A/N: I don't own anything from red vs blue or Silent Hill.
"Man, that was tight," Grif complained, stretching as he exited the hallway. The path they'd been following had narrowed down to only enough room for them to walk in single file.
"Bow chicka bow wow," Tucker said. He was following the orange soldier, glad to not have Caboose walking on his heels any more.
"Tucker, you shouldn't make jokes like that around a child. Didn't Church tell you to stop?" Donut said.
"Church isn't here; I'm not doing what he says unless he's here threatening me with that knife," Tucker said.
"Ow, stop bumping into me Grif," Simmons snapped, turning on the orange soldier. "Seriously, you're going to make me trip."
"Why don't you stop suddenly stopping? Then I'll stop running into you," Grif countered, crossing his arms and glaring at his teammate.
"I've been stopped for a while. Why the hell are you so close to me anyway?" Simmons asked.
"Haven't we gone over this subject before? He has a crush on you, he wants to be close," Tucker teased.
"Oh, be quiet, Blue. No one was talking to you. I don't know about the sexuality of your team but Red team is all male," Simmons snapped.
"Dude, think through what you say more carefully. Our team isn't all male because we're the only one with chicks on it, if you count that Donut hasn't had the operation yet," Tucker said.
"Once again, it's light red, not pink. I don't know how much I can stress that," Donut said, still trying to defend his heterosexuality. He would let his team make jokes, but not the Blue Team.
"I'm guessing that the timeframe for your bet is going to expire soon." Grif sounded agitated.
"Why would that matter? Doesn't change the fact that you two should go over to that train car and get it on. Wait—train car?" Tucker looked at the train car, confused.
"It does matter. It means that if Simmons and I were in love, which we are not, then you'd want us together for all the wrong reasons," Grif explained. "That's just immoral."
"You two being gay is the only thing immoral here," Tucker countered. "The Bible says so. Also, why's there a train car?"
"No, it doesn't, it says gay sex is immoral, not being gay. It says all sex that's not for procreation is immoral, so you don't get to talk," Simmons countered. "What you and Sister are doing is immoral."
"Wait, what about my sister and him?" Grif asked, horrified by the prospect of what the maroon solder was talking about.
"You know a bit too much about this topic," Tucker pointed out. "Why does no one care about the train?"
"Because you're the one talking about it," Grif pointed out. "No one, not even your own team, cares about what you are talking about."
"Could we not talk about this kind of thing in front of a child?" Donut said, trying to cover Alessa's ears.
"Oh, be quiet, Donut. With this place for all we know she's hundreds of years old and heard it all before," Simmons pointed out. "You know, I was wondering why we're in a train station."
"I didn't notice that. Wow, what is with that train? This doesn't look like where we were going," Grif said.
"You guys are bigger asses then Church is…when he's asleep," Tucker said, glaring at the Reds.
"Hey, what's wrong with your blue friend?" Sarge was eyeing Caboose, causing everyone to turn to the brain-dead soldier. Caboose was gazing around the large open area, apparently looking for something.
"Hey Caboose, what's wrong?" Donut asked.
"Where is Church? Why is Church not here? Where could Church be?" Caboose said, starting to freak out.
"I still don't understand why there's a train here. I mean, why would anyone ever take a train to this hellhole?" Tucker asked.
"I don't know, why do people ever set foot in New Jersey?" Grif asked, moving over to a sign to try to read it.
"The only people in Jersey are the cast of Jersey Shore," Simmons pointed out. "Don't think they count as people."
"Oh yeah, how that show made it to a hundredth season I'll never know," Grif said, giving up on the sign. It was too worn away to find anything that could be read.
"What can we say? People like watching spray-tanned, diseased mutants make out in a hot tub," Simmons said.
"There isn't a hot tub anymore," Donut corrected. "They ran a rescue operation five seasons back and air lifted it out. They blew it up in Texas in that TV special to put it out of its misery."
"Oh, right, poor hot tub," Simmons said, shaking his head.
"Dude, calm down," Tucker said, trying to get Caboose to stop pacing. He hadn't seen the blue soldier this freaked out since Church had been sent back in time.
"No, I need to know where Church is," the blue soldier argued
"Church is going to meet us here. He went a separate way to turn on the power so we can use the train to get out of here," Tex said.
"But what if the monsters get Church? What if he needs our help? Why would he leave us?" Caboose asked, worried.
"Wait, you knew he wasn't going to be here? More importantly, you trusted him to get the power on by himself?" Tucker asked.
"Church was afraid Alessa would freak if she knew he was leaving her," Tex said. "Didn't think Caboose would be the bigger problem."
"I'm not worried about Daddy, he can protect himself," Alessa stated. "I'm afraid without him here to protect me."
"Sure, like this place won't throw everything it has at him since he's the easier target. Rather, we should be worried about us," Tucker said. "I bet they sent some of those slugs after him and some of those cancer victims as well. So, since he's dead, what's our back up plan for getting the power on?"
"Stop talking like that. Dad will get the power on," Alessa defended, clinging to Tex for support.
"Church is the only plan for turning the power on. Honestly, he seemed more worried about us than himself," Tex admitted. "He said to use the train car for shelter."
"I've known Church for several years now. No way am I taking his advice," Tucker stated.
"Fine, Tucker, you can stay outside the car. That way when the monsters come they'll eat you and be too full to eat us. Think of it as being a martyr." Tex moved toward the car.
"If you're going to try to stay outside the car take down as many as you can before they eat your flesh," Sarge said.
"Think of it like Martyrdom in Modern Warfare 67," Donut suggested cheerfully.
"I hate that perk. I'm always too close to someone using it and it kills me or makes my character impotent. Damn radiation grenades," Grif complained. "Why are they still making games where people fight people anyway?"
"Totally, they should make one about the war with the aliens. Maybe have it have something to do with those ring worlds. The main character should be someone cool like the Master Chief," Simmons suggested.
"No way, they'd never let you play a real Spartan. That would be really creative and fun and that's not what current video games are about," Grif said.
"Then how about one where you play as one of those marines that drop in the pods and get to explore an open town in the nighttime setting with enemy patrols while trying to unravel the fate of your teammates by finding clues that let you play through missions as those teammates," Donut suggested.
"Less creative Donut, that's way too outside the box for any company to make or even be able to start creating," Grif said flatly as he moved into the car, followed by the other Reds.
"As much as I'd hate to be stuck in a cramped train car with you guys, it's better than being stuck out here with monsters, or Church," Tucker said.
"You know, if arguing means Simmons and I are in love, then that means you and Church are in love," Grif reasoned.
"Except that I'm straight," Tucker countered. "Not sure about Church though. Ow, what was that for?" Tucker asked, glaring at Tex while who had just slapped him.
"I've had enough of your stupidity for now. The next person who talks is being punched. Now keep your eyes open for monsters," Tex instructed.
"Um, Mommy, what's that?" Alessa said, pointing out one of the dirty and broken windows of the train.
Tex was about to correct the girl and assert that she wasn't the child's mother, but stopped when she saw what she was pointing at. Outside on the boarding platform stood the mutated version of junior. "Well, shit."
~End chapter 22~
A/N: You know looking back I don't what causes me to come up with this stuff. Though I hope you all enjoyed my quick shout out to bungie for making awesome games. Now review…or don't whatever.