Delta of Voyager

Q Struts His Stuff...with Mistress Janeway?

Rated: M

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Q materialized on the bridge of Voyager dressed as a Philadelphia Mummer. A large resplendent fantail, replete with gaudy painted peacock feathers, decked his back and jutted in all directions. The rest of his attire was less tasteful. The sequins and the rhinestone studs of his multi-colored suit would have challenged the delicate sensibilities of Elvis and the refined elegance of Liberace. Vegas would have been mildly embarrassed but would have hired him as an attraction in Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum.

With a banjo in hand, jingle bells on his wrists and a set of pipe bells suspended to the side, he threatened to make not-good sounds. Jangly tones struck the air as he walked; he triggered cymbals strapped to his legs further adding to the studied cacophony of both sight and sound.

He always hoped his pranks would get a rise from the prim Captain and her stalwart crew. Perhaps he could goad Janeway into yelling at him for some trifle. Normally just by showing up he caused a cascade of "Alerts" and "We learned about you at Starfleet," and other goodies that suggested they were in a tizzy. He just lived for that!

"Ta da! 'Oh, those Golden Slippers! Oh, those…'" he sang annoyingly as he strummed the banjo.

When he opened his eyes, another type of crew surrounded him. The bridge lay strewn with naked and lingerie-clad bodies in various states of ecstasy and bondage. Torres was fondling Janeway as the Captain turned her attentions toward Lon Suder who in turn stroked Tuvok.

"Did I arrive at a bad time?"

Janeway was the first to become aware of the visitor as she climaxed loudly under B'Elanna's attentions.

"Q!" Janeway husked, "I have been…mmm…thinking about you. Quite a lot, actually."

"Oh, really?" he said as he further took in the scene. "I bet you have, my dear. I trust it has all been good thoughts this time."

"Oh, yes, mmm, yes. Very, very good thoughts." she moaned, licking her lips.

She managed to leave her manage au too-many and walk toward him. The black patent leather of her corset squeaked when she slinked nearer to him. She carried a riding crop, decorated with black feathers, which she welded with purpose and swished through the air.

"Captain, are you out of uniform, or has Starfleet finally owned up to its true nature?""Have you been a bad boy again, Q?" She snapped the crop on a railing.

It was Q's turn to be stunned as the once proper lady draped herself around him like a cheap whore.

"Ah, Kathy, my dear, this is so sudden," he smirked. "If I'd have known the way you felt, I would have brought some whips and chains."

"Good idea," she breathed as she nuzzled his neck, puffing out the feathers that were getting into her mouth. "Somebody, replicate some more hand cuffs for me."

"As…much…as I…I would like…to…" he tried as she mauled him. He carefully peeled her away from himself but struggled against her persistence. "As much as I would like to give in to your wishes, dear lady, I would prefer it if you were in…uh…when you are more…yourself."

"This is all me, Q!" she insisted.

"Right. Say, where's that big lummox of a First Officer?" Q asked scanning the writhing crowd. "Shouldn't he be first in line? Or have you finally devoured that poor man."

She hesitated for a moment, thinking of Chakotay but then lost herself again. Something twinged in her heart for a split second and then it was gone.

"Join us, Q." she invited breathily. "Have you ever made love to a human before?"

Had she been in her right mind he would have leapt at the opportunity but he did not want her this way. Someone had been meddling with his humans and he did not like it. If anyone were going to mess with the crew of Voyager, it would be Q, thank you very much!

Q snapped his fingers and his glistening parade garb morphed into the brown robes of a Trappist monk.

"I'm sorry my dear," he said melodramatically, placing a hand on his forehead, "but I've taken a vow of celibacy."

"I like that, Q." she cooed. "I've never seduced a man of the cloth before."

"That's it!" he said with disdain. "I'm going to get to the bottom of this!"

"Yes, my bottom is ready, Mistress," said Harry who turned to a very willing Vorik.

Q found his lips on Kathryn's, her scent making him giddy. His hands glided over her body, the feel of her garment was cool and slick to the touch. He began untying her corset when he realized that he too was being drawn into this web. How could he be influenced by the nonsense that had swept his pets away?

He pulled back puzzled. "What is going on here?" he said to no one in particular. He looked up on the screen and saw planet C'ar'nolee lolling innocently in the Universe.

"I don't believe it!" Q said ruefully. "In all the Quadrants, in all the Galaxies and those idiots have to show up in mine!"

"Let's go to the Holodeck!" Janeway barked to everyone. "That's an order!"

"I'll join you in a bit, m'dear," Q told her, "I've got some business to attend to first."

"See that you do, Q!" Janeway said in a husky tone as she snapped her whip. "I'm not the only one who wants you."

"Great," Q grumbled. "Q the omnipotent passaround."

tbc...