CHAPTER 10

Sunday morning, Mirabel felt a growing knot of tension in the pit of her stomach as Penelope Suarez helped her dress for Mass. "Padre Fuentes is going to say something about me, I just know it," Mirabel bemoaned as she settled her arm into the sling.

"You'll be fine," Penelope assured her, smiling. "Even if he does talk about you, he doesn't know everything that you've been through. He doesn't know the whole truth and that's what's more important."

"I suppose so," Mirabel muttered as the two headed downstairs for a quick bite of breakfast before everyone went to the service. Nibbling despondently at an arepa, Mirabel tried to quell the butterflies in her stomach. What was distressing her the most was that, for a very long time, Padre Rodolfo Fuentes had made the Heavenly Father out to be someone who loved all His children and would always welcome them into the Kingdom of Heaven, no matter what. God was benevolent... forgiving... comforting... And yet, the Catholic church and the Bible condemned suicide as a sin. Those who died by their own hand were damned to Hell...

Feeling a hand touch her shoulder, Mirabel couldn't help letting out a startled yelp and she looked up sharply at her mother, fear in her eyes. "Mama, please don't make me go to Mass today. I-I promise I'll go next week. I just... I don't know if I'm ready for this."

"And you think I am?" Bruno asked, gesturing to the borrowed dress shirt and pants he wore and the normal sized ruana over top. "I've been hiding from everyone for good reason, too, you know." Although his words sounded short, his eyes were smiling.

"What's really got you so worried, mi vida?" Julieta asked, gently, touching the side of her daughter's face.

Tears filled Mirabel's eyes and she grabbed a napkin from the table and used it to wipe them away as she replied, "Benedict Zapata said I was going to go to Hell for trying to kill myself. Padre Fuentes is going to bring it up, I know it. And Antonio is scared that I'm not going to Heaven when I die and what if everyone's right and God doesn't forgive people who commit suicide..."

Julieta pulled her daughter into a reassuring embrace, murmuring soothingly in her ear for a moment before pulling away and waiting until Mirabel was looking her in the eye. "Mirabel Aurelia Madrigal... If God bars you from Heaven because you tried to end the pain you were in, then I am going to stand at the gates and I won't go in until you can join me. Heaven will never be a paradise unless all of my family is with me in the end."

"I'm with your mother," Agustin agreed, putting a hand on Mirabel's shoulder.

"God better pray I don't get my Gift back when I die," Isabela warned, although her eyes were shining with good-natured humor. "Or I'll tie Him up with my vines until He agrees."

"I could always knock the gates down," Luisa proposed, grinning at Mirabel.

"Or my rats could pick the lock," Bruno suggested, smiling a bit shyly.

Within a few moments, Mirabel found herself at the center of a family hug and she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so loved.

x

Sitting in his office, staring pensively at the wall, Padre Rodolfo Fuentes lightly drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair as he studied a portrait of his predecessor and adoptive father, Lin-Manuel Miranda. Rodolfo's parents had been part of the refugees who had joined Pedro and Alma Madrigal in leaving their old village to find safety. After his parents had died 10 years after the creation of the encanto, Padre Miranda had taken him in, preparing him to become the next spiritual leader of the congregation.

Hearing knocking on the door, Rodolfo looked up to see Stephanie Beatriz poking her head into the office, looking concerned. She nodded at the clock on the wall as she pointed out, "You're due to begin Mass in 10 minutes, Padre. Esta bien?"

Rodolfo nodded, giving her a smile as he stood. "Si. Just thinking about some things," he murmured, watching the young woman leave. Perhaps Stephanie would wish to become the next leader of the church. After all, the encanto was far from traditional and the woman had a good head on her shoulders and such deep compassion for everyone she met...

Leaving the office, he headed to the nave, going to the pulpit and waiting for everyone to finish getting settled. Looking about, his eye settled on young Mirabel Madrigal and when she saw him, his heart ached as he noticed the look of fear in her eyes. Giving Mirabel a kind smile, he paused for a moment, forgetting his original sermon and deciding to speak from his heart and soul.

"Over my 24 years as spiritual leader of this congregation, I have heard confessions from many of you," Rodolfo began, looking at the people assembled. "But today, I am hoping that you all will forgive me as I confess my own sins." There was a ripple of whispering which he allowed to subside before going on. "The past 5 years, I have been questioning my faith in God and His Word."

The whispering increased in volume and before anyone started peppering him with questions, he continued. "You will remember that 5 and a half years ago, one of our flock died unexpectedly for reasons kept quiet for the sake of protecting his soul and his family. I shall not name names, but this person died... by suicide."

Silence fell upon the room and Rodolfo took a deep breath before he spoke again. "The Catholic church and the Bible call the taking of one's life a sin and declares that the individual shall forever be barred from Heaven and instead shall burn in Hell for their sin." Again looking at Mirabel, he noticed her sister, Isabela, taking her right hand while her Tio Bruno put a hand on her left shoulder, being mindful of the young woman's broken arm.

"This is what began my crisis of faith," Rodolfo confessed, his voice strong. "I began to ask myself why would God punish someone for taking their own life? It's true that all life is sacred to God and we are all His children, but I could not understand why He would punish someone for ending a life that was filled with pain and conflict. If someone is hurting - either physically, mentally, or emotionally - the solution is to try and make them better, not condemn them to more pain and suffering. Is it not the job of any father to comfort his children when they are hurt, not cast them aside?"

Pausing for a moment, Rodolfo felt the swirl of conflicting emotions inside begin to quiet as he went on. "Regardless of what the rest of the world may say, I stand before you here and now to make a solemn vow: I will never condemn any member of this congregation - past, present, or future - for taking their own life. Those souls who feel such pain and desperation that they feel that death is the only reward for their suffering are the ones who need the Heavenly Father's love the most. Know now that I will bless all those who need the Father's help, and I will pray for you on His behalf, that you find the peace and love in Heaven that you are denied here on Earth."

No one in the congregation said a word, no doubt they were all too dumbfounded to think of anything to say in response to such a sermon. However, there was a significant amount of people glancing about, no doubt as they were wondering who Rodolfo had been talking about specifically.

One of the few exceptions, interestingly enough, was Alma Madrigal who, after a moment, stood up and gave the congregation a small nod before she confessed to everyone, "Very shortly after my Pedro was murdered, I was so heartbroken that I wanted desperately to join him. I considered leaving my children because I could not bear the thought of raising them alone."

Bruno, Julieta, and Pepa Madrigal exchanged shocked looks before turning to their mother who gave them a sad smile before sitting down once more.

Towards the back of the nave, Joaquin Santos stood as well, not meeting anyone's gaze as he said, "I know that my father will always be with me in spirit and on his behalf, I thank you, Padre Fuentes."

Several other congregants got up to speak a few words and after a final blessing, Rodolfo dismissed everyone, making sure to give everyone a warm smile as they left the church.

The final person to leave was Mirabel who slowly approached him with tears in her eyes. Leading her back to the pews, the two sat down as Mirabel said, "I don't know how to let go of all the pain I've been in. I want to give it to God so that He can help me, but..."

Rodolfo nodded, knowingly. "It sounds so easy, doesn't it? Giving control of our lives to God and putting whatever happens to us in His hands. But sometimes in letting go, we feel like we're losing our free will and whatever happens is just 'meant to be'."

Mirabel took a shaky breath and Rodolfo could tell that whatever she was about to confess to him was something she had never told anyone else in her family, even though he knew full well that the Madrigals knew a fair amount of what Mirabel had been doing to herself over the past few years.

"The night of my 15th birthday," Mirabel began, quietly. "-when Antonio saw me cut my wrist... Mama thinks that she saved me just in time. But the truth is... I did die for a moment. My heart stopped for a few seconds, and I stopped breathing." Studying him intently, her expression was one of disbelief as she concluded. "Mama's Gift couldn't heal the dead. So... why am I still here?"

For once in his life, Rodolfo found that he was at a loss for words. He knew that Julieta Madrigal's Gift of healing through her food had limits and bringing back someone who had died - even mere seconds ago - was one of them. And yet, Mirabel had come back. Had God not been finished with her yet? Had she not actually been dead? As cliched as it was, the only thing he could respond with was, "Sometimes God works in ways we don't fully understand. Perhaps He still has a purpose for you. Or He has yet to reward you for everything that you've been through, and that reward is here and not in Heaven."

Rodolfo recalled when he spoke with Antonio Madrigal just after the family home had fallen and the entire Madrigal family was staying in the church. The young boy had found him working in the church office late one night and the two spoke for several hours while he tried to help Antonio make sense out of everything that had happened the past few months. Smiling, Rodolfo mused, "Or maybe... You're still alive because that night a little child did his best to lead you out of dark places... and back into the light."

Mirabel wiped the tears from her eyes and she smiled sadly as she thought about that night.

The last thing she'd seen was Antonio's devastated expression and the tears running down his cheeks.

The last thing she felt was his hand squeezing hers.

The last thing she heard was his voice calling out for her.

And the first thing Mirabel had become aware of as her mother's magic brought her back... was Antonio's hand in hers... his voice begging her to wake up... the look of relief in his face that she was alive again...

Hugging Padre Fuentes with her good arm, Mirabel thanked him before standing and heading out of the church, a lightness in her step that had not been there in many years.

x

Leaving the church, Bruno anxiously waited by the front door, looking for Roslyn Ruiz. He remembered her saying to meet by the bridge, but it had suddenly occurred to him that there could be several bridges by now. What if he went to the wrong one?

Feeling Timo pop up out of his hair, Bruno extracted his friend, petting him nervously as he looked about. Maybe Roslyn had already gone home to pick up food for their picnic. Should he go to her house and wait or...?

"Tio Bruno? Are you okay?"

Seeing Mirabel come out of the church, Bruno set Timo on his shoulder where he was joined by Hazel who had a tiny bow tied to her tail. Seeing Mirabel giggle, Bruno blushed a bit as he explained. "Antonio thought she should dress up for church. The rest of the rats are back at the house. Julieta convinced me to just bring these two."

As the two sat down on a bench nearby, Bruno studied his sobrina and noticed that she seemed much more relaxed than she had at breakfast and there was a light of hopefulness in her eyes. Nodding at the church, he asked, "You and Padre Fuentes were talking?"

Mirabel nodded as Hazel joined her, investigating the cast on her arm. "I wanted to thank him for what he said today. I've been so scared that everyone is going to shun me because of what I've done that I haven't been thinking about how much the family has been standing behind me and beside me."

Bruno couldn't help a sigh of relief as he gave Mirabel a one-armed hug. "It's going to take a while before you find your new normal." Catching her puzzled look, he quickly explained. "I never like the phrase 'back to normal' because sometimes that implies that the way things used to be was better. And that's not always the case. You and me? Our old lives were filled with pain and rejection. We're trying to heal our minds and bodies and we can't do that if we fall back into old patterns."

"I've been trying really hard to admit when I'm not fine," Mirabel assured him. "I'm talking to everyone when I feel upset."

"And those are great steps," Bruno agreed, nodding. "But remember that just because you're starting to feel better doesn't mean that you actually are better. Walking a new path is easy the first few times, even if it's a rockier road. You have to consciously force yourself to stay away from the easier route just because it's well-known."

"Speaking of new things that are hard," Mirabel murmured, standing up and offering a hand to her tio. "I think there's a part of you that's stalling because you're nervous about your date."

Taking Mira's hand and letting her pull him to his feet, Bruno straightened up as Hazel joined him one more. "Right," he muttered.

Looping her arm in his, Mirabel just smiled as she led Bruno across town, stopping as the bridge - and Roslyn - came into view. "Good luck, Tio," she said, cheerfully, before heading back to the Cruz home where Felix's brother was hosting a post-Mass brunch.

Slowly approaching Roslyn, Bruno felt his anxieties rising and he stopped quickly, throwing salt and sugar over his shoulder before pressing on. "H-Hey, Roslyn," he stammered, giving her a shy wave.

"I was worried you were going to stand me up," Roslyn admitted, looking a bit nervous herself.

Before he'd taken the time to think it through, Bruno withdrew the salt pouch Roslyn had made for him and opened it before holding it out.

Laughing warmly, Roslyn reached out and took a pinch of salt, tossing it over her own shoulder. Nodding at a path that lead to a meadow nearby, she raised an eyebrow as she asked, "Shall we?"

Nodding in return as he closed the salt pouch and put it away, he offered Roslyn his own arm and led the way to their destination.

x

Brunch at the Cruz home was a whirlwind of conversation as the reconstruction of the Madrigal home was discussed along with plans for Mirabel's quince.

But while everyone seemed to be in good spirits, Julieta felt the anger towards her mother slowly churning up once more. Hearing her mother's confession at Mass, several questions she'd been mulling over seemed to finally be answered.

Pulling Alma aside just as everyone finished eating, Julieta fixed her mother with a cold look as she demanded, "Tell me the truth right now, Mama... Your confession today in church... Is that why you began to hate Mirabel?"

"I have never hated Mirabel," Alma insisted, unsure where her daughter's anger was coming from. "I have been too harsh with her, yes, but-"

"That's not an answer, Mama!" Julieta snapped. "I heard you telling Mirabel 'Don't cry. It's just a door.'!"

Alma frowned as she straightened up. "I was trying to comfort her. I was trying to tell her that not having a Gift wasn't important."

"That's a lie, and you know it!" Julieta accused. "It's always been about the Gifts! You were more concerned about the magic fading than you were about your granddaughter! You weren't trying to be comforting! You were telling Mirabel to stop crying over something so trivial!"

"Fine!" Alma snarled back, bearing down on Julieta who stood her ground. "You want the truth? I saw your father murdered in cold blood! I saw his body thrown aside! I lost my husband and my home! That, Julieta, is something to cry over! Not getting some magic powers is nothing compared to the losses I have suffered!"

Unable to hold back any longer, Julieta let her rage explode as she screeched, "Mirabel was a child! A 5-year-old child who wanted to have a special Gift and make her family proud! How can you possibly compare your suffering to Mirabel's?! You were a grown woman when Papa died! Of course, you had more to lose, Mama! But that doesn't make Mirabel's suffering any less valid! She needed you! She needed your comfort and love! She needed you to be proud of her even without a Gift!"

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, Julieta pulled away, sharply, snapping as she glanced at her sister, "Back off, Pepa!" Staring her mother down, she went on, her eyes as sharp and cold as icicles. "And the way you've been so dismissive of Mirabel suicidal behavior... You think she's weak, don't you? I don't see any scars on your wrists, Mama! Or did you try poison?" Scoffing, she sneered, "No, you only thought about killing yourself, didn't you? You never actually tried to end your life! Because the great Alma Madrigal had an encanto to care for and children to raise until we got our Gifts and could start 'doing our part' to help the community!"

This time, both Isabela and Pepa pulled Julieta back while Luisa swiftly stepped between her mother and grandmother. "Abuela... You should go," Luisa advised and although her voice was calm, her tone was firm.

As Alma studied her family, her expression was unreadable as she nodded in agreement to Luisa before turning towards the door, stopping and whirling about when she heard Julieta shout, "Mirabel actually died the night of her 15th birthday!"

"What?" Alma breathed, not daring to believe the news as she gave Mirabel a horrified look.

"Mira's heart stopped beating," Julieta elaborated, pulling free of her daughter and sister's grasps. "She stopped breathing. God only knows how she came back to us." Resolve was etched into every line of her face as she said, resolutely, "I will not risk losing my little girl again. Pepa and I will finish planning Mirabel's quinceanera. You won't have any part in it." When she saw her mother about to respond, Julieta looked away, holding up a hand to halt her mother's words. "Go. Just go," she murmured, and although her words were cold and harsh, she couldn't help the crack in her voice as she spoke.