A/N: I apologize for this fic that I just made. I was kind of sick with the music video of "Telephone" by Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce and so, a plot bunny showed up. It was a cute bunny, but an evil one. You see, the bunny discovered my love for Rolanda Hooch and the bunny really wants me to be mad-- crazy type of mad. He wanted me to make a parody of the exact music video with McHooch! I said, "No, I will not follow your fluffiness! Must-resist- femmeslash-ideas...ARG!" Now that I made this as an SSRH, I'm not even sure of how I should've rated it... The mental images of Alan Rickman calming and soothing down a furious Zoe Wanamaker's making me say, "Awww! How sweet!" That's why they're a bit OOC here. :)
Please share me what you think about this by reviewing! :) I'll appreciate it very much! :)
Stop Patronus-ing me!
Rolanda was busy coaching a group of Ravenclaws practicing for the finals on the Interhouse Quidditch Cup. A very distressed-looking owl emerged out of nowhere and hooted at her. She was very focused now that one of her students almost fell off the broom during practice. She just ignored the owl as it continued hooting. And then it bit her!
"Ouch!" She accidentally jinxed the owl out of its wits and was now on the ground. Out of anger, she just left the owl on the floor.
Moments later, a silver doe appeared to be approaching her… Now she knows who sent the bloody owl.
"Hello, hello Sevvie
You owled, I can't read a thing
I have lots of players for the cup, you see, see
Wha-Wha-What did you say?
Oh, the Dark Lord's after me?
Sorry I can't read it
I'm kinda busy
k-kinda busy
k-kinda busy
Sorry I cannot read it I'm kinda busy…"
Three days later… Day of the finals. And it seems that the owl and the doe were determined to approach her even if she was clearly busy refereeing the game.
"Just a second
The kids, they're gonna play
And I cannot floo you here
In the pitch, eh
You shoulda made some plans with me
You knew that I was free
And now you won't stop owling me;
I'm kinda busy"
Now, the Quidditch mistress lost it.
"Stop owling, stop howling
I don't wanna read anymore!
I left my quill and parchment in the staffroom!
Stop owling, stop howling
I don't wanna hear anymore!
I'll hit you with my broom in your dungeon!
Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh
Stop patronus-ing me!
Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh
I'm busy
Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh
Stop patronus-ing me!
Can owl all you want
But there's no one home
And you're not gonna send your patronus
Out on the pitch
And I'm flying on my broom
And you're not gonna send your patronus
Owl all you want
But there's no one home
And you're not gonna send your patronus
Out in the pitch
And I'm slapping some bitch
And you're not gonna send your patronus!"
Rolanda was quietly walking with Minerva to the dungeons.
"You're a very bad witch. A very, very bad witch Rolanda."
"Oh, shut up Minerva!" She then slowly stepped near the entrance to Severus' chamber. "You sure you want me to do this?"
"What do you mean I'm sure?"
"You know what they say. Once a death eater, always a death eater."
"You know, Ro? Severus is like a bludger—it hits you when you least expect it."
"That doesn't even make sense."
"Ju-just do it. Or I'll tell Albus—"
"Alright, alright! Sheesh. I hate you, Min."
"Don't forget the green boxers." Minerva made an evil grin. Really, is she able to do that?
"You're gonna regret the day you were born."
"Oh really? You want me to tell the whole staff about the laxative you added in the pu—"
"You wouldn't."
"Try me". Arg! Point, Minerva.
"Gah! I curse the day you and Albus got married."
"Hey old bat! Let's get this over with!"
Severus jerked from his couch as he heard Rolanda's voice.
"What the bloody hell are you doing in here?" He said with a very confused face.
"Minerva told me to ask you what you wanted from me." She said through gritted teeth.
"She what?"
"She asked me" She studied his chamber and saw that I hadn't changed since she last entered it, " to ask your highness what was making his butt itch that much to interrupt me with the game earlier!"
"Oh, that. Well, I needed to talk to you about the last match between my Slytherins versus those cheating Gryffindor."
"Was that it?" She can't believe that was all he wanted to tell her.
"Yes."
"You git! You sent your girly patronus just so that you could talk your way into considering your house to be the one in the finals instead of Gryffindor." And with that, she lost it again. She was as livid as ever.
"Correct." Wait, is Snape doing puppy-dog eyes? Her vision must be deceiving her. "Please, calm down." He stood and placed an arm on her back as he leaned closer. He rubbed her back as he tried to sooth her and evaded her fury. He sure knows how to calm a flight instructor when they're raging!
After a very long hugging and rubbing and soothing and other fluffiness, Rolanda felt sorry for snapping at her Dungeon King.
"Theway you blowin'up my thread won't make me leave no faster,
put my cloak on faster, leave the kids no faster
I shoulda hexed your owl and doe
'cause they caused all my anger
They were worse than Dementors
Sorry, I didn't answer"
If you would look closely at Severus's lips, you could notice how it curls up much than how he smug. Yes, that is how he smiles, privately. He lowered his face at her with that look on his face and amber eyes met onyx.
"Not that I don't like you; I was the referee
And I was sick and tired of the owl and doey
Sometimes I feel like I'm worse than Neville's potions
Tonight I'm takin no owls cause I'll be howlin'"
She placed her arms on his shoulders as she slipped her fingers through his not-really-greasy hair. She made her cheekiest grin, her eyes fluttering. And by that, he got what she meant by 'howling'. Thank goodness, she's now in the mood.
"Cause I'll be howlin
Cause I'll be howlin
Tonight I'm takin no owls cause I'll be howlin"
So, how did it go? Did you like it? Was it confusing? Was it terrible? I tried making it as funny and as funny as I could though. I hope it pleased you a little. :) Don't forget to leave a review!
Love, Anjelica