Fiction Rating: T for violence, potty mouth, and vague references to 'extra-curricular activities' during dating.

Characters: Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, Kon, IchigoXRukia

Disclaimner: I'm still waiting for a lawyer to show and hand me documents proving that I own Bleach; until then, I'm still using our laundry detergent.

A/N: First up, I would like to say thanks to the first ones who reviewed my story. Werefox Alchemist, Kiralyne, Catho, loveyouso, and HinduGoddess – you all know how to make a gal feel all the fuzzies and cute bunnies. Aww. Thanks as well for the suggestions that were given; I will try to improve the next ones and make them as funny – if not more – than the first chapter.

I'd like to say that Isshin is a tad OC here, being serious and all; but if you remember from a certain episode, Isshin is more than capable of being serious. I hope the readers agree with me on this one. Besides, the story needs it.

This chapter and the next were originally written as one. However, I felt that it was far too long, so I chopped it into two. So if it feels weird, remember that the next chapter must be read ASAP.

--------------------

Summary: "We must make our dear Rukia-chan ready to experience her first date! She must be transformed into a guy's ideal woman! Speak after me Rukia-chan: The Rain in Spain Falls Mainly on the Plain."

----------------------

My Third Daughter's First Date

Chapter 2 – Isshin's Galatea

---------------------

The next day, Ichigo was surprised to wake up later than he usually did. Considering that it was a Saturday, the house was unnaturally peaceful. In fact, even Kon, the perverted mod soul was missing from the household.

As he climbed off his bed to change, Ichigo tensed for a while, expecting his father to come at him like a bullet, aiming a kick to his head. The years of being hit like that by his old man made Ichigo a terribly paranoid young man around the house. He may not show it, as he often looked like without a care in the world, but Ichigo took precaution to avoid standing near windows and doors. If it cannot be avoided, he made sure that he stayed only for a short time.

As the "Good Morning, Ichigo! trademark action" that he expected never came, he was tempted to think that life was good. Maybe, god saw him struggle with the burden named Kurosaki Isshin and decided to pity him by giving him a day's worth of reprieve.

However, Ichigo did not know if he should feel happy that his father made no attempt to hit him or be scared about his old man's apparent absence.

A quiet Isshin was a more dangerous Isshin.

Remembering his father's emphatic speech about 'helping' Rukia, Ichigo was dreading the day. He hoped that he could eat breakfast peacefully and then go out for a bit of a walk. Normally, he would have just stayed at home and read a book, but there was no way he would willingly stay and get roped in by his father's lame antics.

Besides, he needed to rest, since he could be busy with slaying hollows later.

If his father wanted to annoy Rukia today, who was he to stop it? He never looked pass an opportunity to get some peace and quiet. If his father can keep Rukia from annoying him or dragging him off someplace weird – like the mall, Ichigo would probably respect his father.

Probably. The key word was probably.

Creeping downstairs, after pulling on a plain red shirt and pants, Ichigo cautiously looked around for any signs of life, particularly from his old man. The tall teen gave a sigh of relief as he reached the dining table where Yuzu and Karin were having breakfast. Quickly, he sat down and gobbled up his food.

"Glad to see that you're already awake, Ichi-nii." Yuzu said brightly "Father said not to wake you up, so we just waited for you. Eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

Well, that was unexpected. Ichigo then realized that neither Rukia nor his old man were present in the room, and by the looks of it, they haven't had any breakfast yet.

As if she read his mind, Karin said, "Pops took Rukia nee-san out for a walk."

WTF?! They way Karin said it reminded Ichigo of a dog on a leash and the image disturbed him that he gagged on his own saliva. Quickly, Yuzu rushed to give him a glass of water "Are you all right, Ichi-nii?" She asked nervously.

"What are you worried about, Yuzu?" Drawled Karin as she finished her breakfast, "I can easily kick him to dislodge whatever it is that is choking him."

Suddenly, they heard the front door open and close. "Finally!" Exclaimed Yuzu as she stood up to clear the table, "I thought those guys would take forever."

"They've been out two hours ago." Karin informed Ichigo who hurriedly gobbled up his food. In the Kurosaki household, one should always be on guard against embarassing situations and painful attacks – especially if you have a parent as weird as Isshin.

"Slowly… Yes, you're doing quite beautifully, Rukia-chan." They heard Isshin's coaxing voice. The siblings, particularly Ichigo was familiar with that tone. It's the tone that his father uses whenever he's assisting patients who are terribly hurt, or who have been through a major surgery. That fact made the orange-haired substitute shinigami wonder just what his father was up to now.

"Is this REALLY necessary?" Came the tired and grumbling voice of Rukia "I've been doing this for two hours now, Kurosaki-dono."

"I'm very sorry to cause you pain, Rukia-chan." Isshin said seriously "But desperate times call for desperate measures. Bear with it until we get to the living room."

It took all of Ichigo's willpower not to burst out laughing right then and there as he saw a frazzled-looking Rukia walk in gingerly wearing high heels and with a medical book perched on top of her head. Of course, the adopted princess of the Kuchiki clan had a posture that was the envy of beauty queens – or military personnel. But Ichigo doubted that two-inched high heels were the ones responsible for it.

"Now, that's it. Slowly walk to the sofa and sit – don't forget to place your legs diagonally in front of you and cross one ankle behind the other."

Rukia's posture was impeccable. However, the fact that she was wet with sweat and her black hair was sticking out in all directions made the tableaux hilarious, that Ichigo lost all concentration and bursted out laughing.

As Rukia made a move to hit Ichigo, Isshin immediately stepped in front of her "No, Rukia-chan. It is not right for a lady to do that. Remember: politeness is the key."

"Politeness?" Ichigo sniggered, while pointing at the other Shinigami. I don't think she even knows the meaning of that word! "You can't even be polite, even if your life depended on it. Look at you" he said haltingly, in between his attempts to curb his laughter and get a lungful of air "You look like a pig and you smell like one too!" (the following line should compliment the first insult?)

"Kurosaki-dono…" tittered Rukia in her 'fake' high school girl voice that was laced with extreme quantities of sugar – a voice that would irritate Ichigo to no end.

"Yes, my cute, dearest, and beloved third daughter, Rukia-chan?" Came Isshin's likewise 'cultured' reply.

"Would you hit Ichigo so hard that his eyes would pop out of his head, for me? Please?"

"Poppa would do ANYTHING for his beloved third daughter!" Isshin said as he gave his firstborn a kick to the side of his head. "This is for insulting our precious Rukia-CHAAAANNN!" Came his battle cry "You will not be forgiven, spawn of mine!"

"What the hell, you idiot! Go and annoy someone else!" Cried Ichigo as he attempted to block several punches and kicks from his father.

As Ichigo nursed the bump on his head, Rukia took the chance to stick out her tongue at him while Isshin called his other daughters.

"We must make our dear Rukia-chan ready to experience her first date! She must be transformed into a guy's ideal woman! Yuzu, get the magazines and my notebook from the clinic. Speak after me Rukia-chan: The Rain in Spain Falls Mainly on the Plain."

"That sucks, old man." Muttered Ichigo while Karin just slammed her black sneaker-clad foot onto her father's face "Will you just quit it!" she scolded.

"Um… May I take a bath first?" Rukia asked hesitantly.

-------------

After a while, Isshin called his children ("Ichigo, stay or I WILL post your baby pictures on the Internet; you know, in my site where there are pictures of healthy-looking college girls…") downstairs to join him as they tutor Rukia into being an ideal date.

Rukia was given a seat in the middle of the room. To her credit, the petite shinigami did not look THAT confused, only pleasantly unaware. For the life of him, Ichigo could not figure out how his father and sisters were roped in by Rukia's 'naïve' façade. Then again, it was really surprising for him to find that a 150-year-old soul who can kill hollows coolly and do soul burials with ease yet have never been out on a date before.

Quietly, Ichigo sat as his family fussed over magazines, as if looking for something. Since their attention was diverted, he took the time to study the other shinigami.

Rukia was unaware of the commotion she was causing, as she was too preoccupied with reading a manga to care about anything. Occasionally, her thoughts would be conveyed as she raised an eyebrow or tilted the corners of her lips. Perhaps, her decades of training under her Kuchiki tutors were really rigid that even while at ease, her posture remained picture-perfect.

Honestly, Ichigo felt weirded out to see Rukia sit like she was a mannequin on a display window. Her back was ramrod straight, shoulders thrown back, legs placed diagonally in front of her while crossed at the ankles, and her head inclined ever so slightly. It looked so unnatural. Where was the Rukia who read manga on his bed, sprawled on her stomach and propped up on her elbows? Where was the Rukia who laughed out loud or cried in outrage depending on the mood of a manga chapter? Where was –

A tissue was handed directly under his nose.

At his questioning look, Karin just smiled a shark's smile. "I wasn't sure if you were going to cry or drool, Ichi-nii. I hope this covers it."

His face turning a dull red, Ichigo glared at his sister. "And just what the hell are you talking about?"

"Windows." Isshin said in a somber voice.

"Closed." Came Yuzu's equally serious reply.

"Rukia-chan."

"Rukia nee-chan is prepped and ready, father."

"Notebook."

"Notebook." The youngest Kurosaki said as she handed her father a small, leather-bound notebook.

"Oh for goodness' sake!" Complained Ichigo angrily, "Quit making this look like a re-run of 'The Medical Practitioners' and get it over with already!"

Isshin gave his eldest child a dirty look "Shut up and don't rush me! This is the only time I get to spend with Rukia-chan since you hog her all day, all week, and all –

"Get on with the program, old man." Karin said in annoyance. She was supposed to go out and play soccer with her schoolmates, now she was forced to endure her father. If it wasn't for Yuzu and her natural curiosity about their new housemate, she would have made a break for it. Now, her day was shot, and there was nothing else she can do but watch as her father made a fool of himself again.

Hopefully, the all-too-weird Rukia wasn't stupid enough to believe her dumb father.

Suddenly, Isshin cleared his throat. "Now, the lesson will commence." Standing in the middle of the living room, Isshin puffed out his chest and held his notebook up before pointing it at Rukia. "Learn well, my third daughter. Learn and benefit from my wealth of dating experience."

"Welecome, to Kurosaki Isshin's School of Charm and Dating Ettiquette!" Isshin cried out stricking a metrosexual pose, with his arms crossed in front of his chest, and a single stem of rose clutched between his teeth.

"Rukia nee-san is SO dead." Karin said in a dismembered voice.