Chapter 1 – Complete Loss

I woke to the buzzing of my alarm clock. Today after 4 weeks of being nauseous and sick at my stomach I had an appointment with my doctor. I was pretty sure I was either dying or pregnant. I was nervous; James and I hadn't discussed a family. His career was just getting started and being a 24 year old CEO of the bank was a big deal for him. But we love each other, we live together, and we have discussed getting married, so a baby wouldn't be such a big deal, Right?

4 hours later, I was sitting on the couch, several test and a needle later my suspicions were confirmed, I was 9 weeks pregnant, and was happy, I was currently sitting here waiting for James to come home, I have a candle lit dinner waiting, a nice meal, and the results to my test in my hands. Waiting was all I could do now, and hope he was as happy as I was. A few minutes later I heard him pull into the garage, and close the door. As he came thru the door my mind thought He we go, It' now or never.

I heard the door open and him call my name "Bella, honey I'm home."

As he took me in his arms for a hug and kissed my forehead he whispered how much he missed me and loved me. My heart soared, I knew it was going to be ok.

"Bella, what smells so delicious?"

"Well I thought I would surprise you with your favorite meal, steaks and potato's and a salad with French dressing".

"Wow, I can't wait to eat." He said with a grin spread across his lips.

"Well I just hope it taste as good as smells." I laughed

"I am sure it is great."

"Ok, baby enough sucking up, sit and I will get your plate for you".

After a quiet comfortable dinner he got up from the table and helped bring the dishes to the sink. I rinsed them and loaded them into the dishwasher. I heard the tv come on in the den. I walked down the hall and watched as he sat in his favorite chair and flipped thru the channels landing on the sports channel. I walked over to him and sat on the arm of the chair. I bent over and placed a kiss to his cheek. He returned it with a kiss on my forehead and a little hug, then he went back to watching the tv.

I waited a few minutes till a commercial came on and looked at him trying to figure out what to say.

"James, baby I have something to tell you, you know I had a doctors appointment with Dr. Webber today." Before I could continue he had me in his lap kissing my face and holding me in a tight hug.

"Bella, baby is everything ok, please tell me your ok, Oh God your ok right?"

"James, Please listen I'm fine ok I'm fine and the…The baby is fine…" There said it .

I sat there staring into his eyes for what seemed like forever, but what shocked me was the look I saw in his eyes first it was surprised, then shock, then the look that surprised me the most was anger.

"James, baby please say something, your scarring me." Scarred of what he wasn't saying scarred of what was going thru his mind and finally scarred of what this meant for us.

"James" but he silenced me with a slap across the cheek and he jumped up to fast for me to balance myself and I fell to the floor with a thud.

He then yelled the last thing I ever wanted to hear….

"GET RID OF IT" he screamed as he turned and walked out the door. I heard the garage door open and he squealed out of the driveway.

I sat on the floor with my knees to my chest rocking and crying for this baby in my body, for my life and my heart, I have never felt so broken and at a complete loss as I did at this moment. Yes my face stung but not like the words that were going thru my head the words he had just screamed at me, the words that will forever haunt my dreams.

A little while later I made my way up to the bed room with shaky knees and red eyes. I laid down and cried. I cried for James, I cried for my baby and I cried for what my future would be, or most importantly would my future not be. After what seemed like hours I finally let darkness take me into restless dreams.

I don't know how long I had been asleep but I was woken to the slamming door. I rolled over and saw it was 2am on the alarm clock. I had been asleep for 3 hours. I sat up and rubbed my swollen red eyes and bruised cheek. My head was hurting but the worst thing was my heart was breaking into a million pieces. Everything that had happened came flooding back into my memory and the words spoken cut like knife once again new tears started falling down my cheeks. I jumped as I heard James scream my name. I was scared, no other way to put it but terrified for what was about to come.

"BELLA, BBBEEELLLLLAAAAAA where are you at you bitch? Come out and plllaaayy." he sang out. I knew what that meant, he was drunk, and pissed. Never a good combination where James was concerned.

Flashback

Last Christmas at James company party I remember the look on his face when Mike was talking to me about the work I was doing for his parents at their sporting good store. James walked up and pinned Mike against the wall and threatened him. He then grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the party, he was quiet all the way home, as soon as we walked thru the door he was calling me names, he called me a slut and he demanded I never speak to him again, he also demanded I quit working for them. He attacked me and slapped me, I remember the pain I felt that night after we had sex, he hurt me he told me he would never let me leave him. He forced himself on me 2 times thru the night that night and I cried the whole time. He wasn't the same man I loved. The next morning he woke me with kisses all over my face, when I finally looked up at him he looked so broken and scarred. He apologized and begged me to forgive him he blamed it on the alcohol and swear he would never hit me again. All I wanted was for us to be ok, we made love that morning it was slow, passionate and tender. Everything was ok. Till Now…

I walked out of the room to see him standing at the bottom of the stairs leaning his weight on the wall. "James" I spoke with a broken sad voice, I hated to see him this way, this broken, and scarred.

"Come on James baby come to bed ok?" I said as I walked down the steps to help him.

"Bella nothing has changed I am still mad, I don't know how you could have done this to me, why you hate me so much that you would go and get yourself pregnant." Ok I thought that was it….

"James, what are you talking about I didn't do this to you I didn't do this on purpose. We James we created a baby out of our love how can you think so badly about this, this is your child your and mine." By this time we were standing at the top of the stairs. "Come on and lets go to bed your drunk and we can talk about this in the morning". I was hoping he would just listen to me and go to bed, sleep on it and feel differently in the morning.

I took his arm and tried to lead him to the bedroom when he grabbed my arms and shook me with such force I felt my eyes roll back and forth, "I am drunk, but I don't want to sleep on it I know what I want. I want you to go and get rid of this little matter by the end of the week, we will never discus this again, do you understand me?" he was yelling at me while he held my arms so tightly I knew I would have bruises.

"Bella do you hear me I don't want this baby, I want it gone and I want it gone by the end of the week, speak to me stop standing there crying tell me you are going to listen to me and get rid of it?, ANSWER ME DAMIT"

"No" I yelled, " no James I will not do that I cant do that", he grabbed me again "Please Please stop" I sobbed "your hurting me James".

"Then tell me Bella tell me what I want to hear, I want us you and me that's it only us no one else, I will not share you, you are mine, GOT IT" he screamed.

I cried harder as he kept slapping me, I tried to run but I couldn't get out of his hold I screamed "NOOO" that was the last thing I remember before my world went black.

A/N: Please tell me what you think, Thanks, Lori