Distance
A/N: The first part of this chapter doesn't give much to the story line from Sora's POV might be kind of confusing. It's mainly his thoughts on how to fix what's going with his darkness and all… If it confuses anyone let me know and I'll try to clear it up somehow… The italicized parts that are centered are phrases from the song "Saving Me" by Nickelback.
Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the characters… If I did, Nickelback would come back to Dallas again this summer!!!!
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"I'll never leave you again Kai, I promise…"
And yet… he had left, in all senses of the word he had left. Maybe not physically… but emotionally, Sora was gone…
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As Sora lay on the sofa that night, Kairi's limp body cushioned against his chest, his arms wrapped around her slender waist protectively, the dim glow of the fire light warming his face, he couldn't help but wonder…
"Why is this happening to me…" he whispered to no one in particular, voice cracking from lack of sleep. So much weight to bear on young shoulders… the burden of saving the world… but who was going to save him…
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Say it for me, Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
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Light. Obviously, it was his escape from darkness. His only savior from being swallowed entirely by the darkness eating away at his heart… But what is light?
Sora shuddered as the shadow's words invaded his thoughts… Once she's out of the picture, there will be nothing hindering you from succumbing completely to darkness.
"Kairi…" he whispered hoarsely as he tightened his grip around her sleeping form. Kairi was his light, she always had been… Being a Princess of Heart, she had no darkness in her heart… Only light. Pure and clean light. Untainted and innocent.
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All I need is you,
Come please I'm calling
And oh, I scream for you,
Hurry I'm falling
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The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes… He had never understood those mysterious words spoken over two and half years ago by unseen lips. Until now, they had never made sense. Until now…
The closer he was to Kairi… the more dangerous his darkness became… The closer he was to her, the more dangerous he became. Although, if he left, her demise was inevitable… Nothing would stop his shadow from destroying her, and that was something he would never let happen.
So distance… distance was his only option. Close enough to keep a watchful eye on her without endangering her. Distance would save her from himself.
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Kairi groaned into the pillow she was sleeping on, the morning light shining through the small windows warming her skin. The soft fabric of the sofa cushioning her as she wearily opened her eyes. She clutched the side of the sofa as she sat up, her mind fuzzy, unable to recall when and how she got here. The last thing she remembered was Riku… Riku was talking to Sora…
"Sora!" she gasped as she frantically surveyed the room, sadly acknowledging her solitude. "No… No no no no..." she moaned as she hauled herself to her feet, stumbling and woozy. Her head spun and she grabbed at her temples in an effort to stop the room from spinning."He must be here… he can't be gone…"
Her eyes widened as she felt the dry blood crusted at her hairline and her hands slid down the sides of her neck, fingers grazing across cotton bandaging taped to the front of her throat. "Wha…" she frantically pulled at the dressing. Tears pooled at the corners of her cerulean eyes as she fingered the clean shallow cut.
Shallow breaths struggled to fill her lungs as she reeled in pain, her knees weak, her brow sweaty. She clutched the sofa arm next to her, digging her fingernails into the plush fabric, trying to ward off the blackness of unconsciousness threatening the corners of her vision.
"Kairi!"
As her vision faded, she felt strong arms support her back into the sofa. Her head light, her legs weak, she relaxed into the cushions, grateful for their comfort.
"Here, drink this…"
She scowled at the bitter liquid invading her lips, but drank it eagerly, anxious for the effects of the potion to ground her back to reality. As the pain and dizziness subsided she felt cool hands brushing the hair from her face. She opened her eyes… clear blue meeting concerned aquamarine.
"Riku…" she smiled weakly. "Thanks."
"Kai, just relax. I'm going to go get a cool cloth, you're burning up." As he turned to retrieve said cloth, she grabbed at his shirt desperately.
"Sora… Where's Sora?" she stared at him, her face distorted in apprehension, pleading with Riku.
He sighed and sat on the sofa beside her. His expression hidden behind a mass of silver as he struggled with words… "Kairi…"
"Riku?" she felt tears pooling in her eyes and let them slide down her cheeks. Her voice shaky, "Riku… where is he? Tell me."
"Kairi, he's here… but…" Riku hated the words he knew he had to say. Hated how they sounded in his head, how they felt on his tongue, and how he knew they would cut her. He hated having to break her heart… but he had no choice, he had promised Sora…. As he looked at her pleading eyes, he closed his, "He… he doesn't want to see you."
"Wha…" Kairi swallowed the lump in her throat, "What do you mean he doesn't want to see me?"
Riku ran his fingers through his hair as he stood up, "Kairi… he just… he needs… he…" Riku sighed, he had never been one at a loss for words. But when it came to breaking Kairi's heart, he couldn't find the words to do it… Suddenly, he bent down and wrapped her into a fierce hug, "Kai, just forget about him. Okay? He… he has duties he can't ignore," he whispered softly into her hair, wishing he could take the pain he knew she was feeling and burden his own heart with it. "He just doesn't want to see you…" he repeated. "He… he…. He doesn't love you…" Riku's voice was barely audible, barely above whisper. Yet they rang in Kairi's eardrums as if he had shouted them.
Kairi felt numb. Unable to feel the warmth of the wet hot tears trailing down her face and soaking into Riku's shirt. "I don't believe you," she whispered hoarsely, barely audible if Riku's ear hadn't been so close to her mouth. Suddenly his embrace felt imprisoning, trapping her from Sora, keeping her from him. Her face anguished with pain, she pushed against his chest forcefully, "I don't believe you!" she said vehemently as Riku stumbled backwards, shocked. "You're lying Riku… Where is he?! Where is Sora?!" he voice raising with each syllable until she was shouting, tears still streaming down her face, her body shaking, her heart breaking.
Riku slowly shook his head, "Kairi…"
"WHERE IS HE??!"
Riku slowly met her fierce azure glare and as she saw the sorrow veiled in his eyes, her face softened. "Kairi… he's with Merlin at the Bailey. Training…"
Before he could stop her, Kairi was sprinting out the front door, leaving a trail of tears in her wake.
Riku sighed as he sank into the chair behind him, "Sora… try to make it easy on her…"
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"N-now Sora… T-to use Darkness as a weapon you have to be careful… Who is controlling who? Eh?" Merlin stuttered as Sora tried his best to concentrate on what the old wizard was teaching. Obviously it was important, but his mind kept going back to Kairi…
"S-Sora? My boy! Are you listening?"
"Huh? Oh yeah… Sorry… Um… so to tap into darkness I have to keep my light separate… so I don't get swallowed?" Sora replied. My light… Kairi…
"Yes! T-that's it! We must work on putting up a barrier in your heart. So to keep your light in your heart safe from the darkness in your heart…"
"A barrier…" Sora repeated sadly. "To keep my light safe…"
"Riku should be of great help in building a barrier in your heart, since he has done the same once before in his own heart..." Merlin reasoned, more to himself than to Sora as he paced back and forth gesturing wildly.
Sora nodded as he remembered his conversation with Riku only an hour ago…
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"Riku… I need to talk you…." Sora carefully situated Kairi back onto the sofa as he eased out from behind her, his eyes sore with lack of sleep, his muscles stiff from supporting her for the past few hours. The morning sun beaming through the small windows revealed the sunrise outside, not long until the shops would open in the market.
Riku nodded as he followed Sora outside quietly, careful not to wake the sleeping princess. "What's up Sora?" he finally asked when they made it outside.
"Riku…" Sora nervously rubbed at the back of his neck. "I need… I need you to lie… to Kairi."
Riku couldn't hide the confusion in his brow as he stared at his best friend. "What are you talking about Sora?"
"The only way to keep Kairi safe is for me to leave… But if I leave my shadow will surely kill her… So…" Sora sighed, unbelieving the words he was about to say. "I need you to tell Kairi that… that I don't love her."
"What? Are you sure?" Riku couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"It's the only way… I have to distance myself from her. I can't do that without breaking her heart… and I can't bear to tell her myself." Tears pooled in the corners of his eyes and he whipped at them furiously. "It's the only way…" He repeated softly. The aching in his chest was immense, his heart stiffly beating in a painful slow rhythm… Who would have thought that a broken heart literally hurt…
Riku nodded sadly as he put a reassuring hand on Sora's shoulder. "Sora, you know I'll do anything you need me to… But this isn't going to be easy..."
"I know…" Sora responded quietly.
"…on either of you." Riku finished as he squeezed Sora's shoulder. "I'm sorry man…"
"Me too…" Sora sighed as he started walking towards the bailey. "I'm going to meet Merlin, I need to talk to him about some training… You should go to the market and get some more potions for Kairi."
Riku nodded as he started towards the market streets.
"Riku?" Sora stopped without turning around. His shoulders were shaking and although Riku couldn't see the tears, he could hear them in Sora's voice. "I love her… you know?" his voice cracked and his head hung low.
"I know man…" Riku replied as he stared at Sora's back. "I know…"
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"…so I think for n-now we just need to work on some of your magic. Until we have R-Riku here to help, that is."
Sora nodded, "Yeah… okay…"
"My boy… are you alright?" Merlin asked, "You seem a million miles away."
Sora shook his head, trying to refocus. "Yeah, yeah… I'm fine," he answered as he put on his best fake smile. Which would have been much more convincing if it weren't for a certain Princess of Heart sprinting towards him, an air of sorrow surrounding her, her face plastered with tears.
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A/N: Sora's an idiot… (sigh) REVIEW!!!