DISCLAIMER: AS ALWAYS I DONT OWN ANY OF TWILIGHT LOL...

Chapter 1

RIGHT AND WRONG

"What a night, this is coming bad to worst and I can't even know how....or why... aw this is annoying. I truly hate myself for being what I am because... well I don't know exactly but the only thing I know for sure is that my beautiful Bella was about to been harm or worst for what I am. Of course I don't blame my brother - I already told him that- I blame myself for not being strong enough to leave and let my love had a normal life, but the truth its that I just can't; only thinking of that… it hurts so bad..... But I have to find the strength if I love her as much as I say don't I?" I was thinking all of this while I lying in her bed waiting for her. "I have to do this I must do it and made her safe and happy, she's my all and she deserves at least this for me..."

At this point she entered her room:

- Hi- I said and I notice the sadness in my voice and I bet her too, she always notice everything.

She come close to me, push the presents away and sat into my lap, this feel so good, I loved her so much...

- Hi- she answers me with her beautiful low voice and snuggled into my chest- can I open my presents now?

Ah!! She wanted her presents, she is so adorable and so good for me I don't deserve her. But for now I'm going to leave aside my sadness to enjoy with her, I owe her that.

-Where did the enthusiasm come from? - I ask her, it still being a little uncomfortable for me can't read her mind

-You made me curious

She take one of the presents and was about to open it when I think that she might get hurt again

-Allow me- I suggested, then unwrap it and give it back to her.

When I did this I can see the anger in her eyes and when she took it and answers me I was absolutely positive that she was mad, because she likes to do this kind of things by herself, she is completely lovely.

- We're going to Jacksonville? - She asks me so excited that I almost smile, almost but I can't, not after what happened. I should stop this, I just promise to myself to put it aside for her!!!

- That's the idea

-I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny; you'll have to stay inside all day.

This please me, she's always worry about me

-I think I can handle it, -I said, and then frowned. -If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain.

-Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!

- Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable. –I think I should expect this, she always surprise me and now I figure that I might give her a present and bear only a few comments of anger from her.

Oh, now she reach for my present (well Alice's too), I think I should handle that too. I took again the present from her hands, unwrapped and give her back.

After her reactions I hope that she'll be excited by this, I made it by myself and whit all my heart. I put it at her CD player and press the Play button.

I stare into her face waiting for her reaction. First, when I saw her eyes fill whit tears I thought that is because the song, because I put her lullaby at first, but then I remember the slash in her arm and feel ashamed for thinking in me first and not in her needs.

- Does your arm hurt? - I ask worried

-No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it. – Then she gets quiet and I figure she was attentively listening.

- How does your arm feel? – I asked after a moment

- Just fine. - but I don't believe it, she looks like she was in pain, slightly pain but even this slightness bothered me, I don't want her uncomfortable, I want her happy.

- I'll get you some Tylenol. - And of course she starts to protest but I don't care, she needs her medicines. I return with a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol. She took the pills without complain because she know that one way or another I will make her take it.

- It's late- I told her and then scooped her up off the bed with one arm, and pulled the cover back with the other. Then put her down with my head on her pillow and tucked the quilt around me. I lay down next to her, on top of the blanket so she wouldn't get chilled and put my arm over her.

She leaned her head against my shoulder and I listened her sighed happily. This simple sound brings back to my mind what happened tonight and a thrill run though me at the thought of losing her forever.

- Thanks again- She whispered and I knew what she means.

- You're welcome. - I say almost absently because I began to think.

"I love her, more than my own life and so I have to do the best for her". I began to make a list in my mind about what was right for her and what was right for me. "Of course what was right for me frequently was wrong for her- the right thing to do for her is leaving, letting her have a normal life whit all that it implies, including the pain for me, because this would destroy me. I also knew that this will cause her pain and this knowledge hurt me very much but I hope that this won't last much, that she will hopefully recover soon and that she forgets me and start a new safely life". This though made shudder in pain "she will forget me, I will be nothing but a mere memory, if not nothing" it felt like, if I was able, I was about to cry. Then she interrupts my thoughts.

-What are you thinking about? - ask me in a whisperer. I hesitated for a second before tell her the truth which I think was the best.

-I was thinking about right and wrong, actually.- say in a low voice, then I feel her chill and it made me pain, she must heard the sorrow.

-Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday? – And I knew that she is trying to distract me from my uneven thoughts.

- Yes- I agreed, wary. Wondering what she wants for me.

- Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again.- this amuse me, I love kiss her, the feel of her lips touching mine was unbelievable, it's something that I would never get tired of.

- You're greedy tonight- I teased her, I love to do this.

-Yes, I am–but please, don't do anything you don't want to do- and this time she sound almost angry. Of course this made me laugh and then came to my mind the reflection I had before, about I was supposed to do, then I sighed.

-Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do- yes, please; that for some kind of miracle I couldn't go; that some kind of bolt came down to the sky and stop our suffer; or that some kind of angel talk to me and assure me that this beautiful, unbelievable, amazing, loving girl will be safe with me. I put my hand under her chin and pull her face to mine.

I carefully kiss her, softly, then I thought that this might be the last time I kiss her and my urgency for he grew up; my other hand reach for her head and twist my fingers into her hair, securing her face to mine; then, I feel her fingers twisting into mine, crushing to my body, and of course, this make me eager to have her, to never letting her go.

My breath begins to speed up, and then I realized what I was doing and gentle but firmly push her away through her bed. She was gasping for air; another thing I should remember "she needs air!!!"

-Sorry, that was out of line.

-I don't mind- and I have to frown because of course she like it.

-Try to sleep. Bella

- No, I want you to kiss me again- and if I do that I will lose my control and I will end up doing thigs that only harm her

-You're overestimating my self-control.

-Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body? - She challenged. And well, in this I can't answer in other way that with the truth

- It's a tie- And I grinned briefly in spite of myself, at the thought of that. Then, I was serious again. - Now. Why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?

-Fine

She presses her injured arm against my shoulder at the same time she hug me; then, I feel how the sleep slowly fall to her.

When she finally fall asleep I take back my meditations

First of all continue with the list in my mind "the best for me, of course was staying whit this girl, the only girl in my world, but I knew that this was wrong" and with that, I finally see the best way to go.

I have to leave her, make her believe that I don't love her any more so she could go on with her life, find love and be happy, and the most important thing, ALIVE.

At this thought I hold her close, as if with this I will never get to lose her. This was painful, even to think it, but I knew it was the right thing. I would have to start as soon as possible, but for now I will allow myself to enjoy this last brief minutes with her.

She began to talk, and more than once she plead me to stay with her – thing that she won't do since that first day in our meadow – and this broke my heart because I release that she have seen too much of my pain, so I held her even more tight to me trying to make her feel safe and hating every part of what I'm about to do to her. I began to cry tearless, all night as I watch her sleep.