A/N: Ahem… Drum roll please….
It is official. I have my laptop back!! Life as you knew it can return to normal and you have my full permission to rejoice in my return!! A few things have happened in my absence from fanfiction… I had a birthday! Woo hoo! (Although my age is no longer my lucky number… so that kinda stinks…), I thought up a plot and for my next fic (I know, you're so excited you can hardly contain yourself), AND I went to the circus (I now have an undying desire to purchase an elephant and name it Little Bit)…. : )
OK… this chap is long awaited, I know. But… hopefully it will tie up a lot of loose ends, answer some questions that might be floating around as to why this is all happening to Sora… AND move Sora and Kairi in the right direction!! (Oh… and the italicized centered parts are flashbacks from previous chapters….)
But… I am sure that you really clicked on that link to read the next few pages of pure brilliance that is the next chapter of Saving Me that you all waited so patiently for (some perhaps more patiently than others… lol) So… without further adieu… Read… Enjoy… Review… (The usual!)
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It's About Time!!
It's not easy… Not that he really expected it to be… It's not like anyone ever told him that it would be. But it never is easy. The word "complicated" comes to mind, but that doesn't even begin to describe the situation, and "difficult" only really scratches the surface of the complexity of his circumstances. It's not easy to tell a loved one something that you know will upset them. No… not "upset"… Disappoint. And that's even worse. The last thing Sora wanted to do was disappoint her…
But when he thought about what he wanted to say, the words scrambled in his head and his sentences mixed together so that he sat in awkward silence with a strained look on his face and an air of confusion and timidity around him. The snickering voice chiding in his head only made matters worse, and all at once, it seemed too much for one person to bear. This, of course, if why he knew that he must tell her… because this one particular burden had become too heavy for one person to carry alone any longer. But that fact did not make it any easier…
So there our hero sat, the silence so thick, it was almost suffocating. Kairi's expression attentive and friendly, as always, and as she saw the conflict building up behind those infamous sapphire blue eyes, she smiled in an attempt to put his mind at ease. That was all it took to calm Sora's racing heart and remind him that no matter what happened, her smile would always be there. She would always be there…
"Kairi," he returned her smile confidently as he sat up on the bed and made himself comfortable against the cushioned headboard. Kairi followed suit and sat up across from him crossing her legs on top of one another and resting her hands in her lap, her warm violet eyes shining into his as they always did. Sora sighed, and continued… "Kai, I just want you to know that I never meant to keep anything from you. I know it seems like I've been keeping a lot of secrets lately… but I never wanted to hide anything. I always had the intention of telling you, I just wasn't exactly sure when…"
Kairi wrinkled her brow, her eyes loosing their luster ever so slightly as she pondered his words. "Sora, what are you talking about?"
Sora paused as he returned her gaze and fidgeted with his fingers nervously. "I haven't been completely honest with you."
Kairi's face fell a little and her eyes dulled, "What do you mean?"
Sora averted his gaze to his palms as he talked into his lap, "I mean… I haven't been totally upfront with you about what's been going on. About the darkness… About us…"
He paused, expecting her to say something. But, when she remained silent, he timidly peeked up at her face to find her patiently awaiting his explanation, her face a blank canvas… void of any signs of whatever emotions were currently occupying it. He drew a deep breath and continued on…
"Why don't I just start from the beginning?" he asked, not really expecting a response. Kairi nodded ever so slightly, and he smiled as he nodded in return.
"The thing is, Kai, this is all my fault… All of this… The darkness, the shadow, everything… The reason we're even here is because I refused to admit that there was darkness brewing in my heart."
Kairi's expression quickly changed to that of confusion, "But Sora… you're the Keyblade Wielder of Light. What do you mean you had darkness in your heart? That doesn't really make any sense…"
"I know. I thought the same thing. But over the past few weeks, I realized that, with the exception of you, everyone has darkness in their heart. But it's the light that we bear that keeps us from being swallowed by our darkness." He paused as he let his words sink in, "Am I making any sense?"
"So you're saying that everyone has darkness in their heart, and the light in their heart keeps them from giving in to the darkness?" Kairi asked, drawing out her words as she tried to understand his concept.
"Yes."
"So what happened to you? Why was your darkness strong enough to take over?"
"Because…" Sora slowly met her gaze, "I gave up my light."
Kairi opened her mouth to speak, but Sora pressed on before she could say anything. "Kairi… I avoided you all those months after I got home because I didn't want to worry you. I knew that something was happening to me… and I isolated myself from you so that you wouldn't know anything was wrong." He sighed and shook his head, "That was my first mistake…." He muttered, more to himself that anything.
"But Sora, I worry about you because I care about you." Kairi's face softened in empathy.
"I know, but you had spent two years worrying about me while I was gone. The last thing I wanted was for you to worry about my state of mind once I was home." Sora trailed off as he looked out the window at the far side of the room. Home… How long had it been since he and Kairi had left Destiny Islands in their gummy ship? Weeks? Months? It was hard to tell… It all suddenly seemed like a blur.
As Sora daydreamed, Kairi's mind was still hard at work trying to understand…. "Sora, what do you mean, you 'gave up your light'?"
Sora blinked as he refocused his thoughts, "Oh… Well, Kairi…You… um," he frowned as he struggled to structure his sentences. "Remember that night, back on Destiny Islands? The night of the storm?"
Kairi shuddered as the images replayed in her mind…
Another bolt of lightening streaked the sky overhead, as she stared in horror at the black smoky liquid that was pooling at Sora's feet and inching its way up his body in long thin cords. Tears pooled in her eyes and stained her cheeks as she leaned against the cave wall, mustering the strength to speak. "S-S-Sora!"
"How could I forget?" she whispered as she hugged her arms in an attempt to subdue the chill bumps slowly rising on her skin.
"Well… I think that night was what started all this. That night… my Shadow was 'born'… And I use the word 'born' loosely… because I don't think anything that sinister can actually be 'born'…"
"Aw… Fuck-up… You really do like me."
Sora winced as the Shadow laughed manically in his head. But his uneasiness went unnoticed by Kairi. "You mean… that thing from the Gummy Ship?"
Sora nodded as he remembered his first encounter with his Shadow while on their way to Disney Castle.
Dismissing the dark Keyblade in a flash of blackness, Sora grabbed the shadowy twin under the chin with his bare hand, pulled it to its feet and cornered it against the wall, the Oathkeeper held across the figure's throat. Hatred burned in Sora's clouded eyes as he glared at the amused yellow eyes staring back at him. "Do it! The final act of judgment… Let the hatred running through your veins do it. Give in to it… It only makes you stronger… makes me stronger!"
"But why, Sora? Why was your shadow… um, 'born'?"
"Simple. Because I had given up my light… Remember the night at Disney Castle? When…" Sora struggled to get out the next sentence… The knowledge of his attack on Kairi still pained his heart. He sighed and closed his eyes as he opened his mouth to continue, but stopped when he felt a warm sensation on the back of his hand. He opened his eyes to see Kairi's hand lying on his and he looked up to see her nodding understandingly.
"Yes, Sora… I remember that night."
Sora nodded and thanked her with his eyes, "I think my Shadow was able to control me because I had turned away from my light…"
He smiled wildly as he summoned the Oathkeeper and the dark Keyblade. Already, the power surging from the dark weapon fueled his intent as he surveyed his surroundings. This time, Kairi was not there to stop him. This time, he would not show mercy. "This time, you're mine,"
"But, Sora…"
Sora interrupted as he continued. "My Shadow went after you because it knew that only you could stop it. I went after you… and I wasn't able to stop it…" he muttered quietly.
Kairi's face softened as she squeezed his hand reassuringly, "But I was…"
Sora smiled meekly as he met her gaze. "Kairi, I made a mistake. One that I know I've already apologized for… I thought the only way to keep you safe from my Shadow… from me… was to isolate you. I thought that if I kept my distance from you, I could protect you from the Shadow and at the same time… protect you from me."
Kairi's eyes glistened with unshed tears as she recalled his hurtful words to her that day at the Bailey.
He slowly met her gaze, trying desperately to hide his heartbreak behind a stony expression. "I. Don't. Love You." And Kairi's heart shattered…
Sora noticed her change in demeanor and he turned his hand so that he gripped her small hand in between his own two. "But Kairi… without you… my circumstances only got worse." The Shadow snickered in his head and he rolled his eyes, "A lot worse…" he muttered.
"I had completely given up my light, and that allowed the Shadow to…" he trailed off quietly as he recalled his first interaction with his shadowy reflection.
He peered down at his reflection in the growing puddle underneath him, and squatted down to get a closer look, the blades of his weapons resting lightly on the ground on either side of him. Long beads of water ran down his cheekbones and dripped from his jaw line. He rested the Oathkeeper against his thigh and slowly brought his finger tips up to his tanned cheek and ran them along his cheek bones, his reflection below him performing the same gesture… only with black claw-like fingers running along black smoky skin. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face and though his hair while he tried to calm his racing heart.
When he opened his cerulean eyes again, they were not met with the same ocean blue stare from his reflection. As lightening pierced the cloudy sky above him, the black reflection in the puddle winked one sickly yellow eye at him, "Surprised to see me?"
Kairi perked up when Sora didn't finished his sentence. "To what? What did the Shadow do?"
Sora sighed as he pulled one hand from his grasp on hers and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Kairi, the Shadow is kind of… inside me now." At this, the voice laughed uncontrollably and Sora grit his teeth in frustration. "I can hear it talking in my head…. And I can see it in my reflection."
Kairi's jaw dropped, "What?!" She stared in amazement as she mulled over his words while the pieces slowly fit together… Sora 'talking to himself' all the time… the towel currently draped over the mirror across from his bed… What happened at the Preliminaries… "Is… is that what you said you wanted to tell me? Is that why you've been so upset lately?"
Sora, unable to formulate any words, just nodded slowly, averting his eyes to anything but her face. Because, there, in her face… is where he would find it… disappointment.
"But Sora, why? Why did this happen?" Kairi asked quietly. "And don't say 'because I gave up my light'!" she added sternly.
The next few words came out of Sora's mouth naturally, without him having to pick and choose how he would say them. It was almost as if they had been sitting there on his tongue, waiting to be said… "Because Kai, I turned you away. You're my light… and I gave you up."
Kairi paused, smiling, despite herself, "Me?"
Sora laughed at the dumbfounded look on her face. "Kairi… you've always been my light. And, although I've only recently realized it… I think I've actually known it since my first encounter with darkness."
For once, she was speechless. All she could do was smile dreamily as Sora shifted his position so that he was on his knees in front of her, sitting on his heels and holding both of her hands in his. "Kai, I know now… that I can't do this alone anymore. I need your help. I need you…"
"Sora…"
"I should have known it all along… but I was too blind to see that the answer was right in front of me!"
"Sora…"
"But I realize it now Kairi! I know that no matter what happens… you'll always be my light. And I can't stand to think that that would ever be taken away from me again. I know that I can fight this if you're there beside me!! Because you'll alw-"
"Sora!!" Kairi, unable to contain herself anymore as he rambled on excitedly, finally clamped her hand across Sora's mouth. Sora stared wide-eyed at Kairi as she smiled at him uncertainly. She didn't say anything at first, and the silence was numbing as Sora awaited her response to his heartfelt confessional.
"Sora, I… I don't even know what to say," she finally said.
Sora's face fell a little as she removed her hand from his mouth. He searched her face for answers, but when he found none behind her somber expression, he sighed and moved his eyes to the mattress below him. "Kai… I-"
He was interrupted as Kairi threw her arms around his neck and planted her lips against his.
Startled and taken off guard, he fell back into the headboard with the force of her embrace, banging his head against the hard wall behind him. His eyes wide and his arms outstretched on either side of him, so surprised from her impromptu kiss. She laughed as she parted from him and nestled into his chest as they leaned against the headboard. Sora joined in her amusement and smiled goofily, "Wow Kai, I never knew you felt that way!" he teased.
She didn't say anything, not that she really needed to… She just smiled as she wrapped her arms around his waist and made a pillow of his chest, her shoulder digging into the crease just under his armpit. Sora sighed happily as he rested his head against hers, relaxing into her embrace while he pulled her closer in his arms. The goofy grin still plastered across his face as his mind raced over what had just happened.
The two stayed in that position for a while until the long day of preliminary fighting made its presence known as their eyelids began to droop. At first they both fought the nagging sleep pulling at their eyelids, but as they got more comfortable in each other arms… the naturalness of their positions invited hard-earned sleep to wash over them. As Kairi finally closed her eyes and lulled into sleep, Sora leaned down carefully and whispered, almost inaudibly "I love you Kai…" before he too succumbed to his dreams.
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A/N: Anyone else hear wedding bells?? Lol I told you that this chap would have dangerous amounts of fluff!! But Butterscotch assured me that there is no such thing as too much fluffiness… so you better like it! Lol jk
I'm thinking that this fic will be ending soon… I know… hard to believe, huh? But my gosh!! This IS the 31st chapter…. I do need to end soon, and I know how I will do it and I know that you will love it… so no bellyaching! Lol
I shouldn't have to say it… but I will… quietly… (whispers) Review please… : )