Chapter 3: Consuming
"Guys!! Let's go sit in there!!" Demyx excitedly pulled open the transparent door, pointing with his other hand at the purple slide on the other side. He held open the door for Xemnas and Marluxia, who walked through without thanking him.
"Hey, good idea, Demyx! We'll have an area all to ourselves!" Axel complimented. He walked into the empty kiddy room, holding his paper bag of food and carrying a red tray, covered in nothing but little ketchup packages.
"Look! I'm German!" Said Vexen eagerly as he rushed up to Demyx, modeling his new samurai hairdo, which he had constructed for himself by using the aid of straws.
"Argh!!"
Demyx curiously leaned forward in order to peek around Vexen, and laid eyes on Xigbar, who was struggling to keep his grip on the tray he was holding. On it sat everyone's drinks and three bags of food, while he was desperately clutching another bad in his arms, along with all five of his baked potatoes, and Axel's box of warm apple pie. Vexen took a step back and cautiously approached Xigbar.
(A/N: PFFFT! APPROACH!!! What a GREAT FUNNY WORD!!! Approach!!! APPROACH!!!! It's almost as great and funny as "CHOKE"! Wow!!)
"Do you need some help?" He asked in a surprising tone of concern. Xigbar nodded, still scowling.
"That'd be nice, yeah." He replied as he tried to re-hoist he tray by balancing it on his knee. Vexen smiled kindly, turned his back to Xigbar, and walked away, straight through the door Demyx was still holding open. Demyx dropped his jaw in devastation.
"Never mind, Demyx. Just give me a hand." Demyx rushed over to Xigbar and he dumped the baked potatoes into his outstretched arms. With a touch of difficulty and some teamwork, the two were able to re-open the door and reach their spot. Demyx relaxed and allowed the potatoes to tumble out of his arms and across the table.
"Whew!" He sighed in relief.
"Oh, thank goodness. I was afraid you two tripped and decapitated yourselves or something. Though it wouldn't be much of a loss." Marluxia commented, smirking cruelly. Demyx crossed his arms and made a pouty face, unimpressed.
"Yeah, well, I'd retaliate by punching you in the head, but I don't hit girls." Said Xigbar as he seated himself and pulled one of his baked potatoes towards him. Demyx and Axel threw their heads back and laughed, and even Xemnas gave a chuckle, but Marluxia looked highly offended. He contorted his face, trying to come up with an acceptable comeback. While he thought, the laughter died down. Marluxia was about to open his mouth to retaliate when Vexen let loose a high pitched shriek of laughter, a moment too late.
Everyone stared at him, but he continued to stare straight ahead, emotionless. Marluxia cleared his throat, demanding attention.
"At least I am not a disgusting caveman drenched in stink. I know how to arrange flowers, like a real man." He attempted, sadly. Nobody laughed. No one even seemed to notice he had said anything, as they were all beginning to dig into their meals. All except Vexen, who immediately unleashed another shrill wail of laughter.
"Hey, what's this purple guy's name?" Asked Axel randomly, twisting in his seat to indicate to the Gremice shaped kiddy chair he was sitting in. Demyx suddenly gasped and squeaked, yanking something plastic out of his Happy Meal bag.
"Look!" He said excitedly, tearing the package open. "It's Sora!!" He proudly held up the little plastic Sora toy for all to see, and everyone leaned in for a closer look. There was a short silence.
"No...way..." Said Axel. "They have...Kingdom Hearts...toys." He gaped, open mouthed at the Sora. Demyx looked up from the square of directions.
"Look at this!" He twisted Sora's little arm, and sound emitted from it.
"Kingdom Hearts is...Light!!"
"All for one and one for all!!"
Xemnas reached over and tried to strangle the plastic Sora, while Demyx whined defensively. Without a word, Axel was out of his chair and on his way out of the kiddy room, wallet in hand. Nobody noticed except Xigbar, who did not hesitate to reach over and attempt to steal his abandoned pie. However, he failed miserably when the sleeve of his outstretched arm flopped into Axel's massive wad of ketchup.
"Eugh!" Realizing this, Xigbar quickly retracted his contaminated arm, accidentally toppling his Super-Sized Pepsi on the way.
"Oops!" Cried Demyx, although he did nothing wrong. Xigbar quickly tried to fix his clumsy mistake by picking up the paper cup as fast as possible, but it slipped out of his hand, as it was now very wet and slimy.
"Dang!" He stood up to reach the fallen drink and knocked the table with his pelvis, causing his half eaten baked potato to plummet off and all over his uniform black robe. Xigbar's eyes began to water and he automatically grabbed his crotch in pain. Demyx burst into fits of giggles.
"YOU HURT YOUR BALLS!" He wheezed through his laughter!
"Stupid table...trying to save the stupid...ow freaking pain." Xigbar mumbled in agony. Marluxia grinned spitefully as he arranged the strawberries in his salad.
Trying to distract himself from the throbbing, Xigbar snatched the stack napkins that sat in front of Xemnas and pathetically began to clean all the sour cream and sauce off of his clothes. Demyx wiped away his tears of laughter and began to watch the futile effort. Vexen's screeching laugh blared out again, but Xemnas bonked him on the top of the head with his fist, which quickly quieted him.
Just then, the door opened and in walked Axel, who returned to the table with his arms full.
"What have you got there, Hothead?" Inquired Marluxia as he carefully placed his tomato slices the exact same length apart on the surface of his salad. Axel glared out of the corner of his eye.
"Don't call me that, it's gross." He said, sitting down. He blinked. The flushed and angry Xigbar caught Axel's eye. "What happened to you?"
Demyx snorted again. "HE HURT HIS BALLS!" He roared, breaking into giggles all over again. Axel smirked, and Xigbar went even redder, treating Demyx to a sharp smack on the back of his head. "Ow..." He whimpered, wincing.
"Stop bickering." Snapped Xemnas as he took another chomp of his chicken burger. Axel responded by dropping his armful on the table with a clatter. Demyx's face lit up.
"More toys!" He exclaimed in excitement.
"Check this out!" Axel reached into the pile of plastic and pulled on package out. He ripped it open and eagerly yanked out a little figure... of himself.
A collective gasp could be heard around the group of villains. An ear to ear grin cracked over Axel's face.
"Ha! SEXY!" He said. Babbling broke out around the table as Demyx and Xemnas grabbed at the toys.
"Hey, Boss, why so interested? I thought you think toys are for sissies!" Asked Xigbar, shooting Demyx a smug glance.
"I'm ignoring you Xigbar." He said without looking at him. "And I'm not a sissy. You're a sissy."
Xemnas didn't answer, but continued to dig frantically, muttering.
"...Donald...Goofy, Kairi...What's that? Riku!...A Roxas toy?? What does Roxas ever do...?..." He slumped back in his seat, staring at the heap of toys.
"Wha's up?" Asked Axel through a mouthful of Big Mac. Xemnas took a deep, calming breath.
"Why," He said finally, "...is there a toy...of Axel...but not ONE OF ME!!????!!!" He exploded, spraying 7up all over the now empty toy packages. Demyx, who was sitting directly across from the raged Xemnas, shouted in surprise and shoved himself away from the table. Forgetting that the swiveling chairs were nailed to the ground and therefore incapable of screeching backwards, Demyx pushed himself right off the side of it.
"Whoa!" He cried. Axel calmly stood up and walked o the other side of the kiddy room where it was safe. Marluxia, however, began to shriek.
"GRACIOUS!" He wailed, as he lifted his perfectly arranged Caesar salad away from the table in a panic. Vexen was sitting still, politely looking at Xemnas, who was now red with anger. A bubble of darkness was starting to spread around the pile of toys, about to engulf them and send them into oblivion.
Realizing this, Axel's eyes widened and he rushed back to the table to save his innocent (but cheap) toys from Xemnas' wrath. The blob of dark power was growing larger and larger, and the Superior was beginning to crack an evil grin.
Axel grabbed the side of the table and tipped it to one side, sending all the toys slipping across it, away from Xemnas and straight towards Xigbar. But that wasn't the only thing. As Xemnas let out a roar of defeat, Xigbar's second baked potato, which was drenched in three different sauces and mountains of sour cream, teetered, as if in slow motion, on the edge of the table, and landed splat in his lap.
Everyone went very quiet, and stared from Axel, to Xemnas, then to Xigbar.
"Oops." Said Axel in a very unapologetic tone. He gave Demyx a hand up off the floor and casually reseated himself in his Gremice chair. Xigbar's face contorted with frustration. Grinding his teeth and clamping his uncovered eye shut, he stood up, allowing the ruined potato to flop to the ground with a soggy slap. Leaving everything behind, he walked around the table and out the door.
"Where's he going?" Inquired Marluxia disapprovingly, replacing his beautiful salad on the table.
"Probably to the bathroom, to clean up." Replied Xemnas calmly, and he continued to munch on his fries as if nothing had happened.
"Or to drown himself in a toilet." Suggested Axel.
"Vexen?" Said Demyx curiously. "Why aren't you eating your Filet-O-Fish?"
Vexen sneered at Demyx as if he was a stupid idiot. "I cannot." He said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Demyx lowered his head and took a sip of his milkshake.
"Oh...Okay." He said, feeling dumb.
"SUPERIOR!" Yelled Vexen in a very demanding tone. Marluxia glared at him for making noise and Demyx jumped and started choking.
(A/N: THERE IT IS!! CHOKE!!!!!!!)
Xemnas slowly looked over at Vexen.
"Yes?" He asked in a tone that clearly suggested that he was bothering him. Vexen clicked his teeth together in a biting gesture.
"Can you chew my fish for me?"
At that moment, the kiddy room door opened gently and in walked Xigbar, still covered in food.
"You missed a spot." Axel pointed out obviously. Xigbar looked at him and smiled, which shocked Axel so much that he nearly dropping his box of fries. He stared at him in wonder.
"What's with you? It is a beautiful day, why do you look so constipated?" Xigbar said. He patted Axel on the head and sat down, looking genuinely happy. Everyone else, however, looked terrified.
As Xigbar helped himself to a third potato, a mangled, smashed toilet in the men's washroom spurted a steady stream of water all over the floor.
(A/N: Hey, so that's all I have down so far! Chapter 4 is just getting started, so I'm hoping to have it up soon! I'm also hoping that I set up the story right on here, and that it worked. If there's anything I need to fix when it comes to that, please tell me about it and I'll do my best to make it better! I won't say no to any reviews either, all are welcome! Okay, I'm gonna go work on chapter 4 now, so I hope you are enjoying it so far!)