My Third Daughter's First Date Chapter 5: The NOT Date, a bleach fanfic

Chapter 5 – The NOT Date

Summary: "Well Ichigo?" Rukia asked impatiently.

"Whuh?" he asked stupidly. What the hell did she expect him to say anyway? Ichigo wondered just what kind of education Rukia got from the Kuchiki tutors that made her this naive. She expected him, no scratch it, she was told that it was REQUIRED of him to GROPE her!

Fiction Rating: T or M, for violence, potty mouth, and other 'stuff.'

Characters: Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, KON, Urahara, and IchigoXRukia, Hollow Ichigo

Disclaimner: I'm working on a long-range hypnotic technique so I can own Bleach.

SPOILERS: Watch the anime? Well, spoilers are up to the Arrancar arc.

WARNING: This fic may contain "vague" traces of OOC-ness that can cause headaches, stomachaches, muscle aches and other whatnots. If symptoms persist, head off to the 4th Division IMMEDIATELY! Oh, the first part will start quite slow due to my insane reasons, so please bear with it, okay?

(Page Break)

The silence really was deafening. Ichigo, in hindsight realized that this whole fiasco was partially his fault. If he hadn't been stupid enough to be baited by his crazy father with inappropriate comments and various innuendos, he wouldn't have been in this mess.

However, that did not mean that Isshin was off the hook. As far as Ichigo was concerned, his old man was going to be a dead man in a matter of moments. Indulging the ancient fart's perverse fantasies was the last thing Ichigo wanted to do. After reading that damning essay, Isshin was far from convinced that his son had no feelings for his adopted third daughter. Ichigo tried and tried to explain, he screamed and shouted; caught his father in a deadlock and threatened to off him if he didn't stop this nonsense. But in true Isshin fashion, the Kurosaki patriarch countered the attack and ordered him to 'be a man and accept the passionate and profound feelings you have for Rukia-chan.'

When Ichigo angrily said that threats of violence would not do, Isshin immediately headed to Masaki's memorial poster and unloaded his feelings of disappointment at his oldest child. Even Urahara tried to convince Ichigo, but it was to no avail.

In the end, it was the Kurosaki household's crybaby, Yuzu who convinced Ichigo. She sobbingly tugged and pulled at her older brother's arms as tears streamed down her sad, doe eyes.

Who could resist that look anyway? Ichigo felt like a complete villain, the one who ran over helpless, furry, and cute animals for no apparent reason. Honestly, with eyes like that, it would probably prove difficult for Ichigo to beat away many boys when Yuzu grew up.

"Stupid Ichigo." A petulant voice said from under Ichigo's bed. Normally, the hyperactively perverted modsoul by the name of Kon would have been doing a lot of irritating things by this time. Unfortunately, the little idiot bugger was really down and depressed. It was pretty obvious that Kon took the idea of him going out with Rukia the wrong way and was acting so dejected, it was almost pitiful.

That hollow side of him better be off hiding in the back of his mind. If Ichigo had his way, he would have definitely gone to find the culprit who caused this THING and run Zangetsu through him. Twice. In an agonizingly slow way too.

Have a fun night, King; his hollow side snickered.

Fuck you, bastard; Ichigo mentally cursed.

One of these days, he was really going to give that hollow the bashing of his life. How in the name of all holy souls would he have known that the fucking bastard had a very unhealthy desire for Rukia anyway? Seriously, hollows like this one were just plain whacked.

Well, and you're just plain retarded; the voice behind his head said again. King, it's either you're blind or seriously repressed; it added.

Finally, Ichigo decided not to delay the inevitable. He stood up calmly and walked out of his room. His old man insisted that he wear something more formal aside from his jeans and sweatshirt ("Now Ichigo, how do you expect to get lucky with that hideous apparel? You won't reach second base with rags like that, you know") so he found himself wearing a pair of dark slacks and a simple yet classy shirt with collar and long sleeves. Well, if his father expected him to wear a suit and tie, he would be in for a major disappointment. Maybe he could convince Rukia to ditch the plans laid out by his father, and in stead just go and hang out at the local pizza parlor then head off to the arcade and bookstore. He'd even be willing to buy the troublesome shinigami some chappy merchandise with his own savings.

"Hmm, not exactly GQ material, but I guess that will do." Isshin said critically as he observed his son's attire. He suddenly handed over a white envelope to his surprise son. "Your friend, Mizuiro, was kind enough to give you this gift certificate and he just booked a table for two, so you'd better thank him tomorrow."

It was a full course meal certificate at a popular Italian restaurant that was visited by the so-called 'sophisticated' crowd of adults in Karakura.

Well, Ichigo thought surly, there goes the pizza parlor plan.

In apprehension, Ichigo wondered if his father would be dispensing unneeded advice, so he just slunk away to sit at the farthest corner of the room. Beside him, Kisuke Urahara was watching him with obvious mirth while busying himself with his fan. "Would you care for some manly perfume?" He asked the uncomfortable teen. "I have a new product here that is guaranteed to stimulate –

"I don't need anything with the word stimulating in it."

"Pst." Isshin called out as he slowly slid beside Ichigo. "Here, take this." He said as he handed over another envelope.

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Ichigo took a peek.

His face turned bright red. "What the hell!" He hissed at his father as he dropped the package like it filled with hot coal "Why are you giving me THIS?"

"Just in case you get REALLY lucky!" Isshin chuckled perversely as he wagged his eyebrows suggestively. "Urahara-san was very kind enough to purchase that for you."

"You perverts!" Ichigo almost shrieked, conscious that his young sisters were just across them, watching Don Kanonji on TV. "Who said anything about wanting THIS?"

Urahara gave him an affronted look, "But Kurosaki-kun, that's the latest and most popular flavor today; it's also very popular with our young customers. Is it not to your liking?"

"Told you that was wrong." Sighed Isshin, as he shook his head. "Rukia-chan LOVES strawberries. The chocolate-flavored one won't be fun for them."

Resisting the urge to throttle both his old man and the perverted businessman, Ichigo settled for giving them a glare that was so frosty, Toushiro – err, Hitsugaya TAICHO – would have approved of it. "How much perverted are you anyway to give your son condoms on a so-called 'date,' huh?"

Giving Ichigo his best 'Don't be stupid, you weren't born yesterday' look, Isshin patted him on the shoulder "Son, it is a fact of life, practice safe sex. When you're responsible enough that I don't need to remind you of it, we'll deal with the BDSM stuff."

Urahara chuckled gleefully as he took in Ichigo's floored and appalled expression. "Perhaps, there is a problem on the procedure, Kurosaki-kun. Do you need a crash course on contraceptives? If so, I think we can spare you five minutes –

"Finish that and I will snap your neck." Countered Ichigo, his face now redder that before. Honestly, if they needed to label this kind of color that had been on his face frquently, they should name it 'embarrassed strawberry.'

"Hold him still, Urahara-san." Isshin said. Quickly, the shop owner held Ichigo by the arms as Isshin tried to force the offending package in the pants' pocket to his flailing and floundering eldest child. "This is for your own good Ichigo, I don't want to ruin your or Rukia-chan's life. If you can't keep IT in, keep it IN this."

"You bastard!" Shouted Ichigo in earnest, beyond caring if his sisters would hear. This was self-preservation; there was no way he would even consider thinking about bringing a condom tonight. He had the inkling that if Rukia ever got a wind of this, he would NEVER need any form of contraceptive – EVER.

"Hold still –

"Really, Kurosaki-kun, don't be such a –

"Sorry I'm late." Rukia's voiced floated from the stairs.

Everyone turned to look at the newcomer.

For the first time, Isshin and Urahara were silent; Karin and Yuzu were surprised.

Ichigo was unable to speak, let alone breathe.

Shyly, Rukia slowly made her way down; careful of the three-inch high heels that she wore on her dainty feet. She wore a simple sapphire-blue dress made of a soft, and light material that Ichigo could not really identify. It had a form-fitting square neckline and a dark ribbon below the bosom that accentuated its empire style cut. From that point on, the narrow skirt flowed freely down to her mid-thigh. The dress was very flattering for Rukia's petite figure, showing off hints of curves that Ichigo never thought she had. Her hair was still done in the same way; expect that it look shinier and softer. Unlike most girls, Rukia was not that keen with using make-up, but she wore just the barest hint of a blush, eye shadow, and lip gloss that highlighted her features.

Suddenly, Ichigo felt someone nudging him. Barely sparing his father a glance, Ichigo walked up to meet Rukia at the bottom of the stairs. As she gave him a small smile, he shakily took a deep breath and immediately recognized the faint scent of jasmine. Obviously, Rukia used perfume as well. "Oi, mid-" he started, but as he heard simultaneous clearing of throats, he quickly covered the slip-up. "Er… Rukia, you… um… you look good."

"Thank you." She replied softly (Softly? Ichigo thought, there was no way Rukia would use a soft tone deliberately) while standing there as if waiting for something.

Realization dawned and Ichigo immediately held out his hand. "Um… Shall we?" As he held her small hand in his, Ichigo could not register the voices of his sisters who were complimenting Rukia on her dress and make-up. He was too busy reconciling the Rukia he was used to see to the Rukia that was in front of him at that moment.

Suddenly there were several flashes of light; both turned immediately to see Isshin snapping pictures greedily like paparazzi. "Smile, smile, smile!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Ichigo asked angrily, "Cut that out!"

Isshin sent his son look that was full of sorrow and anguish "Oh! But this is Rukia-chan's first date! This is an important moment that should be documented accordingly. What will she tell my future grandchildren about this evening anyway, that her first date was an inconsiderate barbarian who didn't let her have a picture as souvenir?"

"It's alright, Kurosaki-dono…" Rukia said haltingly, "I don't mind…"

"Oh but I insist that I take your picture, Rukia-chan!" Isshin said "And don't call me Kurosaki-dono, call me dad!"

"Um..how about uncle?" Bargained Rukia.

Isshin pretended to consider it "Alright then, call me uncle now, dad when you get home later!"

Rukia, Ichigo, and Karin sweatdropped.

"Ah, now smile Rukia-chan!" Isshin said as he continued to snap pictures of the couple.

"Oh Masaki!" He gushed afterwards, running over to his deceased wife's memorial poster, "Our son has now grown up splendidly! Of course he lacks my dashing good looks, but we all can't be built like models!" Isshin sobbed proudly as he rubbed his cheek against Masaki's smiling lips "He's going out on a date with our third daughter!"

Karin shook her head in disgust, "That just sounds SO wrong."

(Page Break)

Standing in line at the cinema, neither Ichigo nor Rukia were able to say anything and they instead looked elsewhere but at each other.

Ichigo had initially planned to tell Rukia that they ought to hang out at the local arcade, but he was unable to say anything as they stared at each other at home. In the end, it was Isshin who dictated the whole itinerary as the two were ushered to the waiting taxi. After issuing the driver the directions, he happily turned to Ichigo and ordered him to take Rukia to watch a romantic film with the explicit instructions of not going home before 11pm. "If you decide to be out later than that, be here by 3am, remember that you have school tomorrow!" He said suggestively, making the taxi driver look at them weirdly, as if he was expecting them to tear off each other's clothing at any moment.

As he handed Rukia a tub of popcorn (he of course carried the drinks), Ichigo spied some of the students in their class – who were also planning to watch the same movie – gaping at them. After sending a well-meaning glare that promised a painful, humiliating, and slow death, the group immediately ran towards the opposite direction. Ichigo knew that by tomorrow, neither he nor Rukia would be able to spend a moment of peace, as they would be the topic of the following school week's gossip.

Of course, that would also mean having to sit through Keigo's bemoaning of how Ichigo had the lucky of going out with Rukia; Chizuru's complaints on how unadventurous Rukia was and how boring the Kurosaki mindset is about same-sex relationships; and Mizuiro asking about the date and saying that older women were better dates (Ichigo will NEVER let it slip that Rukia is a HELL lot OLDER – can you say 150?).

Wordlessly, he led the female shinigami to their seats, taking care to give death glares to the many perverts who were eyeing his 'date' with obvious appreciation.

As the movie played on, Ichigo tried his best to stifle yawning at the all-too-boring film. For someone who enjoyed Shakespeare, the movie was not his idea of entertainment. The plot was too clichéd, the characters were too stereotypical, the actors were too hammy, the featured scenery were obviously manufactured, and the dialogue was simply ugly. Honestly, he thought, what do you expect from a movie that had such a cheesy title like 'You Are My First Love?'

"Why do you love me?" The female lead character said in a pitchy and nasal voice.

God, someone hand her lozenges and some vaporub.

"You're the only beautiful and pure thing in this cruel, evil world." The hammy lead character said, as his close-up treated viewers with an eyeful of the actor's flaring nostrils.

"Oh but Kentaro, we belong in different worlds. This love of ours, this is forbidden! If my brother finds out about us, he will kill us both!"

Ichigo shifted and tried to ease the pain building on his lower back. Quietly he slurped some soda after he grabbed some popcorn from Rukia. He glanced at his 'date' that was looking at the film with an unreadable expression on her face. To his surprise, she was holding on to the famed Kuchiki poise while being subjected to such a form of torture.

"I don't deserve you, or your love Kentaro. I've done many things that I can never be proud of!" The lead character, named Reiko said, turning away as she delicately wiped the tears that fell from her eyes. "You deserve someone better, a woman who is whole and who can bring the smiles back on your face…"

The lead actor, named Kentaro, a stereotypically good-looking guy tried to grab hold of the shoulders of the similarly stereotypically beautiful girl. "Don't say that! You're the one who brought back the smiles on my face; you're the one who made me live a happier and better life! You're the one who changed my world Reiko!"

"You will be killed if you attempt to get in their way!"

"Don't worry Reiko, I won't let them separate us." Kentaro vowed earnestly, gesturing unnecessarily. "If he takes you away, I WILL save you! No person nor force on earth can stop me from getting to you, I swear this one upon my own soul!"

Absolutely pathetic, Ichigo thought to himself. One man going against an entire gang of bloodthirsty thugs, was he crazy or suicidal?

"Kentaro, don't! I beg you, please forget me. I do not want anything happening to you. I cannot bear to get you involved!" Cried Reiko as tears fell down in complete synch from her eyes. "I made the mistake of falling in love with you; I involved you in this mess when I ran away. My brother will come after you and me! If anything happens to you, I could never ever forgive myself! Please, please just forget me. Forget that I ever existed!" The lead female character then turned as if to walk away.

Yeah right, sneered Ichigo, like the idiot Kentaro would listen. The moron was too blinded by love to listen to his rational side thinking. What kind of guy would go against a criminal syndicate just to take back a single woman? Kentaro was definitely a basket case.

On cue, the male lead character turned to grab the male lead character. "No matter what you say, I will make sure that I will take you away from them. If my life is in exchange for you to have a future that is peaceful and safe, I would gladly lay it down!"

The two characters just stood there while the rain fell down on them. Surprisingly, it seemed as if the rain was only falling on the two idiotic lovers. Ichigo could see that the surrounding trees and car were miraculously dry.

Beside him, Ichigo saw Rukia's shoulders shake. Suddenly, tears were streaming down her face as she sobbed with an almost hysterical manner.

Oh shit! Cursed Ichigo, the sappy movie got Rukia. Quickly, he tried to look for his handkerchief. Who knew that this all-too-professional shinigami could be moved by such a crappy movie? Finally being able to locate the needed piece of cloth, Ichigo hastily shoved it to her.

Wordlessly, Rukia took the offered hanky and dabbed it at the corners of her eyes before blowing on it delicately. After using it, she handed it back to Ichigo.

"The hell?" He muttered angrily. "Like I'd want something with your snot in it!"

Rukia gave Ichigo a glare that promised to make his life miserable. Suddenly, Ichigo had a nagging suspicion. "Are you REALLY crying?" He asked in a whisper.

The female shinigami gave him a thumbs-up sign.

Ichigo resisted the urge to bang his head against the chair in front of him.

(Page Break)

After the horrible movie, the two decided to continue to the Italian restaurant that Mizuiro recommended. His friend really must have connections, since the two were met by the headwaiter and were ushered to their seats as soon as they mentioned that they had reservations under his friend's name.

They started their meal with the special antipasto made especially by the chef. Quietly, Ichigo tried to focus his attention on enjoying the meal. It was a weekend, thus there were many people in the restaurant. As far as he could tell most of them were adults who had high-paying jobs. Naturally, many were curious about the high school couple that was on a date, considering that they looked so out of place. Fortunately, they were seated in a private alcove away from the prying eyes of the other customers. Ichigo busied himself for a while by looking at the décor and the food, while he occasionally looked at the couples dancing at the middle of the restaurant while the band played some romantic tunes.

The table they were given was small and very cozy that their knees were almost touching. There was no elaborate table centerpiece, expect for a single white, vanilla-scented candle in between them; it flickered softly and made shadows play across Rukia's face gently like a lover's caress. They were seated directly underneath an arch that was decorated with climbing vines and white roses. With each breath he took, Ichigo could smell the unmistakable scent of roses, vanilla, and the hint of jasmine that came from the girl seated across him.

"So…" he said, attempting to make small talk. They had been eating pasta (he ordered the Tagliatelle Al Pollo E Prosciutto, a pasta dish with white béchamel sauce, chicken cubes, and ham; Rukia decided to try the Spaghetti Vongole E Gamberetti, a concoction made popular with its red wine tomato sauce and béchamel topped with seafood) "Have you finished our science project? You know the diagram of…"

He trailed of uncomfortably as Rukia looked at him in disappointment.

Ichigo took a sip of his sparkling wine before he attempted again (well, HE was a minor, and Rukia looked like one too, so they were not given alcoholic beverages) "Er… There's a school trip next week…"

Now Rukia was looking at him with obvious annoyance before she finished her pasta, picking one of the clam's meat off their shell with her fork.

"Well… The movie was a complete bore, wasn't it?" He asked in a rush, only to be subjected with a cold glare from his date. He really had no idea what was wrong with Rukia, couldn't she see that he was trying to make an effort to talk to her, damn it? As she gave a barely audible sigh of suffering, Ichigo glanced nervously at the headwaiter. Fortunately, the man was quick on the uptake and their plates were taken with a speedy efficiency, to be replaced with a plate of Beef Shank Steak in Red Wine with Risotto for Ichigo and Baked Rosemarie Chicken with grilled vegetables for Rukia.

Suddenly, Rukia looked at him with realization dawning in her eyes (FINALLY, Ichigo thought) "I must have had too much expectations from you, I'm sorry if I did not know that you have no experience with these things, Ichigo."

"What?" He asked in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

Rukia shrugged, "I wish that you talked with your father about this things. It becomes obvious that you have no idea about dating, not one idea at all. Do not worry, I'm not really mad, since both of us are on the same boat." At the incredulous look in her date's face, Rukia continued on "Your father was very insightful and he seems to be very knowledgeable about this things. He said that he planned to tell you about everything, but I guess he didn't have enough time."

Half afraid to ask, Ichigo blurted out "What things?"

"Why the things that must be done and are expected to be done on dates, of course. First: A good date starts with watching a romantic film; which we already did." Rukia started, as she cut her chicken. "Second: A dinner at an Italian or French restaurant, which this is." She then looked at Ichigo "Third: Do NOT talk about school, work, the weather, or even entertainment and sports with your date. Talk about each other instead. If possible, compliment the girl repeatedly."

"Huh?" Ichigo was floored. His idiot father gave Rukia weird ideas.

"Yes, it does seem quite difficult to digest and remember. I had a hard time learning it. If your father hadn't been patient with me, well…"

Ichigo had no idea what it was that Rukia thought she learned, but if it was from Isshin, he'd better expect the unexpected.

"Fourth: Physical contact is imperative."

Ichigo had to thank his good reflexes that he was able to control himself from spewing out his drink all over the table. He looked at Rukia with a reddened face "Physical contact?"

His date gave him a long-suffering sigh. "You were supposed to take hold of my arm and escort me out of the taxi and into the cinema. You were also supposed to put your arms around my shoulders while we were watching the movie, and give comfort to me during the sad scenes where I had to cry."

No way, Ichigo thought in surprise, she had no idea what she was talking about. Grabbing hold of his knees to concentrate on the matter at hand, he shuddered to think what would have happened if it was either Keigo or Chizuru who were out with Rukia tonight. Giving himself a mental note to kick his father when they got home, he opened his mouth to lecture Rukia about thinking twice before listening to his stupid father when Rukia delivered the coup 'de grace.

"If you were a good date, you should have touched my knee over dinner as well."

Oh god, his father was such a pervert.

"Well Ichigo?" Rukia asked impatiently.

Why not? A voice inside his head said. She wanted to be touched anyway?

Yes, if – wait! He mentally cried; there was no way his thoughts were turning that way! That way was the point of no return, it was the highway to pervertville and once Ichigo got there he would be just as bad as his old man!

Suddenly, he was surprised to feel a hand grasp his. Barely suppressing a yelp, he realized that it was Rukia's. "Moron." She said dispassionately as she placed his hand on her knee at forced it to stay there.

"Rukia! What the hell!"

"Shut up and just do it!" She half-snarled. "Get it done and over it, I'm just following your father's orders!" Rukia gave him a death glare "You're utterly clueless, so don't you dare ruin this date for me or I WILL kill you."

Helplessly, Ichigo had no choice but to comply. With his free hand he grabbed his drink and took a big mouthful of his drink, to wet his suddenly dry lips.

Finally, when Ichigo was able to calm down and not jump up in nervousness (of course, his face was still very red), Rukia decided to speak. "This dating business in your time and age… this is very troublesome." She said thoughtfully "So much things to consider, so many things to do. If this happened in Soul Society, My brother's blood pressure would have gone through the roof."

Needless to say, if Byakuya knew about this date, Ichigo was sure that Zenbonsakura would be cutting him up into unnoticeable pieces.

Unconsciously, Ichigo's hand clutched Rukia's knee tightly, his fingers closing over her skin. Strangely enough, Rukia's skin was smooth and soft to the touch. He wondered if this was the case all the time or if it was just due to the lotion that Yuzu claimed to have bought for her.

Suddenly, he heard his date clear her throat. "I certainly hope that you are not enjoying this way too much."

"Like I would!" He retorted hotly.

"Just checking. So, when do we get dessert?"

There was a pause as Ichigo composed his thoughts. Then, "Have you tasted gelato yet?"

(Page Break)

After their dinner, the two decided to go out and take a walk. ("Signore," the headwaiter said, handing him a single stemmed white rose. "A white rose signifies purity and a likewise honorable intention. The signora would like this") at the park to kill the time until it was 11pm.

"Aren't you going to hold my hand?" Rukia demanded as they made their way across the street.

"As if." Ichigo sneered. "Why, you need help crossing the street?"

"You're my date, you have to be considerate." Rukia said tartly, "Besides, your father –

"Yeah, yeah, the physical intimacy schumuck." Ichigo said in irritation.

There was a small pause.

"ICHIGO."

At that tone, Ichigo hastily took hold of Rukia's hand in his. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." He said, warning his date about the prudent merit of keeping her mouth shut. If anyone got wind of this stroll, there would be a field day.

"Are we in Vegas?"

He sighed. "Figure of speech Rukia, figure of speech."

The two walked on towards the park, passing by a convenience store.

"The gelato was nice." Rukia mumbled almost to herself. I wish we were able to get one more serving."

Looking far ahead, Ichigo said, "What flavor?"

"Eh? Strawberry, I guess." Rukia said as she shrugged.

"Stay here." Ichigo said suddenly as he stopped walking by the street lamp. He quickly dropped her hand.

Rukia gave him a puzzled glance. "Why so?"

"Just shut up and stay here." Ichigo told her as he walked into the convenience store. Grumbling about spoiled female shinigamis, he made his way into the frozen food section to look for any kind of ice cream available. He spotted a strawberry ice cream on a vanilla-flavored cone and he took one for Rukia, while he grabbed a chocolate-flavored one for himself.

Outside, Rukia stood still as she waited for Ichigo to arrive. On one hand, she was somewhat still reeling from the information she was drilled with by Isshin; on the other hand, she was wondering what she would do should a hollow arrive. She left her sappy soul candy dispenser at home, so she was virtually unable to get out of her gigai when she was needed to return to her soul form.

It was fortunate enough that she remembered Ichigo carrying his substitute shinigami license with him. So should the unexpected occur, she may still be able to do something.

"Hey, would you look at that." An appreciative voice called out from behind her. Quickly, Rukia turned around and came face to face with three tall and bulky men who had the most annoyingly perverted expression she had the unfortunate fate of ever meeting. The one at the center, who was obviously the leader was leering at Rukia and was almost salivating as he took his roving eye to her slim form. "What's a lovely little dove like you doing at a place like this alone?"

Rukia stood her ground as the three stepped even closer. She was a shinigami and a Kuchiki, she would never be intimidated by low-life thugs like them. "I am waiting for my date."

"Aw... She's just so cute boss." Thug # 2 said.

"Yeah, she just looks so adorable. It's a shame she's alone." Thug # 3 seconded.

The first thug smiled leeringly like a shark, as he stepped even closer and took hold of Rukia's arm. "Well, babe, why not go with me instead? I'm sure I can give you a better time."

"Thanks but no thanks." Came her straight reply. "But my date is just inside the store, he'll be out in a minute to keep me company."

The ugly thug held her arm tighter. "Maybe I wasn't clear baby. I meant you should go with me now."

Rukia turned to give the man her sternest glare. "I would appreciate it if you let go of my arm, before I resort to do something you might regret."

Unfazed, the man just sneered "Oh, and what may that be?"

Ah, thank goodness for these barbaric fashions, Rukia said in smug happiness, as she brought her heeled shoe to the man's foot. As he doubled over in pain, she took the opportunity to give him a well-placed punch on his nose.

"You dirty bitch!" The man cried out in outrage as he held his bleeding nose. His companions immediately stepped to close Rukia in. Both of his lackeys grabbed Rukia by the arms.

"Unhand me now!" Rukia ordered frostily in a manner that was eerily similar to Byakuya's frightening expression. Normally, she expected the men to comply and stutter uncomfortably just like Renji, but the three were too stupid to realize her threat.

The man grabbed hold of her chin. "Oh, and can you make me?"

"Let go." A voice said angrily from behind them.

The others looked back, and Rukia was able to see Ichigo standing there, radiating anger that was almost visible to the naked eye. He was holding a bag of ice cream while looking at the three menacingly. The sight was so unusual, Rukia almost laughed.

"And who might you be?" The leader asked as if Ichigo was an insignificant fly. "Find your own girl, this one's mine."

"Oh?" Now the look in Ichigo's face was downright scary. Despite his casually cool outfit he looked positively badass. "I'm throwing back those words at you. Let go of MY date and scram."

"Make me."

The grin on Ichigo's face was downright feral. "Oh, is that so… Well, since you ask so nicely… I guess I have to be polite and indulge you."

As he stepped closer, Rukia spoke. "Don't land them in the hospital, Ichigo."

"Aa."

(Page Break)

"Ichigo, its cold out here."

"Not my fault."

"Why you…" Rukia muttered angrily as they passed the stoplight. The night was surprisingly chilly and she found that goosebumps were starting to develop over her bare arms. She remembered asking Isshin to add a particularly stylish coat to their purchase, but she was assured that it wouldn't be needed. Belatedly, Rukia wondered if listening to Isshin was a bright move or a completely stupid one.

After leaving the three thugs lying on the cold pavement, the two continued on to the park. Fortunately, nothing happened to the ice cream, as Ichigo was able to beat the three to a pulp by throwing the bag to Rukia. The female shinigami wondered if the dress she wore was such a troublesome one to cause such a commotion.

Suddenly, as soon as she felt the chill, it was gone. A comfortable black jacket was placed haphazardly around her shoulders. Rukia looked up to see Ichigo looking at a certain lamppost as if it was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen in his life. With a secret smile, Rukia dug into the sleeves, burying herself further into the jacket's warmth. Since it belonged to the really tall orange-haired shinigami representative, the hem of the jacket fell down to her knees, giving protection to her bare legs.

"Hurry up." He said as he continued on to the park.

Rukia followed him, placing her hand in the pocket of Ichigo's jacket. Her fingers came across something and she pulled it out. It was a single stemmed white rose. "Ichigo?" She asked.

"Keep it." Came his terse reply. From the corner of his eye he saw Rukia stumble over a pebble. Without knowing it, his hand shot out to grab her arm by reflex in order to steady her.

Slowly, the two made their way to the swings. As they sat down, Ichigo took out the ice cream from the bag and handed it to her. In complete silence, they started to eat.

"I love ice cream." She said happily. "This is wonderful."

"Che. Like you weren't noisy enough that I wouldn't know."

Ignoring the teen for once, Rukia opened her ice cream cone and carefully ate hers.

Ichigo was supposed to ask her something, but he found himself looking at the girl who was eating the ice cream with visible relish. A pink tongue darted to capture the sweet treat. For the life of him, Ichigo had no idea why he was to taken with the whole thing; it was just Rukia eating ice cream, for god's sake. It was nothing worth being fascinated over!

Not knowing that the other was staring at her, Rukia then swirled her tongue around the ice cream slowly, as if savoring the flavor and committing it to her memory. "Hmm… yummy…"

His face beet-red, Ichigo immediately looked up at the sky for assistance to whichever deity was currently on duty to help him take hold of his teenage hormones and overactive imagination running wild. He then made a move to eat his ice cream, but found to his horror that he lost his appetite to eat when he could watch Rukia enjoy hers.

"Damn."

"Is there a problem?" Rukia asked, "Ichigo, you're not eating your ice cream."

He shrugged "I wanted another flavor."

"Why did you buy chocolate then?"

Ichigo glared at her "Mind your own ice cream…Oi, Rukia," he called out "Your ice cream's melting."

Rukia turned in time to see the ice cream melt and drip down to her hand. On instinct, she quickly gave her hand a few licks.

"Oh god…" Muttered Ichigo as he immediately turned the other way. Can he just spend a quiet evening in peace? With his face red, he dug into his pocket to check if he had an extra hanky or a spare tissue to give her when his hand brushed something. Ichigo immediately stiffened as he took a quick peek by bringing it out slightly. No shit! His old man was able to slip the offending package of condom in his pocket!

"Is there something bothering you? You're looking really uncomfortable, Ichigo."

Ichigo debated on what to say, when suddenly, Rukia's phone started ringing.

Quickly, Rukia dug into her small pocket to bring out her cell phone. "There's a hollow nearby; it seems very strong."

It was one of those days where Ichigo was glad to be interrupted by a hollow. He obviously needed the distraction. "Okay." He said, standing up.

"Wait." Rukia said. "Can I borrow your shinigami license badge?"

"Huh?"

Looking quite sheepish, Rukia looked away. "I couldn't bring the soul candy dispenser, since it couldn't fit in my pocket."

"Okay, I guess." He replied. "But we have to look for a secure place for my body and your gigai." Looking around, Ichigo was able to spot a tree. "There."

Both immediately went to a large tree that had lush and drooping branches. It was a perfect spot. Since it was shrouded by deep shadows, no one passing by would spot anything, let alone two bodies. The shinigami representative license was used, and Ichigo's soul form sprung out, followed by Rukia's. "Which way?"

"A hundred meters north."

The two immediately ran to the said direction, where they came face to face with a particularly large hollow. Unfortunately, Rukia pointed out that since the hollow had a visible face half-hidden underneath the mask, it was an Arrancar. Naturally, she told Ichigo to proceed with caution.

"Heh. Like that matters." Scoffed Ichigo as he unsheathed Zangetsu. "This is a piece of cake."

(Page Break)

Well, piece of cake was not a word to properly describe the fight that was going on. For starters, ichigo and Rukia were having quite a difficult time since the Arrancar, even if it was a very weak one, had the annoying ability of phasing out. Every time they tried to slash its head off, the creature became transparent that their zanpakutō went right through it.

"Damn this!" Cursed Ichigo "This low-level Arrancar is driving me nuts!"

Rukia tried to use Sode no Shirayuki's first dance, but the ugly Arracar was nimble enough to move away and phase out before Ichigo can cut him. "Watch it, Ichigo!" She ordered as she saw the Arracar attempt to decapitate her partner.

As Ichigo continued on, Rukia took the time to observe the Arrancar. It was indeed nimble and fast, as it was physically strong. Reiatsu-wise however, she could see that it was not very intimidating. It could perhaps be compared to D-Roy, the Arrancar she was able to defeat and purify before. However, unlike D-Roy, this Arrancar was very annoying because it had an ability that made it difficult to harm. But everything has a weak point, and it was up to Rukia to find it while Ichigo kept it busy.

Suddenly, there it was.

Rukia noticed that whenever Ichigo tried to attack, the Arrancar would phase itself. The first part of his body to do so was its right thigh. It was only a split second early from its other body parts, but nevertheless, it was still ahead, as if it was being protected.

Calling Ichigo's attention to it could prove disastrous to their only chance, so Rukia decided to keep it to herself. Quickly, she made her way into the middle of the fight. Trust me, Ichigo, she thought to herself over and over again.

As Ichigo parried and thrusted Zangetsu, Rukia made use of Shirayuki's first dance to attempt to block the Arrancar. As the said creature avoided the domain of her zanpakutō, it stepped sideways to avoid Ichigo who was in front of him. It was the chance Rukia was looking for as she immediately stepped to the opposite side of Shirayuki's circle, and she immediately went into the fray, piercing the alleged weak spot of their enemy. However, she failed to notice a fanged arm as it headed towards her in a mind-numbing speed.

"Rukia!" Ichigo shouted, causing her to look up to see the impending disaster.

In a blink, Ichigo flash-stepped and dragged Rukia away, causing the arm to graze his shoulders and spilling blood. Ichigo then pushed Rukia a good 10 meters away with just a flick of his wrist as he then continued to attack the Arrancar. It was a good thing that Rukia was right, because the Arrancar was unable to phase out again, making Ichigo's counter attack successful.

Just in time, King.

Shit, no! Ichigo thought in panic as he lost control of his body and fell down to the concrete.

As Ichigo landed clumsily, he was surprised to see himself at a place far from where he was. He first realized that he was alone and weaponless; Zangetsu was nowhere to be seen. Ichigo then looked around him. It was raining, and he was in…

The laughter of a young child interrupted Ichigo's thoughts. He turned around and saw his younger self, walking happily under an umbrella while holding on to his mother's hand.

His mother was alive.

No, this isn't real. He thought as he saw his young version run across in pursuit of a ghost he alone could see. He heard his mother call out his name in fear and urgency. Unable to move or do anything, Ichigo could only watch in horror as his mother dashed after him, knowing that it would be the last thing she could ever do.

Suddenly, barely giving him the time to scream a warning, Ichigo found himself in another familiar street. It was raining once again. Ichigo soon realized the place as he saw his other version lying face down on the wet pavement. Blood was flowing around freely, and the continuous drops of rain were slowly washing it.

It was the night that Rukia was taken to Soul Society. Ichigo then saw the gate to the spirit world, and Rukia was on her way to the other side.

Damn it, move! Ichigo cried out mentally, not knowing if it was for himself or for his other version who was lying on the ground, looking helplessly as Rukia stepped into the gates. "Rukia!" He called out, but once again, everything went blank.

To Ichigo's horror, the next thing he saw was something that continued to plague his nightmares. It was in the alley near Chad's home. It was of Grimmjaw and Rukia.

Rukia was trying to reprimand him and Pyon, when they felt the strong reiatsu of Grimmjaw. As the cocky Espada asked who was stronger, Ichigo relieved the horrifying time where Rukia once again saved him by drawing Grimmjaw's impatient ire to her.

"RUKIA!" Ichigo shouted once again as he saw Rukia stabbed across the stomach by the Espada.

"RUKIA!"

Too bad, King. His hollow snickered as everything went dark. Then, the nightmare began anew as Ichigo once again relieved over and over again the moments where he failed to save the people he cared about.

(Page Break)

"Ichigo!" Rukia cried as she headed off to where Ichigo stood. As soon as the Arrancar was defeated, Ichigo fell down into a heap, which pretty much scared the afterlife out of Rukia. Quickly, she turned the substitute shinigami over. "Ichigo." She called out, prodding him repeatedly on the chest. So far, Ichigo was still breathing. In fact he was okay, except for the scratch and his unconscious state.

Seeing as the injuries were not life threatening to bring him over to Inoue, Rukia instead lugged Ichigo over to his body and her gigai. Using her skills in Kidou, she decided to heal the superficial wound before the damn boy woke up and made a fuss.

Suddenly, Ichigo stirred,

"Ichigo." Rukia attempted to get him to wake up.

Hias hand shot out to grab hers and Ichigo pulled her down quickly towards him "Rukia." He murmured. "Rukia."

Confused as to why he was acting so weirdly, Rukia chose to grab his shoulders, to signify that she was there beside him. "Ichigo. Ichigo what happened?"

"Pathetic."

"What?" She asked indignantly. How dare this boy call her pathetic? He was the one who got hurt, not her.

The hands that held her suddenly became more crushing in their grip. "Pathetic; the king is SO pathetic, Rukia – Chan."

Stiffling a gasp, Rukia's head snapped up to see Ichigo's eyes turn into a different color. Instead of the warm amber color she expected, the pupils were now white and it had dark irises around it. "I..chigo?"

Realizing quickly that this thing in front of her was NOT Ichigo, Rukia made attempts to release herself from the hollow's grasp, but to no avail. Without releasing her arms, the hollow sat up. His face was looking at her with a maniacal glee that could definitely scare anyone with a faint heart. "Nice to finally see you face to face, eh Rukia-chan?"

"You!" She thundered. "What did you do to Ichigo!"

The hollow shrugged. "He's having fun somewhere."

Fun? Rukia was sure that this hollow's idea of fun would be the equivalent of mental torture for Ichigo. He must be in his mind somewhere. "Ichigo. Get out here, NOW!" She ordered, hoping that her angry tone would disguise the feeling of fear that was swamping her senses.

"Trying to be brave, eh Rukia-chan?" the hollow asked mockingly. "Unfortunately, the king is out as of the moment."

"Ichigo." Rukia gritted out, refusing to acknowledge the hollow. Her business was with Ichigo. "Ichigo, if you don't get out now –

"Oi. You noisy woman, didn't I tell you that Ichigo is occupied?" The hollow hissed angrily, painfully grasping Rukia's arms, making her gasp in pain. "Talk to me and address me, you bitch."

Rukia did not give him that satisfaction. Instead she just glared at him haughtily, as if he was an insignificant fly that flew past a Kuchiki noble.

"Ichigo's coming back, but he will either be sane or a raving lunatic if you don't talk to me bitch." The hollow threatened.

Finally, that got to Rukia. "What. Did. You. Do. To. Him?" She ground out grudgingly.

The hollow gave her a sadistic smile. "He's with his mother. Oh, I wish you can see it."

"His mother is dead."

"I know. That's the beauty of it, Rukia-chan."

Light dawned in Rukia's mind as she gasped in horror. "You're making him relive his mother's death!"

The hollow smiled. "Your capture by your brother as well as your skewering by Grimmjaw too. I don't think King is keen on seeing that espada treat you like barbeque."

"You bastard!" Rukia spat out, this time attempting to wrench out her arms in earnest. She didn't care if she would tear off her limbs from their sockets; she just needed to get away from this vile creature that was assaulting her senses with its evil intents. As the hollow only held her more tightly, Rukia used her legs to kick him and flail about. "Let him go!" She shouted "LET HIM GO!"

Suddenly, the hollow flash-stepped and Rukia found her back hitting the trunk of the tree painfully. She gritted her teeth as she saw stars from the jarring impact.

"Listen here, Rukia-chan." The hollow said in a sickeningly mocking voice. "King doesn't get out until I say so, you understand?"

Rukia was unable to reply as she felt difficulty in breathing. Her constricted throat was not helping at all. Damn it!

The hollow snickered. "I wish you could hear him screaming like hell, Rukia-chan. It's such a soothing sound. He was especially weak today you know, all of these conflicting thoughts making him lose control little by little." He peered at Rukia's eyes. "Do you want to save him, Rukia-chan? Do you want to save King from madness?"

Rukia glared at him for all that she was worth. "What… do… you… want?" She choked out.

"15 minutes, Rukia-chan. 15 minutes worth of hot and heavy making-out session with you."

(Page Break)

A/N: Okay… so this is the 5th chapter.

Thanks to those guys who reviewed and made great suggestions, they were much appreciated. I'm sorry if some of you don't find this chapter that funny, I'm still reeling from chapter 4. Of course, I'm sure that there are funny parts here, and they're quite plenty – despite not in a sidesplitting manner like in the previous chapter.

I hope that you folks got hungry after reading this chapter. I went to this really unobtrusive but popular Italian restaurant near work and I loved their food that I decided to cite Italian dishes. For the Italians, you have my most envious respects for being able to eat such meals frequently. It's hard to purchase the needed ingredients at our local supermarket, plus they don't come in cheap.

Yeah, I've heard of one reader who nearly choked on something while reading the Bachelorette Rukia chapter. Gosh, that kinda scared me… hopefully, no one got hurt while reading it. You guys wouldn't sic lawyers on me, won't you? Hehe.

As for this chapter, I tried to make it a bit naughty, but I'm not sure if it was a successful attempt. I hope you guys like this and I hope you can get whatever it is that I'm trying to send when you read the part at the movie house. I so loved writing that part, since I was able to unabashedly use cliché plots and cheesy dialogues without fearing the wrath of my muse. Besides, remove the cheesy dialogue and the whole thing would have been VERY Ichi-Ruki, ne? The whole going against a whole society to save a girl, isn't that familiar? Yeah, I confess, I'm one of those people who watch just to find something to complain about; told ya I was nutters. If anyone found this chapter too cliché or cheesy as well, let me defend myself: I did not watch an overload of teenybopper romance flicks that it affected my writing. This is because the whole flow of the date was dictated by Isshin to Rukia, so the whole date was like a drawn-out rerun of a soap opera. Hope you guys understand. I'm experimenting on my style, just so I don't become too predictable. If this one was unsatisfactory, drop me a line, and I'll chalk it up to experience.

Sheesh, procrastinate much?

Anyway, watch out for the next chapter, as it will pick up IMMEDIATELY from the last sentence that was uttered by Hollow Ichigo. This means… dun-dun-dun-dun… something that will make my fic rating go to M (or so I hope).

Well then, see yah in a week or so – I'm starting on the next chapter!