Disclaimer: It's not mine.

I'm still not going to consider Audrey a threat. That would be like rewiring my whole brain, all because of my new possible wrong perception of her. Not going to happen. It's taken me long enough to get a decent brain as it is.

Nope, can't think about it like that.

Instead, I blearily follow Audrey out to the bigger part of the yard. I'm kind of scared by the fact that everyone is pretty much already here. Seriously.

I can't believe that Mum had this many children. And allowed all of them to procreate. This is ridiculous.

Obviously she never heard of protection!

Abstinence is the only real way!

I will have to remember to emphasize this to Lily when I give her talk on the birds and the bees. I'd tell James and Al, too, but that is so Harry's job. Good luck, my poor husband.

I'm more of a small brood kind of person myself. Seven kids would have probably done me in. James has already brought me close.

To tell you the truth, I'm kind of worried about when James will go to Hogwarts next year. I'm already planning the Howlers I'm going to have to send.

Oh, and our little secret: we're making bets. We're planning to bet on every single child, but the parents can't bet. But, at least Harry and I can bet on Fred! It's the closest to the number without going over, and I'm going to dominate. It's kind of awful of me to want my child to get in trouble but he is Fred's best mate, after all.

And Merlin knows that you can't stop fate.

George is sitting in a huge chair in the center of everyone. I'm not even sure how to describe the chair. It's this garish shade of red that clashes horribly with the Weasley hair, and sparkles on top of it. I'm not surprised that Fleur is shading her eyes with her hand.

But seriously, it's one hell of a monster chair. No wonder that George would bring it.

"What are you sitting on?" I hear Hermione ask him tiredly. I think she long ago gave up on actually regulating this party. In her mind, now, it's probably just not worth the effort.

I concur.

George pretty much just ignores her. I think that he thinks that her comment isn't even worth acknowledging, but the truth is that the entire bloody family would like the answer again.

Then again, I don't think George really has an answer for that. He's kind of random like that, enough that he doesn't even have an explanation for his actions.

He puts his wand to his throat, and everyone quiets for basically no reason.

"THE READING OF THIS YEAR'S STORY WILL NOW COMMENCE!"

He definitely just popped my eardrums. I will never be able to hear the same again.

"Harry James Potter was born on July 31, 1980 to Lily and James Potter..."

Blah, blah, blah.

Harry's cheeks are flushed a light red. Poor man.

Damn it, George! Did you really have to be so cruel?

The kids, sadly including ours, are hanging on to George's every word while the other grown-ups talk quietly, quite obviously bored out of their bloody minds. I married the man, but I don't really need to hear a huge description of his life. I mean I know all the important stuff.

"When he was twelve, the Chamber of Secrets was opened at Hogwarts. Actually, an interesting fact about this is that it was his wife who was opening the Chamber of Secrets."

Most of the kids just turn to stare at me. Teddy just looks at me with that cheeky grin, and I want to scowl at him. He is so in trouble, I will never let Harry take him on another godson-godfather trip.

"Auntie, what's the Chamber of Secrets?" Lucy asks curiously.

Uh oh.

They don't get the full story until they are about 11, so I can't really go into the whole story yet.

"Er, George, how about we commence with the story?" I say and look at him pleadingly.

"All right, dear sister." He coos at me, and Charlie chuckles.

Damn brothers.

"Also interesting about that year for romantic developments is the Valentine sent to Harry by Ginny Weasley, during Gilderoy Lockhart's time at the school. It read:

His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,
His hair is as dark as a blackboard.
I wish he was mine, he's really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord.

I want to die.

The kids all burst into laughter, and practically fall to the floor in what could be an amazing death act.

Except, it's a laugh. Thank Merlin.

"Did you really write that, Mum?" James howls, and I hold my head up high. I don't really know what to say to this, because I did.

Kind of.

With Fred and George putting ideas in my head, and cheering me on as I wrote it out. And then I threw it into the garbage.

And they took it and gave it to that damn dwarf. I don't think I have ever been so embarrassed, even counting this moment, than I was then. No joke.

Everyone laughs, and George keeps reading.

I'm not listening at all, I'm definitely just waiting for this to be over so that I can go find a good corner and curl up and cry about my stupidity. And how even my own children laugh at me.

Then all of a sudden, I come back.

"And in Harry's sixth year, he was forced to serve detention with Professor Severus Snape-"

"That greasy old git?" Fred sneers, and I see Harry turn to ice.

"That 'greasy git'," Harry says quietly, but audibly, "was the bravest man I have ever known."

Everyone stops laughing, and Harry just stares straight ahead, lost in the memories.

I'm not sure what he's thinking about, but I'm pretty sure it's not about daisies and roses. Actually, I think it's about lilies.

"Er, I'm just gonna keep reading..." George says quickly. "Because of these detentions, he missed the final Quidditch match of the year. When he had to go back to Gryffindor after serving his detention, he had no idea about the result of the game."

Harry snorted. "I had no bloody idea," he muttered to me, "no idea at all."

"Upon finding out the score of the game and Gryffindor's subsequent victory-"

"This sounds like a bloody textbook," Teddy mutters, and Victoire slaps him. Good girl.

"Miss Weasley rushed him, and he swept her off her feet and snogged her in front of the entire House." George finishes with aplomb.

I never thought that this would actually be in a book about Harry's life.

Damn, damn, damn.

Bill, Charlie, and Percy are glaring at Harry. Oh Merlin.

"You actually snogged her in front of everyone?" Charlie whispers menacingly.

George is still reading, and the kids are still listening avidly. I know he's listening to us though, by the devious expression on his face. He totally had this planned the whole time.

"Harry, this could have ruined your whole political future!" Percy exclaims. He would be worried about that.

"What can I say?" Harry grins good-naturedly. "Your sister is gorgeous."

"I can't believe you just said that," Bill mutters. "Please forgive me, Merlin, for vomiting on your green earth."

Fleur huffs. "I think it is sweet, that he loves her enough to kiss her in front of everyone!"

"I thought that was what a wedding was for," Bill says with a shrug.

They all join into an argument on the whole Ginny-kissed-Harry-in-front-of-everyone-and-shouldn't-that-be-the-point-of-the-weddong thing, and Harry grabs my arm and pulls me away from them.

"You want to leave?" He asks.

"Of course," I say with a roll of my eyes.

"Okay, come with me."

"What are we going to do?"

"Your mum wants us to degnome the garden while we're here, and she said that she would send the kids on later to give us a hand."

"Okay," I agree, and it is okay because, cliché as it sounds, I trust Harry to take me places.

Told you it was cheesy.

AN

Thank you very much to those of you that take the time to review! I read every single one, but I often don't reply, just because I think you'd rather I spent my computer time writing, right? :P Okay, updates may be even more erratic than usual, as I have exams, homework, coaching, tutoring, and volunteering, not to mention eating, sleeping, and school. So, forgiveness? Please review, as they really do inspire me!