DISCLAIMER: i WOULD LOVE TO OWN TWILIGHT BUT, SADDLY, I DON'T...

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Chapter 5

WITHOUT HER (PART 2)

I return to the hotel room I had rented before go to the airport to buy the tickets to Brazil. The flight was going to leave tomorrow evening so I have a lot of time.

I really heated have free time because, the pain I keep aside to accomplish my mission, become the center of my thoughts once more and it makes me difficult to think straight. So, as pathetic as I am and I always will be without my Bella, I left myself through the misery…

The flight was… was… "Wait a minute; I don't even know how the flight was…" well… I thought it was fine. All I can remember is boarding and the next thing landing… what a strange thing, if I don't put even the slightest attention I will end up hurting someone or worst!!! -As I can't be hurt- exposing what I am…

"Well, that would be something, at least for a change"… no, I can't do that "FOCUS Edward, stop acting like an idiot… ha! As if I could: If I really stop acting like an idiot I should go back to my Bella"

I walked around the towns of Brazil, in the evenings, when I could hide from the sun light, looking for her, Victoria; but more than anything, distracting myself of the immense pain I felt over the loss of my love every time I stood still.

The days were the worst of my life, pathetic and futile, if not crawling (or rather, trying to crawl to be honest) I let the pain take possession of my body that consume me and make me see the vile creature I was.

My life began to be a total nonsense; when I was in my way between one population to another, deep into the jungle, I hunt; when the sun came out and I was nearby them, I hide in any place I could find: sewers, cellars, attics. Sometimes, when I was in a big city, buy some clothes, just to not attract much attention; my wild aspect would have terrified the people around me.

One day, while I was drowning in my pain again, it had been almost 4 or 5 months since the last time I spoke with my family, so I decided that it was time to let them know about me; not that I was fine because I will never be; but at least alive; sooth them a little.

"Hi? Edward, son, is that you?"- He sound so anguish that I felt guilty for be the cause of it.

"Yes, I am…"

"Oh, son, I'm glad you call"-Esme… call Carlisle with the voice full of joy and happiness-"you don't know how much we've missed you. Actually I just said that if you don´t call soon, I will go and pick you by myself"

"I'm so sorry, but I don't know anything about me at all; I just thought that I should call you. How are you being? What's new?"

"Nothing new around here. All of us were so worry about you. How are you? Are you coming soon?"

It was the first time that I thought about return, although not with my family. Arose in my head images with an amazing healing power: the dark window of my beloved; my beautiful Bella's smile, with her eyes fill with love and forgiveness, an "I love you" in her sweet lips… my breath become uneven as I imagine that. And then, as always, I realize that I couldn't do that; that Bella never forgive me and, even if she does, I can't put her in danger again "I made a promise, Bella deserve a life"…

"Son, son. Are you there?"- The terrified voice of Carlisle brought me back from my little but fascinating fantasy-"Answer me Edward!!!"

"Yes, I'm here. I'm sorry"

"So, are you coming back? Do you want me to go for you?"- "ah, I'm the worse son in the whole world" my father voice was so full of hope that made me feel worst that I was.

"No, I can't, I'm so sorry. Maybe latter…"- I can't stand this anymore; I feel the pain keep growing inside me; I can't hold this anymore. "Got to go, call you later"

"Hold on! Your mother wants to talk to you"

"Sorry, I can't. Bye, I love you"

Turn off the phone, because I knew that they would call again, and get back to my suffering, renew for the guilt for the pain I was causing my family… I cry tearless until the sun rise, and back to my hunt.