Delta of VoyagerPart 15
Chakotay managed to escape the Captain's quarters. His limbs felt leaden as he reached his own room to take refuge. Before he fell asleep, he dutifully checked in with the senior staff. The ship was well out of danger and once he knew that fact, he allowed himself to lose consciousness.
When he woke, he felt a presence in his room.
"Welcome back, Chakotay." Paris said as he put a hypospray to Chakotay's neck. "Hold still."
"Wha..What was that?"
"Just some vitamins. And an aphrodisiac.
"What!?"
"I'm kidding, Chakotay! Don't you know me by now?"
Chakotay was visibly relieved. "You are insane!"
"Quite possibly. That's what B'Elanna always says."
"The ship? Who's at the helm?"
"What helm? Is someone supposed to be driving?"
"No more jokes!"
"Wouldn't dream of it. Harry's filling in for now and then we've got the usual rotation. Short shifts though. Everyone's run down."
"Where did Q put us?"
"We're in a stable orbit above a nice, uninhabited, primeval M Class planet with lots of oceans, lakes, rivers and rolling hills. Perfect for leisurely shore leaves. Tuvok started implementing shore leave—in an orderly fashion of course.
"Why are you sleeping alone?"
"You know why," Chakotay said more bitterly than he would have liked.
Paris winced at the retort. He deserved it. He did have a way of irking his new-found friend and it was not fair; Chakotay was in a weakened state and Paris knew that Chakotay might be getting an ice cold shoulder from someone he loved for a long time to come.
"Sorry."
"Where's the Captain?"
"On the bridge. Where else? She hasn't taken a break. Oh, she was micro-managing B'Elanna for a while, but she got tired of that and now Harry's on the hot seat. Seven's next. She stays out of Sickbay for the most part, just breezes by and sees us working on crew. She has always had a thing for holograms.
"Yes, I know. Don't remind me."
"I think she's just mad that the crew—you included—for doing such a great job getting us back to functional condition before we all had to collapse."
"I doubt that, very much. I'm sure she's proud of us all."
"You look at her through enhanced diffraction goggles, don't you?"
Chakotay argued with his aching limbs and finally won and pulled himself upright.
"Take it easy," Tom instructed.
"I'd better get up there and take some of the brunt of it."
"What if I gave you a medical excuse?"
Chakotay shook his head, "I can't. I've got to face her or I never will. Besides, behind every great woman…"
"Well, what if I gave you another excuse?" Tom asked tentatively, placing his hand on Chakotay's cheek.
Chakotay was caught up short as Tom kissed him. He pulled back.
"Tom, are you still...?"
"No, Chakotay. This is all me."
"But…I don't…what about B'Elanna?" Chakotay stammered.
"Don't you know how we both feel about you?" A familiar female voice sounded softly.
Chakotay realized that B'Elanna had been sitting quietly in the shadows.
"Hi." she said.
"Hi. B'Elanna? I…" Chakotay was shaking all over as the Engineer joined the pair. She tentatively touched his arm.
"Tom's offer, he told me, he..we meant it."
"I don't want sympathy!"
"God you're stubborn! Is that what you think this is?" Tom asked.
"Chakotay, for as long as I've known you," B'Elanna began, "I've had deep feelings for you. Feelings so deep I didn't really know until…until I made love to you."
"What? I can't believe what I'm hearing!"
"Alright, you think this is sympathy? Maybe that's true! I just can't stand to see you tortured by that woman!"
"Neither can I!" B'Elanna burst.
"You're not in your right minds! Neither of you!"
"Hey, calm down. This isn't a…We're not cornering you," Tom said in earnest. "It's up to you. There won't be any hard feelings if you don't want us."
"We would understand."
"I can't…after all we've been through, after what I've been through,"
"Carpe Diem!" Tom interjected. "Isn't that you all over?"
"Yes, it is. But…"
"What are you doing living in a vain hope that one day Janeway will change? That's not like you at all and it's killing you."
"She isn't worth your life, Chakotay!" B'Elanna interjected. "No one in the Universe is worth your life."
They had him dead to rights. His head was spinning. But, he could not do this now. They would have to give him enough time for him to 'Seize the Day', tomorrow.
He always had a love for B'Elanna. However, in the midst of all that was happening at the time, combined with Seska's seduction, he never acted. When she married Tom, it was bittersweet. The joy of seeing his friend happy with Tom and the pain of thinking that she was gone forever.
"Chakotay, why don't you go do what you have to do. B'Elanna and I have some of our own duties to perform. Maybe we can all have dinner later, and…"
"Discuss it, or just…just have dinner. Nothing more" B'Elanna interjected, hoping to ease any pressure.
"I'm still, reeling from… you know, what we've all we've endured," he told them frankly. He had not begun to recover from this past episode. He had to get his bearings. He did know, in any case, he had developed a new relationship with Tom. He did not want to lose that.
Sensing Chakotay's confusion and ambivalence Tom said, "We really care about you, Chakotay. I think you should know that."
"Thank you. Thank you both, I mean it. But I need some time before I…"
"Do anything stupid?" B'Elanna chimed in with a smile. "Or something you'll regret."
"Give me some time."
"You've got it." Tom smiled. "We hope to see you later."
"Tom, I really value the friendship we've developed. You and I kept each other at arms length for so long. It's good to know what kind of person you really are."
"Same here!" Tom smiled.
The couple left, looking after Chakotay with affection that he could sense from across the room.
He laid back on his bed for a moment and exhaled. Before he could accept, he had to know just where he stood with Kathryn. That was a pitiful show when they last spoke to one another. This time he must confront her, once and for all.
He thought it was a forlorn hope, that maybe she would change, but then sometimes a futile hope could sustain him.