will let you hate me, but if you don't make a decision soon, I'll make it for you. I know what I want, which is probably more than you can say. I don't think you know what you want. I don't think you've had any idea from the start. But it is or should be your choice to make. You're gonna live, and live with me around, or you're going to leave us all behind. You'll have to let me in or fail in your mission. I know you don't seek death, because your reason for joining us was to flee it. Could you ask for your own death? I don't think you're that strong.
You're saying something, and I am watching you because there is nothing else I can do until this is resolved and damn, you're getting on my nerves. I can tell your resistance is starting to fade, has been waning – but for what outcome is still a mystery. I know I shouldn't hurry the process…
But I can almost taste the realisation of a long-anticipated decision and I can almost taste the answer, and it's a far more bitter flavour than I've ever imagined you possessing.