My disclaimer
I know Disney owns "Kim Possible"...lock, stock, and Rufus. Before I get done, I will probably tick off a few more studios, too. But if they want to sue me, they have to get behind all my other creditors. Since I am in south Florida now, the line has formed to the right and goes all the way to Sacramento!
To all readers:
1) Because of the "hurry-up-and-wait" aspect of 'The Amazing Race', some of the dialogue may read like a play's script, the rest may read like a normal story. I am sorry, but it's the only way to preserve the pacing of the story to match that of a standard 'Amazing Race' episode.
2) The departure times, seat availability, and duration of flights are completely fictional—Please do not waste your time trying to correct me by using info from travel sites and various brochures. We are dealing with cartoons here, remember?
3) Unless I get a lot of requests to do so, the opening theme sequence will only be posted in the first chapter and referenced back to it throughout the rest of the story.
4) I have grown tired of all these "Ki-Go" and "Ron-Go" stories; so I thought I would throw in a little "AG-GO". Don't worry…you'll figure it out soon enough! Enjoy!
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(Off-screen voice of Phil): "Previously, on "The Amazing Race"…Eleven teams of the greatest teams in cartoon history converged on Omaha, Nebraska, to embark on a race around the world…
"Teams...the world awaits you...for one million dollars...GO!"
"…The teams got a 'kick' out of their 'Detour' in Lincoln…
…"Come on, Brian," encouraged Stewie, "you can do it…just picture the ball as being my head! That's it…just concentrate on kicking the…OW!! You FOOL!!"
"…then found things a bit 'Rocky' in Philadelphia…
…Starfire, still queasy from the raw eggs, began her rope jumping, but had to stop after only 25 jumps to let her stomach settle. Arnold was getting the hang of the jump rope, but only after his waist-tied sweater got caught up in the rope a few times. Ron was setting a world-class pace for his run—as far as humans go. However, Odie, being a dog, was still matching him stride for gallop…
"…but nobody was prepared for the startling surprises dealt to not one, not two, but three teams…
"Bullwinkle & Rocky…you're the last team to arrive…"
…Phil then motioned for Charlie & Lucy and Brian & Stewie to join them on the mat. The looks of confusion turned into complete shock when Phil said…
"I'm sorry to tell you…but you have ALL been eliminated from the race!"
"…What new surprises await our remaining eight teams on their quest for One MILLION Dollars?? Find out NEXT!"
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'Amazing Race' opening theme begins... (Please go to chapter 1 for theme sequence)
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So The Reality: 'Amazing Race'-Philadelphia (Leg #2)
(Off-screen of Phil): "This is Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, the "City of Brotherly Love" and birthplace to such bastions of Americana as the Declaration of Independence, the Liberty Bell, 'American Bandstand', and—of course—the Philly cheesesteak sandwich! At the top of the famous steps featured in the 1976 classic, 'Rocky', is the front entrance to the Philadelphia Museum of Art…the first 'Pit Stop' in a race around the world…
"…After 'checking in' at the 'Pit Stop', teams stay for a mandatory rest period to recharge and interact with the other teams…
Arnold & Gerald and Bugs & Elmer were pretty much keeping to themselves. Arnold was still recovering from having to down those eggs twice (two of the first batch spilled on his shirt) while Bugs was still healing from the collision with the Field Turf and concrete base of Nebraska's Memorial Stadium. It was all Gerald and Elmer could do to help their partners in their delicate conditions.
In another corner of the makeshift rest area, Bender & Fry were trading insults with Bart & Homer…
FRY: "Why are you guys so yellow?"
BART: "Why are you so stupid?"
HOMER: "Why are you so fat?"
BENDER: "Like you've got room to talk, Tubby!"
HOMER (reaching forward): "Why you little…" (begins to choke Bender, actually constricting the robot's neck)
Fry had a surprised face as he turned to Bart, "Wow…That's tri-density galvanized titanium!" he said, "How is he doing that? How did he even find Bender's neck?"
Bart just massaged his own neck and replied, "Years of practice, man…years of practice."
Shaggy was trading lasagna recipes with Garfield while Odie and Scooby were poring over Dalmatians in latest issue of 'Spots Illustrated'. Team Possible and the Titans were swapping tales about their fiercest battles and strangest villains. While Starfire was regaling her battle stories to Ron, Kim was re-telling some of her latest adventures to Robin.
"BeBees, huh?" pondered Robin, "Maybe I could get Cyborg a date for Homecoming after all!" This made Kim laugh a little louder than what was really appropriate for the joke.
"You beat your older sister and became empress of your whole planet? That is so Badical!" proclaimed Ron…
STARFIRE (in a 'Pit Stop' interview, with Robin seated to her left): "Ron is so goofy…so dreamy…so different from any other boys I have ever seen. I hope to better understand this 'Ron Factor' of his. It's too bad Kim keeps him on such a tight leash!"
KIM (in a separate interview, with Ron seated to her right): "Robin is such a fantastic fighter! I've finally met a boy my age with the same drive, the same determination, the same passion about saving the world. If only Starfire wasn't always hanging on him like a rag doll…"
RON and ROBIN (on a "split-screen", with matching looks of fuming jealousy, facing towards their partners): "HELLOOOOOO!!! BOYFRIEND!!! RIGHT HERE!!!"
…The interview camera pulls back to reveal all four of them together, with Kim and Starfire in the center of the picture…
KIM and STARFIRE: "Jinx! You owe us a soda!" (both giggle)
RON and ROBIN (faces turning red): "Ooooooooooooooooooooh!!"
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(Off-camera voice of Phil): Kim & Ron arrived at 7:38 pm…They depart at…
7:38 AM—Day 2
KIM & RON (reading the clue): "Intersection…"
(Off-camera voice of Phil): At an 'Intersection', teams must join forces to perform their next tasks, and must stay together as a group until they receive a clue that releases them.
Since Kim & Ron opened their clue just before Robin & Starfire, Kim thought it was best if the two joined for the 'Intersection'.
KIM (calling out to Robin & Starfire): "Guys, would you like to join us?"
STARFIRE: "We'd love to."
Starfire dragged Robin with her to Team Possible. She ran right up to completely surprise Ron with a massive hug, causing him to squirm uncomfortably. The momentum of her grip's release caused Robin and Kim to collide. While Robin was annoyed at having to waste time untangling himself from Kim, Kim smiled sheepishly and blushed so her face matched her hair. By the time all four teens were standing again to read the rest of the clue, it was…
7:40 AM
Arnold & Gerald quickly teamed up with Garfield & Odie after they found the 'Intersection' clue…He and Ron read the rest of the clue at the same time.
ARNOLD: "Fly yourselves…
RON: "Cork, Ireland…"
(Off-camera voice of Phil): Teams must travel from Philadelphia to Cork, Ireland, then travel by taxi to Blarney Castle, where they will receive their next clue.
9:30 AM
Bugs & Elmer were quick to pair up with Shaggy & Scooby. This forced Bender & Fry to put aside their differences with Bart & Homer long enough to face their trip to Ireland.
BUGS (reading from the last part of the clue): "Each group of four will receive $500 for this leg of the race…"
9:35 AM
FRY: "…to be kept separate from the funds used by the usual teams of two."
9:58 AM
As the Titan-Possible team was getting settled into their seats on the flight to Cork, Kim and Starfire quickly and graciously spun around so that they landed next to the partner of their counterpart. Ron paid no attention to Starfire's cooing and giggling. Instead, he cast a painful glance toward Kim's playful jabs at Robin. Here was his best friend since pre-K—Kim "I can do anything" Possible—draped all over Robin the Boy Wonder, who successfully made the leap from 'sidekick' to true hero and leader of a formidable team of his own. The whole experience made Ron very uneasy, to say the least—borderline psychotic and paranoid to say the most.
'How could she do this to me?' he thought. 'She's practically throwing herself at him. I thought she loved me, but I guess Bonnie was right about the "Food Chain"—it just appealed to Kim's hero side instead of her high-school side. The only thing she hasn't done yet is jump in his lap and shout "Hey, big boy…Take me! I'm yours!" I know we've only been dating for a short while, but this whole thing is so sick and wrong on so many levels! She may as well rip my heart out of my chest, pour some Diablo sauce on it, and calmly eat it right in front of me!'
At the same time as this one-man episode of 'Agony County' was taking place, Robin was getting angrier by the minute. Part of his attention demanded that he block the many advances of this famous but strange red-head next to him. However, the majority of his thoughts were focused on Starfire and her actions toward Ron.
'This is ridiculous!' thought Robin, 'What does he have that I don't? Is it his wide, silly grin, his questionable table manners, or his ability to put his foot in his mouth so often he gets athlete's tongue…Ouch! That is starting to hurt…' His next thought was voiced out loud—maybe a little too loud to be discreet…
"WILL—YOU—KNOCK—THAT—OFF?!??!?"
This display of outrage caused every eye on the plane to focus on the foursome, including those of the mega-team of Arnold & Gerald-Garfield & Odie. Every motion was frozen. This included the serving of several meals and drinks, which caused them to spill, fall and otherwise create quite a mess up and down the aisle of the plane.
The tension was only broken when…Kim and Starfire began laughing hysterically and exchanging 'high-fives'. This only made Ron's face grow more melancholy (if that was even possible) and Robin's face more hardened.
Robin took a deep breath before speaking again, understanding the spectacle they just made out of it all. "Starfire, just what is going on here?"
Starfire, still giggling uncontrollably, turned to Robin and explained, "When I learned Kim & Ron were joining us in Omaha for the race, Kim and I cooked up a little plan to mess with your heads. We wanted to find out just how—I believe she said—'tweaked' you two would get if we went after each other's boyfriends…"
Kim laughed and continued, "…It's like I was giving you an 'anti-massage'. Your shoulders kept building more tension as I was rubbing them. Star and I saw the look on your face, Robin, and it was priceless!"
This caused Robin to get even madder. "Star, I know you like playing your little jokes to make me jealous," he declared, "but Kim, did you even think of how Ron would feel?"
Kim started, "I'm sure Ron was having the time of his life, enjoying the attention of Starfire, right Ron…Ron?"
It was only at that point that Kim thought to look in Ron's direction. The look he gave her revealed layer after layer after excruciating layer of pain. More layers revealed themselves with every passing second.
RON (sitting next to Kim during an 'in-race interview'): "I know I caused us to start badly on this race, but this…this… (turns away from the camera)"
KIM: "Ron, I said I was sorry. Every other 'red-blooded' American boy would have loved all that attention from Starfire. How could I know you didn't even notice her?"
RON (glaring at Kim): "But I'm not every other 'red-blooded' American boy. I'm a clueless loser, just like Bonnie has said all these years…"
KIM: "Ron, you are NOT a loser! Stop saying that!!"
RON (ignoring Kim): "But more than that, it's called 'trust', KP. You should have trusted me…like I trusted you!"
KIM: "Ron…"
RON: "Just leave me alone right now, OK? It's a long flight and we need our rest…"
The silence on that plane was so deafening, the pilot's 'final approach' message caused half of the plane to jump in shock…and caused a familiar mess to be made. Arnold turned to Garfield at this point and had only one thing to say to the orange tabby…
"…I thought you told me Odie was house-broken!"
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11:14 AM (Philadelphia Airport)
Bugs & Elmer-Shaggy & Scooby boarded their plane along with the combo of Bender & Fry-Bart & Homer. Shaggy & Scooby caused most of the passengers to despise them part of the way through. Apparently, they found the galley and ate all of the in-flight meals, soft drinks, and snacks intended for all the passengers. At least they left the flight's entire alcohol content intact…
…which paved the way for Bender to raid the liquor supply and drain every bottle on the plane. Needless to say, the skies were markedly un-friendly that night.
8:38 AM (Local time, as several time zones were crossed-DUH!)—Day 3
The taxis for the first two mega-teams pulled into the red-and-yellow marked 'reserved' spots at Blarney Castle. Arnold-Gerald-Garfield-Odie—or "AG-GO"—had an extra spring in their step. They were enjoying the fresh, crisp morning air as they looked forward to the next clue. The Titan-Team Possible group felt like they could use another 24 hours of shut-eye as they trailed behind the race's new leaders…
8:39 AM
ARNOLD (reading the yellow clue page): "Detour…
(Off-screen voice of Phil): "A 'Detour' is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this 'Detour', teams must choose between 'Kiss it' or 'Toss it'.
"In 'Kiss it', all four team members must kiss the famed Blarney Stone, one at a time. This task does not require any real speed or strength, but it requires a lot of patience. Not only do they have to kiss the stone in the traditional fashion, bending over backwards on a support scaffold), they also have to wait in line behind all the others who have camped out for hours before the castle opened at 8:00 AM to do the same thing. After the last team member puckers up to the stone and leaves the scaffold, the attendant will give them their next clue…
"In 'Toss it', teams must perform a task that honors the original Scottish occupants of Blarney Castle—long before Ireland became an independent nation—the caber toss. As a group, teams must toss this 17-foot long and smooth log, known as a caber, from one end of this neighboring soccer field to the other—from goal-line to goal-line. Once the caber crosses the completion goal-line, the team will receive their next clue…
After much discussion, "AG-GO" decided to wait in the 'Kiss it' line.
GERALD (during 'in-race' interview): "If you think two pre-teen boys, a cat, and a dog are going to try slinging that telephone pole around, you're nuts!!"
The Titans-Team Possible group took a lot less time making their choice. Ron spoke with open bitterness before any other comments could be said.
"Look," said Ron, "We are four heroes here—or at least three-and-a-half, counting myself…" which caused Kim to frown again, "Since a) the rules do not prevent us from using our non-glowing strength or our knowledge of leverage, and b) I really don't feel like kissing anything right now, let's just toss this toothpick and get the next clue!"
…Indeed, the line has become long for the chance to kiss the Blarney Stone. By the time "AG-GO" got there, over fifty people were already in line. To their credit, the staff of Blarney Castle did manage to keep the line moving…
…Kim & Ron were the first to lift the caber, but Robin & Starfire were quick to follow. On a three count, the team flung the pole at least one-fourth of the way down the field (aka the pitch). With the fourth effort, the team completed their task and ran to the nearby official for their clue…
8:46 AM
STARFIRE (reading from clue): "Fly to Salisbury, England…
(Off-camera voice of Phil): Teams must travel by taxi back to Cork International Airport, where they will find a 'first-come-first-serve' sign-up sheet for one of four charter flights to an airstrip just outside of Salisbury, England. From there, teams must travel by bus twelve kilometers to the famous rock formation known as Stonehenge, where they will receive their next clue.
STARFIRE (continuing the clue): "…the 'Intersection' is still in effect…"
'Oh, great,' thought Ron with a full measure of sarcasm, 'this just keeps getting better and better…'
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9:12 AM
… "AG-GO" finally got their turn to kiss the Blarney Stone, but it wasn't easy for everybody. Bending back and placing his lips on the stone may have been rather easy for Arnold, but Gerald's 'fade' hairstyle kept getting in the way of his attempt. It took him four attempts to finally plant the smooch on the rock. Garfield was rather flexible, but extremely short. He missed the stone on his first try, but was successful in the second.
Odie was a different story altogether. His massive tongue easily licked the stone's complete surface from bottom to top (remember, he was upside-down). This was easy to do, but it caused such revulsion throughout the line behind them, everybody turned back and ran away from the castle. This made things a lot easier for the next two pairs of teams, who were just approaching the castle as this mega-team received its clue at…
9:21 AM
GARFIELD (finishing the clue): "Hmmm…'more surprises ahead.'…maybe Salisbury steaks this time?"
ARNOLD (annoyed, to Garfield): "One, Salisbury steaks were created in America. Two, what is it with you and food, anyway?"
GARFIELD (patting his stomach): "Hey! This is not a beer gut, you know!"
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9:23 AM
…The Looney Tunes-Mystery, Inc. mega-team, not bothering to ask why there was no longer a line for the Blarney Stone, decided to 'Kiss it' rather than 'Toss it'. Elmer's height (or lack thereof) proved to be a minimal issue, but all four completed their task in short order…which was just about as quickly as the Simpson-Futurama mega-team, finished 'Toss it'. Thanks to Bender's strength, the mega-team managed to toss the caber all the way down the field in just one throw. Both teams received their clues at…
9:27 AM
…The Titan-Possible mega-team entered the airport, stopping at the sign-in sheet long enough to secure the first flight, scheduled for 10:00 am. Robin noticed his Team Possible counterpart was in a bit of a funk. 'Heck…' he thought, 'Earth, Wind, & Fire and The Commodores combined didn't have this much funk!' He knew the tow-headed teen needed some help—and quick. While Starfire and Kim were using the 'little heroine's room', Robin sat next to Ron.
"Hey…" said Robin.
"Hey right back at ya!" replied Ron, in the best smile he could muster, given the circumstances.
"You know," continued Robin, "that was a rotten thing they did to us on the plane."
"Yeah," sighed Ron, "Zorpox the Conqueror couldn't have done better himself!"
"Zor-Who?"
"Never mind, man. It's just that I have given my heart and soul to that…that…"
"Don't say something you know you're gonna regret later, Ron."
"But you don't understand. I have entered pits of certain doom, been shot at by hundreds of cannons, lasers, and nearly every plasma ray known to mankind. I have sustained hundreds of cuts and bruises, several broken ribs, a few concussions, and I think I nearly died a couple of times…AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE MONKEYS!!!!
"But you…you are the Boy Wonder…sidekick to Batman of all people! You got into this racket to avenge the death of your family…to fight corruption and crime…to put right the injustices of this world…and to prove that 'Crime Does Not Pay'!
"Then, on top of all that, you assembled one of the greatest crime-fighting teams this side of the Justice League. You formed the Titans. You had the drive, the initiative, and the leadership required to join them together and keep them together—no matter what."
Ron then hung his head and looked at himself. "Me? I don't need to avenge anyone's death…my folks are just fine! I didn't form my own 'super-team'…I just have my little buddy, Rufus. I have none of these reasons to do any of this crazy 'save-the-world' stuff…I just want to go to Paris, study international cuisine, marry my 'soul mate', grow old with her, and die!"
"Then why, Ron," asked Robin, "Why do you do all this crazy stuff? I know darn well you don't get any money and very few of the accolades you truly deserve. Why do you do it?"
"Why? It's all for her! Because that is the only way to keep her alive! I swear she has a 'death wish' or something; but ever since pre-K, I just couldn't picture my life without her. I really don't think I can live without her! Only recently have I had enough courage to tell her just how much she means to me! If necessary, I will walk through the fires of Hell itself, just for her!"
Robin put a reassuring arm on Ron's shoulder. "Dude," proclaimed Robin, "forget that 'three-and-a-half heroes' junk! We have 'four-and-a-half' heroes, with you taking the extra portion!"
This brought a smile to Ron's face, "Coming from you, that's one bon-diggety compliment!" His smile turned just the slightest bit sinister. "However, we still have to find a way to get back at those two for what they did to us!"
Robin's smile began to match Ron's, "Now that's more like it! What do you have in mind, Naco-Man?"
"Not much," replied Ron, "just a little something from the Zorpox playbook…"
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9:47 AM
"AG-GO" arrived at the airport to sign up for the 10:30 flight. Just a few minutes later, the Loony Tunes-Mystery, Inc. mega-team barely beat Simpson-Futurama to the clipboard, putting their names in place for the 11:00 am flight. This left the 11:30 flight for Simpson-Futurama.
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10:00 AM
After Team Titan-Possible boarded their flight, Ron turned to Kim and spoke to her for the first time since their flight to Cork.
Ron put a re-assuring hand on Kim's shoulder. In his most forgiving, understanding, and caring voice, he looked into her eyes and said, "KP, I'm beginning to see the light."
Kim was just happy he was speaking to her again, but she could not figure out what to make of Ron's current mood. "See the light about what?" she asked.
At this inquiry, Ron giggled a little and cooed, "About Robin, silly."
"Oh-kaaaaayy…", Kim said as she started to wonder just where this was going.
"I mean, he's so cute, so buff…and don't tell me you haven't noticed how well he fills in those tights of his. Girl, not everybody could pull off that kind of fashion statement!"
"Ron, you're starting to creep me out much!"
"I wonder what deep, dark secret he's hiding under that mask of his."
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While this discussion was taking place, Robin took Starfire's hand in his and met her eyes with stone-cold determination.
"Star," said Robin, "I…have a confession to make."
Starfire's face was puzzled at the seriousness of Robin's tone. "Confession?" she asked, "About what?"
Robin looked deeper into her eyes. "I've found someone else."
"Wh…What??" Starfire's face was starting to resemble that of a newborn fawn on a darkened road, coming face-to-face with an SUV.
Robin's face became all starry-eyed as he gently said, "Yes, that's right. I've found someone who understands me more…someone who cares about what I say and how I feel. In fact, he's just about the sweetest, kindest, gentlest person on the face of this earth."
Starfire pulled him close. Her eyes were starting to glow with extreme jealousy. She screamed at Robin, "Just what do you see in that red-headed little…wait…did you just say, 'HE'?"
Robin chuckled lightly and said, "You were so right about Ron. He really is as dreamy as you said. And he has one of the purest hearts of anybody I have ever met. I'd really like him to spread some of that 'Ron-shine' my way."
"Robin, you are starting to scare me…"
"You know, I couldn't help but look when he lost his pants at the caber toss today. I mean…those boxers…"
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At this point, both Kim and Starfire screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
A pause of a few seconds seemed to drag on for hours. Ron and Robin turned to their partners and said…
"JINX!! Right back at ya, girls!"
While Kim and Starfire could only just stare, Ron and Robin were rolling in laughter on the limited floor space of the charter plane. They were exchanging 'high-fives' as the ladies were starting to return to reality.
Starfire's eyes were beginning to glow again as she raised her hands and bellowed, "Robin, YOU LITTLE…"
Kim had to bring Starfire's hands down to keep the Titan from blowing up the plane.
"I guess we had that coming, huh?" asked Kim.
"Big time!" Ron chuckled.
Starfire was still puzzled. "How could you do this? What made you come up with such a plan, Robin??"
Robin laughed as he waved a hand toward Ron. "Oh, no…It wasn't me! Ask the genius over here."
Kim and Starfire were both puzzled now. "Ron??"
Robin answered, "Yep! While you two were 'freshening up', we had a heart-to-heart talk. After that, he drew up this brilliant plan while mentioning some dude named Zorpox." This drew a familiar smile from Kim.
"Kim," continued Robin, "you gotta give the man some credit! He has overcome so many fears, so many injuries, and I'm NOT going to mention the monkeys! He has done all this and continues to do all this for one reason…for you. He does this to keep you safe…to keep you alive so he can treasure another day with you in his life."
Starfire was surprised to hear this. "Really?" she inquired, "Before I met Robin, no boy would even open the door for me! Kim, hold onto him with all your heart, for as long as you can. I may not have lived on this planet long, but thanks to Robin, I know what true love is. Believe me, to do all that just for one person…that's love!"
It was Kim's turn to talk, and she turned her attention squarely to her team-mate.
"Ron," pleaded Kim, "I am so sorry about the prank we pulled on you guys. I thought it would be just a little harmless fun. I would never…ever…ever intentionally hurt you that badly. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"
Ron's face was cold and motionless for a moment.
"R-Ron?" cried Kim as her face displayed what she considered the most important 'Puppy-Dog-Pout' of her entire life up to that point.
Slowly, Ron's face began to move…to twitch…to generate a gleam in his eyes…to smile.
"BOO-YAH!!" howled Ron, as he took Kim in a tight embrace. The limited plane space prevented him from twirling her in the air like he did on the last day of the school year.
Starfire offered her hands to both Kim and Ron. "Truce?" she offered.
"Truce!" was proclaimed by Kim, Robin, and Ron…followed by a triumphant proclamation from Ron.
"JIN…Oh, forget about it. Come here, guys."
The group hug lasted all the way to the plane's final approach in Salisbury.
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12:13 PM-Stonehenge
The Titan-Possible mega-team stood in awe of the famed stone formation for only a moment before Ron reached into the clue box and pulled out the familiar yellow envelope. Upon opening it, he saw two of the familiar blue directional clue slip...but two strange orange pamphlets drew his attention as well…
RON (reading from one of the blue slips): "Drive to St. Andrews Old Golf Course…"
(Off-screen voice of Phil): "All teams must drive specially marked vehicles to St. Andrews Old Golf Course, believed by many to be the birthplace of golf. Teams must go to the 18th tee to retrieve their next clue."
RON (finishing clue): "…The 'Intersection' is over and all teams are released at this point to resume racing on their own."
After handing half the combined money, the other blue slip, and one of the orange pamphlets to Robin, the two shook hands and wished each other luck for the remainder of the race.
As Kim and Ron enter their marked car, Ron examined the orange pamphlet. Ron had a quizzical look on his face once he saw the word 'Rebirth' on the outside of it. "What do they mean by 'Rebirth'??" he pondered as he opened the pamphlet.
(Off-screen voice of Phil): "Stonehenge is not only a world-renowned landmark, it is said to possess great and mystic powers. Some Druid followers believe miracles could be performed because of its influence.
"Such is the case with 'Rebirth'. This is a brand-new surprise specifically designed for this race. In thousands of cartoons throughout history, characters sustain injuries that would instantly kill a mere human being. After each catastrophic event, that same character re-appears unharmed in the next scene.
"This is the only 'Rebirth' point in the entire race. Once they reach the 'Pit Stop', each of the eight remaining teams will cast a vote to bring back one of the three eliminated teams—Charlie & Lucy, Bullwinkle & Rocky, or Brian & Stewie. In case of a tie between two of the three teams, the third eliminated team will choose the winner."
The cameras captured the names and times of all the other mega-teams as they reached the temple of stone…
12:44 PM
"AG-GO"
GERALD (during an 'in-race' interview): "Man, I'm glad to get rid of that annoying cat! Enough lasagna jokes already!"
1:17 PM
Loony Tunes-Mystery, Inc.
ELMER (during an 'in-race' interview): "Mystewy, Inc. Hah! What a couple of scwewballs. Just what was in those Scooby Snacks, anyways?"
1:46 PM
Simpson-Futurama
Fry began to divide the remaining combined funds. Bart attempted to swindle Fry into giving more than his fair share to Homer. After a menacing glare from Bender, Bart thought better of it and quickly ran off with the proper amount.
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1:48 PM
Kim & Ron approached the marked parking spaces at St. Andrews just before the Titans pulled into another space. Team Possible barely beat the Titans to the 18th tee. Ron quickly grabbed a clue from the box…
RON (reading from the clue): "…'Road Block'…Who wants 'Fore' play?"
KIM (quickly snatching the clue): "I'll take it!"
After opening the rest of the clue pamphlet, her face went from a devilish grin to a look of total disappointment.
KIM: "Oh…it's golf!!"
RON: "Well, DUH, Kim…We're at the 18th tee at St. Andrews, the birthplace of golf!! What did you think it…?" (Gets a glare from Kim, then blushes) "Ooooh...he-hee…yeah…" (Becomes serious again) "Head in the game, KP!!"
KIM (face growing devilish again): "Riiiiiight!"
(Off-screen voice of Phil): "A 'Road Block' is a task only one team member may perform…and no team member can perform more than 6 'Road Block' tasks during the course of this race…
"In this 'Road Block', one team member must pick a ball specially-marked with their team name from these nearby buckets of golf balls…then use the provided tees, clubs, and caddies to play the 357-yard 18th hole of this hallowed course…
"Their team-mate must navigate one of these specially-marked carts to a designated area just off the 18th green…
"Once the 'Road Block' task is completed, those racers must join their team-mates and run to the scoring tent next to the grandstand. In this tent is the 'Pit Stop' for this leg of the race, where each team will cast their 'Rebirth' vote. Even with this vote, the last team to check in here may still be eliminated!"
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Robin and Kim quickly scrambled to the location of the buckets. Robin was first to find a ball marked 'Robin & Starfire'. He grabbed a club recommended by the caddie, placed the ball on the tee, and…WHACK!! He was not yet at the muscular level of the average PGA player, but the drive went 240 yards—impressive for a complete novice to the game.
'I never considered I'd have to remember the fighting style of Duff Killigan,' thought Kim, 'but here goes...' WHAACCK!! To the surprise of all in attendance, her drive landed softly in the middle of the fairway, 258 yards from the tee…
…Because each golfer had to walk to his/her ball instead of use a cart, Robin got to his ball first and put his second shot within 15 feet of the cup…
…Kim took careful aim with her second shot. It may have been in the fairway, but trees and a left-side bunker stood between her and the green. After talking with her caddie, she chose the proper iron and hoped her shot was true…
…"FORE!!" Robin barely heard Kim's shout in time to duck the ball landing only 6 feet away from his ball. After making sure his putting line was not obstructed by the incoming ball, he re-focused on his shot. He took a deep breath and sank his putt. He then joined Starfire as they ran to the scoring tent…
2:09 PM
PHIL: "Robin & Starfire…you're team number ONE!" (Robin & Starfire embrace) "As winners of this leg of the race, you will each receive a brand-new 64" San-yo-yo plasma television, which you will get to enjoy after the race. Now please step over to the table, where you will cast your 'Rebirth' vote…"
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…Kim required two putts to finish the hole, but thought it a great accomplishment to score a par in her first-ever golf experience that didn't involve windmills or golf balls exploding all around her…
2:12 PM
PHIL: "Kim & Ron…you're team number two!" (Kim & Ron exchange 'high-fives' as they walk to the table to cast their vote)
RON (with a solemn face, during a 'post-race' interview): "It is said 'Whatever does not kill you can only serve to make you stronger'…"
KIM (giving a suspicious look): "Where did you learn that?"
RON (smiling broadly): "On a message in a fortune cookie."
KIM (rolling her eyes): "O-kaaay."
RON (solemn again, turning to Kim): "But that doesn't matter, Kim. All that matters is that we suffered a setback…we survived it…and it can only make us stronger in the long run, right KP?"
KIM (smiling and turning to hug the living stuffing out of Ron): "Right back at ya!"
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2:16 PM
Arnold & Gerald directed their driver to the St. Andrews parking lot, with Garfield & Odie's driver following right behind them. Garfield and Gerald took the 'Road Block' and found their specially-marked golf balls quickly…
…Garfield had the hair of Tom Watson, but the physique of John Daly. Garfield's first drive…flew a whopping, astounding, mind-boggling…23 yards!
…Gerald squared his shoulders, reared back, and fired his tee shot…273 yards!!!
GERALD (shouting triumphantly during an 'in-race' interview): "I AM Tiger Woods!!"
…Garfield did not take too long to try his second shot…because of the downward slope, the ball rolled a massive…26 yards!!
GARFIELD (during an 'in-race' interview): "Great…just another 306 yards to go. At this rate, I might as well cancel my reservations next month at that Italian spa! All that lasagna wasted!"
…Because it was a much shorter walk than for Gerald's shot, Garfield reached the 75-yard mark by the time Gerald finally saw the position of his ball. It was just short of the water hazard, but still easily playable. With the iron selected by his caddie, his second shot landed within 10 feet of the hole…and started rolling…and rolling…and rolling…until it bounced off the hole's flag and stopped just 6 inches from the cup! Gerald was so excited he ran a full sprint to the hole. Garfield finally broke the 100-yard mark when Gerald tapped in his putt…
2:32 PM
PHIL: "Arnold & Gerald…you're team number three!" (Arnold & Gerald put a little more energy into their handshake than usual, and then joined the other two teams at the table to cast their 'Rebirth' vote)
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2:45 PM
Shaggy & Scooby nearly ran Bugs & Elmer off the road just outside of Salisbury on the way to St. Andrews. They put a little bit of distance between themselves and Team Looney Tunes by the half-way point. But Bugs, behind the wheel, was not to be outdone so easily by a hippie and his mutt! By the time they reached St. Andrews, Bugs found a parking space just ahead of the Mystery, Inc. team…
SHAGGY (during an 'in-race' interview): "Like, that wouldn't have happened if we were driving the Mystery Machine, man!"
2:58 PM
PHIL: "Bugs & Elmer…you're team number four!" (Bugs & Elmer shook hands and walked to the voting table)
BUGS (in a 'post-race' interview): "Four? Hey, Doc…what happened to that fat blob of fur and his puppy?"
…Garfield reached the 200-yard mark as Scooby was sinking his putt from 6 feet away…
3:04 PM
PHIL: "Shaggy & Scooby…you're team number five!" (Shaggy & Scooby slapped hands and paws)
3:14 PM
…Bender & Fry reached the tee just a moment before Bart & Homer. Bender used his strength to his advantage by delivering a massive shot that bounced once…twice…then into the cup for a hole-in-one!
…Garfield felt the breeze of the ball as it zoomed past him at 230 yards…
3:20 PM
PHIL: "Bender & Fry…you're team number six!" (Team Futurama went arm-in-arm to the voting table)
…At that moment, Homer's drive from the tee came within 6 feet of Garfield's current position…
3:36 PM
PHIL: "Bart & Homer…you're team number seven!" (Bart & Homer began to hug—until they realized they were still 'on-camera'—then, they strolled to the voting table)
…Garfield had further issues understanding the sandtrap was to be used only as a hazard on the course. If it was a matter of strokes instead of speed, he would have sustained a two-stroke penalty for the "present" he left in the left bunker. He finally finished the hole at…
4:15 PM
PHIL: "Garfield & Odie…you are the last team to arrive. Although your vote will still count for the 'Rebirth', I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race."
GARFIELD (in a 'post-race' interview): "Well, that's just great! I had to hack at that stupid ball half the day and this is the thanks I get? I'm calling my agent…"
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Leg 2 Epilogue
PHIL: "Well, the votes are counted and the results are final. The team to be 'Reborn' in this race is…coming up on the next leg of 'The Amazing Race'!!"
(END CREDITS)
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Author's ending notes:
1) This chapter was almost larger than the last one. Just imagine how much longer it would have been if I kept the opening title sequence…Yikes!!
2) I received one or two messages wondering why this was placed in the 'Kim Possible' section of FanFiction. That was a fair question, but I hope the emphasis on Team Possible in this chapter helped justify this story's placement in the world of KP 'fan-fics'.
3) I hope you enjoyed the little "AG-GO" joke I included in this chapter. I have been told I have a way of turning a plot sideways sometimes…for good or bad!
4) The production of this story, like that for any work of fiction, is solely dependent upon the constructive feedback of its readers. If you like it, I will gladly make more. If you think of ways to make it better, I am always open to suggestions. If you really think it's a piece of garbage, stop me before I strike again!!
Your friend in writing,
The Samurai Crunchbird