Delta of Voyager
Part 16 or somethin'—Good grief! I'm long winded!
Over the next days the ship slowly returned to some semblance of normalcy. Most crew members shyly averted eyes from each other and spoke to one another in only short, professional sentences.
Neelix had planned several get-togethers but only the bravest crew managed to go. Seven and the Doctor kept from each others' paths, the embarrassment they each felt drove a wedge between even the briefest accidental encounters. Harry was hiding his quarters, only emerging to tend to his duties. That was to name only a few of the crew.
Chakotay was in his quarters, looking over reports and making up a duty roster for the next few days. His mind wandered to the situation with the crew. He was very much a part of it. He too had been avoiding many of the men and women he had been with. He felt deep regret and shame over his behavior.
It took him awhile before he could face it, but he finally reviewed the flight recorder and traced his many dalliances. He skipped over the details; he remembered them all, unfortunately. Neelix, Ayala, Megan and her sister, The Doctor, Harry several other ensigns. He was particularly ashamed of liaisons like those. He found himself caught up in other encounters, such as with Kathryn. He forced himself to go through those more quickly than he would have liked. It was incredibly tempting to linger, to savor those moments, though he would relive it all in his memories.
He knew that everyone on board was in the same situation and feeling the way he was. It would help him to help others recover, if he could get a handle on it all.
Counseling session occurred occasionally. An outright order to submit to counseling was not the correct approach. Even Janeway knew that.
Kathryn. The woman who he wanted to speak to the most, was the most distant. She bore her shame of her behavior more keenly than anyone, often hiding in her quarters or damming herself behind privacy settings in her Ready Room. When all the necessary work was done, she would allow herself this indulgence. As if anyone's behavior in during this was their fault.
Certainly, she had performed her duties to the ship and crew. Nothing had been neglected. She delegated, ordered, and organized, just as she always did.
"Computer. Where is Captain Janeway?"
"Captain Janeway is in the Ready Room."
"Good," he thought. For once, she was not isolated in her quarters.
He had been putting it off long enough. He had tried to see her alone several times before, but she refused to discuss anything other than ship's functions and duty assignments with him. She would surround herself with crewmembers, Tuvok, anyone that she knew he did not want to share his private thoughts with.
This time, he would not take no for an answer. It had to be done if he was ever going to have peace again.
This time she opened her door, startled at being caught alone.
"Commander," she greeted him with a strained official smile, sending frosty air his way.
He narrowed his eyes. The last time they had been alone together she was looking lovely and glowing after their lovemaking. It was a beautiful memory, one he would treasure. He knew now, just from her demeanor that it meant nothing to her. She was closing him out again.
"Captain, how are you?" Chakotay ventured.
"Much, better, thank you, Chakotay," she motioned to the chair in front of her desk. "Please, sit down. I have some things I'd like to go over. Tuvok, please report to my Ready Room."
"Belay that, Tuvok," he said boldly. "I have some things I would like to discuss with the Captain in private, please."
It was her turn to narrow her eyes.
"I do not appreciate that Chakotay," she said with annoyance and maybe a little fear. "I have some ship's business to go over and I would like Tuvok here.
So, she wanted to take a meeting with her senior Officers. How nice. And how proper.
"Now, is there a report on…"
"I didn't come here to talk about reports," he told her bluntly. "You know that."
That stopped her up short. "I see," she said as her manner changed to one of a warrior facing a fight long expected.
"Chakotay," she said, considering her next move, "I'm certain you understand the situation."
"I understand quite a lot from the mind meld we shared. It's not as if you can tell me that you don't feel the same way about me that I do about you."
"Commander, I…"
"Kathryn, I can't live this way."
She was trying to show him her usual veneer of control, but her eyes belied her emotions. Her defensives showed wear, broadcast by little twitches around her eyes and cheeks.
"I love you and I know you love me. That should be enough for us both!"
She stood and placed both fists on her desk as she stood. "You are going to have to leave this room, Commander."
"I won't!"
"That's an order!" she said, with her usual bluster.
"I refuse!"
"Very well. You are relieved of duty indefinitely. Commander Tuvok, to my Ready Room."
"Are you going to have me thrown into the brig, then? Has it come to that?"
"I will not have this issue interfering or interrupting the work flow of this ship or crew."
"'This issue'. Is this how the great Captain Janeway deals with her 'issues'?" he said, more calmly than he felt. "You can simply slam the door in the face of someone you love and who loves you?"
"Captain." Tuvok entered, surmising the situation. Janeway had already discussed this possibility with him.
"Commander Tuvok, you are now Acting First Officer. Chakotay has been relieved of duty and is confined to quarters until further notice. This is exactly what I was talking about, Chakotay. Liaisons between senior staff simply do not work!"
"Go ahead Tuvok. Obey your Mistress Janeway! I suppose nothing has changed from the way things were when the Toolanders came and she was acting the Queen Bee. She is simply wearing a Starfleet uniform instead of leather."
"You are out of line, Mister! Get out of my Ready Room!
"Commander Tuvok, please carry out my orders." she said, trying to look as if she cared about the PADD she was holding upside down.
"Yes, 'do it' Tuvok," Chakotay said bitterly, "I want this over with at last." Chakotay began toward the door, but Tuvok held him back. Chakotay was surprised enough to stop in his tracks.
Tuvok did not move. "Captain," he began, "under normal circumstances I would submit to your orders, however this situation requires some application of logic."
"Logic," Chakotay sniffed. "You know that humans are not logical beings. No matter how perfect and professional they believe they are being!"
"Commander, of that, I am keenly aware. I ask that you both hear me out. Shall I continue?"
Janeway did not object. Chakotay waited with anticipation.
"You may realize, as the instrument of your mind meld, I have gained a rare insight into your feelings, your 'hearts' as humans call it."
"I'm certain you did, Tuvok, however, this is all very inappropriate. Obey my order!"
"I'm sorry, Captain, but I would like to present you with some thoughts before I act on your behalf."
Tuvok had always provided her wise council; it was why she relied on him so much.
"Very well, Tuvok," she nodded. "Please be brief."
"As to logic, I see no logic when two people who love each other insist on living apart. I am not human but I understand that when 'love' is felt by humans it is as strong a driving force as the Vulcan Plak Tow, perhaps, in your case, it is even stronger."
"Tuvok, it is a terrible breech of protocol for me to carry about a love affair with a subordinate."
"I formally tender my resignation, 'Captain' "Chakotay spat, "I will no longer be your subordinate, nor will I ever be again!"
"That is perhaps one way to reconcile this issue, but then we would all lose Mr. Chakotay's abilities, leadership and rapport with the crew. You are also denying yourself his knowledge and experience. These were mitigating factors in his original appointment to the position of First Officer."
"Mr. Tuvok, I…" Chakotay was dumbfounded. He had never heard Tuvok speak of him in those terms. He had always assumed that Tuvok resented his presence as First Officer, a position that perhaps rightly belonged to him.
"Mr. Tuvok…" Janeway began.
"Please, allow me to finish, Captain."
"I'd like to hear this, 'Captain'." Chakotay interjected.
Janeway pursed her lips but allowed it again. "You may continue, but please keep in mind that my personal life is just that—personal."
"When your personal decisions overlap with command and your functionality as Captain, then it is of concern to others."
"Yes, it is." She agreed quickly. "Don't you see that kind of conflict of interest is what I want to avoid?"
"Captain, there is already Starfleet precedent set for this type of relationship. It bore out that while causing some complications, overall it occurred without detriment to anyone concerned. In fact, the union may have been at the core of the command team's success."
"What are you talking about?" she asked as Tuvok's word assailed her precepts.
"I have researched this issued quite thoroughly since we have recovered from our libidinous state. Actually, our mind meld prompted my study.
"You Commander Chakotay are deeply in love with the Captain. And, you Captain Janeway are deeply in love with Commander Chakotay. Therefore, normally, bonding between the two of you would occur and be resultant from these impulses, perhaps preceded by a marriage ritual as per your customs and cultures."
"Mr. Tuvok, certainly you are not suggesting that I marry my First Officer! That would…"
"Be improper?" Q popped in, unable to resist a trainwreck.
"Yes! It's against Starfleet regulations and proto…"
"Oh, so naughty! It's not as if you can claim that you are 'saving' yourself for the just the right man! The bloom is off the rose for certain now, eh boys?"
"Q, it is NEVER a good time to see you, but believe me when I say this really is NOT A GOOD TIME!" she told him.
"Ooh, Kathy, I love it when you get your 'eire' up!" he prodded. "All that hot blood! You like it too, don't you?" he said to Chakotay, who shook his head and rubbed his temples.
"So, if you were to acknowledge and…mmm..consumate—oh, too late!— this love you both have, then, what? Would it bring down the glorious foundations of Starfleet itself? Would the space-time continuum come screeching to a halt simply because you engage in a fundamental act that dates back to the first amoeba hop of the 50's? The 50's, as in 50 years into Earth's evolution. Me, you humans all have such a sense of self-importance!"
"I don't understand why this is any one's concern," Janeway stated levelly.
"Perhaps the ship would implode or the warp core would cease all functions or better yet, explode and go up into a big ball of flame."
Chakotay was exhausted from his emotions. Confinement to his quarters was looking better each moment.
"Captain, there is no specific by law, rule or regulation that precludes the continuation a relationship of this type, whether it is officially sanctioned by ritual or not."
"There are guidelines…"
"Which may be interpreted in various ways, however the guidelines do not forbid intimate relationships."
"Even your dictatorial, meddling mother of Starfleet stops short of going that far!" Q added.
Chakotay was shaking inside once again. Had she been hiding behind a flimsy veil of faux regulations?
"To what precedents have you been referring, Mr. Tuvok?" Chakotay prompted.
"Yes, do tell!" Q chirped and elbowed Chakotay as he said, "This should be good, don't you think?"
"While it was not officially recognized, there is great evidence that Admiral Kirk of the Starship Enterprise and his long time companion and First Officer, Ambassador Spock were deeply involved."
"That's absurd! Kirk was a known womanizer." she objected. "That is well documented!"
"House of Cards, Captain?" Q asked. "Two of the greatest heroes of Starfleet's glorious history, known to be involved, perhaps defiling every Jeffries tube in every ship in the fleet. Hot, hot, hot!"
"Q, get off my ship." Janeway barked, "That rumor has never been proved! It's revisionist history at best."
"Well, as a matter of fact…" Q started knowingly.
"As to whether they shared a sexual relationship, that is not proven within the canon of accepted history," Tuvok continued, not affected by the turbid emotions in the room, "but there is sufficient documentation that I can share with you that supports the true nature of their relationship. However, in known fact, did not they truly love one another? Did they not share, in the platonic sense, a love the in the way that you and Mr. Chakotay do at present, even without sexual contact? And, were they not able to serve the greater good of ship, crew and Starfleet, not in spite of, but due to their relationship?"
Janeway was grasping for straws. She had to regroup.
Q smiled triumphantly at Chakotay. "However long winded, the Vulcan has a good point!"
"As to whether there is precedent or recommendations or regulations—that is absolutely of no concern to me! I believe a relationship would detract from my duty to this ship and crew. I could never trust my judgment in matters concerning Chakotay!"
"You certainly don't want it said that you were weak and compromised your integrity just so you could live like a human being!" Chakotay responded.
"What if I needed to order him into a dangerous situation or even a one way mission?"
"Do you really think you would even hesitate for a moment, my dear?" Q asked. "It has never stopped you so far, why would that change?"
"You are simply afraid!" Chakotay said. "You are afraid of strong emotions. You are afraid of being criticized because you are a woman."
"You are out of line, Mister! Tuvok, carry out my orders, or I will also have you relieved of duty!"
"I therefore have no choice Captain, but to step down as well and submit to discipline. After what I have seen in your minds, I cannot obey you. Mr. Ayala, to the Captain's Ready Room, please."
"Belay that, Ayala," Janeway barked.
Chakotay could not believe his ears. He looked at Tuvok as if he had never seen him before, an overwhelming new respect emerged.
"You don't have to do anything Tuvok. I'm happy to step down and go quietly." Chakotay told the Vulcan. "I don't want the ship to lose you as well."
"Commander, perhaps you do not understand, in fact, I'm sure you do not." Tuvok stated.
"Oh, wait'll you get a load of this, Chakotay!" Q said with glee. "I can't wait to see the look on your face!"
"Captain, I must further disobey another direct order, one which will reveal a great deal of the basis of your real motivations in this matter."
"Don't you dare!" Janeway shouted.
"I must." Tuvok said. "Computer, display the records, wanted posters, charges and accusations against Captain Chakotay, known renegade and influential Maquis leader."
"That is classified information, Tuvok! A court martial offense! Computer…"
"Oh, don't worry Tuvok, Chakotay," Q said. "I'll show you the files. She can't Court Martial me, though I think she would try! Just hide all sharp instruments and weapons. This'll make her go super-nova!"
Chakotay was shocked as he read the files that Q displayed in holographic glory for them all to see.
"Should I read it?" Q asked. "Even Tuvok looks stunned and he has this memorized."
"Oh, I'll skim it. 'Raids, rapes and torture, destruction, devastation, all against Cardassian civilians, women and children. Dropping crude but effective torpedoes on Cardassian civilian installations, bridges, villages, etc. etc. etc. Theft of ammunition from Starfleet bases. Hostage-taking and blackmail to raise funds to sustain fleets of Maquis ships.'
"You were quite the little hell raiser, weren't you Chatotay?
"Now, let's see, where was I? Ah, More theft, more rape, disrupting Starfleet communication, smuggling Starfleet merchandise. Ah, it says you robbed many a Starfleet and Cardassian civies' transport ship, often leaving them with no fuel or resources. Mostly leaving ships to drift in space without hope of rescue. 17 ships pillaged and left that way. Oh, sometimes he was merciful and simply blasted the helpless ships out of existence using the ammunition stolen from their own stores.
"Goodness, you were interesting!" Q interejected.
"If you believe…" Chakotay began as the words spilled around the room. Chakotay began removing his rank insignia, tearing it roughly from its place.
"I like this! These are doctored photographs of Chakotay, looking mean and ornery! Scary sociopathic look. Nice circles under the eyes. I like it! Psychological profile: Sociopathic, Schizophrenic, Bi-Polar, Dilusions of Grander, Dictator complex, Ruthless,etc. Says he may have actually hated his father and killed his mother. Nice touch!"
"Chakotay, I had to set all this aside. I needed you as my First Officer. The ship and crew needed you." Janeway offered by way of explanation. "You had proven yourself by your actions with the Caretaker. I had to judge you by the moment and dismiss your past."
"Here are a slew of surveillance camera shots from his murderous various junkets. Nice work! Certainly the normal methods of review would not detect that it is a FRAUD!"
"What?" Janeway burst.
"Captain, if you believe for one moment, after all we've been through on this ship…Why would you appoint me First Officer when you thought this of me!"
"Keep you friends close and your enemies even closer!" Q spouted.
"I looked at your Starfleet records, which were exemplary. I thought you were ready to reform! I took a chance."
"You took…"
"I have already done an analysis on Commander Chakotay's criminal record. I found no corroboration of any of these claims. It is actually rather badly crafted, to a trained scruntinizer such as myself, as if it were hastily compiled."
"Tuvok, this is what you thought I was when you were on my ship."
"No, it is what I was told you were before I was sent to you as an agent." Tuvok informed him. "By all evidence of my personal witness, you are not the man painted by the Starfleet subterfuge."
"Why didn't you…"
"In fact, it was I who recommended that you assume the role of First Officer. However, I based the Holodeck mutiny scenario on this material. Once I realized that I had been so grossly misinformed, I thought we would have time to review your top-secret files and exonerate you. I have been remiss in my duties."
"You all got busy with running around and away from various aliens, who were all hell-bent on your destruction." Q clarified. "After the crew all witnessed your performance, personality and obvious goodie two 'shoesiness', the records didn't seem to matter anymore. Only Captain Gangway and her trusty Vulcan would ever see this drivel anyway."
"That's enough from you." Janeway burst.
"Oh, no, my dear, it is certainly not!" Q said, beginning to show signs of anger. "You have to accept once and for all, this is not nor has it ever been Chakotay!"
After the files were revealed to him, Chakotay's mouth was completely dry. He always knew that Starfleet had a dark side; powerful organization always did. It was one of the reasons he had to leave it to stand up for his beliefs and his home world. But, to go this extent, to manufacture lies of this magnitude, he had no idea.
"Where do you think they got all this?" Chakotay asked quietly.
"Isn't it obvious?" Q asked. "By your defiance, you did make a few enemies in both the Starfleet and the Cardassian empires. Yes, I said Starfleet empire!
"They colluded, creating these reports and documents so that a certain eager-beaver young, um, young-ish, Starfleet Captain would find pursuit and apprehension of you and yours to be a flattering assignment. They fooled her to insure that she would go with avid enthusiasm just to bring you, the apostate fugitive to justice and to knock you off your cloven hooves and land you on your furry knees."
The room went silent. Chakotay was un-comfortably numb.
"You must have known, on some level, Kathryn, you had to know that was not me! Could never have been me in any way!"
"Well, she was always grasping at straws in this love business with you. She couldn't handle her emotions and she was trying to not be a woman. Then, when you came along in all your…'you-ness', a regular overgrown Boy Scout, Dudley Do-right of the Royal Canadian Mounted police, a spiritual, intelligent man with deep love and respect for life, she needed an excuse. So she held onto all that rubbish," Q stated. "Isn't that is, Kathy my dear?
Janeway could not move. She had been exposed so much in the last two months, but this was the first time she was revealed to her bone marrow.
"Ah, speechless at last! Twice in one millenium! What are the chances?" Q cheeped. "Enjoy it while it lasts, boys!"
Q regarded the stunned officers. "I guess my work here is done." He dusted his hands together in midair as he zapped himself away.
Janeway managed a glare in his direction.
"For now!" came his disembodied voice, "For now!"
Chakotay walked toward the door, myriad emotions pulling him in all directions on the inside.
"I will be in my quarters," he stated.
"Wait!" Janeway said, no so much a command as a request.
"I trust you will be able to apprise the crew of the situation," Chakotay said to Tuvok, as if the Captain were not in the room.
"I believe that duty will fall to the Captain," Tuvok said matter-of-factly. "I am also relieved of duty and will report to my quarters, as per regulations and other precedents in this matter."
"Please don't Tuvok. You are reinstated to your full rank and will act as First Officer for one week from this time."
"I cannot accept."
"I don't understand."
"Protocol dictates that Commander Chakotay may be court marshaled for his disobedience and I wish to submit myself as his Defense Council. Therefore, there will be an unassailable conflict of interest."
"Chakotay! Please stop, don't go."
But her words ricocheted from the closing doors, leaving only a deafening silence in their wake. Tuvok followed suit and walked out on the stunned Captain, who fell into her chair with her hand on her sweating face.
She was in turmoil. She had made a horrible, gut-wrenching mistake, perhaps the worst misstep of her life. She kept the man she adored at arms' length based on flimsy entries that comprised a document written by men and women who hated Chakotay and all he stood for. Men and women who found it easy and convenient to lie to further their own agenda. His only real crime was his decision to leave Starfleet. It was the one thing the Thought Police would not tolerate.
Perhaps they hoped that Chakotay's ship would be destroyed. It could have happened as most Captains of the military vessels were accepting this record as she did—gospel truth! It would be chalked up to self-defense.
Or perhaps, if he were captured, on the basis of these officially sanctioned lies, he would receive an unfair trial, using this nonsense as damning testimony. He would be declared a war criminal, one who committed innumerable atrocities. No one would care if he were locked away for life and no one would ever hear him out.
The Maquis would not even be able to claim him a martyr! Starfleet saw to that. If this version of reality were out there and believed, the Maquis resistance would have to disavow and renounce him. It was insidious and evil. The entire situation turned her slavish high belief in Starfleet, under the leadership of Admiral Berman, on its head.
She had no more tears. She was past that. Only overwhelming guilt filled her. The exhaustion from her last non-stop 48 hours came to the fore. She no longer had the will-power to ignore it.
"Harry, please beam me directly to my quarters."
"Yes, ma'am."
"You have the con."
"Ye…yes, ma'am."
She felt the tingle of the transporter surround her and for the only time her life, she wished that her molecules would be rent asunder an lost in the blackness of infinite space.
TBC….